I Planned a Su*cide Mission and Got Kicked Out of the Party

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Violet Moriarty was essentially a lord with a penchant for grandiosity. She loved to show off so much that she even sent a letter to Rose Caprice declaring her imperial ascension. With childbirth imminent, Rose calmly ordered the creature that delivered the letter to be killed, then accepted Violet Moriarty’s speech that had come along with it.

The Emperor of Audrich shifted slightly, aided by those around him, and began to scrutinize the paper closely. Violet’s letter read as follows:

“I announce to my subjects. I also announce to all intelligent beings living outside my territory. As of this moment, I establish a new empire claiming dominance over the continent and ascend as its first Emperor. The name will be Terkeon, after the first Demon King a thousand years ago.

I declare that life is beautiful. Furthermore, the reason it is beautiful is that it exists in a finite state lacking eternity. Our power symbolizes constant destruction, yet in truth, we all destroy something as we live. The beings of the south consider themselves creators, yet the essence of all our actions is consumption, decomposition, and chaos. In reality, our nation is right, and theirs is wrong.

The goal of the Terkeon Empire is boundless consumption and destruction. Our empire is focused on enjoyment. The eternal existence discussed by our nemeses, the fairies, cannot coexist with us. If that forest were truly eternal, would it be burned and lose its power from the attacks of dragons? Can the eternal be lost? Can the infinite diminish?

All members under my domain possess the right to destroy the world according to their power. This right will be protected in the name of the sacred empire, and there will be no legal discrimination against any races other than elves.

I say this. We are beings living towards the end, and also beings living for the end. Why do you delude yourselves into thinking that temporary peace and stable governance can indefinitely postpone that? Why do you make foolish prayers wishing for a realm that, in reality, cannot last for hundreds of years to last for thousands?

I am now before the great end. And I will also be behind the great end. And when I finally sleep the sleep of death with a smile, the world will say this about me:

She, who gained the whole world, could not escape death. However, at least she died as a victor in her final moments.

You will surely know what I meant by this. You will understand the nation I intend to establish. If there are any adversaries watching my ascension with trepidation, aside from the elves of Eramenia, I advise surrendering. Happiness and freedom cannot be guaranteed. But if one works hard enough, the rewards will surely be given.”

“Whoa…”

Rose glanced up from Violet’s letter, her face expressing disbelief. She realized that this very speech had been delivered at her own coronation. It was utterly absurd. If the Emperor of the Human Empire were to deliver such a speech, they would be dragged down from the throne to see the nation transformed into a republic.

Or they might be beheaded before they could witness the transition to a republic. From the perspective of a light-aligned being, this letter was filled with an oppressive sense that was utterly incomprehensible to them—they were the dark sorcerers only.

Rose carefully folded the new Emperor’s letter and handed it to a servant.

“Store this safely in my drawer. It’s ridiculous, but somewhat amusing.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“What on earth can allow someone to deliver such a speech and yet keep their subjects united?”

Rose gritted her teeth, her face slightly reddening in anger. The imperial doctor, aware of the Emperor’s fury, bowed his head and approached Rose.

“Please calm down, Your Majesty. Your anger could pose a risk to His Highness in your womb.”

“Is that so? But…”

Suddenly, Rose’s expression crumpled. Honestly, there were a myriad of realities that she found displeasing. Most fundamentally, it was utterly frustrating to accept a world without Walter.

Originally, her child was not meant to be cared for by the servants and doctors surrounding her. This child was Walter Hellhound’s offspring, and from its growth in her womb, to its birth, and through its upbringing, the child had the right to have a father. And Rose deserved to relish the joys of a newlywed wife.

As the time approached for her delivery and she received the doctor’s advice not to get angry, Rose felt her anguish over what she had lost surging once more. She had the power to grasp everything in the world if she willed it. If she desired to feast on a dragon’s heart, surely someone would fetch it for her.

If now she wished to triumph over her northern rivals and become the ruler of the entire continent, why could she not? World-renowned heroes were already flooding the Audrich Empire from all directions, battling to expand it into the territories of the ancient Caprice Empire.

If she tried, she could truly achieve much, much of which no human would dare dream. Yet, no matter what happened, the dead would not return. No matter what happened, she could not smile together with her husband while watching their child.

No matter what happened, the deceased Emperor would not return to the Empress’s side.

“Ugh…”

Rose’s complexion turned red, and she swayed, unable to maintain her posture. The servants, startled that any harm might come to the Emperor’s health, rushed to support her. Those around her regretted showing Rose the Demon King’s letter, fearing it had provoked the Emperor’s wrath, but Rose had already completely forgotten about the bold coronation ceremony of the Magic Emperor.

She was burdened by far too many grievances. The ambitious Great Sage of the half-demons was already effectively governing a realm larger than the imperial decree. The new Hero, not exceedingly foolish but deeply empathetic, tended to dismiss or reject the Emperor’s politically demanding letters. It was something she had anticipated, but it remained a burden she could not shake off and a source of stress.

Ultimately, she had to acknowledge that she could not be both a human wife and mother enjoying a mundane life nor could she be a perfect, immortal leader steering the empire. And that more than anything filled her with frustration. She wished she could choose one; to either become human or a god. Unable to shed her human feelings and suffering, she had to take on a role akin to a deity, a task far too weighty even for Rose Caprice.

And she had to be a mother.

“Uwaaaah…”

Rose slumped down from the throne, letting out a groan. As if to escape the wrath of a mother, the fetus in her womb began stirring, preparing to emerge. Rose opened her eyes wide to gather her thoughts.

The labor had commenced. The clearest evidence was that the Iron Wall’s Protection, which had always shielded her, started to waver due to physical reasons.

The shield was thinning. The iron wall was becoming unclear. Her protection, already cracked from internal wounds, was slowly breaking apart due to the excruciating pain of her organs twisting.

Humans are bipedal creatures. All races influenced by mana, differing from humans, elves, orcs, and primitive primates, walked on two legs. However, bipedalism is not the most advantageous body structure for childbirth.

No matter how capable Rose was, she felt powerless in the face of the immense agony approaching her. The Iron Wall’s Protection was incredibly resilient to external shocks. Among the heirs of the Audrich family, no one possessed a protection as strong as Rose’s. The “Iron Wall” of the previous generations struggled to even withstand arrows unarmored. Rose could take a grand magic attack without wearing armor.

However, this pain was not coming from outside her body. Rose briefly thought that Violet’s accusation that humans were beings of destruction was not completely incorrect. A child brings pain to its mother from the moment it is born. In a sense, this baby was being born at the cost of destroying Rose.

The Emperor knew that giving birth would significantly weaken her Iron Wall. She also realized that it might not merely end there. After this childbirth, she may no longer be the great hero she once was. Yet an inexplicable smile brushed her lips. She felt a sense of satisfaction at the thought that her protection could be destroyed.

“I might fill this castle with the blood of my enemies that I’ve shed.”

Rose tightly grasped the armrest of the chair, sweating profusely.

“But after all that fighting, the amount of blood I’ve shed might only fill a small vial. Most of it, after all, would have been from the recent battle with the Demon King. I’ve always lived like this. My hands struck a dragon’s cheek, and I killed the Gargoyle Lord. I even broke the bones of the Demon King and shielded my companions, becoming the human shield.”

Rose gestured toward the servants beside her, seeking support. The attendants rushed forward to support her. Meanwhile, several servants and doctors prepared a stretcher to carry Rose.

“I won’t complain even if this is my last battlefield. If this pain is the cost of enduring my final battlefield, then so be it. Now, take me. I want to see both myself and his child.”

Rose’s last words were almost murmured. Even for the Emperor, who had endured many pains, the labor was daunting.

A moment later, after a considerable struggle, Rose could lay back on the bed, cradling her new Crown Prince.

“It’s a healthy Crown Prince. He will surely grow beautifully.”

The doctor commented as he observed Rose holding her son. Naturally, it was expected that one would refrain from speaking ill of a child, especially when addressing the Emperor, newly delivered of her child. However, the doctor did not merely give empty compliments.

Though still shedding the appearance of a wrinkled little creature, the newborn’s weight was clear enough to feel like he was “healthy.” His head already had a few strands of red hair sprouting, and between the fine eyelids, there were bright gray irises visible.

The moment Rose saw the color of those irises, she barely managed to suppress the urge to cry along with her baby. No one would blame her for crying upon seeing her newborn, but Rose did not want to shed tears out of pride for herself.

“What shall we name the Crown Prince? If you haven’t decided yet, it’s fine to take some more time.”

“No, it won’t take long.”

Rose shook her head.

“Some time ago, his father spoke about what he wished to name his child. I don’t know the meaning, but I believe those words were his mumblings about his ancestors from another world.”

The Emperor gazed momentarily at the ceiling, lost in recollections. Walter had always been fascinated by his ancestors. The more stories she heard, the less Rose felt there were similarities between the legendary Hero Simon Harriet and Walter Hellhound. The indifferent and cold Simon Harriet was very different from the sensitive and emotional Walter Hellhound. The only resemblance they shared was their peculiarities and extraordinary intellect.

Despite that, Walter admired his ancestor and even attempted to forcefully change his personality to mimic Harriet. In that context, Walter once told Rose:

“If I have a son, I like the name Sherlock. If it’s a daughter, Irene would be good. I don’t know why, but I think those names held significance for him.”

Rose turned to the doctor.

“Sherlock. Call him Sherlock Caprice. That is the name of the new Crown Prince. And keep my childbirth news… still secret from the public. There are many high-ranking nobles and influential figures on the battlefield. I’m worried that if they treat my absence as a grave offense and hastily vacate to visit me, the situation on the battlefield may worsen. I will secretly send a letter to Margaret of Eramenia explaining the situation and ask her to come here if possible.”

“I will ensure everyone remains tight-lipped.”

The doctor asserted resolutely. Rose’s authority was absolute. Her words would be followed.

The doctor stepped out of the room, leaving the Crown Prince in Rose’s arms so she could rest. Ideally, selected servants would take the child away for Rose’s proper rest, but the Emperor politely requested to hold the baby just a little longer.

The attendants did not deny him. The Emperor, having spoken of calling for assistance if needed, stared blankly at the ceiling, holding his son.

“Stay.”

Rose said, clenching her hand. The Iron Wall’s Protection that had once made her invincible had weakened considerably but had not been completely destroyed. Though it didn’t seem like the newborn had inherited that protection, it wouldn’t be surprising either. The Iron Wall’s Protection was an exceptional phenomenon that rarely manifested in the Audrich family, appearing only during extraordinarily significant periods.

Rose believed that her protection hadn’t been fully destroyed because its strength still had a purpose to fulfill.

“But honestly, I don’t want to fight anymore.”

Rose mumbled as she looked at the baby’s face.

“I just… I just want to protect this child. Protecting this child and the country will already be challenging enough for me.”

Ever since she learned of her pregnancy after the death of the Gargoyle Queen, Rose had never worn armor. Yet that armor always hung in her room, watching over the Emperor.

As if to ask whether she was truly going to leave herself forever as a mere decoration. At not yet thirty years of age, could she genuinely retire from all wars?

Rose gazed at the armor while gently cradling the Crown Prince.

“Not yet.”

The Emperor commanded.

“I don’t think so… Not yet.”