Is That My Alter Ego

Chapter 65 – Nightmare

“….Ah! We’re here, you fool! Don’t shrink back, stand tall!”

“Yeah, you idiot!”

My friends, throwing their arms around me, wearing silly grins.

There was no discord, just playful banter, yet they were a second family, always there to embrace one another.

In the hardest of times, it was because of them that I could endure.

“Yeah. I’m so glad you’re here…”

To those who brought me comfort like no others, warming my heart.

I, too, wear a foolish smile as we move forward together.

*

Startled awake from the relentless cycle of nightmares, I wipe the cold sweat from my brow.

“….Damn it.”

When I awaken from dreams, my pillow is always soaked with tears, and the blanket is damp from the cold sweat that trickled down through the night.

Those days were cozier than any other moments, days I longed to return to. In my dreams, I was truly happy. Worries did not exist, for I had friends by my side.

Yet, when the moments I wished to escape from shattered and I returned to reality, I always wept.

Was it because of those I could never see again? Or was it the suffocating pressure that tightened around my heart with every breath I took?

“……….”

I cannot fathom… why this is happening. Even when the life of my first doppelgänger ended, and now, as the life of my second doppelgänger comes to a close.

I am tormented by endless nightmares. Sweeter and cozier than any other nightmares, yet simultaneously cruel and difficult to confront.

“….How many days have passed?”

Now, even my sense of time has become vague. I cannot understand why, but having finished my life as the second doppelgänger, I feel broken.

When I drift into sleep, I fall into a deep slumber from which I cannot escape. It seems that when I seek rest, I sleep for a day or two at a time.

Yet, fatigue washes over me endlessly. No matter how much I try to shake off the weariness, it remains unsolved.

I do not even feel hunger anymore. It has been over three days since I last ate, yet my stomach does not grumble at all.

Am I… broken? No, am I even human?

The very fact that I fell into this strange and wondrous world overnight, that things from the game and media known as the status window appear before my eyes.

The existence of monsters called “malicious beings,” the presence of mana—everything is riddled with strangeness.

Why… am I only now questioning these things? Why have I entered a world I cannot comprehend?

Endless doubts about my reality and existence surge forth. Yet, there is nothing I can resolve.

With a deep sigh, I quietly gaze into the mirror. The reflection staring back at me from across the glass. A boy with a youthful visage, wild black hair, and eyes as red as blood meets my gaze.

“Status window.”

[Name: Venice / Age: 21 / Male / Condition: Fatigue.]

[Unique Ability: Doppelgänger Master (???) : You can summon your doppelgängers. The form and abilities of the doppelgängers are random, and you can control them as if they were your own body.

You do not feel the pain your doppelgängers experience! If a doppelgänger dies or is destroyed, the user can reclaim the doppelgänger!]

[Due to the death of Doppelgänger 1, usage and fusion are impossible.]

[Due to the death of Doppelgänger 2, usage and fusion are impossible.]

A year has already passed. I fell into this world around last summer, and after the cold winter has passed, the weather is beginning to warm.

Yet now, with the death of my second doppelgänger, I do not meet anyone. I live each day in solitude.

Will I continue to live like this for the rest of my life, only to die alone? Or will I even die at all?

“….Hah.”

I often feel a sense of inexplicable melancholy enveloping my entire being.

Recently, I have spent less time awake, and most of my waking hours are consumed by this gloom, lying alone in despondency.

Is there not a time like this? When a sudden wave of melancholy washes over, and all manner of negative thoughts come flooding in. I find myself ensnared in such feelings every day, every moment.

Emotions that felt like mere dust while living as a doppelgänger surge forth like an explosion upon returning to my true self. It’s as if the feelings I had locked away can no longer bear the weight and burst forth uncontrollably.

It has been so long since I last visited the library that the memory has faded into obscurity, and nowadays, I lack the strength even to approach the beautiful cliffs.

If I continue living like this, it feels as though living itself will cease to hold any meaning.

…Perhaps it would be better to die.

Isn’t that so? There is not a single soul who recognizes me. There likely never will be.

If this is how I must live… perhaps it would be better to—

Ding-!

[For you, I have prepared something!]

“…What?”

The machine voice that interrupted the endless swell of negativity came with a refreshing chime.

The voice continued, as if stifling a laugh.

[Would you not wish for another chance?!]

“…Another chance? What… Ah.”

[What you think is correct!]

As memories of the past surged unexpectedly, I gazed at the shimmering blue window before me and quietly summoned the status screen.

[Name: Venice / Age: 21 / Male / Status: Fatigue.]

[Unique Ability: Doppelgänger (???) : You can summon your doppelgänger. The form and abilities of the doppelgänger are random, and you can control it as if it were your own body.

You do not feel the pain your doppelgänger experiences! If the doppelgänger dies or is destroyed, the user can reclaim it!]

[Due to the death of Doppelgänger 1, usage and fusion impossible.]

[Due to the death of Doppelgänger 2, usage and fusion impossible.]

★ [Fusion possible with Doppelgänger 3!] ★

A line of text in the status screen flickered madly, as if pleading for my attention. I gazed at it in silence.

At the same time, a faint echo of the same magical energy began to resonate from an unfathomable distance. It felt exactly the same as before.

“………”

[Are you hesitating?! There’s no need for that! It’s simple! Just write your story as you did in your first and second lives!]

…Is it truly so? Could I really be granted another chance?

To escape the depression and anxiety I am enduring now. To be free from the nightmares that haunt me?

“Is it really… really possible?”

[Of course! The anxiety and depression you experience. None of it will be felt in the doppelgänger!]

“Yes… it was so…”

All the myriad emotions I felt in my true form vanished like a ghost when I merged with my doppelgänger.

Anxiety, despair, self-reproach, hopelessness. The mere ability to forget all those feelings was reason enough to undergo the merging.

[You can merge with Doppelgänger 3. Would you like to proceed?]

As I touched the status window with trembling hands, the usual emotionless mechanical voice echoed back.

It was utterly devoid of feeling, yet at this moment, it sparkled like a lifeline pulling me from a nightmare. A faint smile crept onto my lips.

“I will merge.”

[Merging with Doppelgänger 3. Merging in progress. 3. 2. 1……]

Simultaneously, the vile thoughts and emotions that had been consuming me began to scatter and fade away.

…Thank you. Status window.

With my blurry eyes starting to close, I silently expressed my gratitude to the status window, which had yet to disappear.

[Oh, it’s nothing! This is… my job, after all.]

And so, as if escaping from that wretched reality, I began to slip into a deep slumber.

The familiar sensation I had always known. The resonance of magic and power began to intertwine.

[….Kik.]

*

I awaken. Now, I naturally start to survey my surroundings.

The sight of a well-organized room. Sleek furniture and exquisite decorations flaunt their elegance without restraint.

It was a room so beautiful and pristine that one could easily believe it belonged to a noble. I found myself seated in a chair within such a room.

I quietly rise from my seat and walk toward the full-length mirror placed in the room.

“….Is this the third doppelgänger?”

The reflection in the mirror revealed me with glossy black hair slicked back, my eyes narrowed as if drawn from a cartoon.

Between the slits of my half-closed eyes, the glint of red irises peeked through, reminiscent of a cunning serpent’s gaze.

Wow… I really look like some kind of villain. Anyone would suspect I was up to something.

By the way… the third doppelgänger seemed to be incredibly wealthy.

The room was adorned with furniture and decorations that screamed opulence, and the clothes I wore, though seemingly ordinary, exuded sophistication.

Above all, it appeared outwardly constricting, yet felt as comfortable as wearing athletic gear.

“Hmm… is there anything here that might reveal more information?”

Aside from my dubious appearance and the suspicious wealth, I could glean nothing more.

Settling back into the comfortable chair, I scanned the room and discovered something resembling a small notebook atop a sleek wooden desk.

The notebook was worn, a stark contrast to the polished elegance of the room. It seemed to have been used for an eternity.

-xx year xx month xx day.

Today, I step into the square to protest once more. The gazes that pour upon me are, without fail, the same as ever.

Most avoid me with eyes that speak of madness, while some mock me openly.

Only a scant few offer encouragement and support. Yet, I do not cease my protest.

“Hmm…”

It appears this is a diary of sorts. I gaze at the neatly penned script and delve back into its pages.

-xx year xx month xx day.

At last, I have found companions who stand with me. These individuals, faceless and nameless, provide me with an unfathomable bounty of support.

Thanks to them, I can continue my endeavors with the funds they bestow. I must offer my gratitude to these unknown benefactors once more today.

…Protest? Endeavors?

What on earth am I doing? Is this some sort of cult?

-xx year xx month xx day.

Once again, the East remains tranquil. Yet, within this tranquility, the absurdities are not concealed; rather, they swell.

Why must we persecute and discriminate against the beastfolk? They are, after all, just like us. They merely possess a slightly peculiar appearance.

.

.

.

As I read through the subsequent entries, I finally grasped the essence of this doppelgänger’s existence.

The place I inhabit now is the eastern continent. Nobles and the lower class reside in their segregated quarters. Though they occupy the same land, it is as if they dwell in entirely different worlds.

Most of the lower class are said to be beastfolk. The discord between them and the noble class intensifies with each passing day.

Unable to endure the growing malice of discrimination and mutual hostility, this doppelgänger strives daily to eradicate this senseless hatred.

Protests against discrimination, and acts of kindness bestowed upon the lower class without reason. Such goodness could easily be mistaken for that of a saint.

“…Wait. What is this?”

As I read the diary, I let out an exclamation, my attention caught by the most recent entry.

-xx year xx month xx day.

One of my benefactors has sent a bodyguard to protect me, as I carry out my solitary activities each day.

It seems unnecessary… Despite my fervent refusal, they insisted, so I suppose I have no choice.

The bodyguard… were they not said to be a beastfolk? They are expected to arrive today.

Wait. The date… is today?

Knock, knock, knock—

At that moment, someone rapped on the firmly closed door of my room.

—…What? Is no one there? I’m coming in.

“Uh…uh?”

I hadn’t even answered, yet the jittery voice from beyond the door kicked it open with a forceful shove.

“…What’s this? You were inside. Why didn’t you respond?”

“Y-yes?”

“I’m Kali. You’re my master, right?”

A body rippling with bronze muscles, red eyes that betrayed no hint of friendliness.

And most strikingly, the cat ears perched atop her head.

She introduced herself as Kali.