Inescapable Escapism

Full but not yet satisfied, I reclined back on my bed and pulled the duvet even higher. Dinner had been sad, even by my standards. I’d settled for noodles fried quickly with a dash of soy sauce. I wanted to be in and out of the kitchen before my mom got the chance to come down so I settled for the quickest thing I could make.

I’d wolfed it down as quickly as possible too, not daring to eat in my room with how furious she still was. She’d locked herself in their bedroom, probably banishing my dad to the guest room for the night again, but I’d still heard her stomping around up there. Every so often, just when I’d managed to get my anxiety back under control, she’d throw something or slam a door and my heart would start racing again.

A soft knock came from the door before it opened, spilling a harsh light into my darkened room.

“Night, darling,” my dad said softly as he poked his head around the door. “I’m sorry about that earlier.”

I pushed myself up slightly and shook my head.

“It’s fine, dad. It wasn’t your fault,” I said.

He smiled wryly at me.

“I’m sure your mother would probably disagree with that,” he joked but it fell flat. “Did you manage to get all your homework done?”

“Yep,” I said quickly, not wanting to tell him the truth because I knew he’d just worry.

He smiled softly. This time it was much more genuine than the one before.

“Good girl, I’m proud of you. Sleep well.”

“Thanks, you too,” I said, feeling my heart deflate slightly with shame.

He closed the door again my eyes fell on the stack of books on my desk.

I hadn’t had a chance to do any of my homework for the next day and I knew he’d blame himself if I told him the truth. Part of me wanted to get out of bed and do some now, at least my French homework as I had that first thing, but I knew it wasn’t worth it.

If Mom managed to convince herself that I was up to no good or sneaking out, she’d come and check on me at some point too and it wasn’t worth it. If she caught me up and doing my homework, I probably wouldn’t get any sleep. And I’d have to put up with comments from her about how I am lazy or stupid and will probably never amount to anything. It wasn’t worth it. I’d do them in the morning or during form time.

Plus, my brain kept floating back to the imaginary world I’d created earlier. I wanted the chance to explore it properly. It had been so hard to keep myself from slipping into it whilst cooking and getting ready for bed but now, there was nothing stopping me.

I blew out a soft breath, letting that gentle wave of vertigo wash over me, and let my eyes shut. I opened them again cautiously.

Loud music immediately assaulted my ears and I had to resist the urge to cover them with my hands. If I did that, I’d give away my position.

I was perched on a fairly low wall overlooking a beer garden. The people in it weren’t paying me any attention and I was basically shrouded in darkness because all of the lights were pointed at the small, hastily thrown together stage where a band was playing music. Well, I’m not sure that music was the right term. It was more just a solid wall of noise that threatened to overwhelm me.

I wasn’t quite sure why I was sneaking in but it didn’t matter, I knew I needed to get inside. Not inside the beer garden, but into the pub itself. There was someone in there, I wasn’t quite sure who but I knew that if I saw them, I’d recognise them immediately.

I smoothed my palms down my front, hoping to wipe away some of the sweat that was building there, but what I felt made me freeze and glance down.

Again, I was wearing clothes I’d never worn before and definitely didn’t own. The black skinny jeans hugged my legs tightly and the semi low-cut top I’d apparently thrown on under my leather jacket was far more daring than anything I’d wear in real life.

I didn’t even own a leather jacket! Mom had told me that they were a symbol of rebellion and stupidity and said if I ever came home wearing one, she’d throw it in a fire immediately. Which, of course, made me want one even more.

With another glance at the people standing below me, I realised that I looked pretty similar to them. They were mostly wearing dark clothes and there were more leather jackets down there than I’d ever seen before.

I snorted a quiet laugh. It was basically my mom’s nightmare. My mouth twitched up in a smile as I imagined her amongst the revellers down there. They all looked drunk and, despite the fact she often polished off a bottle of wine or more in one night (amongst other things), she had a hatred for people who drank often. It was hilariously ironic to me but I’d never point it out to her.

Bringing my mind to the present, I leaned back against the cool bricks and looked down at the wall I was on. It wasn’t too high, probably only a little taller than my own height. I wasn’t sure if it was to keep people out of the garden or just to stop others from seeing in.

Glancing along the wall, I realised there was an easy way into the garden; giant bins lined the outside of it. From there, anyone on the street outside would have been able to climb up, hop the fence and get into the garden.

Actually, I realised as I looked around the garden and the street beyond, it looked a lot like the pub in the village next to mine.

It was infamous for serving people who were underage and, apparently, it was pretty easy to get into. But that wasn’t why I was there. I was there to find someone and I couldn’t do that if I spent all night perched on the wall, just waiting to be caught.

The band finished their song to tremulous cheers again and I seized the opportunity to carefully jump down, the drop jarring my legs for just a moment and making me stumble forwards into a guy who had just come out of the pub.

Luckily, he’d been watching the band but he looked around at me as I collided with him.

“Watch where you’re—” He stopped suddenly, his eyes scanning me up and down, lingering for slightly too long on my flushed chest. “Sorry about that, you startled me. You ought to be careful, if you run into the wrong guy like that, you never know what could happen.”

I resisted a shudder at his flirtatious growl, feeling the urge to cover myself up and run away from him in disgust, but I forced myself to smile playfully.

“Sorry about that,” I said cooly. “And, thanks for catching me.”

I shot him a smile and started to move past him.

“Hey now,” he said, catching my arm in his. “You’re welcome. Why don’t you buy me a drink to say thank you?”

His eyes lingered on my chest for just a moment too long and I pried my arm out of his claw-like grip.

“Ah, another night. I’m actually on my way out,” I said with a calm smile, turning away from him and moving towards the door.

Luckily, the band drowned out his reply which, based on his expression, I was sure would have been insulting.

The door closed behind me, muffling the din of the band, and I moved along the dark corridor, my hand trailing gently on the slightly sticky painted wall.

Once upon a time, it would have been a very pretty bar but the natural wood panelling on the walls had been painted a tar-like black that was somehow tacky.

Instinctively, I held my breath as I passed the toilets and slipped into the main room of the bar.

It was quieter than outside but not by much. People huddled around tables, drinking watered-down alcohol and laughing loudly. Bits of conversations reached out towards me but I didn’t care. They weren’t who I was looking for, I was looking for the man who was sitting at the bar, silently nursing a whiskey.

I couldn’t go right over to him. I knew that he listened to me and accepted my proposal because he was the same man from the boat but still, I knew I’d need to convince him.

I made my way through the crowded room, dodging wandering hands and drunk guys like I had a lot of experience and leant on the bar, waiting for the bartender to notice me.

He came to the woman beside me first, which was lucky because I hadn’t worked out what to order yet. I wasn’t a particularly big drinker. Sure, I’d drank before, what fifteen-year-old hadn’t, but I didn’t drink much. I mostly just drank whatever was around, normally vodka because people always had that at parties.

I didn’t go to many though. Parties made me uncomfortable and my mom rarely let me go anyway. I think she was convinced that, if she let me go to a party, I’d end up a drunk and then she’d never get rid of me. She’d actually told me that a few times.

More than a few.

“Spiced rum and diet coke,” the woman beside me said in a raspy voice.

“Got it,” the bartender said with a smile before turning to me. “You two together?”

“Nah,” I said, trying to sound as calm and collected as she had.

His eyes scanned my face for a second as he poured her drink and I could tell that he was debating asking me for my ID, which I didn’t think I had, before he placed her drink on the counter and shrugged.

“What do you want?” he said as he took her money and gave her the change.

“Same as her actually,” I said with a smile.

“Good call! It’s the best, isn’t it?” the woman cried with a smile as she sipped the drink.

“Yeah, I love it!”

That was a lie, I’d never had rum before.

“Are you here by yourself?” she asked with an easy smile as the bartender poured my drink. “Do you want to come hang out with my friends?”

I glanced over her shoulder at the group she’d gestured towards. They were all women, seeming to be in their early twenties like her, and they were giggling freely.

A pit of longing opened in my stomach. Part of me did want to go hang out with her and her friends and completely forget about the reason I’d even gone to the bar in the first place. They seemed so nice and I’d always longed for a group of friends that I felt comfortable with. Not that I didn’t have friends or like them, but the idea of a big group of friends always filled me with longing.

But I couldn’t just blow off the reason I was in the pub.

“Sorry,” I said with a genuine and regretful smile, “I’m meeting someone.”

I jerked my head towards where the guy was sitting causing the girl and the bartender to look over at him.

“Okay, I see it. He’s kind of cute in a rugged, old way. Is he rich?” the girl asked, sipping her drink whilst still watching him.

The bartender placed my drink in front of me, waiting for my answer too.

I had no idea what to say so I forced myself to laugh as I slipped a crumpled note from my pocket.

“I hope so,” I said, shooting her a wink before picking up my drink and slipping through the crowd towards him, not bothering to wait for my change.

Taking a sip from the thin black straw, I found myself grateful that I couldn’t taste the undoubtedly acrid drink, if my experience with alcohol taught me anything. The smell alone was enough to warn me off it. It was strangely warm and comforting but there was a definite note of paint stripper underneath.

“Is this seat taken?” I asked as I approached the man.

“I wish it was,” he muttered, not taking his eyes off the phone clutched in his hand.

I hopped onto it, turning back towards the crowd and subtly glancing at the screen as I did so.

It was clear that he was looking at a map on it but I wasn’t sure what it was a map of. There was a big rectangular building in the middle and a lot of empty space around it.

“I’m Grace,” I said over the noise.

His eyes flicked up to my face for a second before he looked away again but I forced myself to keep my eyes on the crowd. I wasn’t quite sure what I was looking for but it was definitely something.

“Who are you?” I asked finally when it became clear that he wasn’t going to answer me.

“Uninterested,” he said shortly. “And about twenty years too old.”

I snorted.

“That wasn’t my question.”

“Does it matter?” he asked, looking away from the map in exasperation.

“Does anything?” I almost winced as the words came out of my mouth.

I’d meant it to sound snappy and cool but I just sounded like an idiot.

“No. Life is mostly void of meaning but there are still a few good things in it,” he said, taking a sip of his drink.

“Like what?”

He took a deep breath, clearly annoyed by my continued questioning.

“Good whiskey, not this swill, obviously, cigars, women and silence.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond to that but I couldn’t stop the laugh that came out of my mouth.

“So, where are you from? It’s clear that accent isn’t from around here,” I said after a moment.

He sighed heavily and locked his phone before turning towards me.

“God you’re a persistent little thing, aren’t you?” he asked.

I cocked an eyebrow and took another sip as I waited for his response.

“Kentucky, originally. Spent some time in the Caribbean, Greece, even lived in Ireland for a spell. You’re from ‘round these parts,” he said simply.

It wasn’t a question but I felt the need to answer it anyway.

“Eh, kind of. Started off in London but didn’t last there long, went to Northampton after that then got sent further up north for a bit. Nottingham/Lincoln area,” I said, the words spilling out effortlessly. “And now I’m here.”

I wasn’t sure where that lie came from but it must have sparked some interest in him because he looked away from the mirror behind the bar and examined me shrewdly.

“You’re pretty young to have lived in all those places. How old are you?” he asked, his head cocking to one side.

“Young enough to not want to answer too loudly in here,” I said.

He laughed loudly and unexpectedly.

“So, young enough to get kicked out if you answer my question? What are you doing here then?”

He hadn’t asked it in a rude way but still, I hesitated before answering him.

I couldn’t tell him the truth. Even though it was just a fantasy, I wanted to play it cool.

“Looking for a way to pass the time.”

The crease in between his eyebrows deepened.

“Is that so? Well, unfortunately for you, kid, you’re about twenty years too young for my liking,” he said lightly.

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes at him.

“Yes, because that’s the only way someone can pass the time,” I said flatly, hoping that he’d understand my sarcasm.

His lips twitched under his bushy moustache.

“Alright, what were you thinking then?” he asked, still looking at me instead of at the bar.

I looked away from him, taking a deep breath to steady myself so that I could answer him but instead, something caught my eye.

People were watching us. And not just in a slightly creepy yet innocent people-watching way. They were watching us. Intently. I swallowed and tried to look casual as I glanced around the crowded pub.

Six.

Six people were watching us. They were pretty obvious to spot, they weren’t even trying to blend in. They hadn’t gotten drinks and they weren’t wearing the typical ‘pub’ attire either. From what I could see, they were dressed all in black with strange utility vests, and their eyes were fixed on us.

“Umm,” I started.

The old guy’s must have realised something was wrong because his head whipped around to the mirror and I saw him scanning the pub.

“Did you bring them in here?” he demanded quietly.

“No!”

“Did they follow you?”

“I don’t think so,” I cried as softly as possible, not wanting the people who were watching to catch on to my panic.

Even though I knew it was fake, my heart was pounding in my chest.

“How did you get here?” he asked, pretending to take a sip of his drink whilst he scanned the mirror again.

“I snuck in! Climbed the back wall. Do you think they followed me?”

He nodded, his expression grim.

“They could have but I’m not sure.” He took another sip. “Okay, kid, go hide in the bathroom, I’ll lure these assholes out of here and then, in a couple of hours or so, you can go back home safely.”

My eyebrows drew together at that horrible plan.

It wouldn’t work and I needed to find a way to go with him, if I didn’t then it would have all been for nothing.

“Well, as great as that plan sounds, it’s pretty terrible. Do you really think that none of those people have seen my face or that they won’t follow me into the bathroom?” I said, raising one eyebrow at him.

“Crap,” he muttered under his breath. “Alright, fine. New plan, I’m going to go out the front and lure them into the alley beside the pub. You, wait a minute until most of them leave and then go out the back. Hop the wall and hide until I’ve taken them all down, then I’ll find you and we’ll try and work out a way to get you home safely.”

I opened my mouth to ask ‘what if there are more people waiting out there?’ but he’d already drained his drink and pushed away from the bar.

My heart started pounding as my eyes followed him. He weaved his way through the bar, not even bothering to try and hide, and disappeared through the door. Automatically, I glanced at the people who’d been watching us. Most of them had left but one stayed behind.

His eyes were fixed on me and when my gaze met theirs, his lips slowly broke into a cruel smile that made my heart stutter.