Learning to Love Time Loops Without Going Insane

“Cal, wake up. I’ve gotta head out, and I don’t want you sleeping all day while I’m gone. Plus, the dog still needs her morning walk.” The voice from the other room caused Cal to bolt awake.

Cal fought off the grogginess, extremely confused. He didn’t understand what was happening. Had it all just been a long, complicated dream? That didn’t seem to fit the situation, as his head was full of memories that weren’t fading like a typical dream. He was a kid again, and if what the insane scientist man had said was true. He was twelve.

A large man with an annoyed expression on his face that Cal had almost managed to forget about was now once again center stage in his vision. “Are you going to get out of bed or what? I don’t have time for you to waste. Get up, get dressed, and take the damn dog out.” he barked out.

Cal hopped out of bed quickly, surprising himself. “Alright, Dad, I’ve got it. I’ll get Bug out shortly. Sorry for making you late again.” Cal’s confusion had only lessened slightly, but seeing his father, both alive and grumpy, overwhelmed his ability to process anything other than a sense of childhood nostalgia.

“Good, I’m sorry I yelled. Can you try to clean up the yard, too, if you have some time? It looks like we have some new neighbors moving in, and I’d really like it if they didn’t think we were complete slobs straight off the bat,” Cal’s dad responded in a more relaxed tone than his previous demands.

“No problem, let me get something to eat, and I’ll get it all taken care of.” Cal had a giant smile on his face as he left his bedroom in search of a friend he hadn’t seen in nearly two decades. He made a mental note to start going over depressing life events tomorrow and see just what he could change, assuming, of course, he wasn’t just insane. He considered that to still be a strong contender for what was actually going on.

Cal found Bug lounging on the couch in the sun. He noticed his sense of scale was off while comparing how big he remembered her to her actual size in front of him. He realized he was used to experiencing the world from his six-foot frame versus whatever much shorter height he was now. His perspective on everything’s relative size was going to get weird quickly.

Bug was a mutt that Cal and his dad had found a couple of years ago, alone and half-starved in the woods, covered in fleas and ticks. She looked like a cross between a German shepherd and a Dalmatian, giving her coat a unique color pattern. It was a very light golden shade with random spots of black fur.

“Hey girl, you wanna go outside?” Cal asked her as he plopped down next to her, petting her head.

“Woooff,” she lazily responded, slowly stretching her body and climbing off the couch. Cal watched as she first went to her food bowl and downed any leftover kibble before heading for the back door.

She always knew what she wanted, Cal thought as he stood up and followed her. He had to push her slightly out of the way to get to handle and open the door, freeing her to the outdoors. A wooden fence surrounded part of the backyard. It was a safe area for Bug to run around off-leash without any road danger. A memory flashed in his mind upon seeing the fence. It was about the fence’s creation. His mom and dad wanted to ensure he had a safe place to play with the now-healthy Bug. Cal whispered to himself. “I wish this had started earlier. I would love to see Mom again.”

Bug chose that moment to crash into the backside of his knees, knocking him over into the muddy yard. Cal rolled over and spit out some mud, laughing like the kid he was again. “Bug, I’m going to kill you,” he managed to get the words out between laughs. Cal climbed to his feet, amused at how little his knees hurt despite the unexpected bath. That was another thing he forgot: how easy it is to bounce when you’re young. Cal thought this as he took off after Bug. But she spotted his dash before he could make it even three steps. She took off, racing back and forth across the yard, covering herself in as much mud as Cal’s shirt.

“Once I catch you, I hope you realize we are both getting showers after this,” Cal announced, continuing the chase. Ten minutes into the game, Cal decided to grab a stick and started tossing it for Bug to fetch. She returned about half of them, which fit his memories pretty accurately. “Alright, girl, let’s try to clean up some of the brush for Dad and see if we can’t get all the random junk moved to the garage before it starts getting colder.” Cal could feel the daytime warmth starting to fade as the late fall air of Northern Michigan began to get to him.

Alright, how much junk did we have back here? Cal thought while glancing around the yard. It's not too bad, mostly just the piles of brush, our attempt at an irrigation system, and some bike parts. I’ll see what he wants to do about anything past the gate tomorrow, though that will probably take both of us. Cal spent the next hour piling up the brush and stealing sticks back from Bug, only stopping due to the interruption of a kid looking over the fence.

“Hi, I’m Andy. Who are you?” the kid peered down at Cal and Bug as he asked.

Several thoughts ran through Cal’s head before he spoke. He wasn’t crazy. He didn’t even remember this happening, so it seemed pretty unlikely that he had managed to dream of this kid’s future self telling me to find him. Fuck, he had been hoping for the insanity option. He very much did not want to fight aliens. “Hey Andy, I’m Cal, and this is Bug.” putting aside his inner anxiety, Cal introduced himself and his dog. “Would you believe this is apparently the third time we’ve met?” Cal blurted out jokingly and then kind of wished he hadn’t.

“What do you mean? I’ve never seen you before. I’m only here for the day to help my grandparents move.” Andy fired back in as serious a tone that a preteen could muster.

“Don’t worry about it, stupid joke. Do you want to come over and play with me and Bug for a while” Cal asked. He was internally debating what he should do. He thought his best bet was probably just learning what he could about him right now and then figuring out what to do later. The only time-sensitive thing at the moment is Andy himself. So, his goal was just focusing on prying loose some information that could be used later and not thinking about the aliens or the utterly terrifying white flash. Cal opened the gate to the neighbor’s yard, pushing down his last thoughts as best he could.

“Here, Andy, toss this for Bug. She loves it,” Cal said as he handed Andy some sticks for a new round of fetch.

“Why did you name her Bug?” Andy asked as he tossed the first stick for her. Bug chased it down without mercy, catching it and reducing it to splinters in under a minute.

“When we found her, she was covered in bugs, and it just kind of stuck. It took so many baths to get them all off her. It was a nightmare.” Cal remembered back, on the daily baths for her first two weeks of moving in with them. She had to live in the basement in a dog crate until the vet cleared her of any infestations. It took her another six months to grow her coat fully back. “Do you have any pets?” Cal started his information gathering.

“Yeah, I’ve got two hermit crabs, Melvin and Harry. They don’t like to play as much as Bug, though. Harry sometimes likes to be held, but Melvin always tries to pinch.” Andy’s answer cemented the idea in Cal’s head that Andy was a lonely kid. Who’s childhood pets are just hermit crabs?

“You said you were helping your grandparents move. Do you live around here then?” Cal continued.

“Oh no, we flew in from Washington. Mom and I are flying back tomorrow, and Dad will finish getting their stuff moved in. I’d stay, but mom has work, and I have school.” That answer kicked off a new fear in Cal’s head: school. Not that he hated school the first time around, but the idea of doing it again, this time twice as boring as before, was not a nostalgic thing he was looking forward to.

He convinced himself to ignore yet another thing: “Washington DC or state?” He patted Bug on the head as she walked past him during the question.

“Oh, the state, we live in Seattle. It’s a lot bigger than here.”

“Yeah, Charlevoix isn’t that big of a city compared to Seattle.” Cal continued the conversation for a bit longer, unable to gleam anything else he thought may be important.

“Andy, honey, it’s time to go. Say goodbye to your new friend and come inside.” The boys heard a voice Call from the house next door. Cal spotted a face in the side window looking at them.

“Coming, Mom,” Andy Called back. “Looks like I have to go. It was nice playing with you Cal. Maybe I’ll see you the next time I visit my grandparents.”

Andy walked back through the gate as Cal tried to remember any details from their supposed first meeting. After some deep mental digging, he was reasonably sure they had met in the front yard last time. Cal had been sitting in the porch chair reading some comics when Andy showed up and started asking about them. He had probably skipped any backyard cleanup last time, giving them more time that would explain future Andy’s claim of three hours. “Come on, Bug, let’s head inside. I think I need to start a journal.” Cal was not happy at the prospect of writing down his thoughts.

After their shower, Cal searched the house for a notepad and a pencil. After becoming increasingly annoyed as hour two of the search started, he finally located a box full of stationary packed away in the basement. He grabbed the entire box and brought it back to his room, unpacking what he needed onto his small desk. Bug was snoring loudly on the bed behind him as he opened the notepad.

Cal titled the first page things I need to research before alien day and started writing down a list.

Where the hell is McCarthy, Alaska?

Should I investigate the mine before the mineral is recovered?

What do I do about Andy?

The last line sent his brain wandering. Should Andy even be contacted again? How did this loop thing work? Future Andy said he would see Cal again next loop, but what if he just skipped out on it? He assumed they wouldn't meet up again if he never moved to Dallas, but what happens then? Does everything go white anyway and would he end up back here again anyway?

“Ugh,” He had so many questions and no answers. He considered waiting out this loop and seeing what happens. He decided to come back to that idea later. It was a strong contender for his plans.

Cal flipped the notepad to the second page and titled this one, things I want to change. He only wrote down two things.

Bug does not get hit by a car.

Neither does Dad.

His head was starting to pound again. Time for a nap, he decided, climbing into bed with Bug and closing his eyes. His subconscious had made the decision for him that tomorrow was a better time to make sense of all this. “I really missed you Bug” were the last words before Cal uttered before completely crashing into slumber.

Cal woke up to the feeling of a rough tongue across his forehead. “Bug, come on, let me up. What time is it?” Cal looked around the room. Based on the light he could see through the window, sunrise had started. He had slept all night. “Bug, I’ve made my decision. I’m going to live through this loop relatively normally. I'll do my best to change some events, but for the most part, I think I’m going to lay low and just try to learn what I can about what happened before the white flash. If it turns into another loop after this, I’ll make a new plan, but I think a quiet life is best for now. How about you, girl? What do you think?” he patted her head as he asked. Bug didn’t answer, but she did roll over for more petting.

As the years passed, Cal settled into his second life. He had accomplished his main two goals. Bug lived to the ripe old age of twenty-two, which was ancient for a dog. His dad was still alive and had even remarried. Cal even had two half-brothers this time. Through some well-placed betting on the events he best remembered, all of their lives had been comfortable, though not extravagant, as Cal stuck to his goal of living below the radar. What little he learned about McCarthy he didn’t like and decided to put that off for another loop as well, assuming, of course, this was all going to repeat again.

He only had one more thing he planned to accomplish this time around, and once May 23rd hit again, he was sitting in his dad’s living room with the news on and breakfast ready for everyone.

“Hey, Dad, can I talk to you alone in the kitchen?” Cal asked his father after they finished their meal.

“Of course,” his dad answered, standing up from his recliner and following Cal to the kitchen.

“Stan, could you bring me a bottle of water when you two are finished?” Cal’s stepmother called after them.

“No problem,” his dad replied.

Cal closed the door to the kitchen behind them and sat down at the table. “So this is going to sound really weird, especially if none of it happens, but I need you to hear me out anyway.” He looked at his father with a level of serious expression on his face that Stan had only ever seen on his face once before.

“Okay, what’s going on?” Stan’s voice sounded concerned.

“So in an hour, I’m pretty sure we are going to start seeing reports of lockdowns of various cities across the country. Shortly after that, we will see claims of aliens. I know how insane this all sounds, and I’m honestly not fully sure I believe it will happen myself, but if it does, I need you to remember that I just predicted it and then join me back in here for one more private conversation, okay?” Cal said these words as fast as he could, trying to get them all out before he lost his nerve.

“Yeah, okay, but if nothing happens, can we have a conversation about what kind of stress you’re under?” His dad asked back.

“We can have that conversation either way.” Cal sighed the words and stood up from the table. “Time to rejoin the family.” He hoped this turned into a normal day, and he would only have to explain a series of weird nightmares. He thought this as he sat back down on the couch.

Sadly, his hopes were soon dashed as the first news reports began coming in. “We have preliminary reports from New York, Los Angeles, and Dallas involving city-wide lockdowns, with mass shooters reported in all three cities. This seems to be a coordinated attack, and everyone is urged to stay locked in their home today,” the anchorman announced. He looked frazzled as he continued listing off safety preparations for the various possible scenarios.

Cal saw his father side-eye him from the recliner. Suddenly, the news anchor was cut off and replaced with a live feed of someone at the scene in New York City. It was hard to determine what he was saying, but in the distance, he could easily see several of the figures Cal encountered at his attempted delivery location last time. Unlike the previous time, he had both the time and ability to get a good look at them. His finger count had been off. They actually looked to have eight fingers per hand. Their skin tones ranged from dark green to a gray-green color. They all looked to be in the six-foot or taller range. Several of them were carrying the weird crowbar-like objects. The nearest one raised it, and the tip started glowing bright red. The last thing the feed captured was a loud boom and a scream before the screen switched back to the newsroom.

“I don’t have words to convey what we all just saw. Please protect yourselves as best you can, and let’s hope the military has been deployed,” beside the speaking man, his co-host was crying.

“I want everyone in the basement in five minutes. Cal help me grab the hunting gear. Jen, grab your laptop. Boys, get the animals downstairs.” Stan barked out a series of orders, everyone jumping up without a question.

Cal followed his dad into the garage to the gun safe. “Dad, before we head downstairs with everyone else, I need you to listen. There isn’t a lot of time left.”

“How the hell did you know this was coming, let alone know how much time is left, Cal?” His dad asked, exasperated.

“This is the second time I’ve been through this.” His dad started to interrupt, but Cal cut him off and continued, “We don’t have time. Just listen and believe me when I say I know I sound like I’ve lost my mind.” Cal explained the hours leading up to the white flash, the last time he had lived through this day.

“So somehow, the grandkid of our neighbors forced you into a time loop, and this has all happened before?” To Cal’s surprise, his father looked like he believed him.

“Well, mostly all of it happened before. I did change some things. Remember when I begged you to stay home fifteen years ago and just watch a movie with me?” Cal asked.

“Yeah, I had never seen you so serious about anything before.”

“Well, the way it happened originally for me, you were in a horrible car accident, and you didn’t make it.” Cal’s voice cracked as he told the story of his original life. “It was one of two things I decided I was going to try to change to test if I could change things. And the good news is you’re alive and happy, so I think that worked out pretty well. Hell, I even like my stepmother. How often does that happen?” Cal forced a smile, pushing the bad memories aside in favor of new, happier ones.

He wondered how confusing this was going to be if the loops continued. Cal thought about the now conflicting memories of his life. Just how much could his brain store?

“Here’s what I need from you, Dad. Tell me something you’ve never told anyone, something you’ve known long enough that if I end up back as a kid, I can use it to convince you this is happening. I may need your help in future loops, and this is all I can think of to try and convince you I haven’t lost my mind.”

Cal’s father took a deep breath, sighed heavily, looked his son over, and finally started talking. “You’re really serious here, aren’t you?”

“I am”

“When we lost your mom, I almost killed myself. I came very close; I had a plan and everything, and then Bug came into the room and laid on my lap. She just stared at me for ten minutes. That was all it took to stop me. I’ve never told anyone that, and if you need to convince me quickly about all this, that story should do it.”

“I’m sorry you had to bring that up again, but I’m glad you told me. Thank you.” Cal was grateful for the information. He hoped it would simplify things in the future. “Oh, also, I’m probably going to be watching my phone pretty closely once we get set up downstairs. I want to track when this loop ends, assuming it does.”

“Understood.”

After grabbing the needed gear from the gun safe, they went to the basement. The family spent the next few hours conversing awkwardly, trying to stay distracted from increasingly sparse news reports. Communication with several major cities had gone completely down, and all the media seemed to know at this point was that the military had mobilized worldwide.

The ground started rumbling at four-thirty PM.

The white flash came next, precisely ten minutes later.