Lord of the Rings: Advent of the Dark Elf

After I left the camp and reached the tree line, I immediately stopped running. Even my burning embarrassment could only chase me so far as my body protested against so much running. 

When I stopped, I was already breathing heavily, not because of the short run per se. It was because of the discomfort and spiking pain in my lower back, which I hit the hardest in yesterday’s fall. I leaned against a nearby tree and slowly slid down to the ground. 

When my rump hit the cold ground, I winced from another source of pain. 

‘Ouch... damn these orcs! Fucking bastards, every one of them. Especially that white pig!’ 

I cursed at the bastards while pulling my legs under my rump as the ground under the shadow of the trees felt cold. I felt much better that way, except that now my legs will go numb instead. Realizing that, I sighed pathetically.

‘Nothing seems to work out this morning.’

With this statement, I slowly climbed to my feet and walked in the direction where the river was supposed to be.

‘That frickin’ orc didn’t even answer my question, when I asked where the white pig went. I should have whipped the bastard with one of my swords... Then again, I would probably get killed after that...’

I sighed again and continued my walk in silence.

A few minutes later, I indeed reached a dead branch of the great river, as the orcs called it. I looked around the shore curiously, taking in the peaceful sight. The water surrounded by gigantic trees on all sides seemed to have a calming effect on my mind. Without even noticing, I relaxed my body as I sat down on my knees at the shore. 

I rested both my mind and body in this way for a while, watching the reflecting image of the greenery in the still water. An idea suddenly popped into my head. I crawled forward a bit, and looked into the water, searching for my own mirrored image. 

I hadn’t had the chance to see my face yet... However, I had high expectations, as God seemed to fulfill all my wishes until now. As I looked into the water, the perfectly calm surface had given me a more than ideal mirror.

The first thing I saw were my blood-red eyes that looked like two large rubies. They were very captivating, naturally creating a mysterious air around them. I felt extremely satisfied seeing such unique and beautiful eyes. 

Then I pulled away my focus from the eyes alone and looked at the rest of my face... 

I gasped, as I slightly moved away from the river in shock. 

I reached up to my face with one of my hands... and carefully slid my fingers over the skin of my face. The sensations I received both from my hand and the skin on my face seemed to support the image of reality I just saw in the water’s reflection. I should have thought of a lot sooner. 

‘Damn... no wonder that they thought of me to be an orc.’

I moved back to the river and looked for my reflection once more. 

‘Yep... that’s definitely me...’

My overall face had a sharp yet gently distinguished form. I had the air of a noble and proud Dunmer, one that was familiar with the positions of power. At least that was my first thought after seeing it. Unfortunately, the moment I open my mouth, that illusion would probably break apart. 

I obviously wasn’t a noble in my previous life and knew not how to act like one. Not in an acceptable way, besides being an overall jackass, if I wanted to be one. But, I don’t really think that acting like Thranduil would bring me far in this situation. 

My expression paled as I thought about the possible consequences... 

‘No, definitely not...’ 

I shook my head, trying to forget the very idea. 

A few seconds later, I looked back into the water... and released a tired sigh.

Half of my face was covered in a large bruise and a mixture of dried blood and mud. On top of that, there were a series of thin scars that were likely to heal without a trace in a few days.

I sighed one more time.

This... I should have realized this... I fell on my face with most of my body weight, then got slapped by a bunch of twigs... While being covered in mud and blood, leaking from the thin cuts. 

In short... I looked terrible.

The only reason I didn’t realize this earlier was probably the shock of being accepted into a circle of orcs. And... maybe I got a minor concussion, too. I wouldn’t be surprised. This whole situation was completely surreal to begin with. 

To be honest, I can’t really tell myself if I look good or bad from this reflection... I should wash off the mud first. I looked around one more time, and seeing that the place was perfectly empty and calm, I decided to undress once more. 

It was time to bathe. 

‘Ueeh... I am covered in sweat and other... body-fluids... Which I am not going to name, in the hopes of sparing some of my barily recovered mental health.’

In a few minutes of time, which was obviously much quicker than my undressing process the other night, I was standing in my birthday suit, shivering next to the water. 

‘Maybe this wasn’t the best idea...’

I thought as the chilly breeze moved between my legs, caressing my body with its bitter touch. 

‘How am I going to dry myself after bathing? I can’t go back to camp naked again... I would die from shame.’

I looked around, and to my right, saw a patch of fine grass that was swimming in the warm light of the sun. I felt relieved. If I could simply sit there, then the sun would dry my skin in a few minutes. My lucky star wasn’t completely extinguished after all. 

I thought, while feeling somewhat relaxed once more. I turned back to the pond and decided to step into it. The moment I stepped into the water, I wanted to pull out my leg. It was so damn cold!

‘Ah!’ 

I pulled back my feet while releasing a small shriek of surprise. 

When I heard my own voice, I instinctively looked around, searching for a woman... until the notion hit me in the face. 

‘Oh, that was me...’

I felt blood rush into my face as I stood there like a fool. 

‘Fuck it, I am not some newborn chick to be scared of a pond of cold water!’

I watched a bunch of videos when Russian guys swim in frozen lakes just after they broke the ice layers. This one isn’t even frozen yet. On this sudden impulse I walked into the water like a boss. My determination was firm, yet my expression twisted into a grimace. 

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuuuuck!’

I think I never touched water that was this cold! When the water level reached my waistline, for a moment I seriously thought that I would wet myself... Luckily I managed to hold it in, but this was torture of a different kind... The cold water against my skin felt like hundreds of sharp needles pricking at me. I couldn’t help but gasp at the ridiculous situation. 

I couldn’t force myself to go further, and instead decided to stop when the water was reaching my upper hip. I was physically shivering from the coldness, my skin was prickling and feeling slightly numb. 

‘Ah h h... br r r... thi-s i-i-is... whe-re the fu-u-un beg-gins... I gu-ess!’

I said with my forcefully chattering teeth. Then, to remind myself of my once firm determination, I shouted.

‘BANZAI!~’

Encouraged by my battle shout, I quickly lowered myself into the water, this time entirely. It was an excellent decision, because the cold welcome I received was quite shocking on my nerves. If I hadn’t pulled my head underwater, by now, I would have likely deteriorated into a screaming five-year-old. Instead of that, the cold water forced me to think reasonably. I began rubbing my skin with my hands. 

Doing this served a double purpose. One was to get rid of the dirt, and other things... while the second one was to encourage the flow of my blood, forcing some heat into my cold limbs.  

A few seconds of this torture passed, and I decided to burst through the surface. With a pair of wildly flailing arms and carefully chosen curses, I stumbled back to the shore. Silently deciding that I will never, ever bathe again.

While also knowing that it was nothing more than the weak promise of a man suffering the side effects of a drunken stupor. Now, as I was standing on the shore, I quickly headed toward the patch of grass where the sun miraculously managed to pierce through the thick leaf shade of the tall and ancient forest.

I kneeled down on top of the lush light green grass, while feeling as if I had just passed some trial of my new life. I was still shaking from the cold, but luckily the sun seemed to warm me... up...? 

Right at that moment, my miraculous patch of sunshine disappeared. I waited for a minute, while shivering in the cold shadows of the forest... Hoping that my sunshine would come back after a while... but it didn’t. 

With a strained smile, I stood up, still completely wet, dripping with water. I narrowed my eyes, feeling a deep rage directed towards the fucking trees surrounding me. I felt as if they were laughing at my plight... come to think of it, all of my suffering from the very beginning was caused by these woody cretins. 

‘So that’s how it is, hehe...’

I glared at one of the nearby trees as if I was a crazed lunatic meeting its old enemy at last. My anger was spreading a strange warmth in my body, a warmth that was extending from my heart towards my limbs and slowly stopping the cold induced convulsions. 

My body began to warm up rapidly, then a burst of red and orange flames engulfed my entire form in the blink of an eye. This sudden unexpected occurrence naturally cleared the maniacal glint from my eyes. And it drew my gaze from the nearby tree to my burning arms and then down to the rest of my also burning body.

My heart was pumping in my throat from the sudden scare. I looked at my body in disbelief; it surrounded me in a perfect shroud of fire. I felt the heat from it, but it did not burn me. It was only strong enough to make me warm and feel comfortable. Even so, seeing yourself suddenly turn into a human sized torch, was forcefully bringing forth my instincts to revisit the pond, my woes against bathing completely forgotten in the face of danger. 

The only thing that stopped me was that I didn’t feel pain, and that my body didn’t seem to actually burn. Aside from that, I was completely frozen in fear and awe. Maybe that was an important factor too, to take into the equation. I stood like that for about a minute, then as suddenly as they appeared, the flames dispersed and I was left standing in a circle of burnt grass.  

‘... What the fuck just happened...?’ 

Ten minutes later, I was standing on the edge of the orc camp. After the initial shock, I realized that my inborn dark elf ability, which was called the “Ancestor’s wrath” must have activated sensing my absurd hatred directed at a random tree nearby.

That or my other theory, which was also as likely, remembering my sudden flare of abnormal hate towards a stupid tree. And based on this later theory, my ability automatically activated, sensing that my body was becoming dangerously cold. In this case, the ridiculous wrath I felt towards the tree was likely a side effect of the ability’s activation. 

If that is the case, I should be careful how I use it, since it might cause me to jump at people for the smallest of grudges, reinforcing them ten fold. Anyway, things have turned out fine, and the flames have dried my body too. I checked my image in the pond. Now when my face was clean from the dirt and dried blood, I looked pretty nice. 

By Arda elf standards... I was not very pretty... But, by Dunmer standards, I was looking slightly above average... Okay; I was a bit pissed off… I thought about what God said to my request, and when I remembered, I immediately felt betrayed. 

The bastard said that I would be the prettiest Dunmer in Arda... He didn’t lie, of course, but in the light of the knowledge, that I am also the only Dunmer in Arda, those words had a unique taste. I sighed. I guess I shouldn’t complain, my body is very sexy, and my face is at least above average, nay what am I saying? My face was perfectly and utterly average. I shouldn’t lie to myself at least. 

Later, when I was dressed up and in a much better mood, I headed back to camp to grill the meat for everyone... I was becoming pretty hungry, too. 

I sniffed, feeling a bit emotional as I stepped away from the treeline. Heading towards the orc camp while being submerged in my thoughts. I saw as the orcs were jumping up to their feet, but shrugged it off, as a call of nature or something along the line. 

I also did the deed in the forest after my bath and being dried by my flames. I really needed to pee for a while now, so I didn’t give a shit, that I had to crouch down this time to do so. 

Before I came back to camp, I naturally thought about running away, but... thinking more reasonably, I had to realize, that even running the short distance from the camp to the treeline made me feel extremely tired, damn, even walking felt painful... How far could I go, before the orcs catch up to me. Next time, they might decide to roast me over the fire in place of a deer.

The moment I walked into the camp, I felt two pairs of rough hands grasp onto my arms, and my consciousness jolted back to reality.

‘Wha-?’

As I looked up, a large band of armed orcs were surrounding me with confused and hostile expressions. 

I swallowed back my retort and asked in a more neutral tone.

‘What is your problem? I came back as I said... So let go of my arms.’

I tried to struggle out of their taloned grasp, but it was not going to happen. My arms at the biceps were about as wide as their wrists. They were uruks after all… It was physically impossible for me to go against them in raw power.

I sent a glare at them, with my anger flaring up. Lucky cowards. If I hadn’t used up my fire ability just now, by accident I would have shown them.

‘...’

To my surprise, the orcs only exchanged confused glances. Seeing their perplexed expressions, I forced myself to calm down, and asked one more time.

‘What do you want?’ 

‘...Who are you?’ 

‘... Wait, what? I am... ‘

Come to think of it, I don’t have a sufficient name. But this is not exactly the right time to find one, so I will tell them the way they already know of me.

‘I am the... dark elf... who else would I be?’

The reaction I got was surprisingly potent. The two pairs of hands that grasped my arms, pulled back from me as if the skin was flared off of their palms.

There was a moment of silence, then the orcs began to argue between each other, completely disregarding my presence. 

‘She... she is really an elf!’

‘It’s true, but I never heard of dark elfs... Are there more elfs than we knew?’ 

‘Of course she is! I already told you yesterday, she looked far better than any orc wench I saw, or had the chance to pull on my dick.’

‘Shut your trap! You lying bastard, you never said anything of the sort! I bet you never even lay with a female!’

‘HA-ha-HA-ha-haa~’ 

The orcs laughed at the remark which one of them pulled on the other. In a minute, there were fists flying and two of the orcs fell out of the line rolling on the ground, beating each other wherever they could.

A third orc kicked one of them in the rump while pushing them further from their discussion.

‘Do you think the boss will let us play with her on the side?’

‘She is making me horny. I always wanted to fuck an elf... the boss was so lucky. She even came back for more.’

‘Yes, I was also expecting that she will run away... Hunting her down would have been a nice sport. Alas, she turned out much more docile. The boss is really too damn lucky.’ 

‘Yes, we found her as a band. It should be normal to share her with us. Every day, someone else should lay with her.’ 

‘No way, that would never get to the end. She has three holes, so three of us can do her one day.’

At this moment, I was standing on the side, feeling completely and utterly terrified by the words and the pictures my mind conjured hearing them. 

I was this roughed up from a single night. If they decided to follow those ideas, I would die in a week at most.

I never thought that I would think this, but I hope the white pig will come back soon. 

Just as I thought that, I heard a harsh voice shout from the other side of the camp. 

Everybody turned silent and looked in the direction, in a bad mood. Except me, obviously. 

‘What is this ruckus, you bastards?’ 

To my shock, I felt relieved seeing the appearance of that fucker.