I Fell In Love With A Girl Who Died Before I Was Even Born

"Who's Lana?" Shion asked.

Her voice was so faint it could've been mistaken for the creak of the old house settling. It sounded like she was afraid of the question even as she asked it.

I turned and met her waterless green eyes, but she broke the gaze almost immediately.

Like she didn't want to know the answer after all.

"Is she… was she…" Shion's voice trailed off into a mumble.

I shook my head too fast, too defensive, desperate to cut her off before she finished.

I didn't want her to think Lana and I were anything like that.

At least, not anymore. Not since the first time I met her in the food court, and that already felt like years ago.

"No," I said. It came out clipped.

Shion's eyebrow arched in a way that made my stomach tighten.

"You're going to have to give me more than that, Blondie."

Yeah. I thought so.

"She's… someone I met at a mall."

At least that was true.

Shion's lips curled in disbelief.

"You met a kitsune goddess at a mall?" She made it sound like I'd just confessed to buying one at the food court.

"Yeah, I know how it sounds. But please, consider that I'm talk to you, my vampire… um…"

I trailed off.

My eyes flicked to Yuki, floating quietly nearby, her hands folded as if she were bracing for impact.

"Yuki's a ghost… we know a tanuki, so a kitsune goddess is like par for the course at this point, right?"

Shion looked at me.

"Oh no," she said. "I caught that Freudian slip, Blondie. You're not squirming out of it that easily.

Shion tilted her head, her expression sharpening.

"Your vampire what?"

The silence between the three of us grew heavy, like a string pulled taut.

I felt it vibrating in my chest.

Yuki's gaze slid down to the floor, but her shoulders tensed.

Shion crossed her arms like she was daring me.

And then I said it. The thing all three of us had been thinking, the word none of us had wanted to be the first to say.

"Girlfriend."

The word fell into the room like a stone into still water.

Shion's mouth hung open.

Yuki flinched, her shoulders stiffening, but then she lifted her chin, and with a single, small nod, she confirmed it.

"Your what?" Shion asked, her voice a mix of shock and hunger.

She uncrossed her arms, closed the distance between us in two steps, and looped her arms around my neck.

"Say it again."

Her whisper was sharp, like a blade pressed against my throat.

She pulled me down into her, closer, her body pressing against mine.

"You heard me," she said. "Say it. I need to hear you say that again, goddamn you."

She was cold, colder than winter air, colder than the other side of the bed after someone's already slipped away.

Chilling, empty… and familiar in a way that made my chest ache.

For a moment I just held her there, arms around her waist, remembering the taste of our first kiss.

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"You're my girlfriend," I said, unblinking.

Her arms were around my neck.

I had my arms around her waist, but she was staring straight fire into my eyes, and I thought she was about to bite through my throat.

"You… dumbass!" she cried, her face contorting. "Why! Why! Why'd you have to.. So.. STUPID!"

Her body trembled, and I did the only thing I could think of.

I pulled her into me and just hugged her with my left arm as I gently stroked her long, black hair with my right hand.

I felt the strands as they weaved though my fingers, each one a different shade of night.

"You… can let yourself be loved," Yuki said.

I felt Shion's body shutter in response.

She took a deep breath so she could speak.

But, before she even said anything, I realized that a part of me loved Shion because she always had to breathe before she spoke, not in spite of it.

I loved her because her rules, her contradictions, her very angry sneer in the face of the entire rational world made her… perfect.

"Tell your girlfriend to shut up, please," Shion whispered.

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

Shion rolled her eyes.

"I mean, the other one, Blondie. The one without a body."

Shion looked at me, deadpan, but she didn't step away.

In her language, that was as close to, "I love you too" as I was ever going to get.

I felt her put her hand on the back of my neck.

It felt cold. Her fingers felt like precise pieces of steel, like she was a robot under dead human flesh.

Then she pressed her head against my shoulder.

"Are… are you sure you don't mind?" she asked.

Mind what? I wondered.

She pulled herself into me even more.

"Please," I heard her say. "Are… am I?"

She looked up at me, finally.

"Blondie… I'm so… cold," she said. "For you, I mean… and…"

She buried her face into my chest.

"I'm sorry."

Yuki's hands twisted together in front of her, the way she always did when she was holding something back. Her shoulders had gone tight, her glow faint.

"I'll give you two some space," she said softly. "You need this. I can see Azuki for a little bit. She said she likes cartoons on Saturday mornings."

My chest clenched.

"Yuki…"

She gave me a look that silenced me.

Sad, but determined.

Then she turned to Shion.

"You take care of him," Yuki said.

Shion blinked, her lips parting in surprise.

She actually met Yuki's gaze for the first time tonight.

"…thank you," Shion whispered.

Yuki smiled, but it was the kind of smile that hurt.

Then she turned, her form shimmering, and floated toward Crescent Moon Academy, until the night seemed to swallow her.

The silence after she left was so heavy I could hear my heartbeat in my ears.

"Blondie…" Shion said, her voice trembling. "Carry me. Please. Take me to the onsen. Put me in the warm water."

I hesitated, tightening my arms around her fragile frame.

"Shion… won't the water burn you?"

Her whole body tensed.

"Running water is harmful to vampires. But it doesn't do anything if it's still," she said. "If the water is still… then I can sit in it and…"

She broke off, squeezing her eyes shut, like the words themselves hurt.

"I'm so gross," she whispered, looking down at her thin body. "I'm… a cold, dead thing."

She let go of me, hugging herself so hard it looked painful.

"I'm just a… a… corpse. I've been dead for so long…"

I shook my head, not wanting to listen to what she was saying about herself.

"No."

I pulled her back into me before she could slip away.

"I don't care what you are. You're Shion. That's all you are to me. Whatever you are, whatever name you call yourself, that doesn't matter to me. You're Shion."

She looked up at me quickly, her eyes shining with something sharp.

"Don't," she said, cutting me off. "Just… don't. Stop right there."

Then her arms were around me again, her body pressing close, trembling against me.

"Please. If that's how you feel… then don't ever—just… Don't say the 'L' word."

She faltered, then sucked in another careful breath.

Her eyes searched mine.

"Are you sure I'm okay? That I'm… enough for you? Whatever humanity I have left—"

She looked down at herself like she couldn't stand what she saw.

"Blondie… whatever I have left, it's cold."

I scooped her up into my arms, carrying her like I had when Kanae had cursed her. I wasn't sure why, but it felt right somehow, holding her in my arms.

She gasped, sharp and instinctive, her nails digging into my shoulders.

"I'll carry you to the warm water," I told her. "We'll get you warm."

She nuzzled against my chest, burying her face against me.

"I want to be warm for you," she whispered. "For you. Just for you, Blondie. I'll pretend…"

I pushed the gates of the onsen open.

Inside Shin'yume-sou, mist and steam poured off the onsen, mixing with the chill of the early morning.

Shion saw the hair on my arm stand on end.

"Is it chilly?" she asked as I stepped forward, careful not to slip on the wet stones surrounding the water.

I grinned a little.

"Yeah, you noticed, huh?"

She took a short breath through her nose.

"I saw how it affected you. I… I can't really feel it. Not anymore. Not since… that night I changed."

I reached the edge of the onsen.

She looked down, then squeezed me tighter.

"Are you sure the water's not moving?" she asked.

It didn't look like it was running.

"The water looks pretty still to me," I said.

She clenched her eyes.

"Then lower me in," she said.

She suddenly opened them and stared straight into my soul.

"But, I want you to know, if this water is running and it burns me in any way, I'm going to drink every singly last drop of blood from your body."

She grinned, showing the tips of her very sharp fangs.

"And since you volunteered to be my boyfriend, dumbass, there's not a goddamn thing you could do to stop me."

She giggled, and it made me giggle.

Right then, everything felt perfect, as absolutely flawed as it was.