I Planned a Su*cide Mission and Got Kicked Out of the Party

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“That’s a joyous thing to hear, but…”

Margaret paused for a moment, swallowing back her quivering voice. The Elf Lord slowly examined the side of the Wizard’s face.

“I can’t genuinely rejoice in what you said for fear and worry over what made you say that in the first place. You’re not the kind to utter such words at a time like this. What could have hurt you so deeply, Wizard?”

Margaret was wise. She was not an ordinary woman and never had been. She immediately grasped that Jeongjae’s confession stemmed from a place of deep hurt. Jeongjae, who found it awkward to explain, held onto Margaret’s hand without responding.

“No, it’s not like that. It’s just… a whim. Given various circumstances, it felt like I had to say it, you know?”

“Given your reasoning, you shouldn’t speak so lightly. You’ve been hesitant to express your judgment, fear that your actions might fracture the bond between me and the Great Sage. There’s no sudden reason for you to dismiss that concern. Someone with your anxious nature wouldn’t act so carelessly.”

“That’s true, but…”

“I can think of two possible answers.”

Margaret squatted down right beside Jeongjae.

“You’ve either gained enough trust to believe we won’t fight over you for some reason, or… I think it’s more likely the latter. You’ve lost confidence in Jenis Harker to the point where you feel it’s dangerous to rely on me.”

Margaret let out a deep sigh as she saw Jeongjae’s expression change.

“Touché. What on earth happened? Did those glasses show you something strange?”

“You always come directly to the answer. I can’t see an inch ahead even with this magical tool, yet you pierce through everything with your mere eyes.”

“If you live for about 400 years, you could somewhat follow suit. When I was your age, I don’t think I even recognized multiplication from division.”

“Really?”

“Of course, that’s a lie. I graduated from the multiplication table at age three.”

Margaret tossed out a joke that was so ridiculous it was hard to tell whether to laugh or get angry, chuckling to herself. Jeongjae stared at her in disbelief, wondering if the Elf Lord had lost her mind. It wouldn’t be fair to blame her for seeming a bit off. Just thinking about it, Jeongjae had summoned a royal of a great nation leading an army with a note and confessed his love. He was clearly the one doing something more absurd.

Margaret gestured for the legion waiting behind them to move to the camp. As she watched the Eramenia cavalry depart, she removed the leaf crown from her head and set it down on the ground. It seemed to signify that she would temporarily lower her dignity as a Lord.

“To put it precisely, Wizard, improving your skills means you can pretend to know something even when you don’t. Of course, it would be good if you actually knew a lot, but you don’t have to understand everything when listening to others.”

“So, you’re saying I should hear you out and let it pass through one ear and out the other?”

“Can’t you tell? Whether I’m listening closely or not.”

“You’ve never listened to me like you didn’t care.”

“You know well. I’m just saying there were a few times I couldn’t quite understand while listening. For instance, the day you brought me that strange scroll…”

“Hmm.”

Jeongjae turned his head away awkwardly. But thinking back, why had he gone to Margaret of all people with that scroll? Did he really believe she would help him? Or…

“I’ve always wondered. Did you truly think I would welcome your death?”

“Well… how should I put this…”

“I was frightened listening to you. To you, this Margaret likely looked like an elf who would agree thoughtlessly to sacrifice a comrade simply because it seemed a bit efficient. Even if you don’t know my heart, was I really perceived that way? Was that all I showed?”

“Margaret, I rather…”

“But recently, upon hearing news that you almost used that magic, I thought about whether you truly needed a supplement when using that scroll.”

“If I had someone to help me… that would have been nice. After all, it’s quite a powerful spell, and if the coordinate setting goes awry, it could lead to serious trouble. I needed someone who could guard me until I got stable coordinate information, and, um, also…”

“If you wanted to, you could have done it all by yourself.”

Jeongjae nodded. Margaret’s words were indeed true.

“I suppose so.”

“Even if you needed someone to fulfill the role you mentioned, you could have found another answer nearby.”

The Grand Mage fell silent. Margaret’s words were again correct. If he truly desired to use that magic, there were certainly better options than seeking Margaret’s help.

“I should have asked Rose.”

“That girl was born a heavenly emperor. Of course, I’m not saying Rose Caprice would have accepted your proposal. But if you had to choose to sacrifice someone for a strategic goal… Rose wouldn’t shy away from that. Unlike me, of course. You probably already knew. You didn’t seem dumb enough to not realize that. Though it’s been chaotic for so long, I now feel like asking.”

Margaret looked straight into Jeongjae’s eyes, who was staring at her.

“You, in fact, came to me hoping I would reject your proposal, didn’t you?”

“…I don’t know, I really don’t.”

Jeongjae turned his head back to face forward as he answered.

“Margaret, I didn’t know whether I would hear a rejection or acceptance from you. Of course, thinking about it now, it’s strange that I ever thought you would accept. Back then, I was a bit… out of my mind. So I didn’t know whether you would reject my proposal or choose to join me. But if I think about it deeply… what I wanted was a rational answer. Honestly, even after writing on the scroll, I had no idea whether it was the right solution. It was just… I wanted to know if I wrote the correct answers, and you were the only one who came to mind. While I was fooling myself into thinking you would definitely accept, I actually thought you might reject me. I hoped you would explain a more valuable reason for my being alive. More rationally.”

“My response wasn’t very rational.”

“I was very surprised too.”

“Could that compare to how shocked I was?”

“True. Now that I think about it, that. I seriously feel sorry about it.”

And for a moment, the two fell silent. A shadow fell back over Margaret’s expression. The first to break the silence was Jeongjae.

“This glasses didn’t show me the future ahead.”

“If you think about the principles of magical tools, there’s no rule saying it must show the future. It’s just that Walter Hellhound is such an excellent user, he knew to some extent how to control the tool’s ability.”

“It might show events that could have unfolded. If something went wrong in the showdown with the Demon King… that girl might just break her own staff and end her own life in a world like that.”

Margaret’s expression slightly surprised at Jeongjae’s words. She knew better than anyone how plausible his assumptions were, as she had fought in that battle herself.

“What happened to the world?”

“It fell apart. I saw the Imperial Palace burning by dragons, and Eramenia preparing for a hopeless resistance. I hustled around too, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do better than my vision of myself in that illusion… The world fell apart, regardless of what I did. No matter what I tried, it didn’t matter… If she made just one mistake, the world would crumble right there. Even after experiencing such a crisis, I don’t see her stopping to gamble the world’s fate.”

“If she doesn’t gamble the world’s fate, she can’t become a hero.”

“I know that, but!”

“Get a grip. I could sit here and rattle off hundreds, even thousands of ways the world could end.”

“But Harriet’s Glasses shows a different future. It shows incidents that could really happen, or ones that were about to happen right in front of me!”

“Even when making a solitary decision to retreat or advancing, I risk the lives of all my soldiers. Throwing three thousand troops against three hundred thousand enemies and asking them to return safely, I know that’s a gamble with all their lives on the line. I dislike those decisions as much as you do. Yet, every moment, every minute, every second, I’m buried under a mountain of those decisions. I’m not a military leader like Harker or Caprice!”

“Sometimes… there might be people who believe you’re closer to being a ruthless leader than anyone else.”

“Letting such people think that’s my role. You should now have an understanding of who the Emperor and the Great Sage are. They are fundamentally similar. If a million lives must be sacrificed to realize justice, they wouldn’t flinch an eye. As long as that justice can make up for the million lives!”

“I know you’re a coward who trembles at the thought of even one of your subordinates becoming injured, Margaret.”

“The fact that you know that makes me happy. But on the other hand, I envy those who can bet everything for their ideals, even their own lives.”

Jeongjae found himself somewhat resonating with Margaret’s words. Though he had not gazed upon it for long, and despite being blinded for far too long by a powerful glow to realize, Margaret was, in essence, a similar sort of person as Jeongjae. Only after uncovering that truth could Jeongjae genuinely rely on Margaret.

She was the person he needed right now.

“I think I roughly understand why you need me… but at the same time… thinking about it, that girl needs your trust. More desperately than anyone in this world.”

“She’s enough of a self-absorbed girl. Why would she need that?”

“As long as you believe in her, she can reassure herself she hasn’t crossed a line she should not. You’re a kind of moral compass for her. I’m somewhat like that too. But, Wizard, if your beloved professor truly starts to doubt her and cast her aside, the Great Sage will collapse uncontrollably. Frankly, I don’t want to see that scene anytime soon.”

“What should I do?”

“Show trust. Be honest about everything you’ve seen, and guide her to think about what she can do to prevent such things from happening. Mistakes happening in reality can become stepping stones for the future, and predicting mistakes that haven’t even happened is even better. Isn’t it an opportunity to correct something wrong without suffering any losses?”

Jeongjae felt as if something was awakening inside him. He decided to follow Margaret’s advice right then. As always, there was an undeniable weight to her words. The kind that compelled him to rely on and follow her.

“I heard the Crown Prince was born.”

Margaret suddenly changed the topic. Jeongjae’s eyes widened as he opened his mouth.

“Rose? No, um… thinking about it, it was about time. Walter had a son, huh? Why didn’t I hear any news about this?”

“The Emperor told me in secret. Nobles hearing the news might return from the front lines and cause a disruption, and he didn’t want that. However, perhaps after this counterattack, the Demon King’s army will be calm for a while… If you need some time to clear your head, perhaps a visit to Caprice would be nice. Go meet the Emperor. It was noted that the Crown Prince’s gray eyes strongly resembled Hellhounds.”

“…That sounds fine. Meeting Rose might be nice.”

Jeongjae nodded.

“And a little… trying to persuade the Emperor might not be a bad idea.”