Inescapable Escapism

“Well… I can’t say I’m glad someone died, obviously,” I said with a grin before concern caught up with me. “What happened?”

Dina shrugged, her eyes returning to the single cloud in the sky above us.

“I don’t know,” she said. “Mom knows, but she wouldn’t tell me. I don’t think it was anything too scary, though. I heard her and Dad talking about it.”

“What were they saying?” I asked.

“Just that it was an accident and unexpected. They saw me before I heard anything else,” Dina sounded disappointed, and I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my lips.

“Did they realise you were eavesdropping?”

“No,” she said, a slight grin appearing on her face. “I told them I heard something outside. The solar panel is broken again.”

Her expression was so innocent.

“Again?” I asked. “Which one?”

Dina turned her head to look at me, raising an eyebrow.

“Which one?” she repeated incredulously. “You know which one! It’s the one we broke.”

My eyebrows drew together, and I searched my memories quickly. Luckily, it wasn’t hard for me to access them. They came to me much faster than they normally did when I entered a new world.

“Wait,” I said slowly. “The one we hid under that time?”

“Yep.”

“But… that was like a month ago. How did your parents not realise I broke it before now?” I asked, genuinely shocked.

We’d been sneaking out one night, and Dina’s parents had gotten home at the wrong time. We were halfway across the roof when we heard them walking along the street below and had to dive under the panels to hide. I’d caught my foot on the frame and spent the rest of the time we were hiding, holding it together and silently praying that it wouldn’t fall and crush me.

Even as I recalled it over a month later, I still felt fear and anxiety burning within my stomach. The panel wasn’t heavy enough to kill me, I knew that, but it would hurt. And Dina’s parents would definitely tell my parents, and then they’d know we’d been sneaking out. That would suck. They might start checking on me at night, and I wouldn’t be able to go on walks around the city any more.

Panic fluttered in my stomach, but I ignored it. I hated the idea of being trapped inside and not able to go for walks. I didn’t go that often. Just once or twice a week, whenever I couldn’t sleep or had too much on my mind. It was nice. Peaceful. The fans were usually turned off by the time I went out, so there was rarely any wind. The world was just… still.

That’s what I liked. It was what I wanted. I didn’t want to see people or to have to interact with anyone. It was just nice to have an hour or so to myself where I didn’t have to do anything or be anyone. I could just exist, and I didn’t want to give that up. I’d put far too much effort into protecting that time already.

I used a holograph facsimile of myself sleeping, which I paid far too much for, to make sure my parents wouldn’t notice I wasn’t in bed, and I stayed close to the house, away from anywhere that would scan my chip. Sometimes, I’d just walk around until it started to get busier, but other times, I’d go to the park by my house. It was kind of busy sometimes, but when it wasn’t, I liked to just sit on the grass and stare at the night sky.

“I fixed it,” Dina said, pulling me back to the present.

“What?”

“It wasn’t hard,” she said.

“The mechanism was broken,” I pointed out. “And the metal was warped.”

I truly didn’t know how I managed to do that, but I had.

Dina shrugged again.

“I’ve fixed worse. I kicked one of the panels before and tore the wiring straight out,” she said.

I stared at her in shock.

“What? How?”

They were enclosed on the bottom. There was no way she could even get to the wiring without…

“I forgot I’d taken it apart a while ago,” she explained, an almost embarrassed look appearing on her face. “I wanted to know what the underside was like, but Geo needed a hand with something and surprised me. I didn’t want him to know what I was doing because I knew he’d tell Mom and Dad, so I just left it and said I was painting something. I got distracted and kept meaning to go out and put it back together but didn’t have a chance to until it was too late.”

She sounded disgusted at the idea of her parents knowing she was interested in engineering, and I bit my lip to stop myself from saying anything about it. She clearly was. Although she had tried to fight against it and hide it, I knew she was. She’d never outright admit it.

Dina was good, though. She’d managed to fix the panel without any training or instructions. I had no clue how she did that. I’d picked up some engineering knowledge just from being around Dina and her family, but I still wasn’t good. The idea of having to fix one of the adjustable frames alone and probably at night was intimidating to me.

“Wait, what did you do about it?” I asked. “Did you manage to get all the wiring back in?”

“No,” she said. “I straight up snapped some of them! I tried to take it apart and replace them with some stuff from Mom and Dad’s workshop, but I made such a mess. One of the wires literally caught on fire!”

I laughed, enjoying the mental image. It sounded terrifying, but Dina’s tone was too lighthearted. She clearly hadn’t gotten hurt.

“Oh no! “ I cried, still chuckling. “So… what happened?”

“Well… I’m not proud of myself,” she started.

“Okay…” I said slowly when she didn’t continue speaking.

“I might have… bribed Geo to say he broke it.”

A snort slipped out of me.

“What? How?”

“I said I’m not proud!” Dina cried, lifting her hands to cover her face.

“What did you bribe him with?”

I couldn’t think of anything Geo would want that Dina had. He was older than her by a couple of years and had a job. She couldn't have bribed him with money. He would have had enough of that himself.

“Well… you know how he still lives at home?” she asked.

“Yeah?” I replied.

“So, I stayed home from school one day, but he didn’t know, and he brought Lillia back to ours…” Dina explained. “I ran into them in the kitchen when I went down to get a drink. It was before they were official, and they weren’t doing anything, but… it was very clear why they were there.”

“Ew.”

“Yeah. I think I ruined their date,” she said with a snort. “But I said if he took the blame for it, I wouldn’t tell our parents he was with someone.”

My mouth fell open, and I looked at her.

“Dina, that’s not bribery. I think you blackmailed him!”

She laughed.

“Well, whatever. It worked.”

“What did he say happened?” I asked with a giggle.

“I don’t actually know, but Mom and Dad were pissed with him,” she said, grinning as she remembered it. “I could hear them shouting from my room.”

“Oh no,” I said. “Wait, if you fixed the panel I broke, what happened when your parents caught you eavesdropping?”

Dina smirked.

“Well… I assumed something would happen sooner or later, and I’d need a distraction, so I didn’t fix it well,” she said. “The metal was already beginning to bow again, so I just said that I heard a noise coming from it and that maybe a bird flew into it.”

“Oh wow, that’s clever,” I said.

“Yeah. I was going to rig something into it that could break whenever I sent the signal, but I couldn’t work out how to do it without leaving anything behind when it broke, you know?” Dina said. “Like, there needed to be some kind of receiver and breakaway mechanism maybe, but if my parents saw that, they would definitely think it was terrorists or something.”

I laughed, imagining the chaos that would cause.

“Yeah, they definitely would. We’ve not had any terrorist attacks in ages, though. I’m pretty sure they caught them all,” I said.

“Definitely,” Dina agreed.

We fell silent again, and I felt the atmosphere grow sombre again. The smile had fallen from Dina’s face, and she’d begun chewing on her lip. I looked at the sky above us again, searching for something to say to distract her and make her feel better. She was thinking about her future again, and I longed to tell her that she might enjoy it. She was good at repairing things and found it fun. It wouldn’t be too bad for her to do that full time.

But it wasn’t what she wanted. Dina was an artist. She was great at it, truly talented. I still didn’t understand how anyone could look at her submissions and not see how wonderful she was, but I pushed that thought aside, continuing to search for a positive.

“So… will you get to visit other islands?” I asked.

“Maybe,” she replied, her voice flat and containing none of the joy it had held before.

“That’s cool!” I said, forcing myself to sound extra positive and enthusiastic. “You’ll have to paint them for me so I can see them too.”

“Yeah, sure…” she agreed.

“And hey, maybe in a couple of years, you can appeal and see if you can get transferred to the art team,” I suggested. “You could always use the painting of the other islands for that! I bet the committee would love to see them.”

Dina snorted, but the noise was humourless.

“Doubt it,” she said. “There’s no point. They only need a few artists, and they’ve got them. Unless someone dies, my application will be rejected immediately. There’s no point in wasting my time again.”

“Well, maybe someone will die. It happened with Doctor Algeen’s team,” I replied. “I can’t exactly say I hope it happens, but… you know what I mean.”

“I hope it’s Beau,” Dina said, her voice unexpectedly vicious. “He was picked, by the way. He literally came over to tell me specifically.”

Hatred ran through me.

“Beau?” I repeated. “Boring art Beau?”

“That’s the one.”

“No, that has to be a mistake,” I replied. “He doesn’t deserve it! He’s terrible. I mean, one of his submissions was just a painting of the founder’s statue. We did that in class, like, four years ago! They must have seen a thousand versions of it!”

Dina sighed heavily.

“I know,” she said. “But he showed me his feedback. They said it was inspired. Apparently, he managed to capture His magnificence well.”

“Bullshit,” I shot back.

There was no way he did. I’d seen the painting, and it was boring. Everything he did was boring. That was why we’d given him the nickname. It was petty and cruel but true. Every single painting of his was so flat and lifeless, unlike Dina’s. She somehow managed to capture the beauty and movement of everything. Even her rough sketches looked like they were about to come to life and waltz around the room. Beau’s were nothing compared to hers.

I pulled myself out of my thoughts and glanced at Dina. She was ruminating again, I could tell. She was probably thinking about every single piece she’d ever created and picking faults with them. Or maybe she was thinking about her future and following in her family’s footsteps.

It was a good job. Engineers were necessary for the city. They kept the floating island in the air, and Doctor Algeen was one of the best. Maybe he was the best. Some people definitely thought he was. He’d come to our school a few times to give talks about stuff, and they always filled me with such awe. He was so passionate and knew so much. Plus, he got to visit other islands and sometimes go down to the surface, which I always dreamed of.

Dina would get to go, I realised. His team always went with him when he went, and she was going to be a part of it. I was kind of jealous but mostly just happy for her. It was good she was going to get to do something fun, even if it wasn’t what she wanted. I hoped that if I wasn’t picked to become a doctor, I’d be given something interesting too.

Self-doubt and anxiety started to creep into my mind. Had I done well enough on the tests to become a doctor? I wasn’t sure. It felt like I had at the time, but that feeling had begun to disappear as time went on, and I wasn’t so sure anymore. Maybe I hadn’t. Perhaps I wasn’t suited for a job in the medical field.

Instinctively, I began to pull away from the world. I didn’t want to stay in there and continue worrying about a future that meant nothing to me. I’d only been in that world for half an hour, if that. I liked it there, and it was interesting, but I could leave without ever looking back.

I started to search for my reality again, reaching for the dizziness that hovered at the edge of my mind. My stomach churned, and nausea crashed into me violently. The sky above me blurred before my eyes, and white spots appeared, growing bigger until they eclipsed almost everything else.

A hazy outline appeared. My mom, I realised slowly. She wasn’t looking at me. She hadn’t noticed the sweat that appeared on my upper lip or the fact that I was pressing my lips together. I had to. It was the only way to stop myself from throwing up right there. She was looking at her phone, I was pretty sure. It was hard to tell. The rest of the world hadn’t come into view yet. It was nothing more than a blur of muted colours.

I couldn’t go back. I didn’t want to. It was too hard, and there was nothing keeping me there. I had no reason to fight to be there. Even the strange floating world where I was fretting about being a doctor was better than sitting opposite my mom, who alternated between ignoring me completely and insulting me.

“Let’s do something fun,” I said, sitting up suddenly.

The world around me shifted so quickly that it made me lightheaded, and for a moment, I was worried I was going to fall back to the ground. The dizziness and nausea receded quickly, though. In less than a couple of seconds, everything was back to normal. It was like I’d never even tried to leave.

Beside me, Dina started to sit up.

“What did you have in mind?” she asked.

I cocked my head, thinking about it. Flashes of memories invaded my mind, but there were too many options, and I couldn’t work out which I wanted to do most.

“I’m not sure. What are you feeling?”

A smile appeared on Dina’s face.

“How about the arcade?” she suggested. “I bet no one will be there at this time.”

“Yes!” I cried, jumping up.

That was why I’d gone to that world. I wanted something fun, and I was sure an arcade on a floating, futuristic island would be incredible. Arcades in real life were awesome, but I rarely got to go to one. The one in the city nearest my home shut down a few years back, but even before that, I didn’t go often. Mom always got annoyed with me if I went to it. She said it was a waste of money and completely pointless, but I still found them fun.

Dina held her hand out to me, and I dragged her to her feet.

“Is there grass on me?” she asked, turning around.

I reached out, brushing some strands off her grey dress.

“Not any more. What about me?”

I turned slowly, waiting as I felt her reach out and pluck some from my back.

“Wait, wait, don’t turn around,” she said. “You have some in your hair, too.”

There was a slight tug, and I resisted the urge to comb my fingers through my hair, forcing myself not to move as Dina continued to remove the grass.

“Thanks,” I said, smoothing my uniform down.

“No worries. That’s it!”

As soon as she stepped away, I flipped my head forward, running my hands through my hair before grabbing the scrunchie from around my wrist. It was brown, I realised, staring at my hair. I was a brunette. The colour was beautiful. It was so dark, but some strands almost looked reddish.

Did I dye my hair? I didn’t remember ever dying it, but I was blonde in real life. My hair was the same colour in all of the other worlds I’d been to so far, too. I couldn’t recall a single other world where I wasn’t, and that kind of caught me by surprise. It felt wrong. It was such a small thing, but I wasn’t used to it.

Pushing my shock aside, I finished tying my hair into a high ponytail and straightened up, running my hands over my hair to make sure I hadn’t missed any before smiling at Dina.

“Ready?” she asked.

“Sure,” I replied.

We started to walk across the grass, and my breath caught in my throat. I’d not really looked around at the world before that point. I wasn’t sure why, exactly. I’d been too caught up in my conversation with Dina, maybe.

It was incredible. We were near the edge of the city; I knew that. It was the park we always went to because we’d never seen anyone else using it, unlike all of the other more central ones. They were probably too scared to go there. I’d heard people say that before. The edge of the city was protected; it wasn’t possible to reach it or to just fall off. Everyone knew that, but that didn’t matter.

There were rumours and tales. People believed if they got too close to the edge, something would come over them. I’d heard the stories before. Everyone knew someone, a friend of a friend or maybe a distant cousin, that it had happened to. They were curious, of course. They wanted to know what the surface looked like, not that they’d be able to see anything from so high up, and they found a way to get to the edge. And, according to the stories, they got their wish.

It was never their fault; whoever was telling the story always made sure to say that, and it was never intentional. They always had a reason not to jump, someone to go home to or a big promotion headed their way. They wanted to live, but they couldn’t help themselves. The power of the edge was too strong.

I played along with it, of course. I’d gasp at the right times and make sure not to roll my eyes too obviously, but I didn’t believe them. It was impossible to get to the edge, and even if it wasn’t, there was nothing that could trick someone into jumping if they didn’t already want to. There was no curse or magic or anything. It was nothing more than a story to stop people from going near it.

Looking out towards the edge, I understood why it was necessary. The grass just… stopped. There was a fence, but beyond that, there was nothing except the sky. And it was strangely beautiful. I couldn’t help but notice that. It was perfectly blue with more clouds in the distance, and I did want to take a closer look. I wanted to peer over the edge and stare down at the surface below, but that was just my curiosity. It wasn’t magic.

Forcing myself to look forward, I felt my eyes widen. The edge was fascinating and beautiful, but so was the city. I couldn’t see much of it. A neat row of houses, all topped with solar panels, lined the other side of the park and blocked most of it from view, but a few tall buildings rose above them. I had to clench my jaw to stop it from falling open.

The buildings were huge. They were in the centre of the city, and yet I could see them from where we were. They were the government buildings, I recalled, and the hospital where I hoped to work one day soon. The solar panels along the outside of each of the buildings reflected the sky, making the buildings almost blend in. If it weren’t for the strips of greenery that grew vertically along the edges of the skyscrapers, I might not have even noticed them.

It was fairly common, I recalled slowly. Most of the buildings in the city, residential and business, had either plants or solar panels on their roofs. Some had both. It was necessary to both power the city and supply enough oxygen for everyone who lived in it. I couldn’t remember exactly what kind of plant it was, some kind of moss or something, I was sure. A few places had algae, though, but that wasn’t as common. Algae needed more maintenance and water than the moss, so the city had started to phase it out.

“How long do you think we’ll be waiting for the mag?” Dina asked as we reached the edge of the park and joined the path. “Last time we were here during the day, I swear we had to wait, like, twenty minutes.”

A laugh slipped from my mouth.

“It was not twenty minutes,” I told her. “It was ten at most.”

She rolled her eyes at me.

“Fine, ten. But that’s too long. Isn’t there meant to be one every four minutes?”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “But not when it’s the middle of the day. Most people are meant to be in school or work at this time.”

“Suckers,” she said with a snicker.