Is a "sword" a euphuism? (BL)

"Now show me your glory," I prayed as sincerely as I could. I used to be an atheist, then one night I went to bed normally, had a very evocative dream and woke from it in a bus that just entered a teen summer camp in a world where God was real and had a radio show. A very vivid dream. It had yet to fade as normal dreams do.

Usually, after awakening, most of my dreams would fade, but this one was persistent. Almost like a memory. I mean that had happened a few times before, that being that few moments after I had awoken I had been confused about what was real memory and what was a dream, but not to this extent. In the normal course of events, I would sort out what was real and what was not a few seconds, minutes at most, after waking, but not this time. It was almost like I really lived through the Holy Grail War as gender-flipped Rin. Which was even more absurd than what was now happening. And not just one Holy Grail War, but ten very different ones. So I choose to ignore that dream for now and turn myself to the other problem.

The other problem was that my whole belief system had been proven entirely wrong. Also, I was back to being fifteen and I was transported somewhere in the USA. But those were minor things compared to proof of God being real. But I don't know if I was influenced by that dream of being a Nasu-verse magus, or it was just my nature, but when faced with such mystery I really wanted to dissect it.

"I humbly ask for a sign, let the number be six," I continued, and then threw a die. If god is real, does He answer prayers? The answer surprisingly was yes, or at least He seemed to answer some of mine. Experimentally I confirmed that my prayers that asked for possible results were answered. Things like getting chosen numbers when throwing dice. Trying to turn water into wine, or even orange juice, to start a fire, or to turn apples into salt have all failed. I tried that at dinner. They served one little after we had arrived at camp. On the other hand, fixing dice rolls worked surprisingly well. I guess that meant that God did after all play dice with the Universe. 

Five. I didn't work every time, but with enough repetition, there was a statistical anomaly. I had tried also to specify getting larger numbers, rather than specify which one. That resulted in uneven distribution, rather than just getting peaks at chosen numbers. Prayers were flexible. I also noted that the elaborateness of prayer helps, as well as quoting from the bible. I was not sure about sincerity, since that was hard to measure objectively. One thing I also avoided was using anybody else as a test subject. Besides practical problems, like how to convince someone to participate, there was also the question of ethics.

I would say that I was not being influenced by that dream, but for a Magus from that particular source, Rin was surprisingly ethical. Even his demon flop house run by yakuza was surprisingly above board. Surprisingly considering my dream self had been raised by that false priest. Well false for a Christian. He had been pretty proper for the priest of Arhiman. Ill thoughts, ill words, ill deeds. I really needed to stop thinking of that dream. It was bad for my sanity. 

And by ethical problems, I meant what would happen once I got results. After all, I was struck at a religious camp, in a world where people were very serious about religion, which was very understandable since they had proof that God was real and rather vocal about what He wanted. Worship and obedience were a big part of it. So devising a test that could objectively measure the strength of prayer in such a situation seemed like a bad idea. Although if I could keep the results to myself? No. Not even that.

I recorded the dice result in my notebook and rolled the die again, my mind wandering to grander possibilities. If only I had access to more advanced equipment for a broader experiment. What if a simple prayer could dictate light to act more like a particle? Could the enigmatic realm of quantum mechanics be swayed by such intangible forces? Regrettably, my expertise is in computing, not in the intricacies of physics. Yet, this curious phenomenon with the dice suggests something more – if prayer indeed influences random events, does it imply that God doesn't just play dice with the Universe, but perhaps, in a sense, cheats at the game?

Just as I was to go for the next toss and prayer, someone tapped my shoulder and said "I am done, Mercury. The bathroom is free."

So first Mercury. That name was written on my underwear. I arrived at the camp with more than just clothes on my back. Not much more. I had just one bag with me; in it were underclothes, white briefs, and t-shirts, about a week's worth, socks, also about seven pairs, one camp uniform, nightclothes, old time radio, a strange diode, a bible, and single key. No toiletries though. I supposed that I would get that at the camp. There were surprisingly few clothes. I had generally packed much more when going on vacation. And should I have had a spare uniform?

So when I arrived, I learned I was to be addressed by that name. So it wasn't a brand of briefs, as I thought at first. If there was a last name to go with I didn't know it and had really no way to ask. I looked a lot like I remembered I looked at fifteen, brown eyes, brown hair, and still long, androgynous face. I used to be mistaken for a girl a lot when I was younger, and I think I was a bit thinner and in better shape than I was then.

Maybe even a bit prettier.

Not that I spent a lot of time looking into the mirror. It was hard to remember. Still had a swimmer build, which was to be expected, since I was in the swim club at that age. I switched to karate the next year.

I recognized the voice. It was Mars.

I also didn't know his last name. Ha was introduced to me almost immediately after we arrived at camp.

No one used their last names at camp, not even the adults. He was my official camp buddy. It was the policy this summer camp to assign campers in pairs, two pairs per cabin, although since the number of campers wasn't divisible by four, Mars and me had a cabin to ourselves. At least it was an even number of kids, so no one was left alone.

Mars stood tall with a striking presence, slightly shorter than me, his features uniquely blending Asian ancestry with the unexpected flair of a redhead.

His voice was unmistakably familiar, resonating with echoes from that surreal dream. He bore an uncanny resemblance to Emiya, not the illustrated version, but the vivid, almost tangible figure from my dream world. And his voice — it had a similar quality, albeit with subtle differences. The white streak in his hair brought flashes of Archer to mind, intensifying the déjà vu.

The uncanny resemblance to my dream caused an awkward, all-too-teenage reaction – a noticeable tent in my shorts. I hoped that he wouldn't notice. It would be so embarrassing.

In the dream, I had to use the infamous sex-based prana transfer ritual to sustain my, Rin's, Servant.

Not that I, Rin, had made a mistake in the summoning ritual, it was a little feature that was created by Toshaka to protect themselves from betrayal. In the dream, Toshaka family art included among other things sex magic. So they modified the summoning ritual so the only way Servant summoned by the modified ritual could get prana was through one specific sexually based prana transfer ritual.

Yes, it was that kind of dream.

"Thanks," I managed to say, but only after an awkwardly long pause. My mind had wandered off again, lost in a sea of thoughts. I could imagine what Mars might be thinking now – that I didn't like him, or maybe I was just shy. Or worse, a complete airhead. Then, a sudden warmth spread across my face. I was blushing, unmistakably so. Fighting the urge, I resisted looking down at my pants, dreading what might be visibly obvious.

I set aside my notebook and dice, grabbed a towel along with my short-sleeved pajamas, and headed for the bathroom. A part of me wanted to cover my crotch with the towel, to hide any embarrassing evidence of my earlier discomfort, but I quickly dismissed the idea. That would only draw more attention.

Our cabin, designed for four with its four beds, was shared just between Mars and me. It also boasted a spacious bathroom — one of only two rooms in the entire cabin. As for meals like the dinner we'd already had, those were served in the communal barracks, complete with a kitchen.

The bathroom, a large, open space, had shower stalls lining one wall and wash basins on the other. Four showers, four basins, but just two toilets - no partitions in sight. Toiletries were neatly arranged by the showers: soap, toothpaste, shampoo. Two toothbrushes lay there, one still in its packaging.

I hung my towel and pajamas on a hook, quickly shedding my clothes. They joined the others, hanging limply. Tying my hair back, I paused, feeling its length. It was odd, this sensation. I'd had long hair since childhood, yet now it felt foreign, perhaps a lingering echo of Rin's shorter style.

Stepping into the shower, I let the water cascade over me. Glancing at my hand, half-expecting to see the Command Seals from my dream, I was met with bare skin. Yet, that dream, it clung to me, more memory than fantasy

The water had cleared my head. Too many shocks for the day. Once I slept I hoped that things would get better. Perhaps dream memories were not fading because I was still dreaming? Perhaps I would wake tomorrow in my bed at home, and all of this became just a faded memory? I could only hope.

After drying off, I slipped into my pajama bottoms, planning to put on a top after brushing my teeth. Unpacking my toothbrush, I approached the wash basin and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My face looked different, almost prettier than I remembered. Curiosity led my eyes downward, and that's when I saw it.

This wasn't real. This couldn't be real. I blinked, but the image remained. There, prominently on my chest, was the black swirling tattoo – the Tohsaka magic crest. A symbol of ten generations of magic, now inexplicably a part of me.

I should not have it. And yet I felt I should. I was not Rin Tohsaka, yet I remember being him. But also remember being someone else. Calm.

The first postulate of the Kaleidoscope: Presume infinity and everything is true, somewhere. So it was possible that I was both. There were a lot of similarities in both personalities. We were both rational people. Researchers at the hearth. Although Rin was so much more talented than me.

But that didn't matter.

I knew that alternate could be wildly different. It was one of my lessons in second magic.

I meant Rin's lessons. This was confusing enough when I thought it was a dream.

Before I jumped to a conclusion I had to check my facts. Was this thing on my chest really a magical crest or did it just look like it?

I had to get an answer to that question.

I imagined a gem, utterly perfect. And then I imagined it shattering.

Fire flowed through me. It was a sensation that was both familiar and utterly alien.

As fire flowed into the tattoo, I could access the mental library. There were spells ready to be cast there. I knew those spells. So it was real.

I stopped there because I remembered where I was. Since God was real and taking an active interest, I did not want to risk running afoul of "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live."

So no magecraft, until I was sure it was safe. I needed more research before doing any.

One hypothesis was that I was still dreaming. No real way to prove or disprove that.

Second was that both here and before were real, and this was the result of the use of Second Magic.

I could do nothing to test the first hypothesis except wait for me to awaken.

And since the first part of this dream subjectively ran for more than a decade, that could take a while.

The only rational choice was to act as if the second hypothesis was true. Having a plan of action calmed me. It may terrible one, but at least I had it. 

I continued to wash my teeth while I continued to make further hypotheses.

One: this could be another lesson about Kaleidoscope. In that case, I should look at clues, about what the lesson was about.

But it was not like the other lessons. There I had a clear objective, win that iteration of the Holy Grail War, and a general overview of the situation. Perhaps I had graduated to harder lessons. Or more worryingly:

Two: this could be the result of my improper use of Second Magic. I had been warned about many passable dangers. Like flinging myself into other realities, unplanned merging with alternates… In that case, the situation could be much trickier.

I finished cleaning my teeth and moved to wash my face. I needed a plan. The water helped to further clear my head and I understood. No, what I needed to do first was to sort myself.

Any further planning I made while still so confused would be worthless at best, and probably utter disaster at worst.

I dried my face and then went and put on a pajama top. So the first thing I needed to do was to merge two sets of memories that I had. Luckily Rin's sets of memories contained lessons of Second Magic, and among them were mental exercises on how to merge oneself with an alternate. I am not sure that I count as Rin's alternate but it should work.

The basics: set one set of memories as a base, then graft the other on it. Since I still mostly felt like Sasha I would use that base. New me was to be named Mercury. It would be best to use a new name, and there were no new memories associated with it. It was a blank spot perfect for what I am about to do. 

The first step was knowledge. I had to find things we both knew to be true. Like basic math and sciences. I also had to see where our knowledge was different. I knew more about math, but Rin was better at chemistry, especially mineralogy, and biology. Then there was the occult. There Rin was the clear winner. Technology, especially computers, was where I shined. 

The second step, compare personal lives.

I was older than Rin, but Rin had a much more active and interesting life.

We were both academics, although our fields of study were radically different. And mine was much safer. For difference then magecraft, artificial intelligence in Sasha's world was yet to get to a level high enough for machines to try to revolt and murder their makers.

I used to practice karate, but had never been in a serious fight, and had gotten back to swimming for recreation. Rin on the other hand practiced Kempo, and between the original Holy Grail War, Zelthech exams, and occasional Enforcer attack he was very used to fighting. After all, Rin had received the highest "honor" Clockwork awarded. The Sealing Designation. 

Enough for now. Too many memories. I shouldn't do this in the bathroom. I would continue once I was in bed. Sleep also should be helpful.

I picked up the towel and clothes I had worn when I arrived at camp. I did need to put towels to dry, but clothes I could pack them away. I won't be needing them at camp. I would be expected to wear that uniform from now until we are sent home. But where was home? I had no memory of this world save what I gained after I woke on that bus. One thing at a time. I would face that problem when it arrived, and no sooner.

"I am done," I said and went to store my briefs and my T-shirt with Mars' dirty underwear. He also wore briefs. I could see part of his name on it. Socks too. The staff would take them and wash them all together, before drying them and giving them back. There was a good reason why every piece had my name stitched on. 

I went back to bed. I should have looked at the items I got. Tried to find some clue, but I was distracted by Mars. He looked so much like Shiro. He was a bit more tanned than Rin's apprentice but paler than Rin's servant. Rather inappropriate memories intruded, mixed with domestic ones.

Rin was much closer to Archer, especially since that ritual was supposed to last just one short war, not a decade. So they had regular sex for over a decade. That's practically being married. And Shiro left after learning enough to play a superhero.

Fortunately between Rin's lesson and Archer's "help", Shiro was able to satisfy his hero fetish in a much less self-destructive way. Safe, sane, and consensual. It seemed that there were more similarities between BDSM and superhero lifestyles than just latex.

"Do you need something?" his voice intruded on my reminiscing. I had been staring at him for probably too long. How rude of me.

"Sorry, you look a bit familiar." I sighed and replied. I looked at my bare hand. He was gone. Our contract was broken. I could no longer feel him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He sounded compassionate as he said that. That tone that people use when they see strangers in pain. Was I in pain? I don't know. I mostly felt empty.

"No," I replied, "There is no point."

I turned my back to him. I should have continued sorting my memories. I should have looked into what I had in my bag for clues.

But did it really matter?

He was gone. Even if I found a way to summon him again he wouldn't remember the time we spent together.

Or worse he would remember that and all the time he had acted as Counter Guardian in between. But even worse was the emptiness where our bond was.

I was tired. Too many things have happened today. I closed my eyes and tried to think of nothing.

I didn't ask Mars to turn down the lights.

They didn't bother me, and talking to him right now was too much effort.