I Won’t Accept Your Regrets

Tl/note: Yes, the story has already been translated (by me, but in NU spoilers), I'm just posting the novel again with a proper edit + as well as with extra stories that haven't been translated anywhere. So please be a little patient and enjoy!

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The place of our first meeting was in a field overgrown with weeds, which did not fit well with the surroundings of the colorful imperial palace.

This was my first time visiting the Imperial Palace. I first met Raymond when I got lost in the labyrinths of the imperial garden as a child of ten.

I squatted and whimpered. I wanted my dad to come and save me as soon as possible.

And then someone suddenly took my hand.

"Are you lost? Don't cry, get up, hold my hand."

When I raised my head, a black-haired guy with a bruise on his cheek was staring at me.

It was Raymond.

Oddly enough, the moment I looked into Raymond's jet-black eyes, I stopped crying.

When I stood up, holding his hand, it seemed to me that the huge palace was no longer so terrible.

His thin body and bruises on his cheeks were worth seeing.

From that moment on, Raymond, my hero, sank deep into my heart.

Fate itself told me to fall in love with Raymond.

He took my heart before I even had time to recover.

From that day on, I thought about him constantly. When it came time to debut, I followed my father to the imperial palace and there I met Raymond.

At that time my father was a count who worked at the court and often visited the palace.

I could easily have come with my father on the pretext that I was too bored in our estate.

My father cared very much about me.

In my attempts to meet Raymond, I went so far as to fully study the maze map. So I met him one sunny day, and we began to see each other from time to time.

Every day I found him in the place where we first met.

But one day Raymond didn't show up. I waited for him until the last, and when the sky was already obscured by the sunset, I went in search.

After long wanderings around the palace, I came to the oldest part of it, a small house on the outskirts.

The building was so small that I thought it didn’t belong to the palace at all. After all, the main part of the palace was covered with shining gold, and this building was overgrown with moss and vines.

"A prince born of a commoner. Shame. Why doesn't your father even know what treasures are kept in this palace?"

The guy who was about a meter taller than Raymond spat to the side and punched him hard on the cheek.

Raymond didn't respond.

“What a shame that this empire has such a worthless prince. Live as if you are already dead."

Raymond just bowed his head.

At that moment, I bit my lip hard, but there was nothing I could do about it.

The black-haired boy who bullied Raymond was none other than Prince Astor, Crown Prince of the Agrita Empire.

I studied the portraits of the imperial family, from the moment I learned to speak, so I could not help but recognize his face.

After a while, when the prince left this old place, I held my breath when I saw Raymond with his head bowed.

My naive heart ached so much because of this sight.

My sobs escaped, and then Raymond noticed me.

"Don't Cry. Everything is fine".

Raymond, with bruises on his cheeks, just like the day he first saw me, smiled calmly at me.

I cried in his arms, because I felt sorry for him, and he could not even shed tears.

He doesn't even know what it's like to be a child.

* * *

It was my sixteenth winter when I realized that I love him.

On the day that even the weeds were frozen, Raymond smiled at me for the first time with a quivering smile.

"I met a very beautiful woman. I think about her every day. She's so…"

My heart pounded in my chest, but I smiled at Raymond.

I wished him happiness.

Since then, he talked a lot about her.

What is happening to her, what she talked to him about, and how hard his heart beats at the sight of her smile.

I knew him for a long time, but for the first time he was so happy.

But ironically, the more he rejoiced, the more sad I became.

It was too late when I realized that the reason I was upset was because I loved him.

I realized that I love him, but I could not admit it to him, because he was already staring at someone else.

It was the day of the ball at the Imperial Palace, the day marking the beginning of spring.

On a warm spring day, when everyone was smiling, I saw Raymond's girlfriend for the first time.

Lisa Nasio, a beauty with blonde hair and green eyes.

Lisa and Raymond were such a beautiful couple.

Seeing how they smile at each other, I decided to give up my love for him.

My conscience did not allow me to wedge myself between them when they were so happy with each other.

But their happiness did not last long.

The pair quickly fell apart when Lisa married to become the concubine of the old king of the Western Kingdom.

Raymond, who had come to me drunk on a dark night, bent over my shoulder and took a deep breath.

"I couldn't do anything. I am so pathetic that I couldn’t even keep her."

After Lisa Nasio left for the Western Kingdom, Raymond was replaced. No matter how hard I tried, I could not get back his smiling look.

And yet I did not leave him, hoping that someday he would smile.

Raymond's mother died the year I turned 18.

The reason was that he accidentally spilled wine on the crown prince's clothes at a party.

This unimportant incident turned into an absurd situation, which also tarnished the honor of the crown prince.

Raymond's mother, who was so poor that she was not even recognized as a concubine, was eventually beheaded.

The imperial family did not even allow a funeral to be held.

When I heard the news and ran to his palace, I saw that Raymond's eyes were filled with tears for the first time in all the time that I have known him.

Despite being beaten and ignored, he did not cry even when his beloved woman left, but eventually he began to cry while holding his mother's clothes.

It broke my heart when I saw him cry, clutching mother's clothes to his chest like a little child, but all I could do was stand still until his tears stopped.

"Ellie, I will never again allow people who are dear to my heart to be taken away from me."

Raymond said it with a twinkle in his jet-black eyes. And exactly a year later, he staged a revolution.

It was not difficult to assemble people, because there were many people who were dissatisfied with the emperor and the incompetent prince, who only collected taxes and feasted.

My father was the first to stand under the banner of Raymond. The then imperial family, which was a shame on the history of the empire, was now in the hands of Raymond.

A large-scale war did not happen.

Raymond became emperor, and soon after that I became empress, as the daughter of an earl who contributed greatly to the coup.

“I grew up seeing my mother's loneliness, Ellie. I will never fill the palace with concubines like the old emperor. I will not put myself to you in eternal love, but there will be no relationship on the side.”

On the wedding day, he did not say that he loved me. And I swore to him that I was the only one who would always be near him.

These promises were enough for us.

Because I thought that my love would be enough for two.

We believed that in our future there will be only happiness.

* * *

"You are pregnant. Congratulate you."

I had to go through a lot of grief after the loss of my first child. They said that everything would be all right with him, but it turned into a tragedy.

I knew Raymond wanted children. Only during pregnancy did he look at me with joy in his eyes, with a sincere expression on his face, without a feigned interest in me.

However, after the palace doctor said that it might now be difficult for me to have children, he became even more distant from me than before.

But I didn't blame him. He had high hopes for the child.

So how good was it to hear that I was pregnant again?

I was eager to tell Raymond the news.

"Your Majesty, be careful. You have to move a little slower."

"Everything is fine. I urgently need to see the emperor."

I smiled radiantly, brushing aside the words of Helen, my lady-in-waiting.

Once a step away from the emperor's office, I took a breath and opened my mouth to call the servant.

Raymond's voice was not heard in the office. But nevertheless, I calmly entered the office. Raymond didn't even say hello. He spoke to the servant, who stood with his back to me and did not notice me.

"Lisa Nasio will return to the Empire."

"…Lisa Nasio?"

I looked at him with a petrified face.

"The day after tomorrow Lisa is coming back from the west, so try to prepare the reception without a hitch."

My heart sank at the command I heard.