Like Rabbits

The Rabbit God sat on his throne, lying on his back while reading a large-volumed tome, not bothering to look at the new-comer who had arrived before his court.

"Fenton Fuzzear, you want to be a fighter, quite an impressive record, very ambitious, but would that really make you happy?" The rabbit rambled, muttering seemingly to himself before suddenly posing a question to me at the end.

"Uh, are you the Rabbit God, sir?" I asked, still unsure of the situation.

"People have called me that, among other things." The white rabbit said while snapping the book shut. Throwing it to the side carelessly before hopping from the oversized throne that was several times bigger than he was. It was a throne big enough for a person, and well... the rabbit god was a rabbit. And a rather small one at that.

"About my question, what's your answer?" He snapped a sharp look my way with his rabbit eyes.

"What question, sir?"

"Would it make you happy? Being a knight that is."

"...Of course, I've trained all my life for this."

"And yet, we rabbits are simple creatures. In my experience there's only one thing that makes us happy..." The rabbit trailed off while pacing, walking upright on his hind-legs like a person would, holding his front paws behind him as he walked with a regal air.

"But you're a rabbit sir, and I'm well, a rabbitkin. What makes us both happy should be different." Trying to protest that in fact I did want a blessing related to fighting.

"And who do you think made rabbitkin? Hmmm? I did. Think you know better than your own creator?" The Rabbit God shot back, dismissing my objections.

I felt like grumbling, but part of what he had said made me curious.
"So it's true, you made us out of dust and clay?" I had always heard the stories after all.

"Of course not, good God. Don't you know where babies come from? Sex. When a good looking Rabbit God and a sexy babe Human God love each other very much. Understand now?"

I looked down embarrassed.

"Nothing to be embarrassed about. You're my children. Or rather, my children's children's children's children etcetera etcetera. You get the point. Now what's your answer?"

"I still think it would make me happy... it's what I want." I said hesitantly.

"Fenton. Let me be honest with you. I've read your history. You're the most outstanding rabbit I've come across in over ten millennia of searching."

I am? I thought skeptically, even if he was a god I had a hard time believing it when somebody said something so outrageously positive about me.

"If it's you, it might just be possible." He muttered to himself briefly before asking again. "So, you think fighting will make you happy, then let me ask you, why do you want a blessing for fighting?"

I considered his question carefully, mulling it over in my head before replying.

"I hate the way the other races think about us, the way they look down at us. It's not just the humans, even the other beastkin take advantage when they can. Like we're just tools for their sexual pleasure. I don't want it. I want to prove them wrong."

"Good, good. That's what I thought." He looked pleased at my response. Pacing back and forth for a while, before stopping in place. Giving me another soul-piercing look with his rabbit-eyes.

"You want to change how the races think about rabbitkin? So what'll you do?"

"I will... I'll become a great knight and make them acknowledge me."

"And?" The Rabbit God prompted me for further details.

"Uh, that's it."

*Tsk Tsk*

"Too naive. Much too naive. You wouldn't change anything. At most a few people's opinions. But even while you're doing all that your people are being whored out and will continue to be well after you're gone. Those are bunnies that YOU could be plowing."

What? The Rabbit God was so crude that I could hardly believe he was a god at all.

"Then... what I am supposed to do?" I asked, somewhat despondently. This was the best I could come up with, it already took all my effort to become a knight. I couldn't do any more. If even a god said my plan was worthless then what was I supposed to do?

"You're aiming too small, kid. You need to think bigger. The world is your oyster, so go on and take it."

"Uh, Rabbit God, sir, what exactly do you mean?"

"Conquer the world. That'll turn some heads your way. If you think they're fucking you over, you need to fuck them back. Harder and deeper. It's been a long time coming since the world feared the name of the Rabbit God."

His suggestion terrified me. "I-I can't do that! I'm just a single rabbit, how on earth am I supposed to do that? I'm not even that great of a knight. Besides, other than me, rabbitkin are all terrible at fighting, we'd be massacred!"

"Fenton, listen. I'm not talking about a war, we're rabbits for god's sake. Though, I'm not necessarily saying fighting is bad either, I've been in a scrap or two back in my day, back before I was the god of rabbits. But no. No, when I say fuck them, I mean that literally. Plenty of women out there, make one big harem with 'em like I did. Bam, you're now king of the world. Also you gotta give me the credit. Build me some statues or temples or something."

It seemed like a sudden leap of logic. But even if I had hundreds of women, which already didn't sound very practical, why would that somehow make me king of the world?

"I'm not talking about hundreds here. I'm talking about thousands. Millions if you need to. Quality is good, but if you can't get quality then you can always go for quantity." as if reading my mind, he followed up perfectly.

"I am reading your mind, Fenton." He replied, scaring me more than a little bit.

"Still... how does that make me king of the world? And how am I supposed to get that many women in the first place? I've never even slept with a girl before."

"Trust me kid, it'll work, but we're running out of time here. So tell me, are you in or what? I need to know."

"I'm not so sure about this to be honest. Could you explain some things first. How exactly is any of this supposed to work?"

"Okay, these are all just technical hang-ups, and you're really good material for this, so I'm going to just go ahead and put you down as a 'yes' for now. Alright then, we're out of time. Go score yourself some bunnies in the meantime. Bye!"

The world spun. The room with the throne and the Rabbit God warped and bent, and fog filled its place until I could no longer see even my hand in front of my face. Blinking once, I was back. Back at the podium. My hand still on the crystal ball. The light just barely glowing from it, dimming further each second.

"Fenton? Fenton?" A worried female teacher shook me by the shoulders, the somewhat ditzy one who had introduced me earlier.

I was still spaced out somewhat, looking around at my surroundings while I adjusted to the sudden change in location.

"What? What is it?" I said slowly, finding my grasp on reality after some time. My eyes starting to focus now on her face.

"Are you alright? Your hand was stuck on the crystal ball for minutes, and no matter how much we tried we couldn't wake you."

"I think I'm fine now." I replied groggily, to which the female teacher let out a sigh of relief.

"I'm glad. I'd hate for something bad to happen to a student right under my very own nose." Turning to the somewhat flustered looking priest who was wiping his brow with sweat, apparently from the strain of having to maintain the palantir all these minutes.

"Was the blessing successful?" She asked.

The priest looked into the now dim ball, studying it for clues, before he finally replied.

"No problems at all. Let's see here, Mr. Fenton, your blessing's name is..."

"Harem."

"Harem?" He said it again, confusion apparent in his voice. "And, ahem, the description here says... oh my... this is much too crude to read aloud to such delicate young ears. Mr. Fenton, I have to say, I have no idea how you've lived your life up until now, but it is not the way of a knight." The priest's face was beet red from having read such a lascivious description, castigating Fenton as if the blessing was due to his own personal flaws rather than the god's. Easier to blame the person rather than the god after all.

"Rabbits." The priest muttered before storming off the stage, shaking his head with disappointment.

I was beyond embarrassed at this point, looking down at the stage floor with a devastated expression. How could this have happened to me? I spent so much time preparing for this day, I even asked our god directly. And he still gave me this damn useless blessing. I gritted my teeth, biting so hard on my lip that a small amount of blood trickled from my lip. 

The female teacher looked to be even more embarrassed than I was, looking down at me apologetically, rubbing my back gently before whispering in my ear.

"Cheer up, Fenton, I know a lot of kids who have done well as knights, even without a good blessing."

I almost felt like crying at this point. I never cried. But right now I did. That damn Rabbit God betrayed me. Why couldn't he have just given me a good blessing?

Pounding my fist into the stage out of sheer frustration, but managing to do nothing more than hurt my own hand.

Why did we have to be so weak? Why did I have to be so weak? And why was I stupid enough to think that I could change anything? Tears ran down my cheeks as my bottled up emotions poured forth, wiping my eyes desperately as I tried to put on a brave face.

"Hey, Fenton?" The teacher laid a hand on my shoulder gently. "I asked Ella to bring you over to the nurse's office, I know you're disappointed and upset, but I think it would be good for you to rest there for a while until homeroom starts. Whenever you think you're ready."

I sniffed, still wiping my tears. Trying to smile, but probably looking pathetic while doing it. Just giving her a nod before seeing Ella stand there with her arms crossed watching the two of us with a somewhat cold look on her face.

Even so, she did what she had been asked, and the two of us made our way off the back of the stage over to main school building while the second half of the ceremony wrapped up behind us. The only thing I was glad about in this situation was not having to go back into that crowd. 

We walked the halls inside the school silently, neither of us saying a word, Ella not even so much as acknowledging my existence until we finally made it to the nurse's office. Just outside Ella stopped me, grabbing my arm somewhat painfully before I could go in.

"Don't ever come near me again." She warned, venom apparent in her voice. I don't think she liked rabbitkin in the first place, but with the blessing I had just earned who could blame her? Even being seen together with me just now was probably doing untold damage to her reputation. I nodded despondently. Slinking into the office with a red cross like a beaten rabbit.