Isekai Speedrun

In the game, if the player didn’t find the Magma Dungeon aka Flame Tank Dungeon (officially unnamed dungeon on the overworld map) or explore it within a certain time frame on the second half of the game timeline, then Caliph Tze’s treasure hunters (backed by Death Squads) started unearthing the Flame Tank automatically during the final third of the game.

At that point you started to get dialogue hints from local NPC’s, like “I heard a rumor they’re digging up some Strangers artifacts near the southern border“ and “there has been unusual Death Squad activity in the Ghost Towns area”.

If you then followed these hints and visited the Magma Dungeon area, you had to fight against large numbers of high-level enemies before you could enter the dungeon and find the Strangers vehicle called Flame Tank that was stuck on a rocky islet in the middle of two fast-flowing streams of hot, smooth lava.

But if you knew about the dungeon beforehand, you could start a digging project yourself and keep it going for a long time. In the anime, Tze kept the location of the dungeon as a secret from everyone except his closest aides, and since most of his closest aides died at Rukhkh Mountain together with him in this timeline, there wasn’t much Caliphate forces around.

The unfortunate flip side was that now there were rumors about our operation circulating in the nearby areas: “Did you hear? There’s some people digging something near the Ghost Towns.”

As a counter to that, we had a separate group called Archaeologist Team working as a diversion, pulling attention away from the dungeon area. Their job was to make local Caliphate functionaries think that the people here were just regular looters digging forgotten artifacts – like all the other shady gangs, grave robbers and tomb raiders.

Southern Reignland – and especially the Ghost Towns sub-area – was a known hotbed of small dungeons, cave systems and buried artifacts, so there were already many independent groups trailing Caliphate forces, camping in empty slave towers or hiking in open-pit mines and delving into semi-dungeons in search of treasures.

One famous example was an ancient temple that was built near a sinkhole that opened straight into a mining dungeon – kind of how ancient Mayans built their temples on top of jade mines, or how ancient Greeks and ancient Japanese built their temples near hot springs (or at least that’s how I remembered it from my one week introductory course to archaeology). The rule of thumb was that cities were built on old river deltas and old volcanoes, and temples were built near old mines and hot springs.

Side note: trivial details usually stay clear in my mind like song melodies, but ancient history as a whole is a foggy landscape full of myths and half-truths. My mental map is full of large phantom islands next to real islets.

Speaking of myths, there was a common lore topic that popped up on gaming channels in almost predictable intervals: the similarities between Mu-Ur Quincunx lore and ancient Mayan lore in Popol Vuh, one of the texts that Spanish conquistadors failed to burn during their conquering days. And the common answer to that comparison was: yes, search the previous discussions. We know Feathered Serpent represents lightning strike and the twins are very much like the twins; yes, the temple ruins are similar to Mesoamerican structures, including a large courts for ritualistic ballgames.

Maybe the ancient architects before Strangers had the same visions and dreams as Mayas, Olmecs, Toltecs and the like – just like twins were often doted as special existences in many ancient cultures.

“What are you looking at?” (Rain)
“Eh? Was I staring at you? I didn’t mean to. I was just thinking random stuff like ancient cultures and architecture and literature.”
“…” (Rain)
“I wasn’t staring. Are you troubled if we ride in this formation? I can move my horse over there.”
“…” (Rain)
“You started the conversation, you don’t want to continue? Okay, I’ll just continue thinking random stuff while not looking at anything particular...”

What was that about? Where was I again?

In the anime, Caliph Tze’s expeditionary force found the Flame Tank, but the long project to get it out of the cavern was still ongoing when the final battle in the Sun Palace happened, so the tank was never seen in action. But in the game, it was possible to get the Flame Tank out and drive it, but only if you abandoned the main campaign and put in massive amount of grinding to get it.

It was one of those True Achievements only small percentage of players obtained; bitterly cursed by casuals and those who thought that 100% completion was possible.

In this world, getting the Flame Tank was a long-term project that we had kickstarted pretty much immediately after Caliph Tze’s death two years ago. We gathered trustworthy characters and made a detailed plan. The leader of the project was one of the first orphanage school students called Carnyx Horned Serpent aka Dragon Messiah. I called him Messy.

In the anime, Messy was a talented troublemaker who ran away from the orphanage school and disappeared from the story for a long while. The main canonical reason for running away was that Messy was already far ahead of everyone else in skills and knowledge despite his young age and simply got bored and disillusioned with how the anime-version of Revolution Movement operated and presented itself. (Which was completely understandable when the leaders were drug-addicted Rain and insomniac Crys constantly bickering with each other.)

The last time Messy was seen in the series was in a short scene before the final episodes. He appeared as the leader of an independent gang called Stone Roof Boys during a montage that showed gang leaders receiving letters from Crys. Messy received a call to action as well, but ignored it.

In this timeline, we put Messy directly in charge of the Flame Tank Project, gave him two groups of subordinates (Archaeologist Team and Flame Tank group) mainly consisting of experienced hewers and hurriers who were able to train local tribesmen who supported the revolution, and sent him to Reignland with a treasure map.

Messy was good at inspiring and leading people, so being a gang leader slash project manager was a natural position to him. Everyone in the orphanage was eager to join Messy’s special mission when I announced it, but only selected few were allowed to join his troupe. It was a classic treasure map quest, after all.

Following Caliph Tze’s death, Reignland’s focus shifted from conquest and expansion to simply maintaining status quo, so there was a steep drop in the number of troops in the southern Reignland, which caused a short dungeon-delving boom in the area comparable to a gold rush. When I first got a word from Messy about the increased number of dungeon raiders, T-Sub hoped he could split in two so that one copy of him could stay in the Starfish Mansion and the second copy could travel to southern Reignland to join the artifact diggers.

I had to remind T-Sub that we don’t need to dig everything ourselves. Only the Flame Tank matters in the long run, any other interesting artifacts we can buy or steal from the black market afterwards.

Strangers artifacts belong to a museum. That museum’s name? Starfish Mansion.

Background lore aside, Magma Dungeon’s entrance was just a small, narrow cave right at the southeast edge of the Ghost Towns area. In the game, the zone nearby had a different name on the overworld map: Temple of Nagual (Ruins).

---

After checking the surroundings and exchanging quick greetings with the dozen young members guarding the area, we first said our goodbyes to Rain. Sandwhit’s offshoot group (and the rest of the Archaeology Group) would ride together with Rain to the southern border of Reignland, northern border of Kenorland.

“See you on the other side. Stay safe, stay out of trouble, keep a low profile. Don’t attack anyone unless absolutely necessary.”
“I’m not stupid.” (Rain)
“I know, I know. We’ll meet in the morning outside Ker Palace. Sandwhit, make sure to follow Rain’s orders.”
“Yes, I will burn these orders to the skin of my men! We are prepared to grind our bones to dust!” (Sandwhit)
“No need to go fundie, just do it normally.”

This was a necessary precaution since we need to spend a day in this area checking and testing the Flame Tank at least. Sudden rainfall here would definitely bring out Caliphate Death Squads.

After Rain’s group disappeared behind the rock formations, I concentrated on the dungeon. The entrance was much wider and the curving slope downwards was smoother; Messy’s group had expanded the passage quite nicely. It was just wide enough for the tank, and as expected, support structures weren’t necessary.

Suddenly I heard a loud voice echoing in the cave. Another set of passphrases selected by yours truly were exchanged.

“Where’s the fire?!” (Messy)
“In the kitchen!”
“Are you the Firemen?!” (Messy)
“No, we’re the Freemen!”

Dragon Messiah and two other young members – Steel Thumb and Dry – appeared out of the cavern to welcome us. Custom rifles resembling Chauchats were strapped sloppily on the bandoliers on top of their gray mining overalls, and all of them wore visorless helmets stolen from Caliphate knights.

I always reminded people that they should wear hard safety helmets during building or digging operations, but they probably put the helmets on for show just before we arrived. People in this world didn’t care much about workplace safety, injuries and deaths were expected and accepted as parts of normal business.

“Today is the day, men! The founders are here! We’re finally going to drive it outside!” (Messy)
“You don’t need to shout, Messy.”
“No one listens in this part of the world, it doesn’t matter! Uoo! Come, founders, we have prepared everything!” (Messy)

Messy acted like a magnanimous noble receiving exalted guests to his castle.

Without delay, we descended into the Magma Dungeon’s main cavern to see the fruits of their long, hard tunneling work.

We didn’t need to take the helical staircase made of giant bones because creating the tank tunnel bypassed that side of the dungeon, but I should still take this opportunity to check the staircase side as well while I’m here, especially the empty spot where the Sarcophagus Machine used to be.

Rain was also somewhat interested in seeing the dungeon floor where she and her siblings were born, but since it was confirmed that the Sarcophagus Machine had been already taken away (moved to Sun Palace’s top secret research wing by Caliph Tze), she didn’t care. It was good that her disinterest fit our tight mission schedule.

“Here we are! It’s a real beauty, isn’t it?” (Messy)

The Flame Tank was on a small rocky islet between two freely flowing lava streams.

It didn’t make much natural geological sense to have freely flowing lava in this area (or so close to the surface without causing other problems like gas pockets), but this was a Mu-Ur dungeon created by Strangers, similar to the Fireland dungeon where the twins were born. Strangers probably had some weird alien reasons to build underground lava channels and then abandon one of their vehicles between the streams.

The tank was fully functional, but you couldn’t simply drive it out after finding it because the tunnel leading up to the overworld was too narrow, and you also had to build a strong enough bridge over one of the lava streams to get it in the tunnel.

The bridge was built using the same mysteriously gigantic bones that were used on the staircase. ‘Bones of an Elder God’, as they were called in the fan lore, but more likely a collection of tails and spines of some extinct dragon-dinosaurs. Perfect building material for bridges like this, just like the bone bridge over Drakenveld Crevice in the deep No-Lands or Ur.

“You got the bridge done faster than expected.”
“Yes, we put a large number of local fellah’s into work!” (Messy)

“Local?”
“It was hard and hot, and it took a lot of time, so we decided to collect some people from nearby villages and forced them to work. The fellahins around here are completely used to hard slavery, so it was really easy!” (Messy)
“Wait, wait, wait... Are you saying you collected neutral civilians and turned them to mining slaves like Strangers?”

Messy shrugged at my indignation.

“Nobody knows it was us who took them. They just disappeared. Families disappear sometimes. We kidnapped them at night and they never left the dungeon, they just worked. It’s all good, their parents and grandparents were dungeon diggers, shoveling sand runs in the family.” (Messy)
“That’s not the point, Messy! We don’t take slaves, we fight against slavery. One of the main goals of Revolution Movement is to end slavery and you just decide to go and do the opposite?!”

Dragon Messiah looked at me like I was freaking out over nothing and then spread his arms.

“Gotta go fast, right?” (Messy)
“No, you can’t use my maxim as an excuse for egregious human rights violations! We don’t use humans like tools, human lives matter!”
“Why? It’s not like humans are made of gold or black powder. People are as common as trees in the forest, and like trees, they don’t have value unless put into use.” (Messy)

This guy didn’t understand at all.

“Look, there are so many things wrong with that sentence. First, forests are not valueless, just time travel to Easter Island or Scottish Highlands – guh, explaining this will take so much time! Trust me, Messy, we don’t want to cut forests and kill human populations wholesale like that. That just causes massive problems down the road.”
“It was just few farms and villages, it’s not a big deal. Right, mister Crystal?” (Messy)
“It is fine.” (Crys)
“Wait, Crys... You knew about this? You knew? You must have known!”
“It was easy to deduce from the reports.” (Crys)
“Of course you knew, that’s why the progress was faster!”
“We killed all the slaves two days ago, they don’t exist anymore. You don't need to see them. We dumped their bodies in the lava. No one knows, problem never existed. Right?” (Messy)

To emphasize his words, Dragon Messiah made repeated crouching motions.

Teabagging? In this situation, at this time?

“No, dude, no. That’s not cool. We don’t murder innocent bystanders, and we definitely do not teabag innocent bystanders after murdering them. You can teabag slavemasters and cheaters and griefers and nazis and – all the trash who deserves to be teabagged. But if you teabag innocent civilians and noobs who are just trying their best to survive, that makes you the trash! That makes you the trash, Messy!”
“Eeh, they were just slaves. They don’t talk back to the man who holds the whip. And they’re already dead, who cares? Fart at their faces.” (Messy)

Ugh, this is why teenagers in the voice chat are so annoying.

“Listen here, discount Dune Messiah, we don’t roll like that. It’s not okay to kidnap people and force them to work in inhuman conditions, and then kill them, and then teabag their corpses, and then call them useless. It’s just not okay! This is the kind of crap our enemies pull, not us! We–”

Crys grabbed my shoulder and squeezed. Hard.

“Speedrun, Dragon Messiah recognized a problem in our schedule and improvised an efficient solution. He succeeded in the mission given to him.” (Crys)
“Don’t encourage bad behavior! Ends don’t justify means, there were better options here!”
“Don't worry, we killed them quickly! Gotta go fast!” (Messy)
“That’s not the point! You’re absolutely missing the point!”
“We kept their babies as hostages, it worked fine!” (Messy)
“...What?! Now listen here, you little–“

Crys squeezed my shoulder even harder.

“Speedrun, it would have taken several months longer without disposable workers. It would have been risky to let them out. It would have been risky to let them live nearby and report their observations. You kept worrying about how toxic gas and heat here would affect the work. Dragon Messiah made the right decision by using outsiders. By your own words, he was allowed to improvise and use his brains. He did exactly that.” (Crys)
“Sure, I’m the hypocrite here for not digging the tank out myself!”
“Amateurs break the rules out of ignorance and think of themselves as masters; players learn the rules to become masters; masters deconstruct the rules to reconstruct them. These are you own words.” (Crys)
“Crys, please don’t use out of context quotes to fit your agenda. This is just straight up scummy, Crys. Like actual scummy, like multi-level marketing scummy.”
“This discussion over.” (Crys)

Crys let go of my shoulder and turned away.

“Hey, this is not over! I cannot overlook–“

Kimono stepped in front of me. She was so close she almost stepped on my toes. Flowery fragrance filled my nose. New perfume?

“...What?”
“You’re soft. You bend. That’s how you live.” (Kimono)
“Oh really?”
“It’s over when brother says it’s over. Step back and shut up like you always do.” (Kimono)

She was in her assassination stance. Seriously?

“Your magic stick won’t save you if you swim in lava.” (Kimono)

We weren’t sitting on the comfortable couches of Starfish Mansion. We were in the middle of a mission.

“...Fine, fine! Fine then! It’s all fine and dandy then!”

I took a step back.

I don’t need this stress on top of everything else.

I need to calm down. Calm down, just calm down...

Once again, Crys has been doing wetwork behind my back. And he will never stop doing it, whether I like it or not.

Seriously, if I had unlimited power, I would save everyone and right every wrong. That has been my power fantasy ever since I was a kid. I’ve never cared for money or status, I just want to save everyone like a superhero. And it’s even better if they don’t know it was me who saved them – a superhero with a secret identity who exposes the corruption and disappears in the night is the peak.

But in the real world, diplomacy and compromises are needed. In the real world, things get complicated and intransigent attitudes lead to destruction. I can complain and make stupid jokes all day long, but if the main characters think I’m too soft for their taste, they will shut me down immediately.

So I guess I’ll just shut up and let it go. Again.

“Messy, how many... No, I don’t want to know. Enough of this.”
“Ten or hundred, what does it matter?” (Messy)
“...Before you do anything like this again, please contact me first. At least give me a chance to find a better solution. And Crys, please tell me honestly what’s going on with everything. I can’t give accurate advice if you keep secrets from me.”
“We both keep secrets. We will now proceed to investigate the Flame Tank.” (Crys)
“Yeah, gotta go fast!” (Messy)
“Pfft...” (Kimono)

Kimono, don’t laugh like this was all just a silly little prank. This is a crucial issue we must address at some point.

I don’t want our well-reputed organization turn into a dark, corrupted version of itself.

Descent into indifference and decadence is easy. Maintaining and progressing civilization takes conscious effort.

I often feel like the main characters in that old movie trilogy Back to the Future, when they are trying to launch a time machine on schedule and random NPC’s keep wasting their time by forcing them into pointless fights.

Then again, Crys probably feels the same way about me; I’m wasting time playing a pure hero. From his point of view, I look like a soldier in a soggy trench decorating his shooting position with Peace & Love posters.

Kimono and Crys went over the bone bridge first. I had to calm my nerves a bit, so I took out my canteen and drank some warm water.

Some of the younger members of Messy’s group were looking at me with clear disappointment in their eyes – like their favorite idol had appeared on the stage and immediately faceplanted.

I got humbled, disrespected and laughed at by a woman in public. Is that what makes you uncomfortable? That must be it. These wannabes haven’t received the latest community updates. Ignorant and uneducated, they feel that their patriarchal status hierarchy is being threatened.

What did you expect me to do, slap her? Sorry, I don’t play childish macho games like that. My tribe doesn’t believe that punching a sassy woman is the moment you become a man.

“What are you looking at? You want me to challenge Kimono to a dance duel or something?”
“Uhm...” (young member)
“Rap battle? Should I duel with rhythmic poetry?”
“I don’t know…” (young member)

The local tribe member closest to me glanced at his fellow tribesmen, hoping for some support.

Did I scare him? I’m scaring these kids. They live in a might-makes-right world where violence trickles down: big boss punishes mid boss publicly, so mid boss avenges the humiliation by hitting his minions privately, and then the minions kick puppies or shoot an elementary school.

Calm down, Qwerty. These people are not evil, they’re just immature.

“Sorry for singling you out, dude. It’s okay, I’m not going to hit you. I’m not angry. Family drama over. Let’s focus on what we came here for... Cthulhu R’lyeh Fhtagn this is hopeless...”

One must imagine Sisyphus happy, eh?

Tired and frustrated, I marched over the bone bridge.

---

Flame Tank aka Lame Tank – the weird, unique, impractical, overpowered Easter Egg.

The six metallic wheels inside nacre caterpillar tracks were about one meter tall. Above the tracks, there were two hatches on the sides of a heptagonal frustrum turret. The whole vehicle was about two meters tall and seven meters long, and despite its canonical designation as a tank, it looked more like an early World War One anti-aircraft APC with two thick, fixed gun barrels – or perhaps you could describe it looking like a retro-futuristic all-terrain armored desert expedition concept vehicle with mortars akimbo.

Fans speculated that the Flame Tank was the oldest Strangers vehicle in this world. There were two accepted fan theories about its original purpose: first one stated that it was used to burn down forests and flatten ground to prepare areas for open pit mining, and the second theory claimed it was used to melt and smooth out the dungeon walls after the rough digging was done.

Either way, only one Flame Tank had ever been found. And that was a good thing, because it was the most ridiculously overpowered weapon in the game after Tze's Starcutter. As a trade-off, it was stuck in an underground cavern, so you had to put in real time and effort to get it outside. It wasn’t practical for speedrunning purposes, it was a side challenge category of its own.

“Messy, you haven’t tried to start the tank yourself?”
“The fool who tries to drive the Flame Tank without permission must die! I have slept inside the tank, but I haven’t touched any of the knobs and cranks.” (Messy)
“Okay, good. I’ll go ahead and start it then. Everyone, move out of the way!”

While Crys and Kimono watched over my shoulder, I quickly completed the ignition sequence. The vehicle vibrated, waking up like startled bear out of hibernation.

“It’s alive! Handles forward!”

The steering levers on the console felt smooth as butter like in the game; self-lubricating and self-cleaning like all Strangers tech. I had to control the tank with one hand, which was a bit cumbersome, but I also felt like a boss doing it.

---

After few hours of careful maneuvering, I was able to squeeze the Flame Tank safely out of the dungeon.

On the surface, everyone gathered to watch the spectacle. Even the ever-composed Crys seemed unusually excited after firing the first test shots at nearby rock formations.

Test run over. Everything just worked.

I climbed out of the tank and proudly slapped the warm, smooth armor like a car salesman.

“That’s how it runs! It’s not the fastest and most ergonomic ride, but it does its job. Fits a whole family and a family dog. Gently used, original components, long warranty. How about it, Crys? We’ll put the paperwork in order and you can drive this baby home.”
“It is certainly as powerful as you described. Dragon Messiah, you have done well.” (Crys)
“Hell yes, I want a reward!” (Messy)
“A reward?” (Crys)
“I want to meet the dragon’s head!” (Messy)

He wants to meet Sorry Man? That wish came out of nowhere.

“Only the full members of the inner circle are allowed to meet the dragon’s head.” (Crys)
“Can I become one of the core gang then? Can I become a full member?” (Messy)

Crys looked at me. I was the chief of human resources. What should I say?

Messy was a talented guy, but his personality and presence in the anime was unnecessary drama both in orphanage school and Starfish Mansion. The exact reason we sent him here was to keep him separated from others because he looked down on everyone – except he seemed to look up to Sorry Man now, if this wasn’t a mere act.

“No disrespect, Messy, but my future appraisal skill says you’re a B-tier character.”
“Beetier?” (Messy)
“A-tier means top notch. B-tier is good, but not great… Anyway, short answer: no.”
“...I’m good, but not great? I must become great to join?” (Messy)

Messy turned to Crys again, hoping for a second opinion. Crys looked at me and smiled.

You’re doing this just for your own amusement, aren’t you?

“Speedrun decides.” (Crys)
“Is it because I used slaves? I won’t do it again.” (Messy)

For a moment, I thought Messy might start crying, but I quickly banished that thought. I knew his sad expressions were just a rehearsed act.

“I’m certainly less inclined to accept you because of that.”
“I will do something even greater! I will show you I’m worthy!” (Messy)

Yep, he still doesn’t understand. But he’s also the kind of guy who always wants to climb higher and stand as the top dog. We need to find him a new project or he might start plotting up some grand scheme to take over the whole company. Ambitious and talented psychos like Messy have to be managed carefully.

“Yes, yes, I hope you will accomplish a great deed and so on. If you do something really great, I’ll think about it, but remember that going on dangerous solo quests or doing weird stuff without permission is not going to help your case.”
“Yes! I’ll kill anyone dragon's head wants and become a full member! I’ll cut off any finger or toe, I will burn any mark to my skin!” (Messy)
“We’re not mafia, Messy. Self-mutilation won’t help, you’re more likely to get you thrown out instead.”
“Dragon Messiah, you will be the permanent leader of this dungeon group from now on. That is your reward.” (Crys)
“Yes! I accept! You heard it, boys, I'm the permanent leader!” (Messy)

In the end, Crys stepped in with his own idea instead of leaving it to me.

Anyway, now that the Flame Tank was online, it was time to move the next step: test its operational range by driving to the southern border and reconnect with Rain.

The Strangers Cube in the middle of the Sun Palace was this Flame Tank’s wireless power source. In the game, the southern land border of Reignland corresponded to the range of the power cube almost one to one – which was quite strange because the wireless power ripples were supposed to be perfectly circular, but the land borders of Reignland and Kenorland were jagged and uneven. Another one of the unexplained mysteries in the game where both the lore and the game mechanisms conflicted with actual gameplay. Did someone put in a hard exception that prevented the Flame Tank from leaving Reignland? And why didn’t the tank eat processed core crystals as its secondary fuel like so many other Strangers vehicles did?

So, if the tank stops at the border as expected, we still need horses to visit Kenorland. We can gift the horses to our local collaborators when we return to the border. I don't like running back and forth because it feels like a sub-optimal path, but this sidestep is a necessary one.

Save the horses, kill the aristocrats – old saying of the Revolution Movement.