I Swear I'm Not A Dark Lord!

Vacation II

People in the breakfast room gave him curious looks, but Taylor had long since learned not to care. He kept his Riverstone illusion active while he ate crêpes stuffed with different things, from preserved fruit and whipped cream to scrambled eggs and sausage. As a carrier for other foods, the crêpe was officially his new favorite platform, and Malachite's kitchen turned them out quickly. That was fortunate, since he was starving. He was still recovering from nearly getting crushed to death in his fight against the cori-cori and overextending himself during the afterparty. His healing magic was working, but it made the body hungry.

The only card he wrote that morning was for his sister, Cecilia, who was living with a family named the Vawdreys. He promised to keep every evening open for her, starting on the next day, and he waited for her card. The Vawdreys lived near the local academy, but that didn't mean much to him. He needed to get a map of the city to schedule meetings properly.

His card to Cecilia went out with the first post, and he received two cards from Dwergbank. The assessor would see him mid-morning, and the director would see him in the early afternoon. That suited him just fine, and he sent his acceptance on the turnaround. After most of the hotel's guests abandoned the breakfast room, he spent some time alone with strong tea and a week's worth of newspapers.

It was strange to be so far out of touch with events in the Empire, but it was just as strange not to see anything about Twilight in the paper. The Empire's security was in an awkward state. Taylor knew first-hand that it was struggling to find and close all the vents that kept opening up. The one he tackled on behalf of Twilight became serious only because they went unnoticed by the Empire for weeks or months. Didn't they have a detection system? If not, then maybe he should design one.

The walk to Dwergbank was pleasant enough, but he couldn't help but note how few arcaics there were. It seemed odd that a major city, one bigger than Bostkirk, would be almost entirely human. He assumed the bank would be part of the local Arctown, like in Bostkirk, but that didn't seem to be the case.

His appointment with the appraiser went well, for the most part. Taylor had plant materials from Twilight that, while not overtly powerful, were ultra-rare. There was also a selection of mana stones he had purified and combined, but didn't find interesting enough to enchant. He unpacked a ton and a half of high-quality agate, a set of bells crafted by a wind spirit, a bolt of ethereal spider silk (so-called because the spider was insubstantial), magma stones from Dimmik, perfect feathers from dire pheasants, and every other treasure he and his little party chose to sell. Some goods were his personally, while other lots belonged to the party.

The appraiser was human, had a class, and didn't speak Arcaic, but he said the bank would gladly put it all on auction. Everything except the fish.

"You'll have to take this to the Epicurian Consortium. They control all auctions for seafood and luxury foodstuffs. I'm afraid we can't help you."

"Can you write a letter of introduction?"

The appraiser made a face. "The Epicurian only accepts nominations from members, and it requires years of work to get an invitation. You can ask a member to act as an intermediary for a sale, but they will take half of the proceeds. Your best bet is a private sale. It's inconvenient, and restaurants won't buy from people they don't know. Especially fish. But like I said, in this city, Dwergbank can't help you."

Taylor refreshed the preservation spells and returned the cori-cori box into the only bag he had that could hold it. The party stood to reap a lot of gold, even after being split five ways, so they weren't hurting for money. He could afford to hold the fish as long as preservation magic kept working.

There was a surprise waiting for him at the hotel: his sister was sitting in the lobby, facing the doors so she wouldn't miss him. In his night-blue Battlesage's Robe (more like a very stylish cassock, if he were honest) and overgrown hair, he wouldn't have thought she could recognize him so quickly. It had to be the mask that gave him away. The girl looked exactly like their mother might have when she was sixteen, down to the shade of green in her eyes. She had traded her expensive dress for an Academy uniform with a skirt down to her ankles, and cut her long pink hair short into an airy, chin-length bob. There was another Academy girl, probably her best friend, Prudence, who stayed in the background to give them space.

"Cecilia! You didn't have to come here. I would have come to you!"

She smirked at him. "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that, after a literal lifetime apart, you would want to see your sister, more than anything."

"You got my card, didn't you? It was the only one I sent out today."

"And yet you've been out, doing things in town, before coming to see me."

"In my defense," he grinned, advancing on his sister, "I don't even know where the Vawdreys live. I'm new to the city and don't even have a map."

"And one can not possibly hire a carriage. Try again, little brother. Regale me."

The last time they met, the girl was pathologically demure. This new version of her was wry, snarky, and demanding. Whatever she was doing in Celosia was improving her personality. Or, just as likely, this was what she was like away from her father. He didn't get to read her letters because of his sudden departure from Bostkirk, so he shouldn't be surprised he didn't know anything about her.

"I'm not presentable yet." He looked down at himself. "I've been in the field for months, I need a haircut, and the only thing I have to wear is this armor. I didn't want you to think your little brother was a homeless bum." He lowered his voice in artful humility. "You might worry."

"Oh, brother, you're so sweet!" The taller girl rushed to hug him and squeezed like they actually knew each other. "It's total nonsense, but it was a very touching thing to say."

"I really was going to get a haircut before seeing you," he mumbled through the embrace. "Saria says I'm going feral. I don't see it, personally." If she was getting his letters, then she knew who Saria was.

Prudence watched them sourly.

Cecilia let him go and dabbed at the corner of her eyes with a handkerchief. "When can I meet your Army of Lightness? Prudence doesn't believe you, by the way. That reminds me: introductions!"

The background girl came forward and gave him a good customer service smile. Her triangular face was nearly elfish, with sky blue hair and wide, indigo eyes. "I'm Prudence, Cecilia's best friend."

"I'm Taylor, Cecilia's little brother. Disowned, but not discarded. Not by her, anyway. Pleasure to meet you."

They showed their hands to each other, but didn't offer to shake. Neither one of them was sure about the other. Then, Prudence handed him a business card. When Taylor took it, he felt a small buzz of class activity around her. It was likely she had the Merchant class and was working on the well-known Opportunity Is Everywhere quest, which gave experience for handing out business cards. The first set was ten cards. The second set was a hundred, and close acquaintances didn't count.

"Now that's out of the way," chimed his sister, "what will we do for the rest of the day?"

"I'm open from now through lunch, but I have a meeting this afternoon I can't miss. I need to find out where I stand with a certain large institution."

"Is this about the paladin thing?"

"I'm pretty sure it's the paladin thing."

"What paladin thing?" demanded Prudence.

"A paladin tried to kill him in Bostkirk. But it should be fine." Cecelia, having received an explanation in his letters, didn't seem as concerned by the situation as Taylor was.

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Prudence was alarmed. "Nothing about that is fine. Cici, I know you've been looking forward to a reunion, but maybe you should keep your distance for a while, until we know for sure how dangerous his situation is."

"I'm not giving up our reservations. If I can't have him the rest of the day, I'm keeping him for lunch."

"Does this place allow spirit companions? Because I promised the army they could have lunch in Celosia. They are unreasonably excited."

"It's one of the few restaurants in the city that does. And," Cecilia smiled serenely, "they serve karposh!"

The karposh restaurant was called Dimmik, after the karposh's country of origin, and occupied a prime piece of real estate at the nearest bridge from the Malachite Hotel. As soon as they stepped out of the carriage, Taylor summoned his companions with all the fanfare, lights, and mist required.

They were mostly in their humanoid forms, some better than others. Saria made a very good elf, as always. Tanya was a blue-striped bearkin, and Premi looked like a dwarven woman with a big nose, dressed in feathers. Jalil didn't need a human form. He was still a hare of unusual size, wearing an embroidered vest and pants, with ears that swept most humans' chins. He was so cute that nobody ever minded him, even in places that didn't allow spirit companions.

Taylor made introductions. Cecilia adored them all. Prudence did her best not to look surprised and mumbled, "One good turn deserves another."

"Oooh, fancy!" Tanya crooned when they were being shown to their tables. She kept trying to look at everybody else's food. The customers were entirely human, but skewed heavily to the classed and magical crowds. Taylor wasn't the only one bringing in magical companions, though he looked to be the only customer with more than one.

"Oh no." Taylor stopped in his tracks. The hostess was leading them to a large table next to the kitchen, with a single woman seated at it. She was a few years younger than Cecilia, had dark hair that fell in soft waves, and an impressive, effortless bearing.

"What's wrong?" asked Saria.

"It's nothing." Taylor had forgotten that (1) he connected Princess Lindastra to Cecilia and (2) reservations at Dimmik were impossible to get. A table for eight on short notice required someone to pull strings.

"What?" demanded Premi. "Is it dangerous?"

"Might be," he admitted. "It's a princess."

Tanya's and Jalil's eyes lit up. "Ohmigosh! A princess! A real princess!"

"Keep moving. Try to be normal." Taylor nudged them both. He was glad Premi and Saria were keeping their heads. He couldn't manage four star-struck spirits at once.

The princess stood for them and curtsied. "We meet again, my errant knight."

"Not your knight," said Taylor with a bow, "wrong kind of errant." He attempted introductions, but Tanya would not be constrained.

"How do you know Taylor? Did he rescue you? Were you imprisoned in a tower? Was there moonlight involved? Did he hold you in his arms? Tell me!"

"It was an overturned carriage in broad daylight. He stunned an aurochs that would have gored my guards, and then he fixed our wheels. And then," she stared accusations at him, "he left without accepting a reward. I had to track him down."

"For the experience," Taylor explained for Tanya's benefit. "She needed to close a quest. It wasn't about me, so you can forget any mushy thoughts you were having."

Taylor turned on Riverstone as they got seated, and Prudence frowned. She didn't like not being able to see him.

Taylor finally learned that karposh were pastries, small enough to be held in the hand, with a variety of fillings. The chef brought out heaps of them, each embossed with a letter in the corner of the pastry dough for easy identification. Other dishes were served too, and passed around to be shared. Sliced sausages cooked in wine. Bits of crispy flatbread dripping with soft cheese. Prawns in butter sauce. A strange, multi-layered vegetable Taylor hadn't seen before, cut to resemble edible dahlias, then breaded and fried.

Prudence shamelessly pumped his co-conspirators for information, and Premi was ready with a swift kick under the table in case Tanya came close to saying something she shouldn't. There was a story they had agreed to stick to, a true story, that didn't include Twilight politics or absconding with mana crystals. But even so, it didn't sound believable. In the space of a season, they had killed all kinds of rare monsters.

The more Tanya, Jalil, and Premi talked, the more incredulous Prudence became. Princess Landistra was entertained, Saria nibbled contentedly on karposh, and Cecilia was enchanted.

Prudence exploded. "Enough! Can't anyone else see this is impossible? One little kid without a class can't do half of what he's claiming!"

"But Prudence, you also said he couldn't summon four spirits, but there they are. Right there." Cecilia smiled. "Isn't it possible that there are other impossible things he can do?"

"Show her the quest trick," urged Lindestra.

Prudence turned on the princess. "What quest trick?"

"He can give quests."

"Nobody can give quests," insisted the doubting woman. "Not without high leadership titles or maestro status. None of which he has!"

"Give her a quest," Lindestra urged.

Taylor shook his head. "I don't know. She seems impervious to evidence. I don't see the point."

"No, no. You won't get away that easily. Go ahead and give me a quest." Prudence stood up defiantly. "If you can give me a quest, I'll stop calling you a liar."

"All right. Clear all this away. I'll need the table." As soon as servers whisked away the dishes, Taylor pulled the cori-cori box from one of his bags and opened it so she could see what she was getting into. The table groaned so alarmingly that he had to strengthen it with magic.

"This is a little less than a thousand pounds of bloodguard cori-cori. I can't sell it at auction without the Epicureans taking half."

"More than half," corrected Prudence, "And that's after they sit on their heels and let your goods degrade. You need a fast, private sale. I want thirty percent and a quest."

"You can have your thirty percent. But the quest comes with conditions. There will be no self-dealing. No hidden discounts. No bundle deals. Failure to adhere to these terms will fail the quest. You have seven days. Bonus points if you can do it in three. The quest name is … Big Cori-Cori For Big Dori-Dori."

Taylor checked the enchantments that kept the fish fresh. When he tried to close the lid, he was interrupted by Dimmik's chef and his cooks, who wanted a moment to admire it. Dimmik didn't use enough fish to justify such a massive purchase, but they could gaze longingly at it before the lid was fastened shut.

Knexenk-driven mana rippled around Prudence. "How are you doing that?"

Taylor shrugged. "How are more people not doing that? It's not hard." It came out harsher than he intended because the girl had annoyed him.

"Taylor," Cecilia said softly, "it's easy to trigger predictable quests with offers of work. But it's impossible to set details like quest names and reward parameters. Everyone who has ever taken a class tries it. Whole academic careers have been spent on the topic of quest generation. You can't blame Prudence for being skeptical. It's …" she searched for a suitable word.

"Surprising?" offered Lindastra.

"Intriguing," said Jalil.

"Bonkers," grinned Tanya.

"Be nice," concluded his sister.

"I didn't know that," he admitted.

An idea occurred to him. If he could push this quest-giving talent a bit farther… He could try it and, if it seemed too dangerous to give to anyone else, he could destroy it. But to test his idea, he needed something for people to do. Something innocuous. Maybe something fun.

Messing around with random people's classes could be a terrible idea. Or it could be awesome.

Lindastra and Cecilia returned to the Academy in the princess's carriage, while Taylor took the Vawdrey vehicle to Dwergbank. All four spirits gawked at the city and were especially fond of the bridges. Taylor was more interested in the occasional auto-carriage: small, brightly colored vehicles powered by magic. They buzzed in and out of traffic as if the rules didn't apply to them. Invariably, they were driven by young people in ornate wizard hats. Some of them looked far too young to drive.

"Thank you for the ride, Prudence. And for setting up lunch. I assume you leaned on the princess for that."

"There was no leaning required. She couldn't wait to butter you up. You know she wants you for an escort, don't you? She's not a bad person. But."

"She's a princess." Taylor was well acquainted with princessly imperatives. "Is that why you wanted to ride together? Or was something else on your mind? Because I know your driver doesn't need you here to find his way home."

"True." Her eyes scanned the four spirits, who were too busy enjoying the view to pay them much attention. The girl was supposed to be about Cecilia's age, sixteen, but wore her school uniform with professional tidiness. "What are your intentions toward my best friend?"

"Intentions?" He tilted his head, as if giving the matter great consideration. "She's the only family I have. I want to know her better. And, maybe I'd like to spoil her a little. Her father isn't exactly the nurturing type." Taylor leaned forward, bringing them closer together. "I'm glad she has a genuine friend, someone who wants to protect her. I would never deprive her of that. Even if the friend in question looks at me sideways all the time."

"Cici thinks you're sweet because you say all the right things. I think it's suspicious." They rode for a few minutes in silence until the bank came into view. "I'm accepting your quest. The driver will help load your crate into the boot."