Inescapable Escapism

“Okay, turn to page forty-seven. We’ll be picking up from where we stopped last time,” my English teacher, Mrs Govern, said in her usual nasal tone.

I watched her blankly, my interest in the book being sapped out of me the longer I sat in the classroom. She was wearing her usual thin scarf, striped jumper, and long skirt. Her short hair stuck out at every angle, as always, giving her a vaguely electrocuted look.

“I’m going to need some characters. Who would like to read today?” she asked, looking around the room with an overtly enthusiastic grin that bordered on manic.

I stared down at my open book intently.

I did not want to be chosen. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed reading, of course I did, but there were few things I disliked more than reading in front of the class. I always tripped over my words and hated every moment. Every time, I could feel Sophia’s eyes burning into my red face, and I knew that she was smirking, waiting for me to struggle so that she could laugh. She always did. She was the ringleader who made the others laugh too.

I think it was at least slightly out of fear. If people laughed along and pretended to like her, she wouldn’t turn on them too.

“Emily, I’d like you to play Viola,” Mrs Govern started.

“Yes!” Emily hissed under her breath but loud enough for everyone to hear.

Mrs Govern just smiled at her indulgently before looking around for another person to choose.

“Alex, you can read the Duke and we’ll choose the others as and when they come up. Okay, Emily, start at the top of the page.”

Relief washed through me, only slightly tinged with annoyance, as Emily cleared her throat and started reading in an overdramatic and loud voice. Her voice felt like it echoed around the room, easily reaching everyone in the classroom.

She didn’t need to be talking so loudly, there were only about thirty of us in the room so it wasn’t a particularly large room. We were seated in rows and, as usual, she was right at the front. Even so, she felt the need to almost shout.

I scanned the pages, blocking out Emily’s voice as much as I could. I didn’t hate the book, it was fine, I just didn’t like how we were reading it in school. Mrs Govern always made us read through as a class and told us off if we had the audacity to read ahead.

Apparently, that would ruin our enjoyment which always made me smirk a little. As if hearing Emily try to put on a masculine voice and read Cesario’s lines added anything to the reading experience. I’d already finished the book. I’d managed to do it over the first couple of classes and now I had weeks stretching ahead of me where I’d just be expected to sit silently and read painfully slowly through the book with others acting out the lines.

It happened every time we started a new book in class. I’d enjoy it for the first lesson, finish it in the next few and then slowly start to hate it as I was trapped slowly reading through it and being asked every couple of lines to examine it deeper and try to consider the inspirations behind everything or why something was written in a certain way.

There was always some deep and convoluted reason that Mrs Govern came up with and it was always more than ‘because they wanted to’. I doubted she ever got it actually right. I knew that she studied English at university, she’d bragged about that enough times, but still, it seemed unlikely. Some of her theories were so farfetched.

Why couldn’t a line be written in a certain way just because the author wanted it to be read that way? Or was every single word carefully thought out and considered? No, that seemed ridiculous. Surely, that would take too long.

My eyes widened slightly and a smile came to my face as I realised something. Without conscious thought, I slipped back into my daydream with a wave of dizziness.

“Kid,” Mitch’s soft voice said. “Kid! Wake up, we’re here.”

I cracked my eyes open, blinking rapidly against the dazzling brightness.

“Where are we?” I asked before fear shot through me and I opened my eyes in real life.

I don’t think I’d even had them closed but I stared around the classroom carefully, fearful that I’d spoken out loud and was about to be mocked. But no one was looking at me. Everyone was either staring into space or staring blankly at their books.

Relief so strong it made me lightheaded washed through me and I blinked back into the other world.

The sun blazed down, reflecting off the other cars around us and threatening to blind me. There weren’t even any clouds to protect my eyes, just an endless bright blue sky.

“Car park in London. The only open-top one I could find near here,” he said gruffly.

I stared around the cars surrounding me, shining brightly in the morning sun.

“Why?” I asked.

“If things get bad, I can call a buddy with a helicopter to come get us. It’s not exactly legal but we can find a way around it.”

My head spun and I was at a loss for what to say.

I wanted to ask a million questions, like why would things get bad and were those people still following us. Also, who was his buddy and why did he never refer to any of them by name? Or even how would they find a way around the law, surely that was pretty set in stone?

But then my eyes fell on the dashboard of the car we were in. It was different to the night before. That one hadn’t had the silver accent that this one had.

“Is this a different car?” I asked before I could stop myself.

“Yeah, do you not remember switching it last night?” he asked, shooting me a look.

“No, not at all,” I answered honestly.

He snorted.

“I’m not surprised. I doubt your eyes even opened once, I was a little worried you were dead.”

I felt myself laugh softly.

“What now?” I asked.

“Now, we get breakfast. You hungry?”

It didn’t matter, I couldn’t taste anything in my fantasies.

“Sure,” I lied.

“Great. There’s a cafe on the ground floor of this multi-storey. Will you go down and pick me up an espresso, the largest one they do, and some kind of breakfast sandwich and get something for you too?” he asked with a cheeky grin.

“Hey! Why can’t you do it?” I complained but it was hard to keep the smile off my face.

I didn’t really mind though.

“More people are looking for me, I gotta lay low, but they probably won’t be looking for you. One sec, I’ll grab a couple phones out the back.”

He disappeared out the door before I could say anything else and my eyes scanned the car park as he made his way around to the back of the car and rooted around in the boot.

He returned before long, holding out an iPhone to me.

“You know how to pay using this?” he asked.

I nodded. I’d used Apple Pay before.

“Great. The password is four zeros, you got it?” he said, his expression intense.

I nodded again.

“Now, don’t think about running away and using my card. There’s a limit to how much can be spent on there and it’s a burner account. Get down there and come up quickly. If you think it’s going to take more than ten minutes, text me. Otherwise, I’ll assume you’re working with the others and I’ll leave you here then wipe that phone, got it?”

“Yep,” I said, my mouth dry.

“Great. My number is saved under the name ‘one’. If something feels wrong or you get held up, text me just the letter ‘Q’ and I’ll come help, okay?”

I nodded again, fear washing through me.

I hoped nothing happened. I was in class still and I could vaguely hear the droning voices of Emily and Alex so I didn’t want anything too exciting or cool to happen. I knew that I needed to stay at least a little bit aware of what was happening in the real world which would be hard if a fight or something happened in the fantasy.

My face started to flush with embarrassment as I imagined what would happen if the bell rang and we were dismissed but I was too distracted by being chased again or something.

“Well, what are you waiting for? We only have twenty minutes before Betty’s office opens, go!”

I threw the door open and rushed out, painfully aware of the time limit he’d set for me. As I rushed across the car park, trying hard not to look suspicious whilst also moving quickly and checking that I wasn’t being followed, I checked the time. It was a little after seven in the morning, her office must open at seven-thirty.

I’d need to be quick.

I yanked the heavy door open to the staircase and raced down the steps, the phone slippery in my sweaty hand. My footsteps echoed loudly in the staircase and my heart raced with a combination of anxiety and exertion.

After what felt like far too long, I burst out into the bright sunlight, blinking and squinting so that I could just about see.

My gaze quickly fell on the cafe that Mitch had mentioned and I joined the busy foot traffic towards it. It was attached to the multi-storey but I couldn’t see any way to get into it from the inside of the car park so I settled for entering from the street.

The glass front allowed me to quickly survey the people sitting inside as I approached but it did little to reduce my anxiety. I didn’t recognise anyone sitting at any of the wooden tables but that didn’t make me feel better.

The soft and welcoming aroma of coffee washed over me as I pulled the door open, making my mouth water. I continued to watch everyone as carefully as I could as I walked towards the refrigerated units before my eyes fell on the rows of sandwiches and rolls.

I quickly found the heated display of warm food where the breakfast sandwiches were but from there, I was stumped.

There were too many options.

I turned the phone in my hand as I examined them carefully and debated texting Mitch.

Sausage, bacon, both or vegetarian? I pondered as I unlocked the phone and pulled up the messaging app before stopping myself.

I couldn’t go running to him with every single little question I had. That would get so annoying so quickly. I needed to show him that I could be decisive.

Before I could change my mind, I reached out and grabbed the breakfast sandwich with bacon, sausage and egg but then I froze.

What if he doesn’t like eggs? I thought, worry shooting through me.

Some people didn’t. Hell, I didn’t and I didn’t want to get him a sandwich he didn’t like.

The phone buzzed in my hand, startling me, and I stared down at the words that had appeared.

I’m hungry, get two.

I quickly typed out ‘okay’ and sent it back to him before grabbing a sausage sandwich as well and one of the vegetarian sandwiches. That way, all bases were covered. I’d offer him all of them and then, if he didn’t want it, I’d eat the vegetarian one.

Almost content with my decision and the breakfast sandwiches just about clenched in my hands, I scanned the cafe again and joined the queue. My heart raced as I watched the time slowly tick down and the queue crawled forwards at a painfully slow rate.

It took far too long before I reached the counter and clumsily dropped the sandwiches onto it.

“One breakfast sandwich, one vegetarian breakfast sandwich and a sausage sandwich. Can I get anything else for you?” the blue-haired woman behind the counter asked in a falsely bright tone.

“Um, an Espresso, please. The largest you do,” I added hastily.

“Sure,” she said, typing on the screen. “Anything else?”

I stared up at the menu above her.

I didn’t drink coffee in the real world, it was too bitter, but I liked the smell. I could have one in my fantasy world, there was nothing stopping me.

“Can I get a latte, please?” I said, ordering my dad’s go-to. “With caramel syrup?”

“Sure, anything else?”

“That’s it, thanks.”

“Great,” she said flatly. “How are you paying?”

A trill of anxiety burst through me as I lifted the phone.

What if it didn’t work? I’d look like such an idiot.

“Do you accept this?” I asked with what I hoped was a lighthearted smile.

“Sure, just tap it on there when you’re ready.”

The woman gestured towards the card reader and I double tapped the button on the phone to activate the payment system, quickly typing in the code when prompted to do so.

I could hear my heart pounding in my ears as I waited for it to be accepted, almost pulling the phone away to check that it was working and I was using the right card before the phone buzzed slightly, sending a wave of relief through me.

“Great, that’s all gone through. If you wait down there by that counter, someone will put your drinks there once they’ve been made. Do you want a bag for those by the way?”

“Oh, yes, please,” I said, sending her a relieved smile.

She returned it halfheartedly as she bagged my sandwiches and pushed it towards me.

I took the bag and walked towards the counter she’d pointed at, watching the others in the cafe. No one was wearing the telltale all-black uniform as those who had followed us the night before but that didn’t mean I was safe. They could be dressed in normal clothes.

There was someone sitting at one of the tables who was watching me. He was dressed in a crisp dark suit and his blonde hair was pushed back away from his face. It looked like he’d just swept it back but I knew it probably took him ages to get it to just the right level of dishevelled.

His lips broke into a wide, smarmy smile as he noticed my eyes on him and he slowly pushed away from his table. My heart started to speed up as he made his way over to me, blatantly checking me out.

“Hey,” he said in a surprisingly deep tone, sending me another smile that showed his bright white teeth.

“Hi,” I said with a tight smile before looking away.

“Come here often?” he asked, ignoring my obvious disinterest.

“Nope, first time.”

“Ah, a virgin? Well, I’m glad I could share this experience with you.”

He smiled again, clearly thinking that he was being clever but my stomach turned.

I glanced at the people who were making my coffee, smiling as one to-go cup was put on the counter.

“Caramel latte?” they asked.

“Thanks,” I said quickly, glancing at the other baristas and trying to work out who was making the espresso.

I really needed them to hurry up so I could get away from the creep who was still eyeing me up.

“So, are you sticking around for a while or have you got plans?” he tried again.

“I have plans.”

“Anything interesting?”

My mind raced as I tried to think of something to say that would get rid of him. In real life, I would have just had a conversation with him and then left as soon as possible but… I didn’t need to here. I could mess with him with no worries of repercussions.

“Meeting my lawyer actually,” I said in a brighter tone and was rewarded with a look of concern that briefly flitted over his face.

“Oh?” he asked, sounding a little uncertain for the first time.

“Yeah, it’s nothing major, just a light assault case. She reckons she should be able to get the charges dropped pretty easily,” I said with a grin, holding up my fingers which I’d crossed for luck.

“Espresso?” one of the baristas asked, holding up a cup.

“Oh, that’s mine too! Thanks!” I said, juggling the things I was holding around so that the bag was looped on my wrists and the phone was clutched between my fingers around the cup. “Well, actually, it’s my lawyer's. You know what they’re like, it never hurts to bribe them a little. It was nice talking to you.”

I breezed away from him without looking back and shouldered the door open before I let myself glance behind me to make sure he hadn’t followed.

He hadn’t. He’d slowly lowered himself back into his seat, a slightly bewildered look on his face.

I let myself smile, enjoying the fact that I’d actually managed to get him to leave me alone, and crossed the street towards the urine scented staircase. I raced up the stairs as quickly as I could with the two hot cups of coffee threatening to overflow at any moment, despite their lids.

Pushing the door open at the top of the stairs, I realised that I had no idea how long had passed since I left Mitch. Fear blossomed in my stomach again as I scanned the cars quickly, looking for the silver car he’d been in. Breathing out a sigh, I spotted it and raced towards it.

Mitch looked almost relieved to see me but he quickly hid it behind grouchiness.

“You took your time, didn’t you?” he grumbled once I’d managed to get back into the car.

“I ran all the way there and back!” I insisted, holding out the coffee to him.

“Did you now? Well, maybe you aren’t as fast as I thought. We’ll work on that. What sandwiches did you get?”

I ignored the dig and put my coffee into the cupholder before pulling the bag off my wrist.

“Take whichever ones you want,” I said, holding the bag out to him.

He peered into the bag suspiciously, examining the content.

“Did you get the veggie one for me or you?” he asked.

“No but you can have it if you want.”

He narrowed his eyes at me.

“I’m good with these two,” he said after a pause, pulling out the other two sandwiches and handing the bag back to me.

“Good,” I replied with a smile as I pushed the bag onto the floor and grabbed my sandwich.

“So,” he said after taking a few bites of the first sandwich. “You’re a vegetarian.”

It wasn’t a question and it didn’t need an answer but still, I gave one.

“Yeah.”

“How long’s that been going on?”

His tone wasn’t judgemental, just curious.

“A few years,” I replied.

“Bet the foster homes hate that,” he said with a good-hearted smile. “I’m not going to stop eating meat around you.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to,” I said with a shrug, taking another bite of the sandwich.

I still couldn’t taste anything but I could smell it and it smelt good. It almost made me want to hunt down the cafe in real life. It wouldn’t be hard, there were hundreds of them across the country.

“But I will make sure there’s always food you can eat wherever we go.”

That sent warmth through me. Even though I knew he was a figment of my imagination, it made me happy that someone thought of that for me. Maybe I just wanted to be cared for like that and I knew I wouldn’t get it from my mom.

A jarring bell broke through my consciousness and I looked around the car in fear before realising it was happening in real life. I blinked back into reality and let my eyes focus on Mrs Govern at the front of the classroom. My hand moved mechanically as I wrote down the homework assignment, barely even paying attention to it as my brain begged to slip back into the fantasy.