NOVEL NEXT Chapter 39: The First Memory
Logan rubbed his eyes for quick reconfirmation, then stared right at her.
Her hair was a brilliant gold, fluttering even across the deep night skies. Accompanying its glimmer was her pure, white eyes that reflected all that they gazed upon.
Her skin, pale in complexion, vibrated with a warmth that drew Logan in—even in the dark. This extended to her body, long and willowy from her clear past of impoverishment, yet she still stood tall all the same.
Then, Logan noticed the boy to her left. He was rugged, muddied, and rasp. Each breath was another throaty moan, yet, he didn't look particularly unhappy.
"That must be you," Pixel affirmed, pushing her hand in the kid's direction. It passed through him lightly, turning his surrounding skin translucent. "Passes through. Figures."
Logan's throat grumbled as he paced back, hands clenched. He bit back the words caught in his mouth, feeling the violent emotion hiding just behind them—waiting for their release.
Instead, he took a deep breath, then collapsed to the floor. One gaze to the bright moon, then to Pixel. "The night sky," he said once, then stopped.
"What?" Pixel exclaimed.
Logan waved his hand at Pixel—motioning her to come towards him—then raised his finger to the stars. "The night sky... that's my first memory." Then, to his kid self.
Just as he'd remembered, the boy was staring up at the endless tapestry of light, moving his fingers through them like a kid would counting sheep.
His mother's mouth was moving, but no words came out.
"I see, but what is it that makes this memory so special?" Pixel asked, looking all around her. Logan hadn't noticed it behind the swirling nostalgia, but cars were honking hysterically. "And why by the side of a highway?"
Logan made himself aware of the pavement he sat on. There he was, underneath an underpass that held a two-way highway. On the very street he resided on, there was an additional freeway that extended off into city.
"Because back then, that was all my mother and I knew. She never talks about these times, but we were always jumping from house to house, living under some guy she seduced before she took everything they had, then jumped ship. It was how we survived.
But that wasn't living. I knew that. Each day would grow blander as she would offer her false assurances of love. Even then—in this memory—when I couldn't speak, I think I understood what she was saying. In a way."
Pixel—who'd been hovering just to Logan's right side—lowered herself to his shoulder, allowing him a moment of silence. "So then, why? Where is it that you derive this need for love?"
Logan clenched his jaw. "What do you mean?"
"Is that not what all of this is about? Before you met me, you were lust-driven. Maybe a byproduct of your powers, maybe not. But either way, you seem to hold your mother dear, so why not cherish her? Why do you cling onto your sister so tightly like she's all you have?"
"Didn't you go through all my memories? You should already know the answer to that," Logan said, dropping his hands to the ground behind him. He took it as a chance to relax and stargaze.
"I didn't see all of your memories at that time," Pixel responded.
Logan looked into her eyes. "I suppose that makes sense. But you're mistaken in one thing." Once more, he pointed to the stars. "I don't hold this memory close to me because of my mother. No, it's the stars."
"The stars?"
"Yes. It's as I was saying earlier; this life I was living wasn't real or authentic. I had no father figure, and I didn't understand language since we were moving around too much for me to learn.
Even if I knew my mother loved me, it always felt fake. I was truly alone, and it didn't help that I didn't know any kids my age.
But then when I was at my lowest point—when it felt like I was existing for the sake of existing, I would look up to the night sky, a blanket of black. And you know what I saw?
Little droplets of light sprinkled across the jet black, tearing away at it like little gnats. It reminded me that even if everything seems dark, there's always hope."
Pixel didn't move, nodding carefully for a second, then, staring up to the stars alongside Logan. "I see."
As the two basked in the great light beaming on them, crunching sounds came from ahead—stealing not only their attentions, but Logan's mother, and his kid self as well.
A single man, clothed in pure black. It made seeing him difficult, but there was one distinctive feature that Logan could make out.
The golden eyes of his that thrummed in complete harmony with the heavens, awakening something deep within Logan.
Tears welled in Logan's eyes, forcing him to wipe them away. "Do you want to know who approached at this time, Pixel? It was the man who superseded even the stars, my soon-to-be step-father."
Reality flickered once, then twice.
At the third shudder, the surrounding scenery coalesced like water to a whirlpool, concentrating to Logan himself.
Pixel clung tight to him with her small body—her head jumping from side to side as she'd been enveloped in the black, more and more.
Then, color sprung out again, returning them to another scene. This time, of a living room.
Logan's eyes widened at the sight.
There was a single girl—small in stature, yet prominent like a blazing flame. This was in stark contrast to her hair that bled dusk, and the surrounding air that thumped at her existence.
"Selene," he gasped. The surroundings became increasingly obvious at her presence.
It was the house that Logan and Selene lived in, even now. Although, the furnishes were far more grandiose, made up with tall chairs of gold and walls drenched with silver embroideries.
Logan stepped back, searching for the nearest door. He broke into a sprint once he located it, uncaring for the wooden flooring.
"Logan, what is it!" Pixel yelled, but he ignored her.
Just as he'd reached the door, he hurried to turn its knob. However, like Pixel and her previous attempt, his hand passed through it like a ghost.
"So that's what this is," Logan realized, turning back. "I'm going to be forced to relive it. The day I most regret—when I'd forever harmed Selene, and costed her her Gift."