Isecant - Party based LitRPG-lite / Progression adventure

So anyway, as I was saying… or was it doing? It doesn't matter really; all you need to know is 'this guy are sick' and needs purifying through my fists.

I gave the guy a swift kick to the shin. He leaned forward from the pain, then a swift jab and uppercut, and he crumbled like a sack of tatoes. The trick is to always go for the arts users. Once in melee range, those victory poses are practically on your doorstep after a smack or two.

"Don't be a very naughty boy and break the law in the future", I said. The bandit was already out, but you never know if they can still hear subconsciously. I turned and began walking back to Wardi, smashing my fists together, grinning.

Wardi, having already finished off his solo performance, 'Fantastic feats and how to slice them,' he calls it. Watched my usual victory fanfare and tried to hold back a smile. How can anyone not appreciate these moves?
Rhua and Horace have their variant, the high-five jive. They link arms, jig in a circle, then high-five at the end. Simple AND effective, what more could you want? Though Rhua absolutely hates it, and her face always screams, 'Kill me now.'

"Well, troops, that's another group of idiots taken down by the dream team." Wardi and his post-victory pep speeches always give us that little extra boost.

"It's been a while SINCE WE'VE HAD a clash with SENTIENTS and not a BUNCH OF nasty critters." Horace spoke & shouted at us in varying volumes.

Horace, the poor bugger, fried his noggin whilst trying out a new ranged weapon he developed called an 'Unhappy Deal,' a highly fermented non-lethal food-based projectile, combining his alchemy and culinary skills through the system into a munition.

Unfortunately, he didn't think, MAYBE I should do this outside?

He's fine overall, just unable to go through a normal conversation anymore. The rollercoaster ride of his soft speaking and operatic shouting at the peak scares away most, you see. A Medicae we spoke to once called it "Self-inflicted Choral Tourette Implementation Condition," or "Sic-Tic's," as we jokingly call it.

Wardi scanned the area, just to be sure nothing else wanted to have a try at us. "Rare for bandits to even be in the Gilia region," his face turning into a slight look of concern.

"Particularly when there's nothing of worth unless you focus on the darkened side of the system pathways," Rhua quickly followed on with.

"It's not too uncommon for a foraging request to end up this way; it's one of the few places Mushay can thrive, after all. What with it being the designated burial spot for virtually all the races on Maliterr, it's a nutrient hotspot." Wardi continued saying.

"You could say THIS PLACE is for FUNGOIZ'S." Horace's interjection caused us to laugh. Wardi tried his best to rally us, but it was no good.

"Let's pull ourselves together, troops, heh." Wardi is always the first to try to keep things ticking over; it's hard to take him seriously when he's still keeled over chuckling to himself, though.
"Ok, that's enough excitement." Rhua pinched her arm, snapping back to her normal self.

I pulled out the request poster, 'Collect one hundred Mushay, 10000 HFC reward, Brewmeister Barry. "Do we really need to gather that many? It's usually around six, maybe seven, right? What is Barry up to? Nobody needs this many."

"This is the sixth time we've done this now; I'll make a note of it in the system journal." Rhua stared off into the distance whilst her arms and hands moved around as if independent from her body. The other two did the same for a moment.

"Not bad. We'll be level 21 soon, too." Said Wardi. Horace replied, "HECK yeah!" Looking at his own.

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I've said it before, but that's going to be fatal for someone if it already hasn't been. Just because you can still hear what's happening around you doesn't mean anything against users with stealth-focused abilities. A familiar thought that I won't say aloud because it wouldn't be the first time.

We split the gathering duty equally, and it takes us no more than a few ticks to collect all one hundred Mushay. Easy pickings when there's just an endless amount to grab in one hand.

"Well, it looks like we're all done here. Want to do the honours as usual, dear?" Wardi says, looking in my direction.

"Of course, hun." Replying in our lovingly joking way.

Now, with everything you've read so far, you're probably thinking, 'They're going to perform some sort of spell to just teleport and save us several pages of filler dialogue, right?' No.

The port and go network has been out of action since Colossi - Bompeeoh walked through a fair few kilometres of energy pylons, which formerly powered the Okaasan shard that allowed teleportation between the major cities.

Castle Un Nom Générique and its illiterate and dumb soldiers went and disconnected the Pyrocell battery powering his outdoor cooking stove, not thinking perhaps that a bunch of cooking equipment bigger than most houses may not be a clever idea.

Protesting angrily, I'm told, "Could be heard from Castle Schloss, seventy-seven km or so apart."

"Touch my stove again and I'll chin you AND your mum, King Blau!"

I know I said the colossi can end us, but don't; it's usually because nobody does anything to cause upset to them in the first place.

Anyway, due to the Trades Act of circa 2042, 'All work and repairs are to be carried out by the original party, parties, or manufacturers without exception, and through the original method of delivery,'. Due to budget constraints, Okaasan Inc. couldn't afford professional electricians who would have dug the cabling underground.

Instead, they used interns from legal and race relations departments to connect the network originally, who connected the entire network above ground open to the elements, villains, and upset Colossi, of course. Still out of action since 2046.

Ok, I'm sorry about that; this next bit will be cool. I pulled out a slingshot from my carry bag; this isn't just any slingshot… THIS is a G&S slingshot. An enchanted slingshot that grows to fit more humanoid-sized bullets or passengers in our case.

It's a much more fun way to traverse the new world. The slingshot embeds itself into the ground, and Wardi gets into position first, followed by Horace and then Rhua. I get into my position next to Wardi, and the sling begins drawing itself back. Once it's locked onto the target destination, a voice from the device tells us to say the release command when ready.

"Don't you play it." Rhua barked at the three of us angrily, me especially so.

Rules are rules; you can't stop a power like this, and I say, "Ready." The device counts down: ten, nine, eight. Nodding to Horace and Wardi.

"Without further ado, G&S would like to welcome you on board with some in-flight entertainment. Sing along if you know the words," I said in a nasally voice.
We hear the final seconds, three, two, and we're launched up high in the sky, and the mega music box I pulled out and activated from my travel bag erupts into a booming symphony with singing and instruments from a faraway land.

SORAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
We're hand in hand, traversing the land.
On adventures we shall goooo, oh-oh!
Our two worlds collide, lost in a fire, never to return.
But the gods came for us.
To right a wrong and fix the unjust.
So, let's show them what we got, got, got!
SORAAAAAAAAAAAAA
The story's never over; there's love here like no other.
United! We stand!
United! We stand!
You and me, my friends!

… I forgot to mention before take-off, G&S slingshots come sold with a matching G&S landing pad: 'If it ain't a G&S landing pad, you're probably already dead.' I set up the pad before we travelled. The location? Barry's shop building 'A bottle or two LTD.' If we're going to take a multi-day journey, we may as well return the fastest feasible way coming back.

Rhua, now that we have landed. Gives me a look to say, 'One day, son, I'm going to cut you. You and all your future children.'
"Let's just get these damn Mushay to Barry." Rhua averted her piercing gaze back to the foraging bags Wardi had stacked outside the storefront.

"Be fine where they are, pet; I know you lot well." Short and mighty, stout yet with a cheeky vitality and a mohawk capable of plucking an eye out without warning. Meet Barry 'Brewmeister' Bernard, ranked number one on the list of Maliterr's nuttiest bastard awards.

Baroness Areya of Coch Manor decided it was her right to expand the manor's reach into the neighbouring lands. But trying to force that on Hawkestown… well, let's just say Barry took it upon himself to make a point by turning into a biological wrecking ball.
The smell beforehand was bad enough: Farm-like, with a hint of cheese that had been growing between one's toes. But you'd think he would have tried cleaning the bottles out after he finished with his solo rampage. The shop stank for days, and he did too.