King of All I Survey

"So, now the cat is out of the bag, or out of the box as we physicists like to say, can I have the real math?" Wagner asks. "I don't need to destroy the universe with another big bang, but I need to know how it would work. My life has been dedicated to mathematics and understanding the mechanics of the universe, I don't think I could continue knowing that the answers are there but are being kept from me."

Joe smiled, "Professor, I've already told you I am not interfering with your work in any way."

"But the math systems are wrong. I can't get to the solution without the right tools."

"You got far enough to figure out that they were wrong. Now you just need to take the next step."

Wagner's intense expression disappeared in an instant. He was silent for a moment, then his eyes flew open wide, "You mean, I should figure out what the correct mathematics would be to enable me to solve the problems…Ha! Of course, the bigger challenge!"

"I thought you might find that more satisfying ultimately that having the solutions presented to you as a fait accompli."

"Ha! Yes, yes, of course. The thrill of the chase is only the thing we all chase, after all." Wagner agreed, nodding his head and a big smile on his head.

"Of course, Doctor Wagner," I began, deciding to step into the conversation, "I'd appreciate it if you continued to keep this to yourself. Because we don't have a further need to unwind the alien technologies, perhaps the rest of the team at Island of Tranquility could focus on more practical applications that could be licensed to provide income to Earth. The chilling fan blades were a huge success. Any unique applications or combinations of existing technologies that have not already been registered, would be helpful to our efforts to gain economic dominance over the galaxy."

"Economic dominance? Not just security and an equal voice? You want to dictate your terms to the rest of the galaxy. Doesn't that make Earth a bigger target than it was, once they begin to perceive you as a threat?"

I shrugged, "Hopefully by then it'll be too late for them to do anything about. Besides, we've got Joe to help us now. Earth should be pretty much invulnerable. But we don't want anyone to know that yet, either."

Wagner shrugged, "If you say so. You're the Supreme Ruler of the Whole Earth or whatever you're calling yourself." He smiled playfully. "I'm not about to argue with anyone who can take sixty-odd years off my age!"

I recall that the rejuvenation process was also used on Wagner's dog, Millie. At the time we extended the invitation to Wagner, his long-time canine companion was old and nearing the end of her life. "How is Millie doing?"

Wagner's face brightens. "She is a youngster again, always wanting to play. We go down to the beach every day and I throw the frisbee for her. She's getting quite good at catching it. You should come by the Island and see her sometime!"

I smiled. Playing frisbee with a dog on the beach sounded like just the kind of thing I needed. "Maybe I will when I have some time."

"There isn't a seagull in the South Pacific that doesn't sleep with one eye open. There's nothing she loves more than chasing them off her beach."

"That sounds like fun."

"For her, yes. For the seagulls, I think not so much."

I laugh, imagining the birds leaping into the air with powerful, but rushed wingbeats as Millie charges down the beach toward them.

"Did you know," I asked Wagner, "That, according to Joe, dogs would pass the intelligent species criteria and would be the official masters of this world? If not for humans and some other species that are ahead of them on the list."

"Ha! Millie would like that, first new law: no seagulls on the beach! Seriously, though, I'm not surprised. Millie understands human words to some extent, even some adjectives. If I teach her 'Ball' and 'Frisbee', then use balls of different colors to teach her 'Red Ball,' not only will she pick out the red ball when I ask for it, but she recognizes 'red frisbee' means the one the same color as the red ball -without me having to teach her 'red frisbee' separately. It doesn't sound like much, but it shows some higher-level associations. And her problem solving is top notch. She's figured out most kinds of door latches over the years. Of course, round doorknobs still give her trouble, not because she doesn't know how to work them, but her paws just aren't equipped for that sort of thing. Her emotional intelligence is better than a lot of people I know."

"One of my goals is to set up independent colonies for each of Earth's intelligent species, including dogs somehow. I'm not really sure how that would go, though. I mean, they wouldn't be able to contribute much to finding products and making their colony economically viable. And some dog breeds just aren't cut out for living without human help, especially some of the little companion breeds. I mean, do I limit the colony to breeds of dogs that can hunt on their own?"

"Hunting for a living is not that easy, unless a dog is raised to it, it's probably going to have a tough time," Wagner said thoughtfully. Maybe the colony needs a boatload of food synthesizers that just push out food for them at regular intervals."

"Yeah, but that still seems like something a pet owner does for a pet, rather than something an independent intelligent species relies on. Anyway, that's a problem for another day. Joe says he can work with the dogs to reinforce certain brain circuitry to help them understand more complex concepts, but without wholesale changes to their brain structure, there are pretty sharp limits to their overall capabilities."

"Hmmm… Why a separate colony at all, dogs have been bred over centuries to thrive as human companions. Maybe just give them certain rights and a share of Earth's planetary wealth."

"I don't know, I mean, humans are selectively breeding dogs as you say, and that seems like a forced eugenics program, changing the species to suit our whims. I mean what dog would choose to have short little legs and hair so long it drags on the ground if we gave them a choice. It seems dogs shouldn't be subject to that kind of manipulation at the species level."

"Well, that's a problem for social scientists, I suppose. I'm a math and physics guy. I get to just throw my hands in the air and say 'beats me.' Not so easy for the Super-Exalted King of Everything or whatever you're calling yourself," Wagner said with playful smile.

"Yeah, I mean it's just another thing that I have to figure out eventually," I sighed. "On a long, long list that seems to get longer everyday."

"That's why I choose mathematics. Most problems can be solved if you just stick with it and keep grinding. The solutions you need are all fuzzy and open-ended." He gave an exaggerated shiver as if the thought terrified him.

I smiled, "Yeah, I mean, it's cool to be able to decide whatever I want and think up wild ideas, but there's always a million details that make things harder than they seem."

"Well, you're the one who told that little green man that you were Earth's Leader, so I guess next time you should be careful what you ask for, because you just might get it."

"You know what's the only thing scarier than me be in charge of literally everything? The idea of someone else being in charge of everything," I say. I've seen a lot of people that wouldn't really worry about how their decisions would affect other people at all. If one of them had been the first ones to run into an alien ambassador, things on Earth could be pretty bad right now."

Wagner shrugged, "Well, I'm an optimist. Good generally has a way of winning out eventually. It the 'eventually' part that's problematic, however."

"Yeah, well, I'm not so sure that even eventually things work out for the better unless good people stand up and make it happen. Mostly, they don't, and it takes just a few really bad people to make things rotten for a whole lot of others."

Wagner nodded thoughtfully, "I suppose that's true enough. History is full of examples of one misguided person screwing things up for entire nations."

I nodded my own agreement, "I'm just trying my best not to be one of those."

"Ha! Well, if my opinion counts for much, I'd say you're doing one hell of a job so far, and as long as you keep going the way you're going I think you'll do great."

For some reason, I felt a little bit lighter, a little less weighted down by the pressure of responsibility after that.