I Will Disappear, Grand Duke

"No, I don't want to."

"Let me go! Let me go!"

Julia suffered from nightmares all night long.

Looking at her cold sweaty forehead and trembling lips, 50,000 thoughts went through his mind that night.

At first, he had a strong desire to revive the monsters that had already been brutally killed and chopped them off painfully again.

Next, he agonized over how to explain the current situation to Julia, who was so traumatized.

He thought that some of her memories have been lost due to the severe shock. In this case, if he forcefully injected memories, she might go crazy.

‘Then what should I do?’

‘It would be better to wait until the memory is automatically recalled.  Until then, it's best not to touch her memory as much as possible.'

 Fernan, who remembered the doctor's words, tapped the table anxiously.

 In the meantime, he couldn't fathom Julia's fear.

 It must have been a great shock because she had never seen such a monster in her life, and she almost got kidnapped.

 It was not at all unreasonable to lose memory.

 “….D*mn it."

 He murmured lowly.

 According to the knight who went out to the Monastery, the place had already become a wasteland.

The Paladins of the temple rushed out, but the wartime situation with the monsters would continue for a very long time. Naturally, Julia couldn’t go back there anymore.

 No, after all that happened, Fernan could no longer let her go.

Most of those who remained in the monastery died. His lieutenant rescued only a woman and a dozen children.

So it might be better to just let her misunderstand the situation like this. That the man, who had been looking for her like crazy, caught her and forced her to this place.

That way, it would be better than recalling the painful memories that came upon her. Fernan lowered his subdued gaze.

Meanwhile, the sky, which had been dark, gradually began to shine with the dawn of the morning. Julia, who opened her eyes only late in the morning, had a more organized face.

Sitting alone in her empty bedroom, she gathered her thoughts for a while.

Vaguely, she remembered what happened yesterday.

So, she was now at Fernan’s villa in the Grand Duchy. She didn’t remember how she got here.

 Raising her body, she approached the window with the curtains and opened the door. The cold winter wind blew hard on her face.

An unfamiliar landscape could be seen through the window.  A wide open plain and a lake.

 Her mind was all confused, but one thing was clear.

 ‘All this time…he’s been looking for me.'

Julia bit the inside of her tender mouth. She couldn't even fathom how Fernan had found her.  But if she stayed like this, she would be dragged back to his castle.

When she had finished her thoughts, Julia turned and walked towards the door.

 When she opened the door, the hallway was empty.

 Thinking that she had no chance but now, Julia rushed to her steps.

 She went down the stairs and when she reached her landing, she encountered Fernan, who was going up the stairs.  As she looked at him with her eyes wide open, Julia immediately revealed her hardened face.

 Fernan also stared at her quietly without saying a word.

 "Please let me go. I’m going back.”

With a voice that was clearer than yesterday, Julia opened her mouth.

 Fernan, who heard her voice and realized that her condition had calmed down to some extent, answered.

 “Where are you going in that outfit?”

Fernan blocked her front and briefly glanced at her, who was not even wearing a shawl.

 Julia did not lose, and she immediately responded.

 "I'm going back to where I used to live."

 “You can't go there.”

 "I’m going."

Julia, who passed him silently, quickly went down the stairs.

Fernan just slowly followed behind, not holding her back.

After she entered the lobby on the first floor, Julia looked around for a moment and then opened the door.

 As the winter wind blew hard through the door and squinted her eyes for a moment, something heavy rested on her shoulders.

Looking back, Fernan was putting his coat over her shoulders.

Julia took off the coat with a firm expression on her face.  She then staggered out of the door as she threw it at him.

As she was about to go down the stairs in front of the entrance, Fernan suddenly grabbed her wrist.

 Fernan turned her around and firmly put the coat on her again.

He gave her a tight grip to keep his big clothes that didn't fit her from falling.

 "It's fine wherever you go."

 A low voice fell over her head.

 "But, you can't go to the Holy Land."

Julia narrowed her brow.  And then she brought up her questions that filled her head.

“How did you know that I was in the Holy Land?"

A year has passed since Julia left him. Julia didn't just run away, she even threw herself off a cliff.  But how he found her, she could not understand at all. Fernan, who looked down at her calmly, gave her answer meekly.

 “The priest who lived with you in the Holy Kingdom.”

 “…  ”

 “We followed him.”

 Julia's eyes began to flutter.  The priest he was talking about was definitely Cedric.

How the hell does this man know of Cedric's existence? Did he know Cedric helped her to escape….?

Julia's lips twitched slightly in confusion. After painstakingly capturing her expression, she opened her mouth again.

 “…  Even if that were the case, there would be no reason for you to bring me back.”

 “… ”

 “Am I still useful?”

There was no way he could find me if she was useless, Julia had a face that was very sure.

Fernan, who slightly wiggled her eyes at her question, answered in a calm tone.

“You are still my wife”

 Julia let out a small laugh. To anyone who heard it, they would have thought that she and this man were a normal couple.

Suddenly, the cold wind gave her a chill, her body crumpled slightly as she looked up at him.

 "Your Highness, did you forget?"

“….”

"You didn't treat me as your wife."

 Fernan was a man who never had any respect for her.

 No, he always said harsh words, far from being respectful.

Does he remember what he said?  And does he even know how much scars those words left her?

 “… I didn't forget. Not even a minute.”

Fernan looked at Julia with his darkened eyes. And he continued to speak in a voice somewhere unrefined.

 "I know. I'm not even qualified to be a husband."

 “…  ”

"Because I regretted all the many mistakes I've made to you and I've regretted it again and again."

 He muttered softly, not avoiding her eyes.

 “I was all wrong.”

 At those words, Julia's eyes flickered once.

‘Does he regret it?’

After bowing her head for a moment and then lifting it up again, Julia showed her firm face.

“..I don't believe you.”

‘What he is saying now is just a lie to cover up this situation.’

For her, the man named Fernan was always hardened like a propositional word.

A man who hated her. A cold-hearted husband who couldn’t be nice to her for no reason.

He didn’t mind hurting her…

Julia raised her lips coldly for an instant and stared straight at him.

“Now that you say that, nothing will change.”

Julia opened her intertwined lips and let out a quiet voice.

 “I don’t need any regrets or apologies.”

 “…  .”

 “I am no longer your wife.”

Yes, she once loved this man. Her heart trembled at the sight of his gaze on her, and her heart melted helplessly at the generous attitude he showed her from time to time.

But not now. The heart that loved him left behind when she left the castle a year ago.

After she abandoned the love that had always tormented her, she became happier than ever before.

"If you're really sorry for me, just let me go."

 “…  ”

“I hope you don’t even remember that there was a person like me.  I will also forget Your Highness and live."

Julia lifted her calmer face. She could see his eyes shaking aimlessly.

Fernan didn't say anything for a long time.

She avoided his gaze and looked down at her feet, then turned around.

 I was when she took only a few steps.

As she was about to move away, Fernan grabbed her and pulled her closer to him.

 “…  !”

In the narrow distance, Julia opened her eyes wide and looked at him.  His eyes, which had shimmered slightly until a moment ago, had lost their light.

 With an empty face that had completely killed his expression, he muttered as if he was engraving word by word.

  “I know you don’t even want to see me.”

 “…  ”

 “But, Julia…  I can't let you go anymore."

Fernan desperately pressed her hand, which had been grabbed unilaterally.  Like never to let go again. He could no longer see Julia moving away again.

 Wishing her happiness, he respected her new life, which he himself could not possibly intervene.

 He no longer had the option of letting go for such a good reason.

Even if Julia became unhappy again by his side…he couldn't help it.

Her misfortune, pain, and resentment were all his. Every emotion and every thought of her had to be his own.

 "Why…"

Julia, who blinked her eyes at his unusual momentum, suddenly pushed his chest away with her other hand.

 But even that hand was soon seized by him.

 Fernan stared at her with her darkened gaze.

 "Don’t leave"

 “… ”

 "Stay here, please."

At this moment, in her vision, Fernan looked like a broken person.  Julia looked up at him, not thinking that she would shake her hand any longer.

As she stared into his deep, distant eyes, as if he was about to swallow her.

 "I…."

Before she could finish her words, Fernan leaned down. For a moment, surprised by his approaching face, her body suddenly lifted upwards.

Fernan, holding her in his arms, began to walk silently.