Chapter 29: Emotional Experience
Jun followed Shiori through the palace as her thoughts whirled, trying to put everything in order. Too much was happening at once. Another near death experience, another strange fight, and the need to master yet another strange skill before she'd gotten the hang of everything else she juggled. All in just a few days.
A strong weariness came over her like a physical weight at the thought. Jun stumbled into a wall, head spinning as she struggled to stay upright from the immense pressure weighing down on her. Before she could do more than catch herself, she felt something grab onto her heart and squeeze. She tried to suck in a breath but it felt like all the air vanished. Oh god there's too much happening! How am I supposed to deal with all of this?! I can't do it!
"Focus on a single body part and breathe kitten," Shiori said suddenly. "It doesn't matter what body part you choose, simply choose one and focus only on that. Acknowledge your thoughts as they come and let them go, returning your focus to that part"
Jun's head spun as Shiori spoke, her mother's words barely registering as she tried to suck in a breath, but nothing came.
"Choose part of your body and focus on it. Notice every sensation, every tiny movement, every little detail of it," Shiori purred.
Jun clenched her fist as she tried to follow Shiori's directions, focusing on her hand. Her nails bit into her palm, so sharp she expected to draw blood. Her knuckles ached with the pressure as her forearm muscles twitched with exertion. It hurt, but the pain cut through her panicked mind, making it easier to focus. She unconsciously took a breath, and the force gripping her chest eased just a bit. Another breath came after the first. Smoother. Easier. In and out. What was she doing? What was wrong with her?
"Acknowledge your thoughts, then release them."
Jun felt confused. Stressed. It was all just so much. She chose to come to Merinthia for magic and a new start, but she didn't sign up for some eldritch parasite trying to eat her soul. She didn't sign up for people trying to kill her. She didn't sign up for any of this! Jun's mind was a vortex of thoughts and emotions that seemed to suck her in. Anger. Fear. Hate. Sadness. Each emotion clawed at her psyche, trying to pull her deeper into a whirlpool of despair and anxiety. Slowly, Jun let it all go. Her anger at the soul parasite, at Shiori for not being able to fix it, at the harsh training she underwent every day. Jun felt the pressure weighing her down ease as the anger faded.
Fear clawed at her, telling her she couldn't let these emotions go. These emotions protected her, kept her moving, kept her motivated. Fear of death. Fear of pain. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. You fear pain and use it as an excuse for laziness, but that will only bring more pain. The best thing you can do is just not try. Why invite more pain into your life when you'll just fail anyways. You're not good enough on your own anyways. Shiori is strong, she'll just replace you if you don't learn fast enough. Your friends will abandon you. Aya already hates you, and you're not close to the rest of your team. You've only known Sara and Cecilia for a few months, and one day they'll get bored and move on. You're too weak to keep up with them. anyways.
Every new thought hammered into her, increasing the pressure again, but Jun slowly managed to let them go. Shiori isn't like that, she wouldn't abandon me, she refuted, pushing the thought away from her. Pain sucks, but I want to get better, and pain is the price I have to pay. I cannot control my friends, and if they move on then they do, and I'll get through it. One thought at a time, Jun acknowledged each thought, refuted them, and let them go, always returning back to her clenched fist.
Her hate over her situation drifted away. Her sadness melted. Anxiety, disgust, envy, embarrassment, she let go of those emotions, and slowly, their grip on her loosened. The pressure weighing her down, the grip on her chest, both faded as she breathed in and out. They didn't vanish, but she felt freer than she'd ever felt before. Jun pushed herself off the wall, standing on shaky legs as her eyes focused on Shiori's small furry form in front of her.
Jun unclenched her fist, her stiff fingers protesting the movement. "What… what was that?" she rasped.
"That, dear Jun, was a panic attack," a new voice said.
Jun looked up to see a small white fox join them and cock its head at an angle. "Inari?" The fox nodded. Behind Inari, Jun saw two familiar figures round the corner ahead of them. "Panic attack? How was that a panic attack?" she asked as Sara and Cecilia joined them.
"Good, we're all here." Shiori turned and started to pad down the hallway again, Inari falling in behind her. "Come along young ones, we will explain as we go."
"Hi," Sara said quietly, hugging Jun from the side. Cecilia just nodded at her before she turned to follow Shiori and Inari, with Jun and Sara falling in behind the muscular woman. "Weird place. Did you do the trial too?" the elf asked.
Jun got a good look at Sara and Cecilia. Cecilia's shoulders slumped down slightly, so different from the warrior's usual confident posture, and Sara seemed more muted than usual. Thoughts of her own trial resurfaced and Jun slowly set them free to drift away before responding. "I did. It was…" she trailed off, not sure how to finish her sentence. Stressful? Painful? Depressing?
"...revealing." Cecilia said quietly, her single word echoing in the hallway.
"We can discuss the Trial in more detail later," Shiori said. "First, Jun's panic attack. You may not have realized this yet, but where we are is not a place as you understand it, but a manifestation of souls experienced as a physical space. Everything here, from the air you breathe and the ground you walk upon, to your bodies, are reflections of the soul. Which brings us to Jun's panic attack. Your soul holds all of your memories and experiences, the totality of who you are, in this life, and in every previous life. Every thought and emotion affects your soul, and thus, affects you more strongly when you materialize within this space."
"This room," Inari said, interrupting Shiori to gesture with her paw towards a set ornate doors. As if the building simply awaited Inari's presence, the doors swung inward to reveal what Jun could only describe as a cozy living room. As the three young women followed the cat and fox in, Shiori and Inari blurred, shifting to their beastkin forms between one step and the next. Or at least, a semblance of the forms they'd grown familiar with.
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Jun couldn't help but stare at her mother's twin tails, nor did she miss what seemed to be an entire fan of fluffy fox tails. Though she didn't get a chance to count them before they seemed to merge, forming the single one she was familiar with.
"What the-" she heard Sara mutter before Inari silenced her with a look.
"Have a seat children," Inari said, gesturing to a couch.
As the three of them sat, the two beastkin took a few steps away and turned to face each other.
"Soul combat is a contest of wills, pitting your thoughts, emotions, and experiences against another's…" Inari started to speak.
"...wielding your soul as a weapon to clash against your opponent's," Shiori finished, her now singular tail swaying.
Weapons appeared in their hands. Glowing purple claws in Shiori's, a silvery-white katana-like blade in Inari's. Shiori moved first, savagely racking her manifested claws in horizontal slash that Inari met with a guarding parry. Purple and silver sparks erupted from the contact and sprayed across the room.
Jun flinched as a purple spark landed on her hand and seemed to get absorbed into her. Then everything shifted.
Shiori yawned sleepily, baring her fangs to the world as if daring it to send something her way. The scales of her prey were still warm with heat, making it a comfortable place to nap.
Some time later her ears twitched as she heard a new sound. Nervous footsteps that tried and failed to be quiet. Many of them. Yawning again, she got up and stretched her whole body, claws sinking through the gaps between scales. Awake again, she casually hopped down, telekinetically grabbing a few choice bits of treasure that caught her eye and folding space around them.
Jun gasped as her perception shifted back into the room, and then another purple spark landed on her.
She could hear the nervous footsteps growing closer, rustling bushes and crushing grass and sticks. Her nose caught the scent of sweat, musk, leather, and oil on the wind. The fools approached from upwind. Between their poor tactical planning and even poorer hygiene, the human group that approached never would've survived the encounter with the beast they thought they hunted.
"Look! It's sleeping!" a man's voice rasped, his attempted whisper carrying nearly as far as if he had just chosen to shout.
"Alright, let's get the great beast and take his horde! He won't stand a chance against all of us if we catch him by surprise," another human spoke in an excited hiss. Murmurs of agreement came from the other humans, followed by the scraping of metal and wood on leather as they readied their weapons.
Shiori sighed internally. Stupid humans had no business hunting certain prey. They excelled at chasing their prey to death, using their excessive stamina to their advantage, but stamina meant little against overwhelming power that could wipe you out with little effort. Still, as incompetent as humans often were these days, they were still amusing to watch. Hopping up into a convenient tree, Shiori watched from the shade of her new perch as a group of twenty humans carefully stepped into the clearing, spears pointed at the great mound of muscle and green scales that took up most of the mountain glen.
Jun had time to blink before a silver spark landed on her hand.
Inari looked down upon the supplicating street rat, her fanged smile hidden behind her hand fan as her tail twitched with amusement.
"Please train me, master!" the young boy cried, reaching out with grimy hands to the hem of her robes.
"Are you sure that's what you want, boy?" she asked, her smile widening. She didn't need to use her more esoteric senses to read him. She could tell by the way his heart hammered and his breathing quickened that her answer excited him. She hadn't outright denied him, and he was smart enough to recognize that instantly. He had potential.
The room came back into focus before another purple spark landed on her, and she was cast back into another mind.
"Hraaaarrrr!" With a ridiculous war cry that would've wasted precious seconds of their surprise advantage, had they truly had any, the group surged towards the unmoving beast. The first man's spear scuttled and scraped against the beast's scales, failing to find purchase, as did the second and third and fourth man's weapon, despite the men' s peak Iron strength and clear martial training. Finally, the fifth man's blade found a gap between the scales and stabbed in, sinking just a few inches before hard bone stopped it. The man ripped his weapon out, sending a spray of blood into the air as he screamed his success.
The boy followed along excitedly, skipping on newly healed feet as he munched on a roll of bread. Inari was excited as well, her mind racing as she started to develop a training regimen. It'd been some time since she last indulged in teaching others, but it was always something she enjoyed doing. This young boy Samson would be an excellent kit, once he met his potential.
One of the men pulled out a hatchet and began hacking away at the dead green dragon's claws as he bragged about how he'd make a dagger out of it. "Merida won't be able to deny my affections anymore once she knows I'm a dragonslayer! I can't believe how easy that was!"
The black cat sighed. Idiots. Of course it's easy to "slay" a dragon when it's already dead. Not that she cared about them claiming an achievement they didn't earn. They wouldn't live long enough to brag to anyone but themselves.
The boy's training was proceeding well. He'd quickly picked up the blade and blazed through the ranks of power, already scraping at the peak of Silver in just three short years as Inari guided and trained him. Though none of Samson's cohort matched his growth, each of the children were impressive, and some had even greater potential like the girl Tairah.
That kit was a feisty one, taking to the way of the blade like a fish to water, or weeds to Inari's carefully tended gardens. Though she shouldn't be surprised, since their meeting was particularly memorable.
The kit tried to cut Inari's purse. The audacity! It was something she could respect. Yes, Samson grew quickly, but Tairah's audacity spoke of a much higher potential, and Inari felt a hope bloom in her that she hadn't felt in centuries. Perhaps enough potential that Tairah would climb the ranks far enough to join her…
Shiori got up and stretched as the first man started to shake, collapsing into a convulsing mess on a pile of gold. Idiots didn't seem to even know that the legendary green dragons, famed for their toxic nature, held that reputation because every part of them was toxic. Not just their personalities, but their venomous claws and fangs injected a paralytic toxin that froze their prey in place. Their poison breath could spew clouds of poison that could kill instantly. Even wounding such a being was dangerous, as their blood contained substances that leached away strength, and sustained exposure would steal away your energy first, and if left too long, your very life.
Jun took a shuddering breath as the vision faded, and no more sparks fell upon her. Looking around, she saw Cecilia and Sara shaking themselves next to her, while Shiori and Inari observed them, their conjured weapons gone.
"What you just experienced were shards of our memories and emotions, shaped into weapons. Soul combat is the art of shaping portions of who you are into weapons to directly affect another's soul," Shiori said quietly. "Take some time to rest before we move on."
Minutes passed before the three girls recovered from the experience. Once they had, Inari spoke again. "It is time to forge your first soul weapon."