I Swear I'm Not A Dark Lord!

The Praxium Brigade

SCENE: Night, on a muddy battlefield. The sounds of fighting are heard in the distance. Vergner pulls his sword from the body of a beast. A group of soldiers runs past him in fear, but one of them stops.
SOLDIER: Didn't you hear the horn of retreat? Take your life and flee!
VERGNER: What's happened? We were winning but a moment ago!
SOLDIER: The duke has summoned an army of spirits to fight for him, and strange magic falls from the sky! He's become a Dark Lord!

— Vergner, Act II, Scene

Taylor — Mount Uroda

The Praxium Brigade was the newest army on Taylor's roster. Before now, he had only summoned them twice for practice sessions, and it had not gone well. Unlike the Army of Darkness, which had worked together long before Taylor came along, or the Army of Lightness, who were Taylor's regular companions, these spirits had no idea how to work together.

From his vantage point on a spur of rock jutting out from the side of a volcano, Taylor stood next to Dogeneh, who looked like a great dane made mainly from fire. He was the only proctor-level spirit for all one hundred members of the brigade, but had never commanded anything larger than a small group. Nor had he ever operated as part of a large force. The results were all too predictable.

On the slope below them, mana beasts emerged from lava tubes, spawned from the interior of the dormant volcano. Most were shaped like snakes made of fire and iron, but when they were killed, they left nothing behind but a high-quality mana stone.

Unfortunately, the snakes were winning. The spirits of the Praxium Brigade all rushed to fight the biggest enemies, forming clusters where spirits shouldered each other aside in an attempt to get the most glorious kill. When a mass of mana snakes erupted from an unwatched tunnel, they were able to surround a cluster of attacking spirits and "kill" them, sending them back to the Twilight Realm and costing Taylor sizeable chunks of his own mana.

"Dogeneh, how could that have been prevented?"

"Stop mobbing the choice kills with too many fighters," he sighed, "and keep fighters in reserve."

"And what can you do about it now?"

"Nothing," said the embarrassed spirit, "because I didn't recruit anyone to carry messages." This was far from the first time he was made to recite the lessons – it was quickly becoming a litany – but watching his failure against a real enemy, it was finally starting to sink in. "Aren't you going down there to help them?"

"What for?" Taylor watched as yet another eruption of mana snakes savaged the unwary clusters of spirits. The battle had tipped against the wrong way. "Not even I can win against this mess. The fight is already over."

Taylor disbanded the remainder of the brigade, including Dogeneh.

"Did you get that, Jalil?"

"I marked all the new tunnels," said the hare spirit. He held a map and a pencil in his hands.

"Premi, do one more flight around the volcano, in case they opened any new tunnels." The giant pelican took flight.

Taylor surveyed the area and the mana beasts below. The mountain wasn't what he imagined when he thought of volcanoes. Instead of steep sides reaching for the sky, it was more of a giant mound. If Aarden had pimples, this was one of them.

The spur Taylor and his guard stood on was part of an old lava flow, which he had reshaped to suit today's needs. The best news of the day might be the high iron and magnesium content of the mountain. With some help from the spirits, he could mine the area quite profitably. If he could tap into lava from inside the volcano, he could obtain all the pure iron he could want, with magnesium and a little titanium on the side. The question was, could he access the lava after closing the mana vent?

"What do you want us to do?" Tanya, the blue and white striped bear spirit, grinned at him and showed off her mithril-tipped claws. Tanya liked nothing better than fighting. Saria looked on, amused.

"As soon as Premi gets back, we'll attack that cluster of mana beasts," Taylor pointed to an isolated group of lava snakes, "to get a closer look at them. Then we'll go back to Twilight and have a word with our army."

Every spirit gained a class the first time they were summoned. That fact was little known outside of the spirits themselves, and they were forbidden to speak of it. Maybe a handful of upper-tier Summoners were in on the secret, but as a rule, mortals didn't know.

For most members of the brigade, getting a class was their only reason for joining. As soon as Taylor summoned them for the first time, a fair number of the spirits tried to leave the army immediately, until they realized they had a quest:

Quest: [Purify the Great Spirit Wen-Uroda]. Leaving the Praxium Brigade will fail the quest and incur significant class penalties. Success will earn major rewards.

Wen-Uroda was the great spirit of the area and had been trapped for years inside the corrupted mountain, unable to return to Twilight. Uroda had a lot of friends before her imprisonment, including Saria. That was part of the reason they chose to come here, even though the difficulty would be high. There was a second reason, and that was Silvain, a great spirit that lived farther north in the mountains of Rossignol. She also wanted Wen-Uroda freed, and she was willing to trade something valuable for the deed.

Too bad their first attempt was such a shambles.

When Taylor passed through the nearest gate into the Twilight Realm, where the spirits' true forms were encamped, he was met with a distinctly disgruntled group.

"Why did you disband us?" shouted an ogre. He was one of the strongest spirits gathered. "We were winning!"

"You were losing. Badly. Most of you were already disbanded."

"You can just summon us again, can't you?"

"At the rate you were going, I'd have to summon the brigade a dozen times to finish the quest, and I don't have the mana for that. I can summon you three times in a day. Maybe four."

"Maybe the summoner is the problem!" spat the ogre, and hefted his club.

"Watch it, baldy!" Tanya got between Taylor and the hostile spirit. Between the two of them, Tanya was much stronger, and the ogre knew it. "If you don't like it, then go find another summoner who can pull a hundred spirits into the mortal realm. The rest of us are better off without you!"

The ogre rested his club on the ground and scratched his head. "You don't have to be so hurtful about it."

"Then get back to your group and listen. The general is going to tell you how to win." Grumbling, the ogre shuffled back to his group, dragging his club behind him.

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Similar to the Army of Darkness, the Praxis Brigade organized itself into small fighting teams of three to eight. There were three "companies" of six or seven teams each, and each company had a leader.

Unlike the more experienced Army of Darkness, the Brigade didn't have higher-level spirits to act as company leaders. Nor did they have a dedicated squad for healing, long-range spell casting, or messengers. Dogeneh had recruited front-line fighters and little else.

"Our teams are more than strong enough to kill any single beast we saw today. But as an army, we're badly outnumbered," Taylor told them. "There's only a hundred of us, and at least three hundred of them are left, plus whatever else spawns while we're resting. And that's not counting whatever nasty surprises are in store for us inside the mountain.

"Company leaders, use your comms." He held up one of the ear cuffs that linked the wearers' voices together. "I barely heard anything from any of you. You need to spend less time trying to get in on the action and more time watching your teams. Don't overcrowd an area unless you're forming a functional barrier."

For the rest of the day, Taylor lectured, and the Brigade practiced. The beating they took had knocked a little sense into them, and they were finally starting to listen. They still groaned about it, but it was progress.

Taylor described their next assault on Mount Uroda as a practice day. Their goal wasn't to complete the quest, but to get far enough inside the mountain to discover what was inside.

This time, the spirits had come up with their own ideas about how to wage the battle. They were obvious enough to Taylor, but letting the spirits devise their own tactics meant they were more likely to stay organized. Summoned spirits disbanded when they died and could be resummoned, so the stakes were low for them. Taylor could afford to let them experiment if it meant they learned to work together. As Saria often reminded him, Taylor was the only person on the field who could die.

Premi landed nearby. "We have company." She pointed with a wing to a low hilltop a mile away. "The IEF sent observers."

"That was fast. The nearest garrison is fifty miles from here. How did they even find out?"

"Maybe they've staked out all the corrupted areas," suggested Saria, "just to get a look at Dux Twilight in action."

"Gods, I hope not. I don't want to be judged by this rabble."

They were back on their perch, watching the Brigade. This time, earth spirits went ahead of the main force and closed several lava tubes. They left the largest ones open, and that was where the Brigade focused its forces. With a combination of tank-type classes, earthworks, and magic, they were able to engage the fiery mana serpents on uncorrupted territory on the exterior face of the volcano, while keeping their flanks clear. Company leaders rotated their teams, and one company was always able to rest. As the casualty lists came in, Taylor summoned them to rejoin the fight.

"This is a good pace," he told Dogeneh. "I could keep this up all day. Now we have to deal with the surprises."

"What surprises?"

"I don't know," admitted Taylor, "that's why it's a surprise. But there's always something."

A half hour later, after most of the lava snakes were dead, the mountain trembled. Not enough to throw anyone off their feet, but hard enough that it couldn't be missed. Scree broke loose from the mountain and tumbled down its slope. Worried about damage from falling rocks, Taylor ordered everyone to take cover, and the brigade pushed their way into the empty mana tubes. Mount Uroda had been inactive for fifty years. If it was waking up, now of all times, then it wasn't a coincidence.

The ground shook again, but this time it was weaker. Then the mountain fell silent.

Dogeneh's comm link flashed. "There's no sign of lava snakes," he reported. "We might be running out of enemies."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," mused Talil. "There's something happening uphill."

Premi took flight without asking and rode the updrafts to the volcano's rim two hundred yards above them. The Army of Lightness was able to talk to each other and Taylor using their shared bond. "I see something moving. It's big. It's … it's … a crab!"

Black legs appeared over the rim of the volcano. They seemed delicate, if one could ignore the monster's scale, and ended in sharp points that wedged themselves into narrow gaps. The tips probed the mountain for strong footholds, held firm, and hauled the main body over the volcano's crest.

From a far enough distance, it would look like a small crab on a large rock. Up close, it was a gigantic monster that made him feel like an ant. Taylor had killed a few large monsters in this life, but for some reason, the crab struck him as the most absurd.

"Downhill!" He sprinted, with Dogeneh and the Army of Lightness behind him, using their body enhancements to the utmost.

"Get everyone out of the caves!" Taylor shouted as he ran. "Send them back to the rally point!"

Dogeneh barked orders into his link, and spirits started leaving the lava tubes. Some turned and looked uphill and cheered as they spotted the massive crab.

Taylor and his group merged into the rush of spirits, all heading downhill and off the mountain, following an old lava flow that was the closest thing to a smooth trail. Much of the mountain was made of grayish black rock that rippled and pillowed as if someone had boiled syrup and then cooled it instantly.

"Your people probably can't get through its armor. What's your plan, Dogeneh?" asked Taylor as they ran.

"Uhhh," growled the would-be leader. "Go for the eyes?"

"It's worth trying," puffed Taylor. Before they reached the bottom of the mountain, Tanya was wheezing. Jalil was a hare, Saria was the oldest and strongest of the four, and Premi could fly, but bear bodies weren't made for long runs. Taylor made her weightless with his magic, then he and Jalil grabbed her by the paws and pulled her along with them like a bear-shaped balloon.

"This is more like it!"

"You wouldn't think that if we threw you into the air and you never stopped rising!"

"Please don't do that!"

When they reached the rally point a few hundred yards away from the foot of the mountain, Dogeneh formed up his strongest fighters to prepare for a fight, but the crab seemed to lose interest in them. It clung to the side of the mountain with its back legs, raised its carapace, and held its massive pincers above its head. It stayed like that, unmoving.

"What's it doing?" wondered Dogeneh.

Premi returned from her latest scouting flight and landed next to them. "It's sunning itself. If our sizes were reversed, I'd pick him up and eat him, right now."

"Who chooses crab?" Taylor asked. "It's a mana beast, right? It could be anything. So, why a crab? It's a hundred miles to the sea from here, and there aren't any freshwater crabs native to Rossignol. The snakes make sense because they travel through the lava tubes. But who looks at this terrain and says, 'I know! Crabs are just the thing!'"

"Corrupted mana does strange things," shrugged Jalil. "Deal with it." It was a practical answer, but an unsatisfying one.

"I guess we have to go back uphill to fight it," the dog spirit grumbled.

"Or taunt it downhill," said Taylor. "Do we have any ranged fighters who can hit it from here?" The monster was five hundred yards away.

Dogeneh shook his fiery head. "We'll have to send someone closer."

"Don't bother. I can hit it from here."

Dogeneh arranged his strongest fighters to intercept the crab when it came close, and positioned his few ranged fighters to shoot at the eyes. The few casters they had stood ready to try a variety of spells to search for vulnerabilities. Since none of them could die, they were excited to try themselves against such a massive opponent. It wasn't every day one had an opportunity to fight a gargantuan crustacean.

"Too bad it's a mana beast," said the ogre spirit. "I'd like to eat some."

"You eat everything," said a spirit that looked like a fox, but had two sets of ears and three tails.

"Not lava crab."

"Gotta kill it first!" reminded another, and several spirits laughed.

When everyone was ready, Taylor framed his distant target with his thumbs and fingers and thought the Mi'iri words for his custom Dragon Shot spell. The conjured dart of tungsten carbide shot from him like it was fired from a cannon, leaving behind a sonic boom and a faint blur of disturbed air.

The blur connected with the crab.

The crab blew apart into several massive pieces with assorted gore scattering over the hillside.

The parts started to vanish, like all mana beasts did when they were destroyed.

The noise of the impact reached them. It sounded a lot like a hammer crushing a small crustacean.

One hundred and ten sets of accusing eyes turned toward Taylor.

"Umm. I," he hesitated. He had told them they could fight the crab, and then he stole it from them. Their disappointment was palpable.

"I thought it was tougher than that."

The stares continued.

"Maybe next time?"