Lament of the Slave

The moss on my head was a great gift, no doubt about it. From what I’ve seen so far, it could heal, eat people, or serve as food. The idea that I should be able to launch moss shoots from my head was a bit bizarre, though.

As interesting as the possibilities of this magical moss were, the downside was the sheer necessity of having moss on my body or at least at hand. I wasn’t even sure whether it was a permanent adornment to my head or if it was somehow possible to move it elsewhere, say to a pot. I think it would look better behind a window, especially with its beautifully blooming snow-white flower. 

What I wasn’t quite sure of was exactly how to do any of that magic stuff. Guess the way I got a number of my skills with mutations was too easy as the system was silent. It either took an effort to acquire the skill, if it even existed, or it was the innate ability of mossbears to control it. Ability I wasn't sure I had

“Pride,” he grunted, telling me that the moss on the mossbear bodies was their treasure, something they were proud of. It showed how well they could take care of it and thus, to some extent, their strength and status. 

Nodding, I grunted in understanding.

“You care, next full blue moon, I teach,” Esu growled. He basically promised to teach me some tricks using it if I take care of his gift until the next full blue moon. Well, if what Deckard said was true, the moss had to have survived a week in my care. That seemed doable to me.

I used to be a florist, after all.

Seeing my confidence, Esu hummed contentedly, letting mother mossbears have their say. “Grow strong, cub,” grunted the first, and like Esu, she lowered her head to me. As our antlers touched, I felt her mana flow into my body. Hers wasn’t as invasive as Esu’s and lingered in my body for only a brief moment before it was gone. Yet my heart rate rose as well.

“Return if need,” the other told me I could return to the Esulmor Woods whenever I wanted. As the first mother stepped back, she lowered her head to me. The others followed, assuring me I was welcome here anytime, that I was their cub. It was heartwarming. It really was. Since I got to Eleaden, no one’s been that nice to me.

Okay, not entirely true. There was Scoresby, the old merchant who found me at the bridge over the Traim River. Also Enola, Tia, and many others who were really nice to me. Even Captain Rayden wasn’t as...unfriendly as she seemed at first. None of them treated me like family, though.

Nor did I ask them to.

I’m just saying it warmed my heart even though I knew they weren’t humans but massive ancient beasts. I was aware that quite possibly, in a year, their attitude towards me would change completely if I didn’t prove myself in their eyes. Yet, it didn’t change a damn thing about me enjoying the strange gesture. This touching of the antlers felt like a warm embrace to me, and if I could, I would hug them back.

Not kidding, I really had the urge but not the guts to actually hug the beast in front of me. I’d have to be insane to do that.

As more mossbear mothers let me know in this strange way that I was part of their family, I came to realize that it wasn’t just a weird hug. Some of their mana, like Esu’s, lingered in my body even after they pulled back. 

And it wasn’t just some random strand of mana they forgot in my body. They weren’t that sloppy. It was an intention, some kind of mark, telling the other less perceptive mossbear in the woods who I am. At least, that’s what I was able to figure out from what I saw and perceived.

As my focus shifted from the moss on my head, I finally noticed my antlers were no longer just a dull dark green color with lighter tips, but cracks were appearing here and there. Perhaps it would be better to describe them as faintly glowing veins. Something that was evident on Esu’s antlers as well as the mothers, less so on the adults but not seen on young mossbears whose antlers were considerably larger than mine. So what made me different?

Frankly, I didn’t care anymore. It was a change that made no difference to me. Actually, it made them look kinda cooler. If they grew half a meter, that would be a change I would definitely complain about.

“Train, then leave, cub,” growled Esu, when all the mothers present gave me their hugs. He didn’t put it into words nor into the meaning behind them, but it was goodbye. I could feel it. Perhaps he didn’t say that because he did not doubt that we’d see each other again next week and next month. It wouldn’t be strange if his concept of time differed from that of mere humans, either.

Still, I bowed in respect and gratitude. “Thank you, Great Esu, King of the Woods.”

After that, all I could do was watch him and five mothers go off into the woods under the mountains from which they had come. Before he completely disappeared from my sight, he stopped. Then the woods shuddered as if a pressure wave had passed through it and the charred trees in the clearing turned green again.

With his back to me, he growled. “Do, proud, cub.” 

I couldn’t help but grin when he told me to make him proud. And my instincts wanted me to do exactly that. They urged me to shout after him that I would.

Of course, I didn’t. I didn't want to make promises I was not sure I'll be able to keep.

Watching the transformation that took place in the clearing and him disappearing into the dense woods made me realize that what he showed me was only a fraction of his power. When he rushed into the clearing, I thought he had made his way through the woods by brute force, leaving behind a trail of fallen and broken trees. Now I could see that the trees were moving out of his way, only to return to their place after he had left. It seemed as if the woods themselves were alive.

“Esu, is Esu,” grunted the mother mossbear, the only one who stayed here in response to my last growl. She didn’t like the name I called him, as according to her, Esu was just Esu. To her, he was no King. Humans called him that, gave him the title.

In response, I growled in understanding but couldn’t help finding it a fitting title after what I’d seen. He was rightly called the King of the Woods.

“Train, cub,” growled the mother mossbear. “I heal.”

Realizing that she stayed behind to keep an eye on my training instead of Esu, I groaned to show my appreciation. Then I dared to ask if I could talk to the gift bearer first and settle my thoughts. However, I have not found the courage to turn around and go back to Deckard until she gave me her approval. 

“So, are you going to live?” Deckard remarked through the link of the rings when I joined him. I didn’t miss the relief and even slight joy in his voice.

“Disappointed?” I replied, knowing that was definitely not the case.

He looked me up and down. “I kinda can’t believe you’re still in one piece, girl.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I wondered, only to realize how I felt when Esu leaned towards me, the way it must have seemed to Deckard.

“Seriously, girl. You were this close to big guy’s maw,” he laughed in disbelief, showing me the distance with his hands, which this time weren’t tucked casually in his pockets. “Honestly, I’ve been racking my brain on how to get you out of here in one piece, if he decided to eat you.”

“Y....you were ready to get me out of here?” I stammered. I was aware that he was here for me, but that he was willing to go to such lengths surprised me.

“Didn’t I say I wasn’t?” Deckard replied, shaking his head. Yeah, I know... he said that, but... I mused to myself.

But a reasonable person wouldn’t even consider it. So why did he?

“Deckard,” I said, weighing my words. “Be honest with me, why are you here? Why come here and risk your life for someone you don’t even know?”

He was about to answer when I added. “And don’t tell me it’s to keep me from missing our scheduled meeting tomorrow or something like that. Nobody’s that crazy.”

Oddly enough, he nodded. “You’re right. No one’s that crazy. I’m not sure the real reason is that different, though.”

I cock my head to the side, letting him know, both by my expression and by the movement of my ears, that I would love to know the answer, anyway.

He sighed, put his hands in his pockets again, and looked up at the two moons that had moved a little in the night sky. “But then you’ll explain to me what it all meant,” he said, referring to me receiving a gift from Esu and “hugs” from mother mossbears. Not waiting for my consent, he reminisced. “I was in Fallens Cry when I got the message from San.”

“Captain Rayden?” I cut in to make sure.

“Yes, Captain. That’s her,” he said with bitterness in his voice. “Emergency message. I didn’t get one for months, so I rushed out of the labyrinth only to find the city in lockdown, guards on the streets, and master guards ready for war.”

His words sent shivers down my spine, making me wonder what the hell happened in Castiana after I left the city in shackles, locked in a cage.

“Ready to confront whoever dared to wreck the barracks, I found San on the city walls, looking southeast,” he continued, and I couldn’t help but wonder how the bloody hell long he’d been down there in the depths of the labyrinth that he hadn’t known about the attack on the barracks.

“She told me about the young woman she put in danger, and she couldn’t do anything about it. In fact, I considered refusing, thinking that the helplessness and guilt she would feel for you would finally force her to wake up. But as always, when she calls, I answer,” he said, even more sourly than before.

Was the Captain his lover? Or ex-lover? Unrequited love? These were the questions that were on my mind, but I didn’t dare ask them. It was none of my business.

“I got your file to read, Korra Grey. Janina told me a little bit, and Marcus threw in his insights. It wasn’t hard to put two and two together and realize you’re the one Razso was telling me about,” Deckard said, still staring at the moons.

“So after you realized...” that I was the one he was supposed to meet, I wanted to ask, but I didn’t finish the sentence.

“No, I went because she told me to,” he replied with a sigh and sadness in his voice. He didn’t even elaborate further on the reason, as if it was that simple for him. “So that’s how it was. Crazy, right?”

I stood there in silence, wondering how to respond. He was either head over heels in love with her or still such a devoted soldier at heart. Neither seemed very sensible to me.

“Then why didn’t she come?” I asked the question I’d been asking myself from the very beginning. Where was she when I was attacked? Where were city guards when I was enslaved? I already understood that I was bait, but if she didn’t want to give up on me, why didn’t she come herself and send Deckard instead.

“Agent and City Lord,” he grumbled, making his dislike clear. “She was ordered not to.”

This time I failed to keep my emotions in check and growled out loud at the mention of the Imperial Agent and the City Lord. At first, the Baron seemed like a reasonable person, but the more I heard about him, the worse my impression of him got. Agent? As it turned out, even though Morton was fake, he left a deep impression on me, and this new Agent didn’t exactly improve this tarnished reputation.

“That’s a pretty strong killing intent,” Deckard said with a wide grin. “I like you more and more, girl.”

“Sorry,” I said promptly through the ring connection, getting my emotions back under control. It was just incredibly hard to hear that my rescue hadn’t come because those two had commanded it to Captain Rayden. 

“Don’t apologize, be pissed, girl. I would be,” he said, urging me to vent my emotions. “Actually, I’m. I’m quite pissed off.”

Despite what he said, he seemed calm, only his voice trembled with anger. “At those two? The Agent and the Baron? Not at me, are you?”

He smiled sadly. “No, not at you, girl. Forget it. I told you why I am here. Now it’s your turn. Why’s there moss on your head?“

He obviously didn’t want to talk about it any further, and even though I had like a thousand questions, I didn’t ask a single one. Instead told him about Esu’s gift and the rest.

“I’ve seen a lot of strange things. This is definitely one of them,” he said, poking the moss on my head. “In fact, I know they tried to grow the moss of the mossbear we hunted. Though they never succeeded as far as I know.”

“Oh...” I paused. It wasn’t surprising that someone would try, especially seeing what was possible to do with it.

Deckard looked at me. “Are you sure you can do it?”

“I am,” I said firmly, but I had as many doubts about my ability to take care of the moss as he did.

“It almost sounds like you want to come back here to train,” Deckard remarked, without further questioning my ability to take care of the moss. It was enough for him I believed in myself.

Though, his words gave me pause. “I...I do.” Surprised by my own answer, I realized that my view of that hellish training had changed. When did this happen?! I asked myself and wondered. It could have been after Esu told me he’d abandon me if I didn’t prove my strength within a year. Or after he gave me his gift. In the end, it didn’t matter. He managed to bring out something in me I didn’t think I had and had a hard time describing. 

It may very well have been something I inherited from mossbears as I felt the urge to prove to Esu that I could take care of the moss, that I was worthy of being his cub. A strange notion. Was it pride?

“So, more training tonight?” Deckard asked, jerking his head in the direction of the young mossbear. I looked at the beast too and shuddered as my body remembered the pain it caused me. 

Then I had to sigh. “You were right, Deckard.”

“Was I?” he wondered, having no clue what I was talking about.

“This is a great opportunity for training,” I said, acknowledging my mistake. He was trying to tell me from the beginning, yet I stubbornly saw only the pain and hopelessness of it. The gain in skill levels and experience was undoubted, I saw it now.

“Yeah...It is.” He hummed. “Be on your level, I’d trade places with you in a heartbeat.”

“Sorry for not seeing that,” I said.

“Stop apologizing for everything, girl,” he replied, his way of acknowledging my sorry. “Now that you’re aware of it go and train. Vent some of your anger on that beast.”

“I was under the impression it was better to keep a clear head in a fight,” I argued. My own observation, based on what he told me and the last fight where I felt strangely liberated.

“It is,” he admitted. “Bottling the rage inside you may be worse in the long run, though. Better to get it out of you as soon as you get the chance. I do that all the time in Fallens Cry.”

It was hard to imagine this man, who seemed unconcerned about whatever was going on around him, pissed off. But perhaps this was the secret to his apparent laid-back attitude.

“Just do it when you’re sure you won’t lose your life because of some stupid mistake,” he added, and I could tell by his tone that he was speaking from his own experience.

Unleash my pent-up rage, hmm? I thought to myself. Something easier said than done, at least for me. Even back on Earth, I was used to keeping my emotions in check, bottling them up, not letting others know what I think or how I feel unless I wanted them to. I found it awkward back then.

Here at Eleaden, my own body was betraying me in this regard. I felt like an open book for everyone to read. Even now, I snarl in anger without meaning to when I learn why Captain Rayden didn’t come to my rescue. It was a struggle where I constantly felt embarrassed. To avoid that, I’ve been meaning to learn more control over the expressions of my now half-beastly body. Basically doing what I did on Earth, bottling up my emotions. Whether that was the right approach, was hard to say at the moment.

However, just now, I had the opportunity to let them out. To shout my heart out and do as I please. So, just like before, when I looked back at Esu, I checked on mother mossbear to make sure she was still there and headed out to face my training partner. Only this time, my intention was not to fight as long as possible, challenge myself, or train my skills. I let out my pent-up rage.