I Won’t Pick Up The Trash I Threw Away Again

Philen kept running non-stop. He probably was trying to mess with me.

The only rest was when we slept at the inn. I didn't even sleep well until morning. I woke up before dawn and moved again.

It was a more arduous schedule than when I went to the capital from the Williot estate to take the official test in the past. 

It would have been more comfortable if I had ridden a luxury carriage used by nobles, but unfortunately, it was a public carriage that was not suitable for long-distance itineraries.

“Ugh!”

The impact of the carriage wheel was transmitted all over my body. As a result, my buttocks ache and my legs hurt. Not to mention the back pain. Sitting itself was difficult. 

The bed in the inn was soft, but it did not relieve the fatigue that accumulated throughout the forced march. Because after falling asleep, I kept getting up at the hands that shook me wildly.

My whole body ached so much to the point that I was worried I might collapse from body aches like this. But I didn't show any signs of pain during the entire journey to the estate. Because that's exactly what Philen wanted.  

It was obvious that Philen did this hoping I would get tired of my own and ask him for help.

In your dreams! 

Who would do such a thing to please him? I didn't want to show any weakness to Philen. 

Then the third morning after leaving the capital, we arrived at the Williot estate at last. It was a place I missed so much, but I couldn't afford to be drenched in nostalgia because I was exhausted from the arduous journey,

I didn't even have the strength to get off the carriage alone, so I almost leaned on the coachman and got off.

“Are you okay, Baron?”

The knight asked, but I just nodded slightly because I had no energy to answer. Then I saw Philen approaching behind the knight.

…I don't want to show him any weakness.

A strength that was from my pride sprang up. I strengthened my legs and straightened my back, then glared at Philen.

Philen's expression that was looking at me was cold. He looked like he was angry.

When I met his gaze without losing, Philen twisted his mouth and said.

"I've known it since you killed my child, but I didn't know it was this much."

“I don’t know what the Duke is talking about.”

“You really don’t know?”

Actually, I knew. Philen was dissatisfied that I had endured the dreadful march without asking him for help.

"I don't know."

But I pretended not to know.

Philen's eyes looking at me became even colder.

"If you think I'll let you off like I used to, you're wrong, Leila."

He talks like he has done it, huh? 

“So from now on, you’d better bend that arrogant pride and learn how to live as a woman, Leila.”

…how to live as a woman?

In an instant, my head went blank and I felt like a thin thread of reason being cut.

“As a woman? Does the Duke mean to follow the Duke's words unconditionally without being able to express my opinions like a fool?”

When I grabbed the string of reason again, I retorted. I tried not to confront Philen as much as possible, but I couldn't stand it.

“I never mean it that way though.”

“So what does the Duke mean by that? What kind of ‘live as a woman' is the Duke talking about?”

As I continued to retort, Philen looked at me as if surprised for a moment, then soon his eyes hardened.

“Such behavior you're showing right now.” 

Philen pressed his index finger on my shoulder.

“The look on your face.”

His lips slanted obliquely.

“I'm saying it's all wrong. These are the behaviors that you shouldn't show me, a duke.”

That was something I also agreed with. It was definitely wrong for me, who was just a baron, to be so arrogant in front of Philen, a duke.

But…

“If I can’t since I am a woman, is it possible if I were a man?”

“I already said I didn’t mean it that way though.”

"No. The Duke means it that way. ‘You'd better learn how to live as a ‘woman", right?”

As I stared at him to indicate that he had forgotten what he had just said, 

Philen wrinkled his eyebrows. 

“Leila, you're really picking on what I'm saying, huh?”

“If the Duke had spoken correctly from the beginning, I wouldn’t have thought this way either.”

“Now, you even deny my words.”

I wasn't denying it, I was just stating the truth.

If he had told me from the beginning, that I, a baron, not a woman, shouldn't do this to him, a duke, I would have accepted it obediently. 

“You got bad influence while you were with the emperor, huh? Very arrogant. Is it the emperor's influence?”

Who's pointing out who? And the emperor?

“It is not the emperor, but His Majesty the Emperor. Please call the title right, Duke.”

“You fight without losing until the end.”

Philen chuckled. Then he came close to me and whispered into my ear.

“Let’s see how long you can be so arrogant.”

I tried to retort more, but I couldn't because Philen turned around after saying what he wanted to say.

He strode into the mansion.

When he was out of sight, I lost all my strength. The pain that I had forgotten for a while came.

“Ugh.”

"My Lady!" 

Someone ran and grabbed my reeling body.

“Are you okay, My Lady?”

She was the maid of the Duke of Williot I knew well. After that, other servants appeared.

“Why are you all here…?”

“What do you mean why? We came to meet you when we heard that you were coming back!”

The maid who was supporting me had tears in her eyes. It was the same for the other servants.

“I’m so glad My Lady is back!”

"Right! Welcome back, My Lady!”

The servants were competing regardless of who came first and rejoiced that I returned to the Williot mansion.

It's a relief.

I pretended to be calm, but I was afraid inside the whole way back.

Would the people at the Williot mansion point their finger at me for the death of Cecily's child? I was worried that they might curse me.

But instead of that, they were relieved and happy to welcome me again.

"Thank you."

I thanked them briefly, holding back the overflowing emotions.

I was grateful for the people who still welcomed me, but since I came here for a purpose, I needed to draw a proper line with them. 

As if bewildered by my reaction which was different from what they expected, they looked at each other and started moving the luggage.

I stood amid those servants and looked at the Williot mansion.

Williot mansion had not changed since I left. Everything remained the same.

The arch-shaped black iron gate and the high fence entangled with vines.

In the center of the garden, there was a statue of an angel that constantly poured water and a statue of the Blue Dragon protecting the Empire.

And…

"Oh?"

Why are there no maple trees?

Everything else was the same, but only the maple trees were not seen.

Why? Don't tell me, it's all been cut down?

There was a possibility. Because the maple trees planted in the Williot mansion were planted for me by the previous duchess. So when I left the mansion, it was no wonder if Philen ordered it to be cut down.

I knew that, but it felt weird. 

I was staring at the place where the maple trees used to be when a maid approached me cautiously.

"My Lady."

It wasn't right to call me My Lady after becoming a baron, but I didn't say anything. Because I didn't want to show my position to them. It was enough to call me My Lady.

"What's the matter?"

“You don't seem to be feeling well. You should get inside the mansion instead of staying here.”

Saying so, the maid wore a cashmere shawl over my shoulders. The wide shawl covered almost my entire upper body.

"Okay."

It's time to get in. 

If I entered the mansion, I would inevitably run into Cecily.

The thought of meeting Cecily made me dizzy and made me sighed.

She would think I killed her child, so I didn't know what to say.

I can’t apologize for sure.

The moment I apologized, it became like admitting that I had committed the crime. So, what should I say?

I kept thinking about it all the way to the mansion, but I couldn't come up with a good way.

She wouldn't want to see me either, so I hoped I didn't run into Cecily until the truth was revealed, but… 

“For what reason did you come back?”

As soon as I entered the mansion, I ran into Cecily.

Cecily was standing on the railing of the stairs on the second floor, staring down at me in the hall.

The light sky blue chemise dress suited her. Her golden hair, tied in half and flowing down naturally, was coveted.

…I didn't want to admit it, but Cecily was beautiful even to me, who was a woman. She was like an angel that just came down from heaven, but the way she looked at me was fierce like a wild beast.   

Of course. For her, I must be the enemy who killed her precious child.

I would go in with my head down if I really did that, but I was confident as there was no reason for me to be like that. 

"Ha!"

So when I looked up at her, Cecily snorted and quickly came down the stairs. Her momentum was as fierce as a bison.

In the blink of an eye, Cecily stood in front of me with her hand up high, and… 

PLAK-! 

I felt a hot sensation on my cheek and my head was turned slightly.

…am I, being slapped right now?