41 - You Were Forewarned
Jin stared at her new abilities as she sat at the edge of the clearing from where they had arrived. She had probably read them a hundred times by now, but she was trying her best to distract herself from the harshness of her reality.
Passive Ability: See Without Sight Type: Perception Current Caste: Crystal 1 Crystal Effect: Can visually perceive your surroundings with your aura. |
Ability: Hollow Strike Type: Special Attack (combination, divine, void) Cost: Moderate mana. Cooldown: None. Current Caste: Crystal 1 (0%) Crystal Effect: Inflict moderate Void damage with your next attack, ignoring physical resistances. |
She had been debating for the last forty minutes if she should chase after Nawal once the time limit was up. The Fighter wouldn't be able to hide from her in a magic cave this time. She wasn't sure if this new perception would have helped sense through the magical barrier, but it wouldn't have mattered either way without the aura it was tied to. Though, after Liraz admitted her type of tremorsense couldn't feel through it, she doubted hers would have done any better.
Jin rubbed at her shoulder, the phantom pain from the burning wounds still haunting her despite Karam's mist having finished healing it a while ago.
"Is it still bothering you?" Karam asked from his spot next to her. He had barely left her side after Liraz had stored Basima's body within her to be properly buried back at their base.
"I know it's not actually damaged anymore, but the memories still hurt," she muttered, glancing from him to the others. Alim, Hadia and Liraz were all signing to one another, still talking about next steps while pouring over the map Nawal had left behind. Her eyes narrowed on Alim as he signed something with a huff and glanced her way.
"Are you going to stay mad at Alim for what he made you do to Bas?"
Her gaze fell back to her display as she grumbled, "He didn't make me do shit… I chose to take his advice."
"Then why do you still seem mad at them?" Karam quietly asked, tilting his head as he looked down toward her.
"I'm mad at Hadia for not letting me kill that murder accomplice, and I'm mad at Alim for being fucking right and calling me out for not thinking straight." She looked up at him and wanted to be able to smile for him, to reassure him, but she just… couldn't. "I think I'm just mad at everything right now whether it deserves it or not. I know it's fucking irrational and stupid but I can't stop it; all I can do is try and smother it."
"I don't think that'll help much, but I get what you're saying, I think. We can't always control how we feel, but we can try to control our reactions…"
The sadness etched on his face drew the question from her lips before she could think too much about whether they were appropriate or not. "What feelings have you needed to hide? I don't think I've ever seen you get mad before."
"I can get mad," he retorted, looking down at his open palm, but his gaze appeared to be seeing a memory. "I can get frustrated and upset and wish for things to have turned out differently. I can get angry at the unfairness of the world…" He glanced back at her and quietly admitted, "My foster parent taught me to hide it. For a Servant, showing emotions isn't just seen as a weakness; it is a danger. We're not expected to burden others with the negativity simmering within. We need to be humble, obedient, and always willing to serve. It is our purpose."
"Have I mentioned before how fucked up that is?" Jin said after a breath, trying to imagine growing up with that kind of mindset being reinforced all around her.
Karam chuckled. "I think once or twice. It's just life for me, though. It was for Bas, too. Alim and Hadia are different. They were transferred in much later, but for Bas and me… Putting others' happiness and comfort first is just second nature. It doesn't matter how angry we get, we know better than to react to it."
Jin rubbed at her eyes, the frustration she was feeling on their behalf threatening to make her want to lash out again. Plus she was starting to crash, the emotional and physical exhaustion of everything catching up to her in the calm moment.
She glanced back down at her new Perception ability again and heavily sighed. "Well, unfortunately this is completely useless right now until I unlock an aura like you and Alim. So I guess I'm going to uphold my oath and not hunt Nawal down… for now."
"Should we go back home then? I can tell you need to rest and we can talk more about what to do next tomorrow morning."
Jin turned her head to look at him again, quirking an eyebrow as she repeated, "Home?"
He flushed slightly but shrugged. "It's home for now. Everyone I have left to care about lives there."
Her laugh was a soft breath but it did manage to finally bring a small smile to her lips. "I guess it is for me too…" She paused at the thought of going back to her room and sleeping in the bed that would feel much too empty and cold now. Quietly, she confided, "I'm not sure I can handle going back there without Bas, though."
Karam nodded in understanding. "I get that. If it helps, you can take my bed and I can—" He stopped suddenly, shifting around quickly to look behind him.
Jin's spear was already in her hand as she reactively stood to face whatever new threat he had sensed. At first she thought it was a monster, and she placed herself directly between the wispy creature that was softly glowing a vibrant blue. It wasn't behaving like any monster she had seen so far though as it calmly walked toward them through the forest mist, then sat about ten feet away to look up at her.
It looked like the ghost of a fox, semi-transparent and fuzzy around the edges.
Before she could move to kill it before it surprised them with the same hostility of every other critter in this place, it smiled at her and said in a familiar voice, "Well done so far, Wayfarer Jin. That was quite entertaining."
She glanced behind her at Karam, but the giant man was already bowing in supplication with his forehead practically pressed into the dirt.
"Fuck off, Fox," Jin growled, getting confirmation enough that this voice was indeed tat of the playful god that had first visited her in the prison cell she had met Basima in.
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The deity laughed. "See? So much fun to watch. I hope you liked the rain earlier. That was Swan's idea to make the emotional impact so much stronger for all the viewers at home. People love watching other people's misery."
Jin's spear was already in the air before the fox finished speaking and, unfortunately, confirmed that the deity was truly incorporeal.
"Well, that was rude," the Fox snickered, moving through the spear to sit in front of it instead. "And here I was coming to give you a fun little freebie tip for such a climactic moment that people will be replaying for generations to come."
"I doubt anything is free in this city," she spat.
"Depends on what type of currency you're talking about," the deity replied with an odd shrug of vulpine shoulders. "For you, consider this already paid for."
"Why should I listen to anything a god says—"
"I've never lied to you," Fox interrupted. "I told you and her when we first met that nobody is safe from the Tower. You were forewarned. You should have heeded that and not gotten so… attached."
"If that's your tip it's a bit late… and shitty," she retorted, crossing her arms over her chest but keeping her face completely impassive. "I need the others if I want to survive in here. This isn't a single player game. There's obviously no save points or fucking respawns to try again. So either give me something actually useful or do what I originally said and fuck off."
The tiny fox shook its head, and the grin he gave was twisted with cruelty as he said, "But this is a game to me and my kin. You are just entertainment, little Wayfarer." Jin wanted to throw another spear at the sadistic god, but he continued speaking. "My tip was to stop being so timid and actually challenge yourselves to climb to the top. You've given a few good moments of fun so far, but you are capable of so much more if you treat this more like a game and stop getting… attached. You lost a few pieces and you're all ready to quit now? You're going to keep making bad moves and losing more pieces if you get sad everytime the enemy outplays you."
"We're not pawns," she growled.
Fox grinned again as if knowing they already won this argument. "You're a pawn until you take control and use others like pawns, then you might actually rise to be an actual player in this game."
Jin felt her jaw clench and she reconjured her spear in her hand, sorely tempted to throw it again just to make herself feel better. Instead, the deity stood back up and turned to leave, calling back over his shoulder, "Now stop crying about your favorite pawn getting taken and try to win the damn game."
Once the god had fully disappeared into the mist and Jin felt in control of her raging emotions again, she turned around to find that Alim, Hadia, and Liraz had all rejoined her and Karam, standing in silent support of her as the god verbally tore her down.
She took a moment to meet each of their eyes, though Alim looked away this time, unable to hold her gaze and she thought she saw… shame there. She'd have to ask him about that later, but right now, only one thing felt true to her after that divine interaction. She didn't want to listen to his advice about not getting attached.
This was her new family.
Even if she lost every single one of them in the cursed Tower, they were the only ones she could trust in, and she wouldn't toss them aside out of fear. They weren't pawns. They were other players that would help their family reach the top.
"I refuse to use any of you like Fox said," she finally said while signing. "We are in this together. Until the end."
"And beyond," Hadia signed back, a crooked grin spreading across her face. "The only thing I agreed with, is that last thing both he and Basima said. We're going to win this game."
The others nodded and Jin took a deep steadying breath. "So, what are our next steps? What options did you three come up with?"
"Well, there's a couple of routes we thought of," Hadia began. "The first was finishing our original task with scouting out the boss here before going back to the base to formulate a plan on how to tackle it."
"The second was finding my brother," Liraz interjected with a few excited hand signs. "He can help us."
"The third was focusing on finding the other Trials to finish getting our last Aspects and gain our Class to become full Casters," Hadia continued, then gestured back toward the clearing. "We won here because we outnumbered her. If there had been all ten Fighters we wouldn't be talking right now."
Jin nodded, weighing those options in her mind. She looked at Liraz first and said, "While it would be nice to meet up with your brother, we have no idea where he is or if he even wants to be found. It's been over two weeks of him being on his own and as far as we can tell he hasn't sought us out and has his own agenda at the moment."
Li's shoulders shrunk in on herself as she hugged her squishy slime pillow to her again but nodded at the explanation.
"What is your vote between the other two?"
"Scout then Aspects," Liraz answered, glancing back at the cave. "We're already here and confirmed it was open again."
Jin looked to Hadia, with the silent question. "Same," she responded. "I think we'll need to be stronger, but can take a peek while we're here."
Karam finished getting back on his feet while they talked, Alim helping him to stand between him and Hadia, and Jin asked, "What's your vote Karam?"
The large man gave her a soft smile. "Same as always, Miss Jin. Whichever you believe is best."
She rolled her eyes. "Not helpful, though, I appreciate the faith even if it feels misplaced."
Finally, her eyes landed on Alim who still seemed to be avoiding eye contact with her. Focusing his gaze on her hands instead of her face. "Tell me what you're thinking," she signed to him.
"Does it matter? I'm already outnumbered if you agree with them," he signed back, his body language tense.
"It matters to me. I know how smart and practical you are. Your opinion has always mattered to me, Alim."
He finally met her eyes and this time she saw the tears there. "It shouldn't. I failed you."
She tilted her head in confusion. "What are you talking about?"
"It's my fault Basima died. I didn't realize the [Mana Barrier] fell. She should never have gotten hit."
Jin froze at that information. It replayed in her mind. No broken blue shield to alert them. No barrier to protect Jin from that first slice across her hip. She remembered him recasting it periodically on the walk through the woods, even with Basima dancing around to distract them. However, even she had forgotten about that particular Spell once finding the clearing until he just mentioned it and she had been analyzing that fight in her mind for almost an hour now.
Alim's face crumpled as he signed with stilted movements, "You're doing that blank face again. You hate me now, don't you?"
Did she? Could she lay the blame for Basima's death cleanly at his feet? Would it make this vice around her heart lessen if she yelled at him and told him how much she hated that he was here instead of Basima? Would that be a lie or the truth?
She shook her head. "No. Jilani is the only one at fault. The Fighters are the ones I hate; not you. Not Karam who couldn't heal the dead. Not Hadia for not moving faster to ram the enemy. Not Liraz for not drenching the entrance in a slime trap…" She took a deep breath before she added, "And not myself for not keeping Basima at my side and taking that blade for her. I won't ever blame you for someone dying by another's hand. Mistakes make us human, not the monsters."
Like one log too many placed upon a rickety dam, Alim's tears surged free as his emotional walls crumbled. His whole body shuddered as he turned his face downward again to hide the evidence of his emotions. The gasps and quiet sobs one of the handful of times she had ever heard him make a sound with his voice.
Jin knew she surprised the others—she even surprised herself—as she stepped forward and wrapped her friend in a hug. Alim only froze for a moment under her touch as the taller man stared down at her before wrapping his arm around her in return and letting himself feel.
Once he seemed to calm down and regain control, Jin pulled back and signed, "Now tell me what you're thinking."
He took a deep breath, nodded, and signed, "I think we should fight the boss."