(Chpt. 38) Pursuing forgiveness (2)
The mantle of the darkness, it certainly was familiar. My massacre was hidden under the moonlight; the only perceivable sound now was the wind blowing outside, it was completely peaceful — hard to believe that a fight had occurred not too long ago. It also showed how meaningless things were in the big picture...
My hand dragged along the wall with difficulty, the wall was already a bloody mess and yet I wasn’t anywhere near making it back. I stopped walking and simply decided to take a seat. My body was completely torn, and sadly I didn’t have any potions to spare.
“Removal of condition…” A dry laugh escaped my lips. “Right… I kind of thought I could push it a bit due to the removal of it. After all… Condition is what dictates when you die. I could only die from my body being completely destroyed — arguably I am in that state at the moment…” How funny was that — that miscalculation.
“Right, there is none of those so-called Hp bars here…” I looked at the roof. “I just want to relax, but my heart does not stop beating…” If it even was a heart…
I started to doodle on the ground, I felt oddly weird. Something that I shouldn’t have done was already done; a big mistake. I could’ve done things differently but it was the only way I thought in the heat of the moment… And now…
My nose was bleeding.
I had overdone it.
Playing with my life like that, wasn’t great. Although oddly enough…Why did I desire it so much? I soulless machine; that’s what I am supposed to be, just carry your task and be done with it. And yet it hurts. Even though I was supposed to be objective I was still subjective, I was a failure in that regard.
And now… I feel depressed. An unmistakable system error. And yet I couldn’t fix it even if I tried.
— Initiating system restoration…
— Error: BX339AR
A dry laugh came from my mouth once again — that was my reality — a broken one.
I didn’t want to admit it, I wanted to keep lying to myself — telling myself that everything was perfect, that nothing was wrong. I didn’t want to break any further… and yet I broke myself beyond functionality. A failure as a dungeon core it was.
Even though I should feel happy about this situation, I don’t feel anything like that about it — instead, I want to carry on and do what I am supposed to do. Ah, that’s my nature. Wanting to do what I am assigned… But if there is no assignment then there is no purpose…
I was hiding in the darkness, doing things in a twisted way… I never attempted to sabotage anything even though I could’ve. It was interesting to watch and only watch, only help when needed… it felt nice to be depended on at times. But now that I am on the other end… Now that I understand how it feels to experience all of this… I want to go back… I felt happy, after all… The only time I acted things turned ugly, it was instant denial from everyone. I was unwelcomed…
I broke myself… In an attempt to execute things in a more proper way… In a humane way… But I made the mistake…
Tears started coming out of my eyes.
The sin that I had done is… “Taste humanity…” Humans can be compassionate and caring, they can be resentful and do things out of spite. They have their own motivations and reasons. They have their own desires… I showed my desires…. They were simple, and they got accepted… He accepted them... And yet, I betrayed him with a dagger to the neck…
I probably could’ve gone with him; no more suffering… Just happiness…
I hate myself… I did it for the greater good. It was simply a justification I told myself, there was probably a more peaceful solution and yet I kept insisting on doing it the rough way. Was it my pride as a monster? I don’t know… Could I forgive myself? Perhaps. Would I be forgiven? Probably not.
Negotiations would have to wait… At least until my tasks were done…
After a short sigh, I stuck my hand in my pockets and took out the four bags that I had at my disposal. I forgot who owned what, but it certainly didn’t matter. All the bags had knotted ribbons. I placed one of the bags in front of me and undid the knot.
Poof! It vanished into smoke.
It dropped a smaller bag; a small pouch. It probably had coins but it was too flat. I picked it up and… it had a bit of weight to it and had two objects inside. With curiosity I put my fingers inside only to feel the coldness of metal, it was a big metal circle. Another type of coin. Without paying attention I put them away and refocused on what was in front of me.
Two potions, they were a bit clearer than the ones that ‘The Collector’ had given me, so… higher quality. Without thinking twice about it I drank both of them; I had to get better as soon as possible. As I felt my body recover I moved onto the next bag.
Poof.
Another pouch with coins, no potions.
It left me with two bags, both of them were bigger than the previous ones. I chose at random and undid the knot. It disappeared into a cloud of smoke.
“Just what I needed.” Well not quite. It was a dagger. While it wasn’t as great as the bone dagger I needed a weapon. It also dropped another pouch with coins, I guess coins were a guaranteed drop. It kind of made things easier.
The dagger did not seem strong — a normal iron dagger. But it wouldn’t break as easily as the bone one. The bone one shattered due to title effects; which was unfortunate since it was my saving grace.
I moved into the last bag, it was bigger than the last one. After removing the little cloth that kept it sealed it poofed into another cloud of smoke. It was kind of dumb but that’s just how it worked. After it dispersed I became quickly confused.
A black leather glove awaited me; it was part of the pair of gloves he wore. Except this one was tailored for my hand. I set it aside and continued looking. Another coin pouch that got set aside with the other ones and… a card?
The card was flat, and thin. It had a black diagram of the city with shiny red spots. It also marked my location, I was in one of those spots. Did it mark which places to collect?
Ding!
[Arlesh selects you as the new Collector — unit 1 — Assigned: The Collector (1); 1/4] Ha…
I… How do I even feel about this? Sigh… moving on…
And that was it, a glove and a bunch of coins that would later come into use. I made sure to put all of the coins in a single bag, all of the coins I got this time had a 100 engraved on them. I managed to count around 2200 Rwyd from everything. But I had a feeling I was going to need to use more than that.
After a sigh I placed everything in my pocket, I definitely felt a lot lighter due to not having to carry around all of those bags. The cloak’s pockets were barely able to hold them, albeit most of them were the size of my fist.
I held the glove on my hand. Should I put it on? I was conflicted. I was the “new” collector. The glove was from the old one. But I felt guilty, could I atone for my sins? Could I do something to wear it? No, I had to wear it. At least to carry his legacy while I feel guilty. If it gets removed later on, I don’t care.
And so, I put on the leather glove, it was warm and comfortable. Unfortunately, it was left-handed, but at least it did not squish my rings. It wasn’t all so ba—
Ding! What?
[Title acquired: Artificial — You have acquired an artificial stat! Unlocked Abnormal Hyper-Sense through Arlesh’s black leather glove! +170% To AHS — Top 1%]
… Artificial stat? That’s… Impossible? Stats are something made by the system, for something to be artificial it would need to be created… outside of it? Or by something that has as much authority as it… Is this city… it?
No that can’t be. I shook my head. Sometimes the system likes messy titles and misleading information. It probably means something else entirely.
After wiping the sweat off my forehead I stood up. Fortunately, I was no longer feeling like death or nausea. I started to walk forward towards the slave girl — I had to at least make sure she lived.
As I thought about her, I felt something weird… Almost as if I was… seeing her? I could clearly see her in my mind. Which was weird since I couldn’t quite picture things in my mind.
Abnormal hyper-sense… was that it? Funny how I am supposed to be a walking encyclopedia and yet I don’t know anything about it.
After a short sigh of defeat, I started walking back. Each of my footsteps felt heavy, not because I had grown stronger, but more of the fact that I felt guilty. I felt pained, and completely out of place. I wanted to live, but death did not sound so bad either. Although I at least needed to finish this first before pondering about other things.
It was the path I had chosen for now. But it was laughable.
* * *
I found the girl soundlessly sleeping over her sister. I had no idea what to do to pay respects for her sister, so I left her there like an insensitive animal. I felt that as long as I listened to her wish it was justified. The girl was sleeping over my shoulder as I carried her outside the building. The night was still quiet and I still had a few hours before sunrise. Thankfully, otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to carry her back.
“Seriously, what am I even doing…” I dropped my head as I pondered my decisions.
As I stared at the silvery ground I started to feel some shuffling on my back.
“Eh?” She was awake. “Where am… I?”
“Going towards a home perhaps…” For now, we were going back to the Collector’s place, if I was the new boss then others wouldn’t attack me. That was the logic.
Even then… I was strong enough now.
The girl processed for a few seconds.
“You… you are the cold-blooded murderer!” She shouted in the middle of the night. People were certainly going to wake up if it kept going. But what could I even say? “Let me go! Let me go!” She started pounding on my back.
“I can’t— ouch…” My back was so bruised… “Fine, get off.” I let go off her and she dragged my cloak with her by accident, but she had finally stopped throwing a fit.
“Nea is dead…”
“Yeah…” I guess she finally accepted it.
She looked at the ground and held my cloak on her hands. It was certainly heavy since it also had all my coins. She fidgeted with it as she looked at the ground.
“What were her last words?” Eh?
“They were… ‘take care of her please.’”
She flinched for a bit, I saw the glint of moonlight on her tears as they dripped on the ground, I could hear her painful sniffles and ended up watching her use my cloak to wipe her mucus. I had no idea on what to say, or what to do. I felt bad, but I had no idea how human relations worked.
“Did she say that to you?”
“Yes…” What was with her?
“... What do you plan on doing with me?” She asked with a fearful tone. It was awkward, I felt awkward under her shaky gaze; looking at me as if I was about to kill her. But it was a good question, what did I plan to do with her? Probably…
“Give you some money and take you to a guard.”
“YOU CAN’T!” she cried in hysteria.
“Why?” My tone remained indifferent, but I certainly didn’t understand her.
“If my sister said so then… I will follow…” She looked at the ground. “That’s the least I can do…”
I nodded. Although we still had to get back to the “base” I needed rest. Even though I was pretty amazing, my mind was fatigued from everything; all of the clicks, the clacks, and the snaps… they were all too taxing for me.
“Well, we have to go back.” I extended my hand to her. She tilted her head.
“What is it?” I pointed at the cloak. “Oh… Here.”
As I was putting it on she froze.
“W-wait, are you a beastkin?!”
“Not quite.” I was a broken descendant dungeon core.
She fidgeted “Are you going to carry me on your back?”
“If you don’t punch…”
“I won’t… sorry...” She meekly apologized.
After I finished putting on my cloak, I crouched and allowed her to get on my back. She clumb without too much trouble and… took of my hoodie?
“What do you pretend to do?”
“Can I play with your ears?” …
“...” I don’t understand humans. “Sure…”
I slowly walked back as she started to fidget with them. It felt nice but that was about it. If it kept her from being noisy in the middle of the night then it was fine. Although there is something that still bothered me.
Wasn’t she sad about her sister’s death? Although that question got answered soon enough. She fell asleep.
“Nea I miss you…” She was crying as she slept, whispering her mourns to my ear. She didn’t move on. And frankly. I didn’t move on either…
* * *
I set her to sleep in my room. Meanwhile, I was sitting on The Collector’s chair. Just looking at the ground. I felt tired, and beaten up. Completely destroyed and demolished. I laid on the desk with my head against its surface.
“I don’t understand… How come she was okay with it? She was blaming her sister’s death on me before…” It was something I didn’t understand. How can you trust someone so much?
No, that wasn’t the right question. I also trusted someone. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been doing any of this.
It’s pretty weird… How much things have changed. Destined to be a great dungeon… or something like that. Destined instill fear on humans and kill them all… or something like that.
It was weird. An unknown variable entered and destroyed everything. And now that I was back in control, I didn’t feel hate, nor malice… I didn’t feel kind either, but I had true emotions now. Tell me... Why do I seem to want to help you so much, Leah?
I am in control now and can do whatever I want… And yet… I only plan on fulfilling my mission and simply let you do your thing again.
Frankly it was enjoyable to watch, but I wonder why I never even made an effort to take over… Only reason it happened today was because she wanted it, unconsciously or unconsciously.
I wonder why she allowed it… You knew it was more than just “embracing nature”... Was this trust?
Ha… I feel like such a betrayer… I am sorry.