I Only Want to Lie Flat But Am Forced to Cultivate Immortality

The girl said everything was forced by life. Once she saved enough money and redeemed herself, she would definitely elope with the oil seller.

What a big pie in the sky, even a reheated one.

Even so, the oil seller still believed her. Every month after he joined the Patrol Office, he would, without exception, send his entire salary to his beloved girl for her redemption.

But who could have imagined that the woman, who was a master at making pastries, would later fall in love with the Protector from the Celestial Heart Sect, become obsessed and crazed, and stab the man who was willing to give her everything with a sharp blade.

The former oil seller, the past Government Official Zhang, is now Eunuch Zhang.

Xu Qing marveled at the tremendous change in a person.

Zhang Jun was equally surprised, but he was more surprised—how come you're still doing your funeral business?

"Brother Xu, it's not that our family is saying this, but what's so good about doing business with the dead? Why not come with our family to the palace? Not to mention anything else, becoming a supervising officer is easy."

"Brother Zhang..."

Zhang Jun suddenly frowned and interrupted, "Brother Xu, just call me Eunuch Zhang, this title doesn't sound comfortable to our family now."

"..."

Xu Qing was speechless.

In Deshun Restaurant, Xu Qing sat with the old acquaintance who was short of a couple of pounds, and said, "Everyone in the world thinks my business is unlucky, but when it comes time to handle funeral affairs, someone like me has to step in."

"I find joy in myself, even when occasionally encountering lonely old men, I'm willing to be a younger generation once, preparing their bodies for burial, and when it comes time for worship, if no family grave is burning paper, I can still see it. As long as my shop is around, I won't let them run out of incense and paper money."

Seeing Zhang Jun frown, Xu Qing calmly said another sentence, "I am all alone, and if I lie in a coffin in the future, I'm afraid it's hard to have someone alive to burn paper and keep vigil for me, so I think about accumulating more yin virtue now, and when the day really comes, I imagine there will always be one or two people who will appreciate me and come to mourn."

"What does Eunuch Zhang think, yes or no?"

Upon hearing these words, Zhang Jun's knitted eyebrows suddenly relaxed, and he asked, "Shopkeeper Xu, have you never thought about getting married and starting a family?"

"..."

Xu Qing glanced at Zhang Jun. Who was just talking about taking him to the palace for work?

Once a person becomes a eunuch, their heart is usually not too big. Xu Qing didn't think Zhang Jun was genuinely concerned about him.

"Bones and flesh, beauty and skeleton, ultimately are nothing but a handful of yellow earth. In my eyes, marrying and having children is a mundane idea. Does Eunuch Zhang think I am a mundane person?"

"Hahaha! Brother Xu still has such insight!"

Seeing Zhang Jun laugh so heartily, Xu Qing knew the time was right.

Sipping a cup of wine, Xu Qing suddenly said, "Eunuch, that goldfish looks beautiful, but it's not as tasty as an ordinary carp. Why not sell it to me to give to a cat? What does Eunuch think?"

"Give to a cat?"

"To be honest, there is a black cat at my home. It was acquired two years ago, and the anniversary of its acquisition is coming up soon. If I could give it these golden carps, I think it would be very happy."

"No problem at all, these golden carps are my gift to you, Brother Xu..."

Zhang Jun didn't care whether Xu Qing's words were true or not; he only cared that the words spoke to his heart and amused him, which was more important than anything else.

At this time, the golden carps had already been sent to the kitchen. As for whether the carps were dead or alive, Zhang Jun didn't care, because even dead fish could feed the cat, and once live fish entered a cat's mouth, they'd also become dead fish.

But strangely, when the staff brought the fish basket back, none of the fish were damaged.

Zhang Jun's attention wasn't on the basket of fish; otherwise, he would have found it astonishing.

He wasn't really intending to eat fish earlier. After all, it wasn't that what Eagle's Beak said displeased him, stepping on his broken tail.

Otherwise, Zhang Jun wouldn't have idly bought fish to eat.

It was Xu Qing whose attention was on the basket of fish, yet he wasn't surprised either.

Only the Shopkeeper and the head chef of Deshun Restaurant continuously wiped cold sweat from their backs.

Others didn't know, but they knew that those golden carps were strange. Just as you took the knife to slice them, when you turned around, you found you were slicing not carps, but a bunch of white paper shreds.

This white paper couldn't be eaten. If they were to wrap these things with oil, salt, and sauces and serve them to people, wouldn't Deshun Restaurant's reputation completely vanish from the Jin Sect by tomorrow?

Zhang Jun and Xu Qing were fellow townsmen, and now as old acquaintances met, Eunuch Zhang was deeply moved at heart.

After drinking a lot of wine, once their conversation started, Xu Qing learned quite a few things.

For instance, Zhang Jun is now an official of the Mirror Supervision Bureau, and his godfather holds the seal there, while the seal holder's godfather is the bureau chief.

Xu Qing couldn't help but think of the Wu Family brothers, and he even wanted to dig up a thousand-year-old zombie as a godfather.

However, although he doesn't have a godfather, he does have a convenient godmother.

His good godmother has been growing in the courtyard of the Funeral Shop for hundreds of years, her body far sturdier than the Yin Locust Tree at Shuimen Bridge Villa.

But Xu Qing did not take the peach tree as his Substitute Stake, his Substitute Stake is still the Yin Locust Tree at Shuimen Bridge.

Even calling her godmother was merely for the sake of Xuan Yu.

These matters are not known to outsiders, and Xuan Yu might have sensed something, but even it doesn't know how much Xu Qing has done in secret.

Xu Qing's purpose has always been simple; doomed to walk alone, he hopes that if a wise cat can accompany him, after witnessing the rise and fall of dynasties and the passage of time, that cat's life remains unchanged.

Xu Qing and Zhang Jun don't have much connection, and if not for the Shopkeeper of Tongyue Restaurant wanting to fulfill his wish and release the golden carp, he wouldn't have chatted with Zhang Jun.

An incomplete eunuch, once within the palace walls without sunlight, the whole person changes utterly.

At this moment, Zhang Jun, drunk on wine, alluded to the filthy things he experienced when he first entered the palace, things he had no one to confide in and didn't dare to.

Outside the palace, there are ears behind every wall, and inside, there's an ear every few steps; say one wrong word, and tomorrow there'll be a new corpse at Enji Village.

Enji Village, where eunuchs are buried.

Xu Qing noted this place name, as his interest in the dead always surpassed that in the living.

In between, Zhang Jun again mentioned the Mirror Supervision Bureau came to Linjiang County looking for someone, a matter Xu Qing heard about long ago. The bureau is full of peculiar experts, and Huang Xiaoliu from the Transmission Hall didn't dare to delve deeply, so Xu Qing never knew whom they were looking for.

Not until today did Zhang Jun mention it, and Xu Qing realized they were looking for the person who killed the Chief Eunuch Feng Dehai's godson and the Mirror Supervision Director Liao Jinzhong's godson.

Turns out, all the recent turmoil in Linjiang County started because of him.

Xu Qing noted this incident, and when he returned to the Funeral Shop, he casually left a silver ingot, weighing precisely the same as what Zhang Jun spent on buying fish.

Carrying the golden carp back to his shop, Xu Qing hadn't even entered when a dark shadow darted out.

Xuan Yu jumped onto the threshold, scrutinizing Xu Qing.

"Why are you staring at me? I've bought Tongyue Restaurant's signature dish, do you want some?"

Xuan Yu withdrew its scrutinizing gaze and asked, "What dish is it?"

"Official Braised Fish, Curried Fish Slices..."

As Xu Qing took the dishes out of the food box, the curious Xuan Yu peeked into the fish basket.

"What a big golden fish!"

Seeing Xuan Yu about to reach out with its paw, Xu Qing reminded, "These are the golden carp promised to the deity of the Temple of Life. They'll be released at the riverbank later, so don't get tempted by them."

After finishing the fish from Tongyue Restaurant, Xu Qing carried the fish basket, accompanied by a black cat that insisted on following him.

A cat going to release fish? Unheard of.

But today, it was witnessed!

At the Baisha Riverbank, Xu Qing found a place teeming with water vitality and released the fish back into the fresh water.

There were just two left when Xuan Yu, mimicking Xu Qing, stood on two legs and pushed the basket along with the remaining fish into the river.

One zombie and one cat doing a kind deed, preparing to return home, when suddenly they heard timid calls not far from the pier.

Xu Qing and Xuan Yu turned their heads to see a little boy and girl standing by the riverbank, both barefoot, wearing cloud-patterned dresses, looking tender and white, exuding an air of celestial aura!

The girl seemed shy, timidly not daring to approach, but the boy was bold, holding something in his hand and placing it on the ground.

"Thank you, gracious benefactor, for your rescue. This is a small token from my master, I hope you accept it."

After saying that, the child, like a stray cat daring to beg for food at someone else's house for the first time, startled, turned and pulled the girl's hand, and jumped into the river.