NOVEL NEXT Chapter 3: Could I Live Without You?/Chapter3
I was lost in thought, still reliving the kiss this afternoon. It was like a blank space occupied my mind and nothing else was given room to enter.
An hour later, back from the photo-shoot which was canceled because of the drama this afternoon and the industry afraid of the reporters and rumors spreading had brought us back to the company.
Voices in the background speaking in indecisively
Member 1 K-pop Idol
"Who was she?" Kai my teammate asked me seating on the next to me.
Member 3 K-pop Idol
"Soo Yeon?!" Jemmy called out to me, bringing me back to my sense
Member 7 K-pop Idol
"Soo Yeon, who was she?" Dae-Hyun asked staring at me intensely waiting for a response.
"She's..." hesitating "She's my muse" they stared as though I was stupid and confusing as though that wasn't the answer to the question, the answer they wanted, but it was all I had. And yes, she is my muse.
For all those moments up till now, she has been all that preoccupied my mind. So what was she, if not my muse.
"Your muse?!" Manager Kim asked as he laughed angrily “Your muse.” He said again,surprised and stunned by my response as he takes a sit.
Knowing full well they didn't get my answer I repeat myself this time clearly.
"She's my muse, the inspiration to all the songs I've written this past Four years. The reason why I got so good suddenly. The songs I wrote, the ones that won us those awards, previous years and this year too" I paused, inhaled and exhaled and continued explaining to them.
"I met someone back in LA five years ago on the beach, remember. The person I spoke to you guys about and rant about all day. That day I decided to tour the city alone. That's how we met" now I could see how interested they were to hear the story.
"You know I said something about quitting music and acting because I lacked inspiration and how, I never found it fulfilling. All those feelings and thought went away when I met her. The word she spoke to me on that day after listening to a song she couldn't understand it's wordings, a song it's lyrics I knew felt and sounded foreign and strange to her but yet-"
I smiled as I reminisce of the past flashed my eyes, how strange it felt meeting her the first time, how she listened to the song I'd never let another soul listen too. How she dissected every word the song writer sang, how he felt and how empty his heart was.
"I felt better. I felt loved even though, it was a strange entity. I felt okay for the first time and it felt okay doing music.Even though she wasn't present, I found myself doing the strangest of things, like, looking up at the sky, staring at the sun and smile. It was really strange at the time how those things that irritated me, began to make my day. It hit me after a year how deep I had fallen for a stranger I couldn't seem find, how this feeling had gone deep down into my core. I was head over heels for her" they all looked surprised and some, sympathetic for a moment.
"After waiting for four years, seeing her for the first time after all those years, it awoken something in me and...." The words in my mind not fully expressed, due to the excitement and the panic. I felt something that day and I felt it again when I saw her.
"I need to see her again. Could you guys help me please?" I asked my teammate as I stared at them desperately.
Member 6 K-pop Idol
"How are we supposed to find her?" Lee Bin asked staring at their manager
Member 4 K-pop Idol
"I don't know. How hard can it be to find a black woman in South Korea" Shine said sarcastically and with a funny tone.
It wasn't funny or something to joke about with. He noticed how serious my face was and how thick the atmosphere felt, his jokes wasn't needed, but truthful, he had a point; how do I find her?
As though reading my mind, Chan Woo suggestions something-
Member 5 K-pop Idol
"We could start by asking the hotel staffs. That's where you found her after Five years. It can’t be a coincidence that she's here in South Korea. If she visited that particular hotel, that means she's there on a business trip, or pleasures" Chan Woo told them making a smart face as he paced up and down the room.
The other teammates nodding in agreement of the suggestion made, but manager Kim had to remind them that I had a scheduled movie coming up and upon that, they have a packed schedule as a team.
He agreed to look for Dora while I focused on my role as a Lead in a movie ”The Lost Kingdom” and also to keep the whole situation on a wrap before my father would hear about it and the whole ordeal.
My heart didn't feel at peace with the suggestion but I went for it anyways. It was either this or thing.
Three weeks into shooting the movie The news about a person similar to her description was found but it wasn't Dora, I was beginning to lose my patients and focus.
The sixth week into the shoot, made me think, it's possible that I'd ever find her again or were we destined to meet like this always and pact ways not knowing if we would have been more if only we got the chance, my mind echo"If only"
"You did really great in that last scene" the director complemented me asking me to perform more greatly as we took a break from shooting while my makeup artist fixed up my makeup for the next scene.
"That last scene just now, it felt as though you were really going to kill them; like you were seriously angry, is everything okay?" Jerry asked me, with my mind wondering I couldn't hear him.
"I'll be in the restroom" I said standing up, interrupting both the makeup artist as I made my way to the restroom.
Inhales/ exhales, inhales/exhales
I repeated the sequence over an over as I stared into the mirror with drops of water running down my face.
After a while hesitating, I finally made it out, while walking to the shooting venue with my mind a totally blank I boomed into someone.
"I'm so sorry" I apologized but the familiar fragrance made me look up and when I did, my eyes met the one who my heart has been longing for.
"Found you!" I said with a smile, a very relieved one as I held her by the hands, tightly.
She was startled a little at what I did but I didn't quit. I dragging her to seat where my assistant was, telling him not to let her go no matter what as I left to complete my shot for the day.
While the shooting was going on I gave it all me best in one take with my mind constantly telling me 'We found her'
Thinking about it all, constantly, for the past five years I've thought only of her and now she's here, really here.
Could I live without you?, Fedora.
My eternal sun.