Isekai Terry: Tropes of Doom (An Isekai Adventure Comedy)

Terry frowned down the tunnel where he thought he might be hearing some scuttling noises. Then again, it could just be his imagination. Giant cockroaches were probably going to be haunting his subconscious and nightmares for a while. They were just so goddamned creepy. No, he thought. They're creepy when they're normal-sized. They're appalling when they get this big. He glanced over at the still sleeping Kelima and decided to give her another minute while he considered the ice that was still covering everything. Could that solve their water problem? He wasn't sure, mostly because he wasn't sure if that ice was actually ice. The tunnel they were in seemed too dry for him to have made ice from the moisture in the air. So, was it something that just acted a lot like ice?

Hey, he directed at other-Terry, is the ice I create actually made from water? I mean, if I waited for it to melt, could we drink it?

Best not. In the strictest sense, yes, it'll melt into water, but it's not actually water in the way you mean it. It's better to think of it as qi that has temporarily assumed the qualities of ice and/or water. At some point, though, it's going to turn back into elemental qi. You really don't want that happening in your digestive tract, advised other-Terry. Well, it might be okay for you since you're the qi source. But it'd play merry hell with the jailbait.

So much for that thought, grumbled Terry mentally.

It wasn't actually a bad idea, noted other-Terry, unlike most of your ideas.

Ignoring the construct, Terry walked over to Kelima and gave her shoulder a gentle shake.

"Hey, it's time to wake up."

Kelima's eyes fluttered open, but it was painfully obvious that she wasn't awake in any meaningful sense.

"Kelima!" barked Terry.

The girl's entire body gave a convulsive jerk, and Terry had to catch her sword in his hand as she tried to behead him with it. Next, she'll be saying something about how, 'There can be only one,' thought Terry.

"This isn't Highlander, damn it. Knock it off," he said, only releasing the sword blade when it appeared that Kelima was truly aware of her surroundings.

"What's Highlander?" mumbled Kelima as she appeared to shake off grogginess through pure force of will.

"The greatest action-fantasy movie of the eighties. Now, come on. Let's finish this floor. Then, you can sleep for as long as you want."

Kelima gave her head a few hard shakes and said, "I feel strange. Off."

"Are you feeling pressure in your core?" he demanded.

"No, it's not that. Everything is just too loud and too bright. My body is moving right."

Terry's tension evaporated.

"It'll be like that for a while. All those source stones you've absorbed are boosting your senses, your strength, and your reflexes. Probably your magic as well. It's just happening too fast for your mind to adapt."

"How do you know?"

"Comic books. Now, come on. Just hang way back while I fight these things," said Terry, drawing swords with both hands. "I'm ready to be done with these revolting monsters."

As they set off down the tunnel, Terry couldn't help but think that he could use a soundtrack written and performed by Queen. Not the floor boss abomination, but the band. For that matter, now that he knew there were legitimate cosmic powers, he had a super serious question for them that he'd like to get answered. Just why the hell was it that people didn't have personalized soundtracks for their lives? How hard could it really be to implement something like that?

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Not that he expected to get an answer. Those cosmic powers seemed a lot more interested in fucking around with people than helping them. A fact that made him furious about his situation all over again. Fortunately, he was in a dungeon filled with monsters. Before, he'd still been treating this floor as a potential training ground for Kelima. After seeing just how much of an effect the girl's rapid advancement was having on her and having his anger reignited, he was done with the kid gloves. She needed rest, real rest, and he just needed to see every last one of these cockroaches die a terrible death.

He was glad that Kelima did as he'd told her and hung back from the fight, because it let him truly cut loose. He sent fireballs and cascades of ice crashing down on the cockroaches when he was busy punching, kicking, slicing, or stabbing them to death. The walls of the tunnels seemed to groan anytime he unleashed a particularly potent elemental attack. Not that he cared. Well, aside from worrying that the whole floor might come crashing down on them if he pushed too hard.

The other reason he was glad that Kelima hung back was because the cockroaches got bigger and tougher the closer they got to the boss room. The great dane-sized cockroaches had been replaced by ones the size of horses. In the end, though, they all crunched under sufficient brute force. That being said, he was so very glad that the monster bits eventually disintegrated. Otherwise, he'd have been forced to burn yet another set of clothes, and he was running out. There was just no way to avoid getting splattered by bug goo when the damn things were so big and he was making them burst against the walls.

When they finally got to the entrance of a big open cavern, he was relieved. Then, he thought about what was bound to be inside that cavern.

"Man, what I wouldn't give for some napalm. Hell, I'd settle for a couple fifty-gallon drums of nail polish remover."

He felt Kelima's glare boring into the side of his head.

"Very big, very hot fire," he explained.

"Oh," she said. "Yeah, that would probably be good."

"Of course, that would probably use up all the breathable air in here. So, maybe not such a great plan," he admitted. "Liquid nitrogen, on the other hand… No, too hard to control. Not that we have any of that stuff, but, damn it, it would be really nice if we didn't have to do this up close and personal. I already feel violated."

"Rock shotgun?" asked Kelima.

"I guess that's a start. Just so you know, there's going to be a huge, queen cockroach in there."

"How huge?"

"Whatever you're imagining, you should probably make it twice as big."

Kelima's eyes went wide.

"I can't fight something like that! I couldn't even fight those ones you were fighting on the way here!"

"I know," said Terry in a tired voice. "I think we've crossed the threshold where this is a learning opportunity for you. From here on out, you'll mostly be watching. Only fight if you must."

"You say that like I've got some great alternative for getting out of here alive," complained Kelima.

"It could be worse," said Terry, as he started punching the walls of the tunnel to knock free some stone.

"How?"

"You could be in here with someone less funny."

"I don't know anyone less funny than you."

Terry shook his head and said, "Strays these days. Always trying to bite the hand that saves them from cockroach monsters."

Terry didn't even get a chance to punch the wall before something crashed into the side of his head. The impact was sufficient that it actually hurt a little. He looked at Kelima, who had clearly just thrown a rock at him. She was glaring at him again.

"Not the brightest move," he said, rubbing the spot where he'd been hit. "What if you'd knocked me unconscious?"

Without waiting for an answer, he went back to hitting the walls. It occurred to him that a tactic like creating ammunition that way could only work in a dungeon. Anywhere else, the noise and impact would have had the enemy zeroing in on him in no time. However, despite the fact that there were dungeon denizens waiting on the other side of that open door, he was safe until he actually stepped into the room. It was something that could only be seen as a design flaw in anything that wasn't intended to help people grow stronger. Not that he was complaining. It was a super useful design flaw for his purposes.

"Stop being mean to me," Kelima abruptly demanded.

"What?" asked Terry, turning away from the wall of the tunnel to look at her.

"I said, stop being mean to me. We're in this horrible place. I can't get out of here by myself. I'm not even strong enough to fight the monsters anymore, and you're being terrible to me! Don't you think this is awful enough without you making it even worse?"

Terry stared at her, dumbfounded, before he said, "You need to calm down."

He only realized what a terrible mistake that had been when she hit him in the face with another rock.