NOVEL NEXT chapter 19
What had I just heard? I blinked dumbfounded and looked at him. Was my head scrambled from the fever? Probably. I must be losing my mind and hearing things—yes, that’s it.
I was just staring when Kamar asked again.
“Tell me, Yohan. Huh? Am I right?”
“Wh-what are you talking about?”
I stammered between ragged breaths. Kamar spoke with surprising patience.
“When I sleep with you, does your body heal?”
His flushed face betrayed his anguish. Even a beta seemed affected by heat-cycle pheromones. He should’ve just walked away—abandoned me. I forced out an answer.
“Didn’t you hear me? You said I’d be cursed.”
“Enough of that. All I want to know now is whether I’ll get better or not. Right, Yohan? Will I heal?”
His reaction was unbelievable; it felt like a dream. But Kamar’s gaze was more earnest than ever. I squeezed the hand he held, gripping him firmly. My fingertips tingled, but the pain confirmed reality—and tears welled up instantly.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you… sorry for showing you something so filthy. I should’ve said something sooner, then you would’ve left long ago… I’m sorry.”
“Yohan, what are you talking about?”
Even as Kamar sounded confused, I kept crying.
“I didn’t know I’d go into heat. I—I should’ve avoided it, told you first, then…”
“Yohan, Yohan… Yohan, it’s okay. Don’t cry, Yohan. Yohan!”
He snapped, and I froze. Then he spoke again.
“What’s wrong with being an omega? It’s not like you chose it.”
“It’s disgusting.”
“It’s not.”
Kamar denied it forcefully. A small part of me wanted to believe him, but I silenced that hope. Don’t hope—then you can’t be disappointed.
“You don’t have to comfort me. You’re… a good person.”
“A good person is you. I’m just…”
Kamar bit his lip, stopped midsentence. Watching him, I [N O V E L I G H T] realized:
“…I’m sorry. I must be disgusting and unpleasant for you, right?”
“No, I’m not.”
“I bet you’re disgusted by me. It’s fine—it’s all because I’m an omega…”
“Yohan.”
Kamar interrupted, genuinely angry this time.
“Yohan, I like you.”
I stopped mid-word, mouth agape. He looked down at me and continued.
“…I might get pregnant.”
I barely managed to say it; Kamar frowned. I pressed on.
“Do you get what I mean? A man getting pregnant. Isn’t that strange?”
I felt like crying but laughed instead. I must be insane. I added, voice shaking.
“That’s why I say it’s a curse.”
I twisted my lips into a hollow laugh. Kamar watched me silently. I braced for him to say “Sorry,” or “I’m disgusted,” or “I’ll leave you.”
“Do you not want my child?”
“……”
Then came words I never expected. Tears rolled down, and for a moment my vision cleared. His flushed face was full of worry. In that instant I realized: Kamar had no intention of leaving me. Fearfully, I whispered:
“God will punish us…”
“I don’t care about gods.”
Kamar spat sharply.
“How many times have I told you what matters is whether your body heals? Tell me honestly—is it just because I’m a man that you don’t want a child? Using that as an excuse? Then name another way—I’ll do anything to heal you!”
He meant it. His eyes gleamed gold again, and the sweet scent swirling around me made my head spin. If I’d been standing, I would’ve collapsed. I fought the urge to pull him into my arms. He asked softly:
“Do you not want to live with me? Do you want me to leave?”
I couldn’t speak. He frowned.
“Do you hate me?”
“It’s not that…!”
The words burst out sooner than I expected—not just fever. I shook my head.
“It’s not that I hate you, not at all, I… I…”
Finally, through sobs, I confessed:
“I love you.”
Once the confession escaped, it couldn’t be stopped.
“I love you. I want to stay with you… I’ve never hated you, not once.”
I sobbed again, apologizing: sorry I love you, sorry I held you, sorry I can’t let you go, sorry.
Through blurred vision I saw Kamar’s expression soften. More gently than ever, he said:
“If I have your child, I’ll be happier than anyone in the world.”
I was the one stunned. I was thrown into confusion.
“But you lost your memory. You don’t really know. Do you know what you have to do to have a child? They say it’s unlucky for a man to sleep with an omega.”
Again, Kamar spoke without hesitation.
“All I can think about is sleeping with you.”
“But, but…”
I swallowed hard.
“If God punishes us…”
“Hah.”
Kamar exhaled. Then, narrowing his eyes in a mocking tilt, he said:
“Yohan, where the hell is this god? Have you ever seen him?”
His challenge left me speechless. He continued:
“If there’s a god who makes you suffer, I don’t believe in him. It’s better if that god doesn’t exist.”
His merciless words stunned me.
“Oh, no… Don’t say that.”
“You’re the one who should stop saying that. So—what will you do? Live with me or not?”
Kamar’s patience had run out—mine too. It was almost miraculous we’d talked this far. Yet I still found it hard to believe. I don’t care, no god makes me suffer, I love you.
Had anyone ever said these things to me? Even knowing I’m an omega.
‘Yohan, I’m sorry,’ Mom said. No. Her tear-stained face flickered in my mind.
‘I’m sorry I gave birth to you like this.’
No one ever said that.
‘Mom sinned, so God made you an omega.’
“Yohan.”
Startled by Kamar’s voice, I snapped back. He looked down at me and said:
“I don’t care if you’re an omega. I don’t care what you are. I… am, Yohan.”
He spoke quickly, paused to breathe, then confessed with a deep exhale:
“I love you.”
He, who had never confessed, spilled it all at once like a dam breaking. Then he hesitated and looked at me. His violet eyes flecked with gold somehow looked wet.
“Can I… stay with you?”
In that moment my heart burst. I grasped his hand and kissed his finger.
“…Stay with me.”
Tears brimmed in my eyes as I looked at him.
“From now on, forever.”
Kamar smiled at me.
“Okay.”
He spoke softly as if exhaling, then tilted his head.
“Let’s be together, always.”
Just before our lips met, Kamar whispered:
“Forever.”
And when our lips touched, nothing else remained in my mind.