NOVEL NEXT Iris and Me
Chapter 69 : Dawn of a new era (Fear is the mind killer)
Chapter 69 : Dawn of a new era (Fear is the mind killer)
Chapter 69 : Dawn of a new era (Fear is the mind killer)
{feat Hand-Holding}
“English Tea Time” Tea house, Manhattan Mall, Koreatown, Manhattan, New York, 5th of May, 15:24
The silence is heavy around Gwen, the mutants and me as they visibly digest my warning.
Jean’s eyes are downcast and she’s biting her lips, still shaken, and the others are throwing her looks of barely disguised alarm.
Even Scott is managing to keep his mouth shut, having finally understood that I wasn’t joking.
I take another sip of my tea as I let my fellow telepath, whose thoughts are going wild right now that I can feel them through the cracks in her shield, come to term with her meltdown.
I frown, Iris following suit, as my eyes look at my tea.
Nothing left, uh.
A shame.
In the corner of my eyes, I see Gwen’s mouth quirk up, probably amused at my reaction.
<“I still have to talk and I’m out of tea.”> I telepathically whine at her.
<“There, there.”> My favorite spider girl soothes me with good humor.
I don’t realize it instantly but, amid our banter, her hand pats my thigh to comfort me.
My brain functions halt, I feel hers do the same, and the tip of my ears, blessedly hiddens, burn a little.
<“Sorry, I…”> She starts to stammer, her hand starting to leave its spots as fast as her thoughts allow it.
<“It’s ok,”> I clamp her panic down, my tone gentle, <“No harm done, really.”>
Iris mentally laughs her ass off at my expense, again.
<“Just maybe not the best timing, what with the doom & gloom mood all around.”> I gently tease the masked blond.
<“Sue me, I’m getting bored.”> Gwen answers with mock flippancy.
<“Oh?”> I wonder, <“Then watch what happens next, I’m convinced it will be peak entertainment.”>
“In all honesty,” I start aloud, cutting into the uncomfortable silence that has settled among the crowd, “I’ve half a mind to engineer a meeting between you and Him.”
Jean startles, her eyes and attention snapping back to me.
“Why?” She sputters, “And how?”
Her panic is so strong that it reaches me through her cracks.
It even makes me wince a little under Iris' skin but she hides it splendidly.
“I’ve said earlier that He made an impression on me.” I answer slowly, “Standing next to Him in the Astral Plane is like walking near a precipice, or being into a sun’s corona just shy of getting burnt alive, or even getting crushed by a weight so heavy you’ll feel like Atlas for a moment.”
I pause, everyone’s attention solely on me as I daintily put my mug back on the table.
“If that doesn’t spur you to try your hardest afterward no matter how hard or painful it can be once you’ve taken the full measure of what He is, I don’t know anything that can.” I explain mildly, “As to the ‘how’, I’m positive He will come as soon as I step into the Astral Plane with you at my side.”
What with the shiny and extremely subtle beacon he left on me.
“Don’t worry, He knows He’s fated to be yours as you are fated to be His, if I intercede in your favor while asking for Him to give you some time and that this is just some preliminary introductions between the two of you, He’ll leave you be for the time being.” I explain gently, “Contrary to Xavier’s belief, He is a benevolent entity and He takes care of His avatars.”
He also gets massively pissed off when you harm them, to the point of eating your sun out of spite if you do.
“Why would he trust you?” Scott asks, visibly irritated that he’s not part of the conversation.
I shrug lazily while Jean throws him a warning glare which he tries really hard to ignore.
“Because He knows that I know what He is.” I answer nonchalantly, “And no, I didn’t sweet-talk Him. It took Him seconds to rifle through my memories, rather rudely too I might add,”
Silence falls on the group once again as Jean, the focus of the conversation, digests what I’ve just said.
I, after all, cannot force her decision about it, but in my mind, it’s either that or mentoring her from the ground up, and I’ve had my fill of training sessions for a while.
Iris and I, and also our whole team, hitch for something a bit more interesting than play-fighting after months of doing just that ad nauseum three times a week at minimum.
I distractedly realize that despite her better judgment, Gwen’s left hand is, in fact, still on my thigh.
Wordlessly, my right hand fall onto hers, squeezing it gently.
I feel her mind stutter once more.
<“It’s fine.”> I mentally tell her gently, <“Let’s just say that I’m bored too.”>
Her mind halts, then laughs at my quip.
<“That got to be the poorest excuse I’ve ever heard.”> She answers with a little mirth, <“Are we dropping barriers between us?”>
I ‘hmm’ mentally for a spell, the others still lost in the shattering of their own world while our own conversation occurs at high speed.
<“There’s nothing wrong about holding hands, dear.”> I answer with a laugh, playing the meme a little.
Her hand upturns and our fingers intertwine.
I feel both of our hearts through the temporary mind-link do a little hiccup.
Her grip grows a little slacker, uncertainty on her mind.
My thumb rubs the side of her hand, my acceptance shining through my mind, prompting her grip to tighten once more.
Why the hell am I doing that?
Through her own perception, Gwen realizes that it’s my turn to hesitate.
I feel her thumb mirror mine, slowly rubbing my own hand.
For a beat, I have the feeling that a balm is put on my scarred soul, the good kind of heat pervasing my body.
For an instant, but a fleeting moment, nothing matters anymore.
It’s just Gwen and I, our minds touching shoulders together, our undesired guests and their problems forgotten, my own scars and past behind.
Young again.
Alive again.
Breathing again.
Fighting again, albeit a different fight.
Amids that lull in the middle of the Chaos, with a capital-C, that is life, especially ours, I’m confronted with a certainty.
A dirty, shameful, disgraceful, certainty.
A pervert, unfaithful, ugly, certainty.
A beautiful, exciting, lovely, certainty.
I like her.
Maybe not as much as she does, maybe not as much as I once liked Marie, you never forget your first love after all, but it’s the same kind of feeling.
And it’s built on nothing but little gestures, inane talks in class, exchange of ideas when we are speaking about chemistry and science in general, the focus we share toward striving to be the best we can while we train.
Seeing her smile, the way her eyes brighten when she looks at me, how she pouts and then laughs when I’m being silly, the way her nose scrunches when someone says something rude next to her.
It’s been barely over four months, and my mind is dangerously close to being made up about the idea of marrying the girl in the future.
And I don’t really know how to feel about that.
I know that I’m almost a non-functional human being when I’m alone and I thought that I would be able to cope with Iris’ help.
But it’s apparently not enough.
Hell, I’m almost reduced to a blushing, stuttering and trembling wreck because we’re fucking holding hands!
And it’s too soon, and it shouldn’t even be possible, and I’m still not over Marie and…
Her hand squeezing mine a little more forcefully than before pulls me out of my funk.
I’m trembling a little, I notice idly.
<“Are you alright?”> Gwen asks, her tone full of concern.
Counting backward from ten while exhaling as slowly and as discreetly as I can, I answer.
<“I’m fine.”> I answer softly, <“But I think we need to talk.”>
I feel her mind tenses near mine.
Her grip losen.
<“Relax, it’s just…”> I hesitate for a beat, mulling over my thoughts, <“I know your story and you don’t know mine, at least not as much as you should. I shall remedy that.”>
<“Oh.”> She answers simply, relaxing.
<“Later, alright?”> I ask, hoping for her assent.
<“Alright.”> Gwen answers easily, tentative happiness reaching me.
I can’t help but idly notice that Iris has been silent for the whole exchange.
I’m going to be teased so hard tonight.
“[Mirth, happiness, love] : You bet you’ll be, blood-sister of mine.” My symbiotic half shortles on our shared-mind.
I barely have the time to mentally groan at her, Gwen and I’s fingers still intertwined, that Jean finally gives her answer.
“I think…” The redhead starts haltingly, her arms folding protectively on her chest “I think I’d like to meet Him.”
Obviously, her self-appointed guardian has his hackles raised instantly.
“You can’t be serious!” Scott protests.
“Oh, trust me, she is.” I point out lazily.
His attention snaps to me as do those of Kitty and Rogue.
“I feel it in my mind,” I continue with a lazy-shrug, “She has made up her own.”
“She’s right Scott,” Jean interrupts softly, “I need to do this. To surpass my fear and to face my future.”
You could probably hear a pin drop after her declaration.
“Fear is the mind killer.” Gwen points out, taking a sip of her tea.
I snort.
“Dune, really?” I ask her amusingly.
“It seemed appropriate.” She answers cheekily, “What with her fear hampering her mind powers.”
Another beat passes as everyone around us throw us weird looks.
“You guys,” I drawl languidly, barely hiding Iris and I’s smiles, “Have no humor at all.”
Jean’s look is very flat.
“Whatever.” The redhead says, “How are we doing this?”
“You’re really, really sure about this Jean?” Kitty asks once more for good measure, her look uncertain.
Jean huffs, looking at her teammates in turns.
“I’d appreciate it if you'd stop trying to dissuade me, guys.” She points out, a little bit of heat in her voice.
Understandable, that’s a huge decision and nobody trusts her.
“But Jean…” Scott starts, his tone pleading.
Trying to guilt-trip her, uh?
“Don’t.” Jean snaps as she pins him with a glare, “I’m doing this because I need to. Not because I like it or for thrill-seeking.”
She slowly exhales, her arms going slack.
“I wanted answers and He is the one who should give me those.” She concludes.
From the cracks in her psy-shield, I can see that her mind is made of steel.
“Fine by me.” I say easily, extending my left hand on the table, palm up, “Take my hand when you feel ready, we’ll be done in a jiffy.”
I tilt my head slightly as I’m rewarded with four, five if you count Kurt above his wall thataway, relatively bewildered expressions.
“What if I want to come with her?” Scott asks forcefully, stepping near the booth’s table.
“Well, you ask Jean first.” I point the obvious out with a gesture of my chin toward the redhead, “And if, and only if, she says ‘yes’ you’ll just have to drop a hand on her shoulder.”
He glowers at me before turning himself toward Jean.
<“Could I come too?”> Gwen hesitantly asks me while Scott starts to argue with Jean.
<“Why would you do that?”> I mentally answer the blond.
<“To understand.”> She answers immediately.
I ponder for a beat.
<“I could show you my memories, you know.”> I point out.
<“It’s not the same.”> She answers, mentally shaking her head at me, <“I want to see Him and understand why you speak of Him with reverence and a bit of fear in your voice.”>
Her grip tightens once more on my hand.
<“You’re afraid of something.”> She starts, <“Jess’ told us you were, that all of this was to prepare us if we ever had to encounter something, or someone, that scared you.”>
<“What a little tattle tale.”> I answer teasingly, trying to hide my unease.
It doesn’t work as much as I’d like.
<“Yet, you’re never afraid.”> She continues forcefully, <“You plan ahead, you train us, you carry us forward, but you never show fear. Heavens, you even nudged Jessie toward magehood.">
I remain mentally silent as she structures her thoughts.
<“Now, right now, it’s just a silly game to me, to us.”> She carries on, <“Maybe not anymore for Flash but you get my meaning. So I want to understand what can frighten you so much that you don’t even speak about it with us.”>
<“I should’ve told all of you.”> I mentally sigh at her, <“But I kept waiting until we really got into it. I wanted…”>
I clench and unclench the digits of my free hand.
<“I wanted for all of you to have a silly, goofy, normal teenagehood. Even if your Fate laid elsewhere.”> I admit slowly.
Amid our temporary mind-link a beat passes.
<“And I think that I speak for all of us when I say that we’re grateful for that.”> She softly answers, <“But it’s going to change this summer, right?”>
<“I think so, yes.”> I answer testily.
<“Then, I want to know.”> Gwen declares decisively, <“I want to meet Him, even if I am just a bystander, and understand what you are afraid of. Because it’s certainly not of humankind, of that I am sure.”>
Fear is the mind killer, eh?
<“Alright.”> I sigh in defeat, <“But I advise you to be extra polite and I want you to talk to Him only if He address you first.”>
<“I promise.”> She answers easily, the shadow of a smile ghosting through our mind-link, <“You’re going to tell him the same?”>
My attention comes back to Scott and Jean, whose argument is settling under the bemused looks of Kitty and Rogue.
<“Nah, fuck him. He’s been an arse so far.”> I mentally snort contemptuously.
Gwen sputters.
<“That was both mean and vulgar.”> She points out.
<“Am I wrong?”> I ask archingly.
<“I sadly cannot say that you are, but still!”> She protests.
Iris mentally guffaws as the scowling boy and the put upon redhead turn toward us.
“He comes.” Jean drawls a little annoyingly.
Scott remains stubbornly mute as his eyes challenge me.
“Alright then,” I answer easily, “Your hand, if you would?”
Jean testily grips my left-hand as Scott steps closer to her to clamp one of his on her shoulder.
I arch an eyebrow at the display.
“I’d reckon you’d better sit.” I tell Mr. Stick-in-the-mud, “Or you’re going to fall on your face once I yank your mind out of your body.”
Wordlessly, but still scowling, he gesture for Kitty to make some place for him between her and Jean.
A few beats later, everyone is in place, and everyone looks unhappy.
Wonderful.
“Alright, here it comes!” I say pepilly.
“Keep an eye on them, Iris.” I tell my blood-sister as an after-thought.
“[Amusement, agreement] : Don’t worry about it, sister. They’ll behave.” She reassures me.
There was a hint of predatory glee there but I don’t really care about it.
If they do something and Iris reacts, it’s on them, really.
I focus on our four minds, temporarly close to each other.
I push.
And we’re gone.
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