I Can Hear the Saint’s Inner Thoughts

37 – The Mage Who Doesn’t Believe in Love vs. The Saint Who Loves (4)

Frankly speaking, I couldn’t handle Victoria’s behavior, which was so awkward. She was completely inconsiderate of the person receiving her affection.

It’s easy to mistakenly believe that any man would love receiving the favor of a devastating beauty, but in reality, the opposite was true.

“…You, keep doing this, it’s burdensome.”

I washed to try to get to sleep, then frowned, shaking the water from my wet hair with a towel.

It absolutely wasn’t because of Victoria’s urging. It was to clean my body, soaked with sweat from the incidents in the Holy Kingdom.

“Why do you say it’s burdensome? From the moment you saved the life of the Saintess of a nation, weren’t you prepared for this?”

– Oh no…. Those ripped abs are so hot, would it be okay if I asked if I could lick them just once…?

*Gulp*

Victoria’s gaze, staring intently at my abs and chest, turned sticky, and her Adam’s apple bobbed noticeably up and down.

“Of course. I just saved your life as a colleague. I hate seeing people die in front of me in the first place.”

Even though I knew Victoria’s actions and inner thoughts, I pretended to ignore them. Just because I knew her intentions didn’t mean I had to do something about them.

That was more like pity than love, wasn’t it? I didn’t want to make Victoria feel pathetic.

“…You don’t like it when dead people stay in your memories, or when they appear before your eyes, is that it?”

– It seems, Astar, you have trauma regarding your parents. It would be the lover’s role to soothe such things.

Victoria spoke as if she could see right through me. The fleshy feast that kept rippling beneath her robe was numbing my reason and making it hard to keep my eyes fixed.

“Yeah. So I just saved you. I just figured I’d have a bad dream if you died.”

“Is that really all there is to it? You turned your body into living lightning, you punished my enemies for me, and you even announced to the whole world that we’re lovers…”

“…Shut up.”

“Hehe, that prickly side of you is cute, like a hedgehog. But doesn’t that prove I’m a woman worth saving?”

“Of course, you’re a saint. Of course, you’re worth saving…”

“You said just now you’d save me even if I wasn’t a saint, contradicting yourself so easily. Very well. Come lie next to your older sister.”

– I clearly said before that my ideal type was a mature, nurturing older sister…!

Victoria patted the side of the bed with a ‘thump, thump’, signaling me to lie down. It was like a hunter’s gesture, leading me into a trap.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

I furrowed my brow at Victoria’s actions.

Her assertive attitude was making my head spin, trying to figure out how to deal with it.

In the first place, Victoria is wearing my robe right now. And now she wasn’t even trying to hide the fact that she’s inhaling its scent, bringing the sleeve to her nose.

“We’re in a contract relationship, aren’t we? I understand it’s a natural human instinct to try and get your money’s worth in a short time.”

– Plus, I know that the important part of a man’s lower body hardens with visual, physical, or psychological stimulation. It’s a natural physiological reaction….

Victoria’s gaze, uttering those suggestive thoughts, now lingered over my lower body. It was like she was trying to figure out why I wasn’t responding to her blatant touch.

“Or, are you perhaps scared of what might happen later? Scared of falling for me?”

A smirk. Victoria baited me with that bitter smile. She even pulled the robe slightly to the side near her chest, deliberately exposing herself.

“Enough. Give me your hand. I think I can remove at least one more flower with my current condition.”

Looking at her like that made me think about my duty. Victoria had used miracles and given the stigmata to Wilhelm in order to make him the next pope.

“…Aren’t you pushing yourself too hard? You must be in pain.”

“Then what does that make you for enduring all of it? A monster?”

“That’s quite funny, actually. Maybe I’m just so used to my own pain that I’ve become sensitive to the pain of others.”

Thud-.

Having said that, Victoria immediately leaned her head onto the pillow, lying sideways. And then she blinked her eyes, as if telling me to lie next to her.

“What are you doing…?”

I was speechless, stunned by Victoria’s behaviour.

“Now, please hurry. I need to sleep soon.”

– Romance books clearly say that if the physical distance gets closer, so does the emotional distance!

There was only one thing I could know for sure after seeing this.

Victoria, being that I was her first love, didn’t know much about seducing or alluring a man.

“Stop changing the subject and get up.”

“I don’t want to. My body feels heavy, maybe from dealing with that Lich.”

– The key is to not be too aggressive, but to cross the line little by little…! And finally, to reap the fruit of love!

Victoria was saying this in such a nonchalant tone while pulling on my arm. Unable to resist her brute strength, I ended up lying down with her on the bed.

“…Astal-nim.”

“What now.”

We were so close I could feel her breath, a distance where it felt like I could even hear each other’s heartbeats.

“About what happened today.”

“You mean what happened in the Sacred Kingdom of Aurelium?”

In that state, Victoria hugged me tightly like I was a doll, asking the question. The soft, warm, cheese-like weight that instantly transferred and the silky feeling of her underwear were shaking my reason.

“Really, what you did for me…was it truly without any ulterior motive?”

– Okay, the first step of hugging is a success! Now, he won’t be able to run away….

“It was like that, yes. Why do you find it so hard to believe what people say?”

“Didn’t I tell you before? I was abused back in my hometown a long time ago, so I have a hard time trusting people.”

Victoria was currently letting out the emotions she couldn’t reveal to me. I felt with all my being that her love was this fervent and passionate emotion.

There wasn’t even a hint of intoxication in Victoria’s voice as she spoke, nuzzling her face into my chest.

Meaning, she was completely sober.

“Still, I think it’d be alright to misunderstand you just a little.”

“Are you drunk? Or did you eat something bad earlier?”

I knew this, but still, I purposely moved Victoria’s face away as a confirmation.

I was against crossing this line of comrades or a fake couple in this way.

“No, I just wanted to tell you how significant what you did for me today was, Astal.”

– Even if it’s indirect like this, I want to express my sincerity. But I’ll leave out the part where I like or love you…

Then Victoria shook her head and continued talking to me. Her eyes were slightly red, as if she had been crying.

“…To be honest, I wanted to kill the Lich who poisoned the previous Pope Raphael with my own hands. I didn’t even want to offer a prayer for his peace.”

“……”

“But the position of Saintess was preventing me from even getting personal revenge. If you hadn’t stepped in, I would have never known the truth. Do you know how much anger that caused me?”

Victoria continued her story with a slightly tearful voice.

To her, the former Pope was a benefactor who’d saved her life, a figure akin to her deceased parents, so this reaction wasn’t strange.

“So, you… you were picking up on something?”

“Of course. Unlike some people who love alcohol so much they’d drink it even if it was poisoned and then meet their end. The circumstances were so fishy, too fishy.”

*Squeeze.*

Victoria’s arms tightened even more as she hugged me.

Even though she’d clearly felt anger and resentment in the past, it seemed she hadn’t been able to investigate the truth of the incident due to being a saint.

I knew that she and the former Pope had a very special relationship, like parents and child, so it was odd that she hadn’t had a stronger reaction when facing Lich.

“It’s natural to feel that way. It’s normal to be angry when someone kills someone like your parents. Even if you’re a saint, you don’t have to maintain your composure.”

I gently stroked Victoria’s hair, comforting her. I cautiously drew circles, careful not to touch her deer-like horns.

“Is that so… You always say things that make me so happy, Astal.”

– You see me as a regular woman, not as a saint.

Then Victoria looked up at me with a soft smile. Her sweet voice, layered with her inner thoughts, felt quite alluring.

“…If you weren’t here, I wouldn’t have been able to face a day like today. Thank you. Astal.”

– Actually, I wanted to seduce you out of gratitude, but if I didn’t have this conversation, I was afraid I wouldn’t even be able to say thank you and you’d just run away.

Hearing Victoria’s inner thoughts, I realized that she was so emotional simply because she was grateful to me.

But, words that aren’t spoken directly aren’t truly understood.

“So, you really needed to be wearing my robe, in just your underwear? To have this kind of conversation?”

“Actually, I didn’t know how to repay you, so I thought of relieving some of your s*xual desire. You’ve been trying to avoid any contact with any women for an entire year.”

Victoria chuckled as she started to knead my body here and there. I tried to block the blood flow from gathering down below with magic, but it was hard to hold back because of what I’d eaten earlier.

“I heard male adventurers, especially those in physically demanding jobs, have a strong s*x drive, but looking at you, that doesn’t seem to be the case.”

Just as she said, I hadn’t visited any pleasure districts, nor had I tried to resolve my s*xual urges by looking at erotica or getting involved with women.

Since the other party members were couples, they had places to resolve their desires, so Victoria might have thought there was something wrong with my s*xual function while watching me.

“We’re just in a fake relationship, after all. I shouldn’t defile myself over something like this…”

“…It’s because I’m worried about you, Astal. I even thought you might truly be taken advantage of if you met a bad woman someday.”

Victoria’s hand had moved down to the vicinity of my lower abdomen. The way her fingers gently moved, tickling my stomach, even felt somewhat erotic.

“Take your hand off.”

“Hehe, look. Even towards me, someone who you don’t have any liking or affection for, you’re so gentle. How do you think you’d be if a villainess who truly wanted to use you appeared?”

Despite my warning, Victoria was still slowly moving her hand downwards. She even pressed her body tightly against me, to prevent me from getting away.

“Why do you think I control your drinking and smoking, and why do I always talk trash or use harsh language like this?”

– It’s because I don’t have the courage to say I like you. Astal.

“I don’t really know….”

Even though I knew what Victoria was really thinking, I purposely acted like I didn’t. Listening to her true feelings made a strange feeling rise up, like my heart was being squeezed.

Then, I just tried to get up and get out of Victoria’s embrace. Because if I stayed like this, I felt like something really bad was going to happen.

It was then.

“…You really are a clueless, impotent fool, Astar.”

-So even doing this, you still don’t like me….

*Thump.*

Victoria grabbed me as I was trying to get up, and the situation turned into her pinning me down from above.

Our bodies were touching here and there, and her unique warmth was spreading through me.

“Do you… really hate me?”

Her eyes were filled with sadness, and I couldn’t give Victoria a proper answer to her question.

“……”

Because I didn’t know what this feeling was either.

I was definitely against dating Victoria before. She was always saying harsh things to me.

“Look, even if I’m on top of you like this, you don’t react at all…”

Victoria was preparing to spit out a harsh word to me, at a distance where our lips were just about to touch.

But,

“Eh, uh…? Ah, huh…? This can’t be?”

– Wait, wait a minute, this, why is it so big and hard? It’s so different than what I imagined or read in books, it feels like I’m being lifted up….

Victoria suddenly felt a hard sensation tapping her butt, and her face turned as red as a beet as she lost her words.

“Astar-nim, could it be…. Are you aroused by me…?”

-Someone who showed no reaction even to a succubus queen with me…♡

Victoria, for some reason so happy, covered her mouth with her hand and giggled. Her eyes held a small thrill.

Frankly, I was so embarrassed I wanted to bite my tongue and die. Reacting to the saint who always threw harsh words at me.

I had held it together so well until now, but I couldn’t endure it at the very end.

“…That’s why I hate this side of you. Got it, Victoria?”

I left those words and fled from her room, as if I were escaping.

It must have been the food I ate.

There’s no way I would have felt a single flutter towards Victoria, who was my friend just a few days ago.

Love? There is no way I would ever believe in that.