Living as I Please (LAP)

"___" Text speech

'___' Internal thoughts

[___] status

(___) skills

(Great Sage:___)

{Author:___} author notes

Some things are subject to change depending on how I develop this story

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(Grayfia POV)

The day she first met Meelis Zagan remained vivid in Grayfia's mind, etched in sharp clarity. She had stood behind Sirzechs in the grand hall of the Gremory estate, her silver hair reflecting the light as she watched the boy before her. Even then, Meelis had been an enigma, his posture upright despite the weight he clearly bore. His eyes caught her attention, not for their color, but for the depth within them. Determination, unyielding and raw, filled his gaze, alongside something else she couldn't quite understand but she nonetheless took it as ambitions, ambitions not for any clues, just because of his background.

When Sirzechs introduced him as a potential ally for Rias, Grayfia's professional demeanor had softened into one of quiet goodwill. Another promising young devil brought into their fold, she thought, someone who could strengthen Rias's path through the Underworld, something she desperately wanted as she herself understood its complexities and dangers.

Meelis also carried himself with a quiet resolve that intrigued her, and for a moment, she admired his fortitude in the face of an uncertain future.

At first, her interactions with Meelis were cordial and professional. She had been tasked with overseeing parts of his early training, teaching him the intricacies of etiquette and the underworld's labyrinthine power structure. He proved to be an exceptional student, learning far faster than she had anticipated. His sharp mind and disciplined nature earned her respect, and she bore him no ill will. She even thought of him as a genius for his self-made Ki techniques and his Zagan bloodline Demonic power, the Life Magic.

But unseen to her, a subtle manipulation had taken root early on.

During one of their first private conversations, his voice was calm, almost soothing. "Grayfia," he said, his tone measured, "you want to be a mother again. You resent the fact that you lost your child because of his bloodline. To be a mother again, you're willing to earn my trust and please me to accomplish that goal. Do you understand?"

The words wove themselves into her subconscious, unnoticed and unquestioned. Their effects were subtle, gradual enough to evade her awareness. At first, she felt fleeting pangs of discomfort when she saw children laughing at noble gatherings, their joy stirring an ache she couldn't explain. Over time, the pangs deepened into restless nights where she lay awake beside Sirzechs, staring at the ceiling and wondering what might have been.

Though Meelis said nothing further, the implanted thoughts began to fester. Slowly, they fanned the embers of her discontent into a quiet flame. She found herself resenting not Meelis, but the life she had chosen, the sacrifices she had made, and most of all, the bloodline that had robbed her of motherhood.

Over the months, Grayfia spent more time with Meelis. What began as duty, helping him adapt to the underworld, grew into something more personal, not that she was aware of it herself. She admired his unwavering diligence in training and his resilience in the face of failure. Though his strength was raw in the early months, his determination to improve was inspiring.

One particular incident stood out in her memory, an embarrassing moment that Grayfia still couldn't quite reconcile with her typically composed self. It happened during one of Meelis's training sessions, where she had been demonstrating a complex wind-based spell. As she stepped backward to adjust the runes, Meelis, engrossed in observing her, accidentally tripped over a stray object and stumbled forward. In a split second, he collided with her, sending them both sprawling to the ground. To her absolute mortification, the unfortunate positioning of the fall resulted in Meelis's hand inadvertently grabbing her chest with both hands.

There had been a moment of stunned silence as they both realized what had happened. Meelis's face immediately flushed a deep red, and he stammered out a flurry of apologies, backing away as quickly as he could. "I'm so sorry, Grayfia! I—I didn't mean to—,"

{Author: if you cant tell, meelis is acting, obviously his persona cant be associated as a pervert, or lust after what is essentially his boss's wife, especially at a young age, while devils mature faster, meelis' role is that of a determined heir rising up the ranks, for now}

At the time, Grayfia had quickly regained her composure, brushing off the incident with a curt, "Be more careful next time." Yet, in the privacy of her thoughts later, she found herself bewildered by her own reaction, or rather, her lack of it. She had been flustered, certainly, but there was also a faint, inexplicable sense of satisfaction at his reaction. The way he blushed, the genuine embarrassment in his apology struck a chord she didn't fully understand, one that made her feel oddly... pleased. She buried the thought quickly, attributing it to nothing more than a passing absurdity.

"I'll get there, I'll accomplish my dreams." he once said after a particularly grueling sparring session, his chest heaving with exhaustion. "I know I'm not strong enough now, but I will be."

His words lingered in her mind long after the session ended. There was something in his resolve that stirred a dormant part of her. She began to notice how he balanced his strength with moments of vulnerability, how he interacted with others despite the quiet aloofness he sometimes projected.

Without realizing it, Grayfia started to accommodate him. She offered him advice outside of their formal sessions, refined his combat techniques with personal guidance, and even used her free time to ensure he had the resources he needed. It felt instinctive, almost natural, to support him.

At the same time, her own longing deepened. Memories of her lost baby grew sharper, the ache more pronounced, especially a scar in her stomach, a scar caused by her own baby in her womb, the reminder of what she could've had. It wasn't a new pain, but now it felt amplified, as though the void within her had been illuminated. She convinced herself that her connection to Meelis was professional, perhaps even familial, akin to that of a mentor to a promising protégé. Yet, her subconscious told another story, one of yearning and unresolved grief.

Her relationship with Sirzechs began to shift in ways neither of them fully understood. Sirzechs, who trusted Meelis with unwavering confidence, remained oblivious to the growing distance between him and his wife. For Sirzechs, Meelis was an invaluable ally, someone destined to aid Rias and strengthen their family's legacy.

Grayfia, however, found herself retreating.

Sirzechs noticed the change first. Grayfia had grown quieter, her once sharp and engaging responses now measured and distant. One evening, as they sat together in their chambers, he broached the topic gently.

"Grayfia," he said, his voice laced with concern, "is everything alright? You've seemed… distant lately."

She hesitated, her fingers tracing the edge of her teacup. "I've been busy," she replied, her tone calm but detached. "Overseeing Rias's training, managing the household, it doesn't leave much time for anything else."

"You've always been busy," Sirzechs pressed gently. "But this feels different. If something's troubling you, you can tell me."

Her gaze flicked to his for a fleeting moment before drifting away. "There's nothing troubling me," she said firmly, her voice quiet but final. "I'm fine."

It was a dismissal, and they both knew it. Sirzechs, trusting her implicitly, chose not to push further. He believed that, in time, she would open up if something truly bothered her. But Grayfia's subconscious was already steering her away, compartmentalizing her growing dissatisfaction and the subtle alienation from her husband.

To Sirzechs, the shift between them felt like a small crack in their bond, one he hoped would mend. But for Grayfia, the divide went unnoticed, buried beneath layers of suppressed resentment and misplaced longing.

And so, she drifted further, her focus shifting more toward the boy whose growth and resilience she couldn't help but admire, the boy who unknowingly, or perhaps knowingly, had awakened something in her she could no longer ignore.

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LP: 500

Devil Nobility Class: Low, Mid, High, Ultimate, Special (these are the actual cannon rankings of DxD)

Devil Strength Rank: Low(F), Mid(E), High(D), Ultimate(C), Satan(B-), Maxed Longinus(B), Dragon Kings(B+), Heavenly Dragons/Super Devils(A), Indra/Shiva(A+), Ophis/Red(S+ to EX)

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Hey guys long time no see, sorry I didn't properly plan out holidays I honestly forgot we were basically close to the end of December already and I obviously had to go with family and celebrate so for Christmas and new year I am busy so that's also why I took a bit longer. I don't think im going to upload more chapter until after new years so just keep that in mind

 anyways I had to cook up this chapter real quick so I decided to finally put some focus on other characters since I was focus on meelis instead.

This chapter is basically just a flashback chapter over multiple days/weeks/months from grayfias pov so im just randomly mentioning events over that time period

I feel like I was missing something this chapter so but aside from that I feel like it turned out great lol, if you have anything to say make sure to comment it