I'm Lara Croft?

'I'm going to take the hottest bath when I get back,' Lara thought grimly as she swam through the freezing water. She pushed harder, breaking through the rubble floating in the icy river. Ahead, she spotted an opening in the ice—and Jacob, also swimming toward it.

Gritting her teeth, Lara swam with renewed effort, ignoring the bone-chilling cold. As she reached the surface, Jacob extended his hand. "Take my hand!"

Grasping it firmly, Lara pulled herself out of the water, shivering violently. But before they could catch their breath, the roaring sound of the gunship's engines filled the air, and its spotlight swept closer and closer.

Without a word, Lara and Jacob took off, sprinting across the unstable ice blocks floating in the river.

"Boom!" A rocket exploded ahead of them, shattering the ice and sending shockwaves rippling through the frigid water. The ice beneath them cracked and destabilized, forcing them to leap for firmer footing.

Scrambling onto the riverbank, they found themselves on a long metal platform surrounded by jagged rock walls. Just as they started running again, the helicopter opened fire, its machine gun tearing through the icy ground. Bullets whizzed past, grazing Lara's arm. 'Thanks, TOAA,' she thought sarcastically, grateful she hadn't been shot in the head.

Spotting a rope hanging nearby, Lara didn't hesitate. She pulled one of her ice picks from her belt and threw it to Jacob. "Use this!" she shouted before leaping onto the rope. Sliding down quickly, she glanced back to see Jacob following, once again taking bullets for her.

At the bottom, they hit the ground running, reaching the edge of a massive waterfall. The relentless roar of the gunship echoed behind them as Lara spotted a rope bridge stretching between a tree and a distant tower.

"They'll shoot it down!" she realized aloud.

"Let's just jump," Lara said, turning to Jacob.

Jacob, battered and bleeding from the bullets he'd absorbed, nodded grimly. Without hesitation, the two hurled themselves into the icy void, plunging toward the turbulent waters below as the helicopter's spotlight swept overhead.

A few hours later, Lara and Jacob sat around a campfire in a cave, the flames casting flickering shadows on the rocky walls. They were eating deer meat they had cooked over the fire, the warm food a welcome reprieve from the freezing Siberian wilderness.

"If I were into men," Lara said between bites, "and considering how many bullets you took for me, I'd let you hit."

Jacob froze mid-chew, his expression a mix of confusion and discomfort.

"Or maybe," Lara continued without missing a beat, "if you were a hot woman."

Jacob, who didn't need sleep thanks to the immortality granted by the Divine Source, stood abruptly and brushed off his tunic. "I'm going outside to check the land for enemy forces," he said, his voice steady but betraying his eagerness to escape the awkwardness. For a thousand-year-old Byzantine man, Lara's blunt humor and bizarre comments were... unsettling. Most of his life had been spent as either a revered prophet or a member of the Brotherhood of the Shield—neither of which had prepared him for this kind of interaction.

"Don't get caught again, old relic," Lara called after him, tearing into another piece of venison.

The next morning, Lara woke up feeling refreshed. After preparing for the day, she stepped out of the cave only to be met with a sharp kick to the face, followed by another one that sent her stumbling back.

Clutching her nose as blood flowed, Lara groaned. "Ouch." But she reacted quickly as her attacker attempted to trip her. She executed a front flip, dodging the attack, and landed behind her enemy. The assailant, however, was just as quick, spinning around to face her.

Lara backflipped to dodge another incoming strike and performed another to create some distance between them. Once at a safe range, she finally got a good look at her attacker. "Well, I didn't expect our next meeting would start with me getting a broken nose," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Her attacker was Natasha, who looked just as angry as their last encounter.

"I should be angry," Lara said, brushing herself off. "You took my first kiss and left without taking responsibility."

Natasha ignored the comment, her icy gaze fixed on Lara as they began circling each other. "What are you doing here?" she asked, her tone sharp.

"The Divine Source, duh," Lara replied, her voice casual as her hand slowly moved toward one of her Berettas. She noticed Natasha's hand doing the same toward her holstered pistol.

The moment Natasha aimed, Lara was faster. She drew her pistol and fired, shooting the weapon clean out of Natasha's hand. "I'm Arthur Morgan, bitch," Lara said smugly, spinning her pistol before holstering it.

Natasha's eyes widened in shock as she glanced at her stinging hand. 'Is she really some kind of British super soldier?' she wondered, realizing this fight wouldn't be easy. The humiliation of their last encounter flashed in her mind, and she decided to retreat. Dropping a smoke bomb, she planned to vanish into the fog.

But Lara wasn't about to let her escape. As the smoke began to fill the air, Lara threw her pistol with pinpoint accuracy, hitting Natasha square in the forehead. Natasha staggered, clutching her head, only to be tackled to the ground by Lara.

"Not so fast, darling," Lara quipped, pinning Natasha down firmly as the smoke cleared around them.

Natasha, with her arms pinned, attempted to knee Lara in a sensitive spot. But Lara reacted quickly, catching Natasha's leg between her thick, toned thighs. "Nope, that place deserves to be treated with care," Lara said smugly, giving her an exaggerated wink.

Natasha snarled in frustration and leaned forward, trying to bite Lara on the trapezius. Instead of recoiling, Lara moaned dramatically. "Your hickeys are painful, but you're lucky I enjoy a little pain," she teased, grinning mischievously.

Natasha groaned, dropping her head in exasperation. "You're the most shameless super soldier I've ever met."

"Super soldier? Please," Lara said, flashing a cocky grin. "This beautiful body is 100% natural, no enhancements done."

With Natasha momentarily stunned, Lara shifted her grip, pinning both of Natasha's hands together with one of her own. Using her free hand, she reached into her pouch and pulled out a rope. "Now, let's get you properly restrained, love," Lara said as she began tying Natasha's hands securely.

Natasha glared at her, but her struggles were no match for Lara's strength. "You're insufferable," Natasha muttered.

"Thanks for noticing," Lara replied cheekily, securing the knot with a satisfied tug. "Now, let's have a proper chat, shall we?"