In This Life, I Am Determined To Be Happy

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SENSTIVE TOPICS. PLEASE READ AT YOUR DISCRETION. PLEASE SKIP AHEAD IF YOU BECOME UNCOMFORTABLE.

Leah clenched her fists. If it was the case that she was still scared of him, she had to get rid of that fear immediately. She couldn't not allow him to continue to affect her choices. As of now, all she wanted to do was to be carefree and live without fear, like she did before she ever knew him.

Leah spotted Gu Feng moments after she left the boutique. She followed him until he turned and opened the emergency exit door. She was just about to follow him when Alexis grabbed her arm.

"What are you doing, Hazel? This could be dangerous. What if he attacks you?"

Leah almost wheezed, then pretended to cough.

'Who? That lazy ass?'

 In the past, Gu Feng would never dare. She would beat him up and then make fun of him. She refused to believe that her skills had gone rusty enough for him to overpower her.

"Don't worry, I won't get too close to him. I just want to talk to him."

Alexis looked doubtful but nodded slowly.

"Let's go then."

Leah nodded, then opened the emergency exit door. They went forward, then Leah spotted him. He was sitting on one of the steps, and looking ahead at them.

"Excuse me? Can I talk to you for a minute?"

He did not respond. He sat still, like he did not even hear her. She got closer.

"Gu Feng?"

That was when she realized he was holding a small bottle in his hand. She did not know why, that bottle could have been anything, but her mind went to that night years ago.

Leah flinched like she had been struck. This was too familiar.

'He can't do this!'

Abandoning all caution, she walked up the steps and snatched the bottle from his hand. That snapped him back to reality. He looked at her with a bewildered expression, as if he had been caught. He began to shake like a criminal.

"I-I'm sorry I-

Leah ignored everything and hugged him tightly.

"Don't apologize, please. This is all my fault."

Tears began streaming on her face, but she tried to steady herself. She had to remain calm for his sake.

He had done this before, years ago. How low had he fallen for him to attempt this again? She could not help but blame herself. She hated that her gut feeling was right. It would have been so great if this was some silly misunderstanding.

She felt her shoulder begin to get wet. Gu Feng was crying on her shoulder. She was fortunate at this moment. He had to be rushed to the emergency room the first time. He was alright, and she had gotten to him before he did anything irreversible. She did not know what she would have done if he actually died.

She would never forgive herself.

He began to speak, it started out intelligible, then he began to speak amidst sobs. His words began to become clearer with time though.

Leah smiled sadly, then caressed his hair. She momentarily let go of him so she could sit next to him on the steps, then let him place his head on her shoulder. There was so much she wanted to say but could not. The current circumstances did not allow it.

"I broke my promise, I'm so sorry. I know I promised to live, but how do I do that when you are gone?"

She wanted to say so much but held herself back.

'But I am here, Fengfeng, I never should have left. I am sorry I distanced myself from you. I should have ignored Aiden Ji. I never should have fallen for him. That will forever be my biggest regret. I can't tell you this to your face, but I will prove it to you. Just give me some time, please live. Let me show you.'

"You didn't break any promise, you're still here. You promised, so you can't do this again."

Leah tried to hold herself together, but she was failing miserably. She stifled a sob, then turned to look at Alexis, who did not know what to do at that moment. Their eyes met, and she signaled that she was going to make a call, probably to inform everyone about their whereabouts. It might become troublesome, but it was best if their parents knew where they were.

"Fengfeng please stay here with me." She murmured.

Gu Feng hung onto her, still crying softly. They sat together without saying a word. Not too long after, the door of the emergency exit opened slowly. She thought it was Alexis, who had returned from her phone call. However, it was Uncle Huo, with Alexis following closely behind him. When he saw her tear-stricken face, he gave her a small smile and walked closer.

"Hey."

Leah tried to smile back at him in spite of everything, but all she could do was stretch her lips, it must have looked horrible to others.

"You did well, come, let me take over now."

Leah was very reluctant to let him go, but maybe Uncle Huo could talk to him more. She did not think she was stable enough at the moment, and unlike before, she felt helpless. She had driven him to do this herself.

She reluctantly let go of him. He then hugged his knees and buried his face. Uncle Huo patted her shoulder.

"You did great, now go on ahead with your sister, and I will handle this."

Leah nodded slowly and left. But before that, she turned to look at her stepdad talking to Gu Feng. Seeing that he was beginning to calm down, she felt relieved and wiped her own tears before she opened the door to leave.

Alexis rushed to hold her the moment she closed the door and stepped into the mall. She was very concerned.

"Is everything alright?"

"…. Yes, he is fine. You don't need to worry too much about me, I will be okay. I just need to sit down right now."

Her voice was monotone, and she felt very small at that moment. Alexis held her gently and led her to a bench. She then placed her head on Alexis' shoulder and sighed.

"Where is mom?"

"I haven't seen her, I just called Uncle Huo directly, though he told me she left with Jaime. I don't think she knows the full incident. I am very surprised she hasn't called me yet."

"I'm pretty sure Uncle Huo reassured her. She might call though if we take too long."

There was silence between them for a while, then Alexis spoke again.

"You're so perceptive, I would have never thought that he was going to hurt himself. I don't know what I would have done in your place."

"You don't need to think about things like that. It's too depressing. If you find yourself in a situation like that with a stranger, just try to get help as soon as you can, just in case you are unsure you can change their minds."

"Alright, thanks."

"Anytime."

Moments later Uncle Huo walked out with Gu Feng. He walked towards the bench they were sitting on.

Leah sat up. Uncle Huo smiled reassuringly.

"Don't worry. Just calm down. I want you guys to take a taxi home."

"Where are you going to?" Alexis Asked.

"To the hospital."