I Took the Heroine’s First Time in a Romance Fantasy Novel

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At that moment, Topaz Palace.

Rudella was once again lost in thought while handling documents.

Most of them were related to the imperial family, planning and procedures for banquets, official events, and diplomatic receptions.

However, her mind was completely elsewhere. Memories of those youthful, sweet moments kept flooding back, rendering her unable to focus on anything.

This was the first time in her 20-year life that she had experienced such a thing.

Thinking back to the time spent with him, her face flushed, and her heart raced.

Yet that tingling sensation made her feel good, and she wanted to hold onto it for as long as possible.

The longing and desires that she could no longer suppress had consumed her.

To maintain that feeling, she couldn’t stop thinking about the man named Johan Harsen.

The memories of walking through the royal capital hand in hand, his smile from within a cave, and those brief moments of shared warmth still lingered in her mind.

She didn’t forget a single one of them.

She didn’t want to forget any of them.

“Haah…”

Eventually, Rudella let out a sigh.

Her life felt like wandering through a forest filled with a toxic fog.

Slowly becoming addicted to Johan Harsen, when she finally gained clarity, she realized there was no way out.

Just a little more, isn’t this okay? Isn’t it still within acceptable limits?

Such complacent thoughts were slowly consuming her.

‘This is… seriously severe.’

She chuckled softly. It was quite the predicament, but oddly, she didn’t feel troubled at all.

The emotions she felt now were new and thrilling, and the subtle, strange anticipation felt pleasant.

‘Perhaps there’s no going back now.’

She had always been accustomed to restraining her emotions and suppressing her desires, but now she lacked the confidence to do so.

The newfound feelings she had discovered were too sweet to forget.

Why her heart felt so heavy, why simply thinking about it brought joy…

But… Rudella knew.

She wouldn’t be able to see the conclusion of these feelings.

He was, after all, in a romantic relationship with none other than Princess Ferbache.

She was destined to become the Crown Princess and should one day become the sky of the empire.

However, there was not no way out.

If Johan, that man, chose her, Rudella could immediately sever ties with her family and give up her position as Crown Princess.

If that were to happen, only the name Rudella would remain, but she wouldn’t mind losing all rights and privileges if it meant being with Johan.

The illness called love was both bitter and sweet.

But…

Unfortunately, Johan Harsen would never choose her.

Being a man of integrity, he would never betray his lover, no matter what.

“The heavens… why are you so indifferent?”

Rudella murmured quietly as she looked out the window. The newly risen moon was full and casting a soft moonlight.

As her desires and longings grew, she found herself wanting more and more.

At first, it was enough to just gaze at him, to simply think about him, but now she genuinely wanted him.

However, her heart wouldn’t be reciprocated.

He wouldn’t accept her feelings.

“If only I were… Princess Ferbache.”

While setting aside the documents she had been working on, she quietly admired the view outside.

Knock, knock.

A servant from Topaz Palace knocked on the door.

– Lady, a guest has arrived. They are currently waiting in front of Topaz Palace.

“Guest?”

Rudella tilted her head. She couldn’t think of anyone who would come to Topaz Palace at this hour.

She saw the Empress every morning, and the Crown Prince never came to Topaz Palace for any reason.

“Who is it?”

– Harsen Archmage.

“!!!”

The moment she heard that name, Rudella’s heart sank. A jolt of electricity shot through her entire body.

Why was he looking for her?

But that question didn’t matter right now.

“Wait, wait a moment.”

Rudella hurriedly rose from her seat and looked at the mirror hanging on the wall.

She quickly tidied her somewhat messy hair and made sure her makeup wasn’t ruined.

After confirming everything was in order, she was able to respond.

“Ahem. Tell him to come into Topaz Palace.”

– Yes.

Having said that, Rudella clasped her hands, then smoothed her lips, and gently touched her cheeks with her fingertips.

She couldn’t help but peek out the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of Johan…

Checking if her appearance was adequate in the mirror, she turned her head back and forth…

After a few minutes of fidgeting, the servant knocked on the door again.

– Lady, Harsen Archmage has arrived.

“…Let him in.”

Click. The door opened, and a man appeared. His navy hair shimmered softly, and his deep blue eyes were unmistakably Johan Harsen.

“It’s been a while, Lady Bismarck.”

He greeted her politely with a light smile. Seeing that smile, Rudella briefly bit her lip, swallowed once, and replied.

“…Welcome.”

Rudella swallowed the words of how much she had missed him that were rising in her throat.

Though she barely managed to suppress the emotions threatening to spill out, in her heart, she had already crossed that line multiple times.

Still, she remained silent for one reason; she feared that this moment would shatter.

“May I sit?”

“Please, make yourself comfortable.”

As Johan settled onto the sofa, Rudella took a seat across from him.

“I’ll bring some tea.”

Even though she hadn’t spoken, a servant from Topaz Palace arrived with a tea cart and set the cups down.

As steam rose from the tea, the fragrance of flowers and herbs slowly filled the room.

“…What brings you here today?”

Rudella asked, only after the servant had left.

“I needed to stop by the Imperial Palace. I also heard recent news about you, Lady Bismarck, and thought I’d visit while I was here.”

Rudella tilted her head in confusion.

“News?”

“Yes.”

As Johan lifted his teacup, he continued speaking.

“I heard from His Highness the Crown Prince. He was concerned that you have been unusually distracted and dazed lately. I came to check if it was due to the aftermath of that previous incident.”

The corners of Rudella’s mouth twitched slightly. To think he was worried about her! That made her so happy.

Just the thought that her name was etched somewhere in his heart made her feel elated.

“I… don’t have any aftereffects. Just… just been thinking about a lot of things lately.”

“Is that so?”

Johan, who had set his cup down, gazed intently at Rudella. Just that gaze made her heart race uncontrollably.

“I’m glad if it’s just a simple matter.”

Johan chuckled lightly. Rudella nervously fidgeted with her fingers, darting her gaze around.

Did he know? Did he realize why she had become like this? He most likely didn’t.

No, perhaps he might have a faint inkling. He had shown many signs through his actions.

Yet, despite coming to check on her, it was because of his warm nature.

“It seems you are still unable to concentrate on your work today.”

Johan glanced at the papers piled high on her desk. She hadn’t even touched them yet.

“It’s been like this for a while now. I can’t focus at all…”

Chug. Rudella took a sip from her teacup. She still couldn’t meet Johan’s gaze.

“What are you thinking about?”

“That…”

She couldn’t say it. How could she confess that she couldn’t live her daily life because he kept invading her thoughts?

Not merely crossing a line, but the mere thought of telling him was too embarrassing.

“If it’s troubling you, you don’t have to share. Everyone has their own worries.”

Fortunately, he didn’t press her further. Rudella felt relieved but was also left with a strange sense of regret.

If their conversation continued like this… perhaps she could reveal her feelings and express what was in her heart.

‘…No.’

That thought didn’t last long. It was completely impossible.

Wanting to draw closer might cause her to lose the distance she had now.

“It seems you’re okay, so I’ll take my leave.”

As Johan prepared to stand up, Rudella looked at him with wide eyes.

“Are you leaving already?”

“Yes. I merely came to say hello.”

“……”

Rudella’s hand lingered in the air. The desire to hold onto him clashed with the rational thought that told her not to.

But… why was that?

She didn’t want to let him go like this. Her urge to be with him held her back.

Had she been thinking of him for so long? She could no longer suppress the longings bubbling inside her.

Rudella gathered her courage and proposed.

“…Would you like to walk in the garden?”

“The garden?”

“Yes.”

Feeling her face heat up, Rudella turned her head quickly, worried that he might notice her flushed cheeks.

“Sometimes… I want to get some fresh air.”

“……”

When there was no response, Rudella babbled on.

“L-lilies are in full bloom. They look so beautiful… and I thought I’d like you to see them… Oh, if you don’t have time or if you’re busy, that’s fine too… It’s just a simple suggestion…”

She didn’t even understand what she was saying. She was simply rambling, trying to ensure he wouldn’t think it was strange.

“…Will you go back?”

As she cautiously lifted her gaze, Rudella locked eyes with Johan. Staring into those deep blue eyes felt like her heart was being drawn in.

Thump. Thump.

Her heart raced. Her fingertips twitched, opening and closing repeatedly, while her lips quivered.

She hoped he would understand the meaning behind her invitation to walk together in the garden, yet also wished he would never realize it.

Rudella fought constantly between the desires she couldn’t decide for herself and her sense of reason.

“Hmm…”

Johan checked the watch on his wrist and then nodded.

“Alright. A brief stroll in the garden should be fine.”

When he accepted her proposal, the corners of Rudella’s mouth lifted slightly. It was an expression of emotions she was trying to suppress.

“Well then, let’s go right away.”

As Rudella stood up, eager to leave, Johan briefly stopped her.

“It’s cold. It would be wise to have the servant bring a coat.”

Winter was just around the corner. Although it wasn’t quite cold enough for snow to fall yet, it was still chilly.

“Ah… I shall do that.”

Rudella nodded and rang a small bell with her fingertips. The sound echoed just as the servant entered.

“Bring a coat.”

*

It was a night when the moon rose.

The soft moonlight couldn’t completely erase the winter shadows lingering in the flower garden.

The white lilies, fully bloomed, hung their heads under the weight of the approaching winter.

When the gentle moonlight fell upon the flower petals, it appeared slightly stained with red.

That allowed Rudella to realize; it was her own eyes that had turned red, giving that illusion.

“Much more beautiful than the last time I was here.”

Johan, walking through the garden with her, remarked as he surveyed the surroundings. His attention was entirely focused on the lily garden.

“Thanks to the magic. By next April… it will be even more beautiful.”

“Because that’s the season for lilies?”

“Indeed.”

Rudella gently placed her hand beside his. Amidst the chilly winter breeze, the warmth emanating from Johan’s fingertips tempted her.

She could reach him with just the movement of a finger, but she hesitated even at that short distance, terrified.

At that moment, Johan turned to look at her. Rudella hurriedly retracted her hand, her face flushing.

He spoke.

“By then, Lady Bismarck will shine even brighter. You are someone who complements lilies more than anyone else.”

The sudden compliment made her heart feel like it had stopped.

“Ah…”

The feelings she had been desperately holding back with rationale crumbled in that single moment.

He didn’t know; he was unaware of how much chaos a single, casual remark of his could cause within her.

To Rudella, Johan’s voice, his smile, and this quiet moment spent wandering in the garden were infinitely precious.

She asked herself.

Having endured so much until now, how much longer must she suppress herself?

The answer was already clear. Her desires thickened, and the coldness she had suppressed transformed into a fiery blaze, consuming her heart.

In this moment, she wished to be his everything. Under the name of love, she wanted to capture this man who endlessly stirred her thirst.

“…Harsen Archmage.”

“Yes.”

As Rudella called his name, Johan looked at her with a calm expression.

“I…”

Her lips felt dry and cracked, and her tongue felt heavy, like a foreign presence.

How had weaving her thoughts into a coherent sentence become such a burden?

Rudella clenched her trembling hands tightly.

“I want you.”

Her voice quivered slightly.

It felt as if her breath would break, yet Rudella forcefully swallowed even that.

The breath that settled heavily in her heart took on a solid weight in her lungs.

It was an ordinary breath, but for her, it was a testament to her unwavering resolve.

“…Be my man.”