I, Your Father, Carry a Big Stick

Chapter 87: I, Your Father, am not Shy

As they couldn’t permit an attack against their Kage, Father, Grandfather, and mentor to go unpunished, the trio of Iwa Shinobi immediately launched attacks against Wu’s clones. The eldest of the group, also serving as the Jonin-Commander of Iwagakure, had the most impressive response. He only needed to wave together three hand seals before slamming his palm against the floor. In response, the floor beneath the clones’ feet and the ceiling overhead pressed together, attempting to squash them.

Feeling feedback from his jutsu, the short-beared man, Kitsuchi, shouted, “They’re all tangible clones! Don’t let your guard-”

Before Kitsuchi could finish, the clones burst free from their rocky prison without any indication of having sustained damage. Then, just as one had the Tsuchikage, three of the clones oriented their staves toward the trio, sending them flying out of the building. Unlike the Tsuchikage, however, they couldn’t fly. At least not on their own.

Seeing his family and protege propelled from their home, free-falling to the ground hundreds of meters below, the diminutive Onoki shouted, “You fiend…!” before speeding toward his granddaughter, Kurotsuchi, grabbing her by her collar before flinging her toward the side of the rocky tower. He did the same with his portly protege, Akatsuchi, while his son managed to prevent his own fall, stretching his arm to produce an appendage of stone that allowed him to grab and pull himself to the wall.

Emerging from the hole they had created, Wu’s clones had incredulous looks on their faces as they asked, “How are we fiends? You’re not going to tell me a fall from just a few hundred meters poses a threat, are you? I know Genin that can survive falls from greater heights…”

Instead of responding to the clones, Onoki accelerated toward them, a halo-like shockwave rippling from his bald forehead as he broke through the sound barrier. Then, instead of using his iconic Dust Release, he tried to trade blows with the clones using fists shrouded in condensed stone.

Demonstrating they were no slouches in the air, the clones spread out, effortlessly evading Onoki’s charge before taking turns expanding and contracting their staves the moment he flitted past them. The expansion and contraction of his staves had increased to around 8,000km/s, their length extending as far as 420m, so while Onoki managed to dodge a few, it wasn’t long before the first attack hit his tiny frame.

As Onoki was the only person from Iwa that could fly of his own volition, the growing number of Shinobis on the ground could only watch as their long-time leader fell into clones’ pace. Each was equally as agile as the old man in the air, but their staves gave them a near-absolute advantage once they had formed a proper encirclement. It didn’t help that, as time passed, more and more clones seemed to ‘pop’ out of thin air.

Onoki’s only saving grace was that the weight of Wu’s staves remained consistent. Even if he sandwiched the old man between two of them, his tiny and remarkable body was able to endure, the result of some strange Jutsu causing his skin to turn an earthy-black coloration. He was helpless to launch a counterattack, but he was withstanding the clones’ beatdown better than most.

Not wanting to bully the old man too much, more than a hundred of Wu’s clones, alongside Wu himself, appeared in the sky over Iwa, each just as ‘real’ as the posse beating up the Tsuchikage. Then, as Wu spoke, each of his clones matched his timing, chorusing, “Don’t look so glum. The two of us are just having a friendly spar. The only danger your Tsuchikage is in is being humbled. Seriously, who greets someone with Dust Release…?”

As the highest-ranking Shinobi present, even if he wasn’t the strongest, Kitsuchi stated, “If you truly aren’t our enemy, you will cease this attack at-”

Before Kitsuchi could finish speaking, nearly all of the clones burst into smoke as the original Wu asked, “Happy~?” in a teasing tone.

“…”

Not expecting Wu to dispel his clones immediately, Kitsuchi didn’t know what to say. Fortunately, his father was still conscious, lowering himself to around Wu’s elevation, his bulbous nose swollen to nearly twice its usual size as he growled, “Fine…let’s ‘negotiate.’ That’s what you came here for, isn’t it?”

Shrugging his shoulders, Wu replied, “I mean, technically…? I initially just wanted to greet you. All of this is your own doing.”

Though his left eye twitched visibly, the color of Onoki’s skin gradually returned to normal as he turned away and returned to his abode through the easy-access hatch Wu had created for him. Wu immediately followed after but allowed a few of his clones to take the lead, erring on the side of caution.

Demonstrating how crafty he at least believed himself to be, Onoki was waiting for Wu’s clones with a glowing white cylinder between his palms. It expanded at a rate nearly identical to Wu’s staff before the elderly man swept it through all of the visible clones and toward the actual Wu.

As he had been expecting the attack, Wu managed to dodge with relative ease. This was immediately regarded as an ‘irregularity’ by several of the Shinobi below, prompting them to unleash a volley of breath-style Jutsu ranging from projectile stones to volcanic ash and literal magma.

Though Wu was able to evade the sudden barrage by propelling himself backward and shrinking down, the real attack followed after, courtesy of the kappa-like man he had discovered meditating a few minutes prior. He had naturally joined the crowd, and while he had yet to transform into his Tailed Beast, he was able to produce a jet of high-pressured steam nearly 300m in diameter. More importantly, he could track Wu’s movements.

As the steam enveloped his body, Wu noticed blisters forming on his skin despite the temperatures being far beneath the threshold he was able to endure. It was like the Chakra within the steam had a corrosive property to it, causing his clothes to hiss, sizzle, and curl up before rapidly melting.

“Okay, now I’m annoyed…”

Unfurling the tail wrapped around his waist, Wu accelerated the Natural Energy within his body, further strengthening it as red markings appeared around his Fiery Golden Eyes. His auburn hair also gained a slightly redder hue as he expanded to his full size, broke through the stream of corrosive steam, and bellowed, “Okay! You want to fucking play games!? Let’s play!” with a massive grin on his face.

Though his top and parts of his pants had melted away, Wu’s ‘dignity’ was still preserved, and there wasn’t so much as a single scratch on either his staff or his greaves. If anything, he looked a lot more intimidating than he had before, especially when he began expanding in size, surpassing many of the surrounding towers as his height reached 153m, precisely 100x his natural height.

Wielding an even larger staff, Wu looked like he was about to devastate the entirety of Iwa. Before he could swing it, however, Onoki blasted him with a pillar formed from his Dust Release. That gave Wu the opportunity to demonstrate that it wasn’t his size that made him terrifying but the rate at which he was able to change it.

Anticipating the attack thanks to his enhanced ability to sense even the most minute fluctuations in Chakra, Wu shrank down to the size of a flea before returning to his full size a moment later, laughing loud enough to shake the surrounding buildings. He was immediately greeted by another column of steam, dwarfing even his massive body in size, but his natural regeneration surpassed the corrosive effect on his body.

Walking through the stream of steam as if it did not affect him, the smile on Wu’s face grew to reveal most of his teeth, questioning, “Did you want to see my dick that badly…?” as the steam cleared, revealing his not-so-little brother in all its glory.

As more than a few people were distracted by the sight, Wu’s expression revealed a hint of frenzy as he did something Onoki had never expected. The moment the old man aimed the pointy end of a conical Dust Release toward him, Wu thrust with the end of his staff, meeting it head-on.

Instead of phasing through and disintegrating Wu’s staff, Onoki’s attack collided with it as if it was a physical object. The force behind the blow was enough to push Wu’s massive frame back, but it was Onoki’s Jutsu that gave out first. Dust Release consumed a ludicrous amount of Chakra, so the elderly man could only stare in shock when the light from his Jutsu faded, followed by Wu’s enormous staff filling his vision…

As Onoki was sent crashing through his home, followed by the entire tower collapsing, Wu shouldered his 420m long staff and diverted his attention to the stunned gallery below, stating, “Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Now, can we discuss things like rational human beings, or is your Jinchuriki desperate to strip me completely naked?”

Hearing Wu’s words, the kappa-like Jinchuriki’s, Han’s browless brows furrowed. He wasn’t ‘trying’ to get Wu naked. Things just kind of turned out that way…

With no one responding to his challenge, Wu reverted to his usual size and flew over to the crowd, not even blinking as he hovered less than three meters away from the group of Kitsuchi, Akatsuchi, and the pink-eyed, pink-faced Kurotsuchi. Wu was still completely naked, and, even though she really shouldn’t, her eyes deviated toward the ‘intimidating’ appendage dangling between his thighs.

Though he noticed the girl’s wayward gaze, Wu maintained eye contact with Kitsuchi, asking, “So? Now what? Like I said earlier, I can literally do this all day. If you don’t believe me, just ask your little kappa friend how my reserves are holding up.”

Turning toward Han, Kitsuchi’s already grim expression hardened further as the Jinchurki just shook his head with a cautionary look in his eyes. As far as he could tell, Wu’s reserves had ‘increased’ as the fight continued. His ability to expand, contract, and even produce clones didn’t seem to consume any energy whatsoever, and most of his attacks had been pure Taijutsu. It defied all reason…

Just as Kitsuchi was wondering how to deal with the calamity that had come knocking on their doorstep, a large explosion originated from the remains of the Tsuchikage’s Tower. From within, a seriously injured, very curmudgeonly-looking Onoki pulled himself out, his right arm twisted in the wrong direction and blood flowing from his nose, ears, and even his scalp as he flew over to Wu and said, “You’ve proven your point…Iwa has no desire to be your enemy…”

Tilting his head to the side, Wu asked, “Who said I was trying to prove a point? Once again, this outcome is ‘entirely’ the result of your actions. All I’ve done from the very start is defend myself.”

“…”

Instead of responding to Wu’s words, Onoki turned to the gathered Iwa Shinobi and shouted, “Those from the Masonry Corps, hurry up and start repairing my home! The rest of you can return to your posts! Get a move on…!”

Understanding there was little they could do even if they stuck around, the mob of Iwa Shinobi rapidly dispersed under the Tsuchikage’s glare. Only his immediate family and protege remained behind, allowing him to show his fatigue as he slumped to the ground and took a knee, a thin trail of dark blood leaking from the side of his mouth.

Recognizing the nearly pitch-black blood as a fairly bad sign, Wu pulled out a revitalizing peach from his pouch, tossing it to the man as he said, “Eat this. It’ll make you feel better.”

Due to his severely injured state, Onoki wasn’t able to respond and grab the peach. As a result, it hit him in the face before falling to the ground. Luckily, its skin didn’t rupture, as all the revitalizing energy within would have faded away.

Having heard rumors of the revitalizing peaches due to Wu’s ongoing negotiations with the various Daimyo, Onoki swallowed his pride and bit into the predominately pink peach without even bothering to wipe off the dirt. He was pretty sure a rib had pierced through his liver and lung, so he couldn’t afford to be picky.

After biting into the indescribably succulent peach, Onoki felt as if all of his hatred was washed away as the topknot atop his head abruptly burst open. Immediately after that, thick white hair began sprouting from his bald spot, its color shifting to a subtle brown hue as the deeper wrinkles on his face softened. They didn’t go away completely, as his effective age was still 56, but he appeared noticeably younger, emphasized by a rather drastic change in his height.

Seeing the dwarf go from around 130cm to slightly taller than him, an amused chuckle emanated from Wu’s throat as he commented, “I have heard that some people shrank in their old age, but I never expected it to be so…drastic.”

As Onoki turned to glare at him, Wu’s smile broadened as he asked, “How about it, old man? Ready for round three…?”

Though he wanted nothing more than to teach Wu a lesson, especially now that his Chakra had replenished completely, Onoki replied, “Perhaps some other time…” before levitating from the ground and adding, “Follow me…” in an ill-tempered tone. Wu eventually did so, but not before turning to Kurotsuchi, startling the girl with a playful wink as he reached into his Storage Pouch to retrieve a pair of pants…

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(A/N: Visions of the MC sumo wrestling the Perfect Susanoo…)