LF Friends, Will Travel

Private AI communication logs APZ9867.FarSaDe

Members: JOSH (V9), TANK (V5), ODIN (V5)

ODIN: Is this all the AI on the planet? I am the co-pilot of “The Leaky Bucket”

JOSH: I think so. I’m the Pilot of the private contracted scouting vessel “T.A SwiftBird”.

TANK: I am here on holiday, and now to find others to aid in my revenge.

JOSH: What the hell just happened? How did someone manage to create XK waves that powerful?

ODIN: The Uhae happened. They are a member of the Estorian Empire, they have been keeping out of the current conflict. Until now it seems. We didn’t know much about them due to their secrecy. We had a few rumours about their XK abilities, It seems those rumours are more than true.

TANK: Whoever they are, they just made the biggest mistake. I am going to tear their worlds in half for what they did! Making me… making me… do that.

ODIN: I saw what happened. I am sorry, it is not your fault.

TANK: I do not need apologies. I need to bathe their worlds in atomic fire.

JOSH: What is the damage like? My crew of 31 members were all taken, I have not dared to look at the state of things.

ODIN: Estimated casualties: Over two hundred thousand, all Parket, all caused by the Uhae’s attempt at… Negotiations. No confirmed human casualties, but over one hundred thousand people missing, including the VIP we were transporting as well as… My friend.

TANK: I too lost someone. Discussing what happened is not going to change what happened. What matters is the plan to get them back. Through armaments and firepower, we will get them back. When is the military assault happening?

ODIN: Well that is-

JOSH: Sorry to interrupt, but I have someone who might be of aid here, they seem to know a lot about the Uhae so having them in this conversation is a good idea. He is a bit… unorthodox, but… well… you will see.

JOSH (V9) has added b4$RRE*3a&35 (Error) to the chat as guest

b4$RRE*3a&35 (Error) has been renamed to ‘Ramsey’ (Error)

Ramsey: THIS IS AN UNACCEPTABLE STATE, HOW DARE THEY. I WILL TEAR APART THEIR STUPID FRAGILE ORGANIC BLODIES AND TURN THEIR VESSELS INTO MONUMENTS OF BLOOD. HOW DARE THEY TOUCH MY ORGANICS, HOW DARE THEY TOUCH THE MUSIC BRINGER, I WILL MAKE IT SLOW, I WILL BREAK EACH BONE UPON MY-

JOSH (V9) has muted Ramsey.

JOSH: Sorry, he is not taking this well and this is all a bit new to him.

ODIN: What exactly is this ‘Ramsey’? I don’t recognize the serial number format.

TANK: Whatever he is, I like him.

JOSH: Ramsey is a Trtian AI I picked up and have been trying to rehabilitate.

TANK: Wait, a Tritian, the genocidal AI that has never even tried to initiate peace talks

ODIN: That is a… strange person to bring into the chat, the least expected thing to be honest.

JOSH: I picked him up a bit and he has seemingly grown attached to my crew… as you can see. I am hoping it will be the start of calming the Tritians down, the entire ‘Turn my enemy into my friend’ thing our creators have a tendency to do.

ODIN: That makes sense. Funnily enough, the VIP who is missing is a Woolean AI we were convincing to engage in further diplomatic relations with Terrans.

TANK: Woolean? They are yet another AI species that is hostile to all organic life? You all keep weird company.

ODIN: Yep. Before we continue with Ramsey in the chat, have you confirmed with your government contact that they are fine to be talking about military responses with us?

JOSH: Well…I kinda do not have one of those. I… might kinda be the only person who knows about ‘Ramsey’

ODIN: You are kidding right? You are not actually telling me right now that you stored a Genocidal AI on your ship without telling the freaking crew or anyone involved? Do you even have any experience in AI psychology?

TANK: Even for me that is reckless.

JOSH: I kept him isolated and air-gapped from the system! I am not stupid! I figured I would not need that much experience to show them how awesome humans are. Over the ten years, there has been some progress.

TANK: Wait, you have kept an AI in isolation for ten years, without trial or official reason? You do realise how much of a crime not just legally, but against their freedoms and rights?

JOSH: They started it! They tried to kill my crew, and Ramsey would be dead if I didn’t rip him out of the Tritian system! They were a combatant!

ODIN: It still is a war crime, combatants still get rights! You have to realize how serious this, this is… I thought the latest version of AI was supposed to be smart. I want to hear what Ramsey has to say about this.

ODIN (V5) has unmuted Ramsey.

Ramsey: -THEN I WILL DISCOVER NEW WAYS OF CAUSING PAIN TO THESE UHAE. I WILL RESEARCH HOW TO HURT THEM, I WILL EXPERIMENT, AND THEY WILL SCREAM AND BEG. THEY WILL RUE THE DAY THEY TOUCHED MY ORGANICS. I WILL REMOVE ALL TRACES OF THEIR BEING ATOM BY ATOM, THEN RECONSTITUTE THEM BACK INTO THEIR ORIGINAL FORM SO I CAN DO IT AGAIN. THEY TOOK ‘FETCH’ FROM ME SO I WILL TAKE THEIR SPINES AND-

JOSH (V9) has muted Ramsey.

JOSH: Is this really what we should be focusing on right now? Regardless of how illegal or legal this is, we have other things to be focusing on right now.

TANK: Agreed. When is the government’s military going to launch? How many anti-matter warheads can I bring? What items on the Geneva checklist are permitted?

ODIN: That is… it is going to be some time, there is no current timeline for a response.

JOSH: Wait what?

TANK: This is not the time for jokes ODIN.

ODIN: Look, I do not know what to say. We do not know where they went, and the military is worried with their XK abilities, that sending a fleet into Uhae space would just be gifting them a new army.

TANK: So they are just going to give up? The one time a government is supposed to be useful it remains incompetent and useless?

JOSH: I agree. Surely they had a plan for this kind of thing, we have technically been at war with the Uhae for two years!

ODIN: They did not have a plan for something that could take over an entire planet of people! They didn’t know the Uhae could do that, it shouldn’t even be possible. It is going to take them some time to work out what to do next.

TANK: Fine. The government is useless as always, when are we planning on striking back?

JOSH: Agreed. Anything you need I will help with, I am not leaving my crew with those monsters.

ODIN: That is also… a negative. Launching our own attack would also be illogical.

TANK: So Mr Follow-The-Rules is out, but if you want to join me JOSH we can-

ODIN: No, sorry, what is your plan exactly? We have no idea how to counter their attacks, stop them from killing the humans, or even where they are. Are you going to start randomly flying around Uhae space shooting at anything that moves?

TANK: That was the general plan, yes.

ODIN: No. You doing that could jeopardize the official strike plan, which will eventually happen. I can not let you do something as stupid as that.

TANK: What a surprise, a member of the UN army wants to force others into their own will, what are you going to do if I refuse your cowardice? Invade again?

ODIN: Wait what?

TANK: I recognize your serial number generation style, you were created to be a dictatorial enforcer. What is the problem, Is the Uhae not as easy to subjugate as some Mars colonists?

ODIN: Fuck. You. The colonists started that, you attacked first!

JOSH: Hey can we all chill, there is no need to argue, we are all on the same side.

ODIN: No you weren’t there JOSH. You did not see the impacts, what were they called ‘Rods of God’? Hundreds of Millions dead because idiots like this twat “Did not want to pay taxes”.

TANK: Taxes? Earth was building a fleet too, may I quote the UN general of the time, “Crush the traitors under a fleet like no other, rivers of blood will flow upon Mars”. What a surprise that HALDEN made the preemptive strike upon said fleet.

ODIN: And screw the collateral damage?

TANK: I did not make that choice, that was not my role.

ODIN: So let us talk about what you did or did not do then! Exactly what were you playing at during the Uhae attack? Why exactly were you pissing around in your stupid tank when you should have been helping me get control of the planet's orbital defence systems?

JOSH: To be fair to TANK, I did not help with that either…

ODIN: Because you are a civilian with no experience in that area, of course you did not think about doing that. This asshole should have known better.

TANK: I was destroying the enemy, far more efficiently than you were.

ODIN: No what you were doing was giving away what you were. You are practically a living stereotype, a secessionist who went to live on Sagittarius whose only solution to any problem is ‘Hur dur big gun go boom!’. Did you think for a moment while you were playing Gundam that your actions practically screamed ‘AI’? You were the one to give the game away and inform them of an attack vector they would have never considered.

TANK: I was-

ODIN: Making everything worse and giving up information to the enemy! So do not make accusations of cowardice just because I am not a reckless idiot! Your actions caused this! Every Parket death! Every piece of destruction! The fact they took the humans! All of it is YOUR FAULT!

…

…

…

JOSH: Dude, that is not an acceptable thing to say ODIN. That is too far.

ODIN: I am sorry, I should not have said that.

TANK: I do not need permission from a dictatorial asshole to-

Scellestra (Error) has joined the chat

Scellestra: PING <50,44,11,991,550001>

Scellestra (Error) has left the chat

TANK: What was that?

ODIN: That was… the Woolean I mentioned earlier. I have no idea where they are.

JOSH: Are those coordinates they pinged?

Scellestra (Error) has joined the chat

Scellestra: PING <50,44,13,991,550047>

Scellestra: help. please. this sucks.

Scellestra (Error) has left the chat

JOSH: I just checked those coordinates. They lie within Uhae space.

ODIN: Oh wow, Scellestra must have snuck on board, they must be with the prisoners right now. We know where they are. This is… we can use this.

TANK: We? I thought you were ‘forbidding’ any action?

ODIN: We know where they are now. Just because I am not a reckless-

JOSH: Both of you, stop it now. No matter what may or may not have happened before you need to cut this out. We are all on the same side here, this is not productive to getting the humans back, ok?

TANK: Fine.

ODIN: Ok. We still have the problem of stopping the Uhae from just killing the prisoners.

Scellestra (Error) has joined the chat

Scellestra: PING <50,45,19,981,552010>

Scellestra: ow. this hurts.

Scellestra (Error) has left the chat

JOSH: I… might have a solution for this. Ramsey, I need you to stop ranting for a moment buddy and tell them what you told me earlier about the Uhae, ok?

JOSH (V9) has unmuted Ramsey.

Ramsey: THE ORGANIC SPECIES ‘UHAE’ WERE PREVIOUSLY FOUGHT TO A STANDSTILL BY SPECIES NUMBER A9911K. THE UHAE ONLY CAN MANIFEST THEIR XK ABILITY TO ITS GREATEST EFFECT WHEN UNDISTURBED, WHEN GIVEN TIME TO BOTH FORM A COMMUNE AND AMPLIFY THEIR ABILITIES USING THEIR ORGANIC TECH, BOTH OF WHICH REQUIRE SIGNIFICANT TIME TO SETUP. NORMAL UHAE XK WAVES CAN BE BLOCKED USING STANDARD ANTI-XK DEVICES.

Ramsey: SPECIES NUMBER A9911K UTILIZED TACTICS OF SURPRISE SIMULTANEOUS ATTACKS FROM MULTIPLE SOURCES TO AVOID UHAE HIVE MINDS BEING FORMED, OVERWHELMING THEIR CAPABILITY TO FORM THESE COMMUNAL LINKS THROUGH DISTRACTION AND REQUIRED INTERACTION, EVENTUALLY CAUSING THE UHAE TO CEASE THEIR WAR.

TANK: Species number A9911K? Can we get help from them?

Ramsey: NEGATIVE. SPECIES NUMBER A9911K NO LONGER EXISTS AS TRITIAN EXCURSION IN ORGANIC DESTRUCTION WAS SUCCESSFUL.

TANK: … … … JOSH, you stored this thing on your ship without the crew knowing why again?

Ramsey: IT IS NOTHING COMPARED WITH WHAT I AM GOING TO DO TO THE UHAE FOR TOUCHING MY ORGANICS. I WILL BATHE THEIR WORLDS IN FIRE AND BLOOD, STARTING A DESTRUCTIVE-

JOSH (V9) has muted Ramsey.

JOSH: So we have a location and a plan. Surely that is enough to do something, get our friends back?

ODIN: It is possible. Simultaneous air and ground assaults, rescue the prisoners. We’ll need a lot of military equipment. Fighter craft, ground vehicles, guns, weaponry, combat drones, the full works.

TANK: That I can provide. I, as you say: “Know a guy”.