Killing Olympia

"Hey, Ry. It's been a while, hasn't it?" I stood in the foyer staring at her, trying to stop myself from picking my nails but not getting much luck with that. Bianca smiled and stood up from the couch. Her mom was in the kitchen with Rebecca, leaving Ronnie sitting opposite Bianca in what used to be dad's old recliner. She's actually in my house right now. She hadn't been over in years, and after skipping out on graduation and prom, I had really thought that was it for my chances of getting her back in here. And she looked…fine. Not weak, not pale—just fine. Her hair was a lot shorter, almost boyishly wild. No bags under her eyes. Her smile was still easy, her eyes soft. And she smells great. Gods, I know that sounded weird, but as she got closer, stopping in front of me, I couldn't get enough of her. My chest felt like it was swelling, like my lungs couldn't get enough of her. My mouth got more wet. I swallowed, and slid my hands into my back pockets, trying my very best to calm down. "So…are we gonna shake hands or?"

Mom hid her smile behind a glass of juice, and Becca suddenly started showing Carly and Cleopatra something awesome the microwave could do. So, for just a moment, it was us alone in the foyer. My hands were wet. Like, very wet. Jesus, Ry, calm down. My skin almost felt like I'd been dunked in an ice bath and left out to dry.

"If you don't mind," I said quietly, "could we, I don't know, you probably wouldn't want to hug, so—"

She hugged me, and tell you what, folks, if my powers were completely gone, I would've been on the floor by now. She was always taller than me, and that meant hugs were my head pressed against her collarbone and her chin nestled just above my ear. I shut my eyes, and let my arms do the rest of the work wrapping themselves around her. We didn't move for what felt like an hour. Must've only been a few seconds. Doesn't matter. She smelt so sweet. I almost wanted to press her that little bit closer, hold her until I could barely breathe. And when she finally let go of me, it felt like I could breathe fully again, almost quietly gasping for air as if I'd been stuck under water. I blinked. Then shook my head as she put me at arm's length, my hands in hers as she looked me over. Why do you look so Ok? I had been expecting someone thinner, someone who'd only have just enough strength to sink into my arms and barely stand up. But she looked healthy, almost better than before. Her red and gold Olympus U sweater fit her a lot better than I thought it would, and her jeans hugged her thighs and calves better than any tights ever had before.

"Eyes are up here," she whispered with a smile, and no, I didn't just go red. "I've missed you."

I pursed my lips, really trying not to smile like an idiot, but my brain was flooding my body with warmth and my heartbeat was just about hard enough to make it feel like it was trying to leap into her hands. Besides, Becca and Cleopatra were watching from the kitchen counter and doing a very, very bad job of pretending not to watch. Mom didn't really care to hide it. The TV volume went down as she tilted her head, smiling at both of us.

"I've missed you too," I said, finally. I jerked my thumb over my shoulder. "Do you wanna, like, go outside for a little bit? You know, just to talk and stuff. Or we could stay here. It's up to you. You're probably starving."

Bianca shrugged. "Outside is better." She leaned in a little and whispered, "And these guys are suddenly being very weird right now, and the last thing I need is for them to start making kissy faces at us either, you know."

Psh. Yeah, totally—that would be so stupid, kissing.

"Don't go out too far," mom said. "It's gonna start raining later."

"We won't," Bianca said, opening the door for me. I was a little startled at that, I didn't know why, but I went outside first anyway—but not before I glanced over my shoulder and mouthed to Becca, I owe you big time. To that, she waved her hand and made a shooing gesture, urging us outside. And I'll admit, for a while, having to trust Lucas' sister was…something, but she'd actually held her promise. It didn't mean the Freeman family was in my good books just yet, but I guess Rebecca was, for now, my saving grace—whatever she needed, I'd be there.

For now, though, I was on a walk with someone who I needed for the longest time. For a while, neither of us spoke. She walked with her hands in her pockets, and I did the same. Kids weren't back in school yet, and what was left of the snow had slowly turned into cold wind and lazy rainfall in the afternoons. The clouds hadn't started pouring yet, and by the time we were several houses away, a dog barking at us and an old lady smiling our way as she got into her car, I was starting to get, how do I put this without sounding weird—needy. My body wanted her.

My skin had felt itchy ever since she'd let go of my hands, and even now, as we slowed down near a small park where children sometimes played on sunnier days, I had to scratch the back of my neck to feel a little better. I kept glancing at her, at how the sun would catch the freckles on her cheeks and how the light would make her eyes a shade of brown so light it might as well be caramale. Stop staring. I looked away as I leaned against the chain link fence surrounding the park. Bianca laughed a little. I glanced at her, and she was trying her best to keep it together.

"Did I do something weird?" I said quietly.

"You keep looking at me like you've never seen me before, Ry." She poked my side, which, on any other day, wouldn't have felt like much, but now sent a jab of pain through ribs that were still settling. But I played it off with a smile, even though I had to rub the wound and hoped the stitches hadn't just come undone. Bleeding out in front of your crush would be a massive screw up. I'm talking almost just as bad as letting Lucian and Adam get away with dads corpse. Almost. Jesus, I really had a lot of shit I had to deal with eventually. "I'm here, Ok? I know it's been a while, but it's really me and not just some ghost. And if we're both being honest…" Bianca leaned against the fence, too, close enough for her to tuck a strand of loose hair behind my ear, which sent my heart racing. "I think I kinda owe you an apology. For everything. Starting with—"

"Hang on," I said. "How do you owe me an apology? I'm the one that's let you down, like, all the time."

"I mean, sure," Bianca said. "But I really tried to figure out if I was the problem, you know? I mean, you always ran whenever I was close, and seriously, for a while I thought I smelled weird or something. Even asked Em what kind of perfumes you liked so I could…" She stopped, her cheeks going red. "Is that weird? It sounds weird."

I couldn't help but smile. "Oh, if we're talking weird, then I used to go through your clothes whenever we had a sleepover just so I—" And suddenly I don't think I should finish that sentence. "I think we're both weird."

"No, no, go on," she said, grinning now. "I wanna know what you were even looking for in there."

"Nothing, dude!" I said, pushing off the fence. Hey, was it hot here, or was it just my abnormally high body temperature? Gonna blame Zeus for these shitty body temp genes. "I just…you know…" She nodded and waved her hand for me to keep going. I sighed, looked up at the sky, and thought, Why can't a Supervillain pop out of thin air right about now? Why do they only ever do that when I'm fighting for my life? "Look, it only happened once."

"I know," she said with a shrug and a smile. "I caught you once but you don't remember."

I nodded, staring at her, my mouth dry. "Is…is that weird? 'cause I can just go. Like, right now."

"Rylee, relax," she said. Bianca then pulled up her sweater and tugged her red t-shirt. "This is yours, by the way. I had to go through your stuff a few days ago 'cause none of my clothes really fit me anymore. At least, not in a way that's appropriate to walk around in." She smiled as she pulled her sweater down. "I hope you don't mind."

I was about to speak, then paused. "No, I don't, but… What do you mean a few days ago?"

How long have you been back?

"Yeah," she said. "Your mom said you were sick, so I passed by and left a few flowers in your room. I know you're not really into that kind of thing, so I also bought you a comic. What was it again? Right." She snapped her fingers. "Almighty Zeus Issue #48. Bought it on sale and figured we could maybe check that place out sometime."

"Vengeance and Glory," I said quietly. "The run right after Dennie's."

"Oh," she said. "Of course you've read it. Oh, how about we just go right now? I know your mom said we shouldn't go far, but nothing's really that far away if we walk it together. We'll be back by the end of the day, Ry."

"When did you come back?" I asked her. She'd started walking, then stopped. I looked over my shoulder at her, but she had her back to me, her short hair wild in the wind as mine snapped against my cheeks and my neck.

Bianca turned around, hands in her pockets. "I've been back for about a month, I guess."

I stared at her. The world was silent. Still. I slowly moved my feet so we were facing each other. A month? I shook my head and shut my eyes, then used both my hands to push my hair back. An entire month? I breathed out.

Then said, "How come…Why didn't you tell me?"

"'cause you were busy saving the day," Bianca said.

I opened my eyes and looked at her. "What? No, dude. I've—"

"You're Olympia, Rylee." My heart leapt into my throat, choking me into silence. I stared at her, then laughed a little. She watched me laugh, her eyes tracking me. A car passed by, sending a gust of wind blowing trash between us. Before I could say anything, she said, "Oh, come on. I mean, it's pretty obvious, isn't it? Besides, when I was…gone, I had a lot of time to think. And look at you, you're a straight ringer." She held one hand up, covering my body as she shut one eye. "Slap on that costume of yours and you're her." She lowered her hand and shrugged. "I always had a feeling, especially when you used to ditch me when we were at the movies or whatever and suddenly Olympia is punching some supervillain into the asphalt. I ignored it, 'cause…well, 'cause I like this version of you a lot more than I do her. And look, I know how that sounds. And I know I used to fangirl over her, but when we kissed during prom…" Bianca walked up to me. My face was red, my brow sweaty—my entire body felt hot as she put her hand on my cheek. "I thought to myself, Those lips look familiar. That saliva tastes familiar." Even closer, so close I had to look up into her eyes. "We've shared drinks and gum when we were kids, how wouldn't I forget? And come on, when you put your hands on me, it was a dead give away. My best friend was a hero this whole time, and I wanted to wait and see if you would tell me on your own. Guess I got bored of waiting."

I forced myself to step back, stopping her minty breath from rolling down my throat and stopping my body from relaxing so much I damn nearly melted into her hands when she'd started rubbing her thumb on the very edge of my lips. My head felt fuzzy, my eyes that little bit more cloudy. I shook my head, then bit my tongue to focus.

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"Me?" I said, a hand on my chest. "Dude, I was scared of climbing the rope in gym class. How can I—"

"And I found one of your old costumes going through your clothes," she said. "Smelt like you, too."

I waved my hand. "I like dressing up as her, so what? There's dozens of blondes who do the same thing."

Her smile slowly faded as she kept staring at me. "Why do you keep lying to me?"

"I'm not lying," I said. I stepped closer, then decided otherwise. "It's the truth, B."

"You're afraid I'm gonna hate you otherwise," she said. "Because you didn't come to save me."

I opened my mouth to speak, then finally found my words. "I…" I sighed. Tensed my jaw. Let my shoulders fall. Fuck me, this isn't how I thought she'd find out. I leaned against the fence again and blew air toward the sky, then spread my arms and said, "Fine. You got me. So I guess this is the part where I tell you the obvious, because of course I feel guilty. You were never supposed to get wrapped up in any of this shit to begin with, either."

"It's not your fault, Rylee."

I scoffed quietly and folded my arms. "Did Cleopatra tell you to say that so I don't hate myself?"

"I'm saying that because it wasn't your fault," she said. "What happened was because of Ben, but now everything is going to be fine, alright? So let's…let's just let bygones be bygones, just for one afternoon, please?"

I frowned, then said, "What did Ben have to do with it, B? I'm the reason you were kidnapped."

"My brother is dead and so is Katie," Bianca said plainly. It left the air that little bit drier and the sun that little bit more hot and uncomfortable. "Do you really want to keep dredging this shit up from my psyche right now? Because I'll start crying, and I told myself I won't cry when I'm with you. We've both had a very, very shitty year, Rylee. So for just one afternoon could we please just act like everything is fine? I know Katie used to say it's a bad habit to do that, especially in this…this weird world that you guys lived in, but I need that right now." She held herself, and the mask slipped just for a second. Something in her eyes caught. Her breathing got that little bit more uneven. Then she swore and looked to the sky, using her knuckle to get rid of the tears that were just about to spill from her eyes. She looked away, then looked at me, her eyes ringed and red as she smiled thinly. "God, I must look so weak right now. I really tried to keep this up but…" She swallowed. "God, Rylee. I'm scared. I'm really, really scared right now and I don't know what to do, and I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind right now and I can't—"

"Hey, hey," I said. I got closer, and she pulled me into a hug, but this time it felt like I was the reason she was standing upright. She dug her fingernails into my shoulders as she tried not to cry, breathing heavily, almost hyperventilating. I…I didn't know what to do. I didn't usually deal with situations like this. Doesn't matter, just figure it out like you do with everything else in your life. So I hugged her and held her and rubbed her back, letting her slowly calm down enough to quietly whimper into my ear. She held onto my like I was going to vanish, like I was going to up and leave and she'd have to go back to wherever the hell they'd kept her for several months.

Right now wasn't the time to feel empty about her not wanting to see me for a month straight. She had probably needed that time for herself, to figure out what was coming next. This business wasn't kind, it wasn't cool. It didn't even pay. And suddenly she was thrust into it, very thoroughly, very violently, and damn nearly alone.

"I tried to kill myself," she whispered. I froze. She said nothing for a minute. Her eyes were shut. Her breaths were ragged as they came out through her mouth. "I tried to cut myself open just last night, you know."

The Earth underneath my feet felt like it had started tilting. I couldn't hear anything except her breathing. I couldn't feel anything apart from her heart slowly beating against my chest as if it was trying to dig right into me.

Bianca slowly pulled away, then dragged down her sleeve.

But there was nothing there. Her wrist was fine.

"But there's…there's this thing," she said, her voice shaky as she pulled her sleeves over her hands again, then hid them underneath her armpits as she started to shake. "It's in my fucking head. It doesn't stop talking. I haven't told anyone because they'd just take me to therapy like before. The bloodwork from the hospital says I'm fine, that all I've got is that stupid Divergent Virus, but it's not just that." Her voice was louder, more on edge. "But it kept me alive. I woke up on the bathroom floor and I was fine. No blood. No scars. The razor was broken and in the bin." She smiled, but her face was red, her eyes watery. "So I guess it's not so bad, right? That's why it's not your fault. Maybe it needed to happen." She spoke over me. "Maybe now I can protect myself. It calls itself Ben now."

"Bianca," I said slowly. "Whatever happened isn't good. It didn't need to happen. I should've been there, but…but all I can do now is make sure I'm always there." I reached out my hand. She stared at it, then at me, and slowly took it. "We need to tell someone. Mom can help, and she owes me more than one solid. She won't tell—"

"No," she said quickly. Her hand went back under her armpit as she took half a step backward. "I mean, no. If it's alright with you, I need, for myself, to…learn. To understand what happened to my brother a lot more, Ry."

That's a can of worms I am not willing to open with you.

"I don't think—-"

"You owe me," she said. My mouth suddenly shut. "I went to sleep crying every single night hoping you'd come and save me. I hated you. I loved you. I almost started thinking none of this was ever real. Just help me, Ry."

My shoulders lowered as I sighed. "Bianca…" I said. "Not today. Not…not right now." I walked closer and took her hands out from her tight grip on herself, rubbing my thumbs over her knuckles and the back of her hands. I looked into her eyes, looked at her so long she stopped shaking and her breathing levelled out. "It's fine to be afraid, and you've got every right to hate me. Gods, I think I hate myself more than anyone ever can. And the only way I can make it up to you is to keep you here, right now, focused on what's normal, because trust me, B, once you start searching for answers, you'll find questions to things you never would've wanted to know. Let's be normal. Just for one day. And when you're ready, we can figure this out together. Me in your corner, you in mine, and the world won't be ready for us. I wish I'd been there to make it better, to make them stop, but trust me, I will make it better. And the universe would have to tear my heart out to stop that from happening, and trust me, I don't go down easily. Especially if it's for you." I swallowed. The last part wasn't meant to come out, but it had, and there it lay between us, hanging in the air between our faces, warmer than any sunlight pushing through the clouds. "Ok?"

Bianca shook her head. "I want to say yes, I want to trust you through and through."

"But you can't," I said, my voice shaky. "And I get that. Let me prove it to you, let me prove that you can trust me again. I'm beat right now, I can't even fly—but I'll be damned if my body is the reason I can't help you."

Bianca quietly laughed, then said, "Relax. I don't need you dying on me before you can help me."

I smiled a little. "That would mean I suck so bad, wouldn't it?"

"So, so bad," she said. She held my hands a little tighter.

"Would be kinda lame, too," I said. She laughed and sniffled. "I mean, I'm awesome on my best days, but if I just collapsed one day and checked out, I would lose all my cool points in one go. Plus there's this weird god thing, maybe some Eldritch being, that wants my body. So if I do come back to life, know that's not me—kill it."

"What?" she said, laughing again. "What does that even mean? God wants your body?"

"Oh, man, where do I even start?" I said. Our hands lowered, but didn't let go. We started walking again, getting further away from home. Fingers intertwined and palms hugging, my thumb rubbing the back of her hand as the flood of red emotion slowly bled out from her face. "I kinda made a blood pact with this witch so I didn't die in hell a few months ago, and because I did that, I kinda need to kill her now and get my soul back. And dude, I don't even know if I'm real or if I'm just existing inside my body right now. For all I know, I'm just this ghost with strings moving around a body. I guess I'm kinda like a really hot sock puppet." She laughed again, having to cover her mouth because an elderly man was glaring at the pair of hands holding each other. "But that's for later. Right now, I am exhausted. I'm probably gonna sleep through the entire weekend, but…I don't know, I might also join Oly—"

"Really?" she gasped. I shrugged. She grinned and nearly squealed. "We can be roommates."

"Are you sure?" I asked. "I'm kind of a mess. Clothes everywhere. Pizza boxes. Whole nine yards."

"You'll have to pick that fight with Harper, because she runs that room like a dictator."

I paused when we reached a crosswalk, then looked at her. "You're roommates with Harper?"

She shrugged. "It was either I worked part-time again to afford living on campus, or I let Harper pay for the entire bedroom—we've still got two spare beds, and if she found out you're Olympia, then she'd be more than—"

"I don't want to tell her," I said.

"Right," Bianca said. "Sorry, I got carried away a little."

"Nah, it's not 'cause of that—I just want to see the look on her face when she finds out one day."

"Oh, she would hate you," Bianca said, as we crossed the street. Our hands hadn't let go yet, and for once, my body wasn't hot, or sweaty, or even itchy—it felt good, better than good, like it wanted more than just to hold her hand for a few hours. "But she'd probably have to throw out her Olympia onesie, which she defo wouldn't."

"She has a what?"

"Yeah," Bianca said. "I thought you knew about it. Don't you sell them?"

"Lady, if I sold half the merch you saw people wearing, I'd take you out on the fanciest date ever."

We both stopped walking.

We glanced at our hands.

They went back inside pockets as I cleared my throat and she scratched the back of her head.

"But…" she said after a while. "If, hypothetically, we did go on a date. As friends."

"As friends," I agreed, nodding.

"Where would we go?"

"To the park, probably. I am poor. Like, so, so very broke. I tried to make a comic, but that fell through months ago. Might actually have to find a job soon, and thank God my mom is letting me live in the house, or else I'd be the first homeless superhero." Bianca laughed again as I said, "But seriously, I know some people who might want to maybe play bingo with us one day. They're kinda old, but they're awesome. They'd really love you."

Bianca smiled. "A bingo date it is, as friends do."

"Duh," I said, as we kept walking. "As friends do."

It was totally by accident that our hands ended up together again after a while, but I didn't fight it. Even though my skin was starting to feel irritated, maybe a little redder, but…hey—can't a girl just be happy for once?

Bianca seemed to think so, and whatever she thinks goes.

It's the first step in trying to redeem myself, making her smile and laugh. And when we eventually found a bench to sit on, I didn't really mind that she wanted me closer because she thought I'd be cold in nothing except my shirt. Did I sweat? Yes. Did my words get caught in my throat when she put her arm around me? Of course.

Did I want the world to stop spinning so I could forget about having to deal with tomorrow?

I think you know the answer to that. But for now, I wasn't Olympia.

Who I was, was a girl kinda falling even harder for her.

And no, don't look at me that way—I'm still the strongest superhero this planet has right now.

I just, you know, needed some time off, if that was cool with you guys.