NOVEL NEXT Chapter 212
……I never imagined I would feel uneasy about such a thing.
It seems the reason I’m feeling anxious is that Ha Neul, Sohee, and Sua are really not by my side.
Well, technically, they’re not completely gone. They’re right next to me at this very moment. But it feels a little different.
So… while coming to the cafeteria, those three didn’t cling to me. They didn’t link arms or cling to me like they usually do.
They did send me some longing glances, but as per my warning, they managed to hold back quite well. It seemed like today, I wouldn’t have to punish them or suggest splitting up rooms.
The problem was the feelings I was experiencing in that situation.
The weather was already summer. In fact, it had been ages since we switched to short-sleeved uniforms. The weather was getting humid and frustrating, to the point where being close to someone felt sticky.
But oddly enough, I felt a void in my arms and sides.
Usually, when I went out, those two would be clinging to me on either side.
There were times when we would spread out depending on the situation and atmosphere, but generally, they would quietly occupy the spot next to me whenever they got the chance. So, I hadn’t even realized it until now—
My arms felt so light as they swished through the air.
“……”
Is it comfortable? If I ask, it would be comfortable. But just because my body is comfortable doesn’t mean my heart is at ease.
For the past three months, those kids had considered my arms their own space, so not having them around felt a bit empty.
No, that’s not it.
To be honest, just that alone made me feel a strange distance from Ha Neul, Sohee, and Sua.
They weren’t deliberately clinging or chatting away, and they weren’t subtly fighting for space. I must have suggested keeping distance first, yet I was feeling just as lonely.
“……”
No, no, that won’t do.
I shouldn’t feel this way.
It’s only been half a day since we started keeping our distance. We talked before school, and it was just now lunchtime—what would those three think if I suddenly started talking again?
…….
I felt Sara’s peculiar gaze on me.
No, I mean.
I’m not the bad guy here!
Now that I think about it, all those kids who fought over the spot next to me did it not just because we were ‘friends,’ but because they had ulterior motives as well.
Am I really sure they didn’t secretly train me like this?
……Or maybe you’re just the fool for realizing that now?
“……Huh?”
At Sara’s remark, I suddenly halted my steps.
As I stopped, the three kids following me halted as well. Worried looks were fixed on me. They probably thought I was in a mood because I was annoyed, or something like that.
But right now, my thoughts were solely directed at Sara.
You, when did you know this?
Ah.
*
Well, it’s true that Sara liked me.
It wouldn’t be weird at all to hide it. If she thought of me as a ‘potential rival,’ it would make sense for her to keep it as secret as possible. The fact that she had been eagerly kissing me for a while now is probably because she felt that way about me from then on.
She would casually change seats, but when there was plenty of time, she would insist on kissing to signal a change of pace. That has to be the principle behind it.
Ugh…….
It doesn’t matter if she’s embarrassed. After all, everyone can hear it.
This is quite complicated; how did it even come to this?
Still, I think I somewhat understand Sara’s feelings. Sara and I shared memories with each other, and I was genuinely devoted to her. I didn’t think, “This will definitely lead to a romantic relationship!” but looking back, I think, “Maybe that could have happened.”
However, for Ha Neul, Sohee, and Sua……
Hmm, I really have no idea.
Is it really because of my face?
If that were the case, they’d fall for me too. Ha Neul only likes you.
Sohee seems to like you too.
Ah…….
Usually, Sara would teasingly react, but when Sohee’s name came up, she fell silent. If we were face-to-face, I would have witnessed Sara’s face turning completely red.
“Hey, you know.”
“Yeah?”
At the sudden voice, I turned my head sharply.
The one who spoke was Son Ah-reum.
“Did you guys have a fight?”
“Uh……”
A fight……me?
It’s closer to me getting unilaterally angry rather than us having a fight. I don’t think there was any reason for that anger either.
“No, it’s not that we fought.”
We’re just having a bit of an adjustment period.
……Talking like that makes it sound like a divorce, so let’s not go there.
“No matter how you look at it, it doesn’t seem like a good atmosphere.”
“It’s just, various things happened after you left.”
“Really…?”
Son Ah-reum tilted her head at my words.
“You used to eat without even using your hands.”
And she dropped an unnecessarily factual statement.
“W-well, it wasn’t that bad!”
Seeing the attention turning towards me, I quickly protested.
Sure, while they did feed me with food from either side, I still ate with my own hands sometimes. I can confidently say that I ate about half of what I was given.
……Can I say that with confidence?
Now that I think about it, I didn’t even have a snack today. Usually, while walking, during class, during breaks, or on the way home, Ha Neul, Sua, and Sohee would sneak something into my mouth.
…….
Oh, speaking of that, it feels really weird.
……Now that I think about it, I had been taking that as a ‘favor because we’re friends.’
In reality, they must have had completely different intentions.
The most serious part is that I had accepted that without thinking it was strange at all.
Yeah. Accepting that I was ‘eating it’ would mean I’ve fully let it happen.
Even now, realizing it’s strange, a part of my heart wonders, “Is there really anything wrong with that?”
Sure, is that really wrong?
If you ask me if it’s ‘wrong,’ the answer is obviously no. I haven’t committed any crimes; I just put chocolate in a friend’s mouth. Sometimes, I even fed her.
And if I liked that person just a little bit.
So then, it’s not wrong.
It’s an odd action, but it isn’t wrong.
After listening to Son Ah-reum’s sudden question, Ha Neul, Sua, and Sohee’s hand movements slowed down a little. They seemed a bit embarrassed.
……Well, it does take some courage to act like that.
If it were me, it would have been a challenge just to become friends, let alone put something in the mouth of a girl I liked.
But I pushed away that kindness with “let’s just keep our distance.”
“…….”
Well, I suppose that might have been excessive.
But even if I think that, suddenly apologizing feels awkward, and more than anything, I still don’t understand enough to apologize, so I focused on eating quietly.
*
As time passed, the feeling of loneliness grew stronger.
It wasn’t that I felt completely alone, but thinking that the kids who I was so close to were keeping their distance made my heart quite uneasy.
Yeah, I know. I’m the one who suggested it.
I seemed to have unconsciously thought that I was being generous to these kids.
Well, in some ways, that isn’t entirely wrong. I had been spending money, and their room was also my room, and considering the electricity bill, food expenses, and other living costs, I was actually ‘giving’ to them.
But then again, that doesn’t mean my friends weren’t generous towards me.
What’s most important is the psychological stability those kids provided me while being by my side. I wasn’t lonely at night in that big room, and no matter what happened, I had these kids who were more than willing to help me.
Friends who like me more than I like them.
Even if the world turned against me, I felt like these kids would stand by my side.
There’s no reason for me to push away those kids just because they have feelings for me.
……Maybe I was being bad for thinking that I should just push them away without even understanding why they liked me.
“……”
But on the way home, I was worried about how to bring it up.
Wouldn’t it be too much to suddenly say, “I’m sorry,” after saying it all first?
……Sigh.
Sara let out a blatant sigh.
No, then how are you going to talk in a situation like this?
…….
Naturally, Sara couldn’t think of anything to say in response to my question.
Well, maybe she didn’t say anything because she couldn’t.
“……Ah.”
Right, that’s it.
If I can keep the promises I made today, I decided that I would reward myself with a hug here and there.
Then all I need to do is make good use of that situation!
Sigh.
Once again, Sara let out a blatant sigh.