NOVEL NEXT Chapter 30: Ready?
"No, no, no, Lucian!" Olivia's voice cracked as she stood, trembling, trying to reach out to him emotionally. "That isn't what I mean at all. I would never do something like that! Why would you even think that? Please, have a little faith in me... I am your mother!" Her voice was filled with desperation as she processed his words.
The weight of Lucian's assumptions shattered something inside her. Did he really believe she wanted him gone? That she would throw him out like he was nothing? Her eyes welled with tears, and her mind buzzed with confusion. Has my image fallen so low in his eyes?
Lucian stood there, startled by her intense reaction. Did I guess wrong? he thought, scratching his head, embarrassed by the sudden shift in atmosphere. "Ah… well, mother, I," he stammered, unsure of what to say now.
Seeing the lost, confused look on her son's face, Olivia's heart sank even deeper into guilt. I did this to him. I turned my own son into someone who doesn't even know how to respond to me anymore. She felt the crushing weight of her failures pressing down on her chest.
Lucian has psychological scars, she realized with a cold shock. I'll have to get him to a psychiatrist. There's something deeply wrong here… and I'm one of the reasons for that. Olivia's thoughts spiraled, self-loathing bubbling up within her again. What kind of mother am I if my own son flinches at my touch?
"I would never do that to you, Lucian," Olivia whispered, her voice trembling as she took a tentative step forward. "Please… believe me, just a little. I know I haven't been a good mother, but give me one more chance," she pleaded, her tone soft, yet filled with desperation.
She carefully put the black bag aside and stood up, walking toward Lucian slowly, cautiously, as if afraid he would run away. She reached out to touch his face, her hand moving gently, hoping for even the smallest connection, but
Lucian instinctively flinched, stepping back from her touch, his eyes widening in fear, and his body stiffening like he'd been hit.
Olivia's hand froze in the air, trembling. She stared at her son, who recoiled from her as though she were a monster. Her lips parted, but no words came out. Her heart was tearing apart as she realized how much damage she had done. He's afraid of me… she thought, the realization crashing down on her. My own son flinches when I reach out to him.
Her hand slowly lowered, shaking as she withdrew, knowing that any further attempt might only push him further away. Her body shook, her throat constricted, but she forced herself to stay composed, even as the weight of it all made her feel like she was falling apart inside.
"I'm sorry, mother. I didn't mean to..." Lucian started, trying to wave off the tension as if it were nothing. He scratched the back of his head and forced a weak laugh. "I guess I was just thinking too much."
But Olivia saw through his forced attempt to brush it off. She saw the fragility behind his laughter, the vulnerability he was trying to hide. She hated herself for having created this distance between them, for allowing things to get so bad that her son could no longer even trust her touch.
Olivia looked at her son so fragile, so broken and her heart ached with the deepest pain she had ever felt. I made him like this, she thought. I broke my boy.
Realizing that now wasn't the right time, that he wasn't ready to hear her apologies or explanations, Olivia's resolve wavered. I can't push him further. No matter how much she wanted to beg for his forgiveness right now, she couldn't force it. He's not ready, and neither am I.
"Let's leave it for now," Olivia said, her voice thick with emotion, trembling as she returned to her seat. She felt defeated, utterly broken, but she forced herself to smile, a gentle, weary smile that masked the storm inside her. Her eyes were red, swollen from a night of tears, but she still looked at him with a love that was too late far too late.
Lucian felt the awkwardness in the air, guilt creeping into him. He didn't know why his mother was acting this way, why she seemed so broken. He wanted to apologize, to make things right, but the words wouldn't come. "Sorry, mother," he muttered, looking away, ashamed.
"No need," Olivia replied quietly, her voice cracking. "You've done nothing wrong." Her hands shook as she gripped the armrest of the sofa. "I think you just… need some time." She paused, gathering the courage to ask for one small thing. "But, Lucian… could you promise me one thing?"
Lucian blinked, caught off guard. "What is it?"
"Just promise me that you won't do anything drastic… no matter what happens." Olivia's eyes were pleading, her voice fragile. "If you ever feel uncomfortable or lost… please tell me. I know I haven't been there for you, but I care. I truly do. I don't know why I treated you the way I did… but believe me when I say I never hated you. Not once." She was rambling now, her words coming out in a rush. She barely understood what she was saying, only that she needed Lucian to understand that she cared, even if it was far too late.
Lucian's face showed confusion. He didn't understand her sudden shift in behavior, didn't understand why she seemed so desperate for his trust. What's going on? Is this some kind of plan? He was suspicious, unsure of her true intentions. But he didn't want to drag this out any longer. He just wanted to escape this uncomfortable atmosphere.
"Okay," he answered, his voice flat, not wanting to argue. He nodded once, not giving much thought to it. He just wanted to leave.
Olivia's heart sank at his dismissive response. She had hoped for more, but how could she expect anything else? She had failed him so many times before. He doesn't trust me, she thought, a tear slipping down her cheek. She noticed that Lucian hadn't looked her in the eyes once during their entire conversation. He couldn't. He hadn't even truly faced her.
He was like a ghost in his own home detached, distant, as though he didn't belong here at all. Have I truly lost him forever? Olivia's hands shook as she wiped the tear away. Is this how it feels… to lose your child?
"Let's leave it for now," Olivia repeated, her voice barely a whisper. She could see the discomfort in Lucian's body language, the way he wouldn't look directly at her. He can't even stand to look at me.
After a heavy silence, Olivia tried to change the subject, hoping to bring things back to some sense of normalcy. "So, Lucian... why aren't you ready yet?" she asked gently, forcing a small smile. "I'm all set for Avey's birthday. We're supposed to go together."
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well guys as i read some comments and like reviews i am very happy and satisfied
but like at somewhere i think by observing
is story really going too slow? should i fasten it more
idk i thought i should just put more details and depth...i don't know i am just new writer tell me guys
ill do as you say
thanks for reading haha