Ki Horizons - [Litrpg, Adventure, Power Levels]

"...And then he kissed me!"

"He kissed you?!"

"Yeah! You know what I said he said, about doing something 'untowards'? Apparently, it was that! Fucking, ridiculous! Wanted a 'memory' in case he died soon. I mean I 'get it', but I really don't! I just… ugh!"

Vincent was now thoroughly a little more drunk than he was before. My own memories and experiences had made him want to start drinking a little heavier.

"Rabahgahdan, I'm sorry that happened to you Mutai. I mean… wait… are you… uh…." Vincent blinked and I rolled my eyes.

"No, I'm not a virgin you bastard."

"No, not that! I meant are you even into guys?! Wait, you're not a virgin?!"

"Why would you say that like that? Why is that a surprise?! And eh, guys, girls, either or. Not that I'm really interested in that sorta thing anymore…"

None of what I'd done had encouraged the desire or ability to do any kind of real romance. There'd been some… decisions made while drunk that I'd rather forget. Forever. Others were even worse, made fully sober but simply made while in a dark, dark place. Men and Women looking for a good time. Some nice, some not. Some awful. Blackouts, barely remembered memories, waking up feeling wrong. Sometimes it physically hurt, sometimes they were still there, sometimes they left without a word between us. Even sharing stuff with Vincent, I'd prefer to forget those times forever.

"Actually, I'm really not interested in that kind of thing anymore."

"Aww don't say that Brother! You'll find someone one day!"

"I think you've had too much to drink."

"Nonsense! A-Anywaysss, answer my earlier question!"

"What question?"

"Your hobbies! You gotta, ya gotta have hobbies Brother. You can't be, be a maniac all the time. It's bad for you!" He was even more drunk than I'd thought.

"I'm not a maniac… and… I guess I like swimming."

The talk had been good. Emotional. Hard. I'd nearly wanted to drink, but the one time I'd so much as looked at a beer seriously, even Vincent had shaken his head at me. There had been actual tears from both of us about an hour ago. Now we'd gone full circle apparently.

And now I was better off. I hadn't really considered it a hobby but I loved swimming. It'd been something even my weak body could do in the mirror pond back when I'd been on my island. Not well, not fast, not easily, but I could do it. And when I'd been able to swim in Ragual's Village… it had felt so wonderful. Like I was free. Like I was returning home. Like I was home.

"We should go tomorrow! There's a place, there's lots of places! So many places!"

"You're a strange drunk."

"I'm not drunk! That's-" He shook his head, seemingly dazed for no reason. I was very familiar with the sensation. "That's not true. Hey! No, we should go swimming Brother!"

"...Yeah. Yeah, alright. That actually… sounds really nice."

"And a movie!"

"You better not be trying to date me, you bastard!"

"WHAT?! You're the bastard! Who would want to date you, with that ugly ass face?!"

"WHAT! I'm a bronze god you son of a-"

It was good. It was good to just… do this. To talk to someone, to share, to let it all out, to think about what I'd been missing, what I'd needed, to have someone truly care. I hadn't even realized I'd been losing or missing my very personage, and yet Vincent had seen it. All along the way, he'd seen it, and when it seemed like I was breaking down, he'd shoved himself into my face and forced me to talk.

"Vincent…" There was so many things I wanted to say. "Thank you."

"Brothers don't have to thank brothers. We're simply there, whether you want us or not."

"Ha! All the more reason to say thank you then. Costs me nothing. But really, seriously, thank you. I…" I stared at my water. "I don't know what's going on inside me. I'm better than I've ever been, but this training… it's crushing me."

"Well, what are you meditating on?"

I blinked.

"What?"

Vincent blinked.

"What do you mean what? You're not seriously just sitting there for eight hours doing nothing, right?"

"Of course not! I'm trying to feel my Ki, Master's Ki, and the Universe's Ki, or, well, connection I guess."

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"Okay. But then what?"

"What do you mean then what?"

"Well you can't force it. You don't uh, you know, force yourself to feel heat right? You just, you just kinda uhhh, pay attention? Yeah, yeah that's it. But it's eight hours and it's not that hard to pay attention. So ya gotta meditate. Like, think about nothing or, focus on fighting stuff, or let thoughts go in and out real easy. I, I like to think about my family and their trainings."

I stared at Vincent, feeling like an utter moron.

"Vincent, I don't think I know how to meditate."

"What?! No no, it's so easssyyy though! Ya just, think, or don't think, or think and let the thoughts go real fast!"

It could not be that simple.

"I think it's time we get you home. The bartender gave you the really hard stuff. I'm pretty sure it'd kill anyone under a Power Level of [30]."

"Okay. Yeah. I'm pretty tired. Oh! But if ya still have troubles, you can always look it up ya know! You really have to use your vaammmbrace more!"

"Please stop making me feel stupid. You can barely stand and yet I feel the idiot here."

It couldn't… really be that simple right?

**************

"I'm going to beat myself up and then throw that me into a hole."

It'd been late when we'd gotten back and Vincent was sleeping like a drunk kitten in his tank. I needed to sleep soon too but I couldn't resist giving what Vincent had said a try. First, I'd simply looked up 'how to Meditate'. The result?

"I'm a god damn moron."

It wasn't even hard. It wasn't even hard! You just focused on your breathing, your body, and 'acknowledged' your thoughts, and then let them go. Vincent had been even more right than he thought. All meditation was… was paying attention. It wasn't thinking or not thinking, both weren't the point. It was all about paying attention. There were other forms, but that was the basic version.

The way your shoulders move, how the muscles tense, the thoughts that appear, your breathing, how your body feels, what's affecting it, your emotions, the air, etc and etc.

Just pay attention to your body, mind, and soul.

I didn't know if it was going to work, but at the very least… I wasn't going to be flat out doing nothing tomorrow.

****************

Today was going to be different. I could feel it. I wasn't just going to sit there and suffer and do nothing. I was going to actually make some progress this time.

Vincent walked by, seemingly with no hangover. A strong, strong pang of jealousy or envy nearly swallowed me up for a moment there. It was almost entirely foreign. It was all the past memories of me cringing from the sun, lying on the pavement, my head killing me and my body too weak to even move. If I had a healing tank back then I could've-

I shook it off. Alcohol destroyed me, it would've just killed me faster if I also was able to cure hangovers instantly. I had far more important things to worry about today.

"You're gonna burn a hole in my mat staring at it like that. Just sit down already." Master said.

We both sat down and Master once again unleashed a storm of Ki. This time… I didn't force it. I tried to just… relax. Relax and pay attention.

The feeling of Master's ki, like harmless but invisible fire.

The feeling of my breathing, going in and out.

Anger. Anger that Vincent has it so easy.

My concentration nearly broke. W-What? When did I… start to feel like that?! No, no. This wasn't the time to analyze. I could, but no. I just had to… acknowledge it and move on. I was angry that this training came so easily to Vincent. That he was succeeding where I was failing. It pissed me off to be… surpassed by my Brother like this, in this. I didn't want to lose.

My muscles, the tenseness in them. The lack of calm. They're straining, desperate for action. Desperate to move. Desperate for Progress. Stillness… it hurts so much. Stuck, stuck in a tank. Stuck in that clone shell. Stuck unable to move as a beam comes barrelling down at me, erasing me, my first moments of true life being my death. Stuck in the sewers as I'm eaten by rats. Stuck. Stuck. Stuck.

I'm so afraid of standing still. Of being stuck forever. Of hitting my limits. Of never knowing again how to progress. I…

I… am going to be okay.

Breathing. In. Out. In. Out.

Lack of progress scares me. Being stuck, unable to complete my mission or advance towards it scares me. I'd rather die in battle than waste away, staring up at the sky and wishing I was stronger.

I was hungry.

I wanted to go swimming.

I don't want to kiss anyone again for a long while.

I miss Cooler. He was cool.

My back hurts. Can't be real pain, just don't like it. Sitting like this isn't great for me. I should lay down.

My energy feels strange.

Master's Ki scares me. He scares me. I'm making assumptions with him out of fear. I'm assuming he'd do anything for my goals… and not just for his. I could just ask. He'd tell me. He'd tell me if he'd put me in a 1% chance situation if it meant he had a shot at killing Vega himself.

I wish I had my family back.

I….

**********

"Oi. You can do what you want but seriously, laying on my floor like that is just weird."

I opened my eyes, staring at a wooden ceiling. I was on my back, the floor underneath me. I hadn't even noticed myself getting into this position. I got to my feet, slowly, feeling… better. My thoughts were… strange, almost like mist. Floating through me but never staying long. Vincent stood next to me, looking at me curiously. Master looked at me, harrumphed, and just started to leave with Sparky in his arms. His cute meows and purrs followed afterwards as he walked away.

"So?" Vincent said immediately. "How was today? You seem far more… relaxed."

I thought about it, back on all the things that had drifted through my mind, on how they felt, on how they made me feel. There was… plenty to pick apart. To think more about. But honestly?

"You know what Vincent? I think I want to go swimming today."

My Brother's smile made me feel lighter than air.

Maybe this training wasn't going to be so bad after all. After all… I'm pretty sure I felt it, for just a moment there.

My own Ki.