I Became The Spearman Of The Academy

Chapter 32. A Desperate Reality

***

Looking at Kali standing casually, Chunsung kicks off the ground.

ㅡ!

At the same time, his heart felt like it was standing on a knife’s edge.

A strange sensation as if he would fall into an abyss if he slipped even once.

Crisis awareness. Alertness. An emotion that could be called anything strongly envelops his heart.

ㅡ! ㅡ! ㅡ!

He moves as if circling around Kali, lightly kicking off the ground.

With an overwhelming difference in strength, attempting a linear attack without variables would be nothing but foolish.

So he aims for variables.

Clashing with that sword doesn’t bring any good outcomes to mind. But it’s impossible for him to thrust his spear into Kali while avoiding her sword.

Absolutely. It was close to impossible.

So the conclusion was drawn that he should avoid facing her head-on as much as possible.

“…”

Nevertheless, Kali only gave him a glance as he circled around, showing no notable movement.

She looks at him with eyes clearly beyond composure, tinged with arrogance and pride.

Under that gaze, he could unconsciously feel it.

When one truly has the confidence he felt he should always have. How it manifests and expresses itself outwardly.

Kali had true confidence.

That she could convey that confidence to her opponent with just her gaze.

Just meeting that gaze without realizing it… made him feel like his resolve might crumble a little.

“Student Han Chunsung. At this speed, you won’t be able to catch my attention.”

Then, as Kali spoke with a smile, Chunsung, who had been circling around her, let out an involuntary laugh.

At first glance, it sounded like she was saying his speed was slow, but that wasn’t looking down on him now.

ㅡFaster.
She was stimulating him now, as if telling him to move more swiftly and nimbly to catch her attention.

So I immediately accepted it. I gathered my thoughts and dispersed some of the mana concentrated on my spear shaft to focus more on my legs.

No matter how strong one’s power is, it’s meaningless if it doesn’t reach.

Naturally focusing on each step as I touched the ground, I increased my speed even more.

Faster, to make the opponent’s gaze focus even a little more on my movements.

I couldn’t dream of attacking in the form of pouring out continuous strikes like before.

How could I face that sword imbued with vibration?

Now I had to attempt attacks in the form of slashing while flowing past.

And the first move.

Swoosh!

The spear advancing while cutting the air was completely different from before.

The spear advancing straight as if cutting through the atmosphere without any resistance was unwavering. The spear wrapped in blue mana drew a huge crescent in one breath, and where its tip was aimed was Kali’s head.

Then, her hand moves.

ㅡㅡㅡ!

I watch the trajectory of that vibrating sword with extreme focus.

And as I try to avoid that trajectory, my spear still couldn’t completely escape the sword.

Clang clang clang clang clang!

The moment the sword and spear met. A strange friction sound as if they had clashed dozens of times struck my ears in an instant.

Almost instinctively, I kicked off the ground to distance myself from her.

Tremble tremble!

Both hands holding the spear were shaking incessantly.

Forcibly suppressing that, I kick off the ground again.

ㅡ!

This time, rotating my body as if sweeping low, I strongly slash my spear as if cutting at Kali’s ankle.

And I could see.

The sight of Kali lightly lowering her vibrating sword while just standing still in that spot.

ㅡㅡㅡ!!

Clang clang clang clang clang clang!!

Along with an even more severe friction sound than before, a great burden followed on the hand holding the spear.

I was now in a posture with strong force due to the big rotation. And the momentary footwork to create a variable was very unstable.

Of course, it was an attack that couldn’t help but lack stability, and the result of that clash was… miserable.

Clang! Claaang…!

The spear that left my hand rolls on the ground, making a strange sound, as if in vain.

And both hands still affected by the aftermath were shaking greatly.

“…”

Without time to hesitate, I immediately launch my body to grab the spear, unable to say anything.

The bitter laugh, the heart tinged with tension, all of that had disappeared.

‘Was I overconfident?’

Did I not approach this duel properly?
Am I still giving myself a handicap with Elimian’s Consideration?

No, it wasn’t any of that at all.

This current appearance was my sincerity and full strength.
I even had the foolish thought of how nice it would be if I hadn’t given my all.

With just two clashes, I had completely realized.

Rustle.

Even as I picked up the spear again, I bit my lip hard.

‘Now… what’s the point.’

Really… it was so foolish.

Even in yesterday’s duel, I had certainly made up my mind.

That it’s okay if my heart breaks, it’s okay if I lose. Yes. I certainly thought that.

And now, I naturally know that I can’t possibly beat Kali in this duel.
I know better than anyone that it’s not even close.

But. Now I felt like I was facing the proper ‘reality’.
Not the difference between her and me. Reality.

Just a miserable and wretched… this reality.

How insignificant and weak the power I have in this world is… I felt like I was properly facing it only now.

Rustle!

Even as I gripped the spear shaft more strongly, I suppressed the sigh trying to burst out.

‘This is… the current me.’

I tried hard to accept reality indifferently. Yet it wasn’t as easy as I wanted.

The Common-grade Talent, the limits of the Spearmanship I possess. The result pierces my heart and my vision too blatantly.

The iron spear I held was just a crude… and vain cold weapon.

Against opponents with overwhelming Talents and incompatible Talents, it’s endlessly powerless and ineffective.

The dramatic result like yesterday’s duel with Leonhardt, the miraculous draw achieved through struggle and good performance… was just a miracle.

A result that was nothing more than all situations luckily aligning.

“Student Han Chunsung.”

At the sound I heard then, my head turned blankly.

There, Kali was looking at me, erasing the vibration imbued in her sword.

She didn’t mock me for losing my weapon just now, nor did her eyes hold any thoughts on how the duel felt. Nothing at all.

She just gazes at me with a calm and composed look.

“…Don’t blame yourself.”

And at those words that followed. I couldn’t open my mouth for a moment.

I wasn’t… blaming myself now.

Just accepting reality.

“And I hope you don’t weaken your heart thinking about your Talent.”

But at the words that followed again, I couldn’t help but flinch.

…Kali was speaking as if seeing through my heart.

“This duel isn’t something so important to Student Han Chunsung right now. Before the duel, I said I would help you by clashing swords, but in reality, it was just a one-sided display of my Talent. So don’t try to find or give meaning to this duel. I just wanted to test. How strong the will of Student Han Chunsung, who accepted a duel with a student possessing a Legendary Talent, would be. And if it would really be okay…”

As Kali continued speaking, she showed an apologetic expression at the end.

As if this duel had been like that from the start. As if it had no meaning at all…

“No. It’s fine.”

Trying to speak calmly, I put on a faint smile.

My heart, which had been so elated when putting on the magic engineering item, had completely sunk.
But it would be ridiculous to blame others for that, and lamenting about my Talent would just be foolish.

I just accepted the reality I had to accept. That’s all.

Tap.

Kali, who had lowered her sword, slowly approached me.

And watching that… I calmly caught my breath.

“I can say with certainty. Student Han Chunsung is strong now. Among this year’s entering students, there are almost none who could win against Student Han Chunsung in a duel.”

At those words that came out of her mouth right after, a laugh escaped me without realizing it.

‘What…’

What about me could possibly be strong?

The duel with her just now couldn’t even be called a contest. It was just shattered miserably like an egg hitting a rock.

And the grade and type of Talents we each possessed felt like a wall.

And even taking that into account, I felt that way.

Because Kali could have easily subdued me even without using her Talent.

Even as I was thinking, Kali approached me.

Tap.

“……”
And as she stood in front of me, she still looked up at me with an apologetic gaze.

The slight height difference between us.

A strange emotion was felt between our exchanging gazes due to that.
The defeat in the duel wasn’t the issue right now.
What mattered was that something completely different from what I felt in my heart when I lost to Leonhardt yesterday had greatly shaken my heart.

Now I felt deep in my heart the certainty that no matter what I did, I could never reach Kali.

It felt like the wall of reality had approached me.

I thought I could accept reality, but in fact, hadn’t I taken reality too lightly?
The difference in Talents, and the insurmountable wall felt beyond time.

No matter how much effort I put in and time I invested in the future… I felt like I had finally faced a wall I could never reach.

“Student Han Chunsung. Right now, no student, no matter who, can reach me. You know that well… don’t you?”

At those words that followed, I slowly nodded.

Ridiculously, I was being comforted by Kali.
How presumptuous for a mere student to be comforted by an instructor.

And after saying I would face reality like that, to have my heart waver a little when actually facing reality.
I felt pathetic.

Rustle. Even as I absentmindedly stroked my face, I couldn’t tell what expression I was making.

“Student Han Chunsung. I’m sorry. I’m… sorry.”

When she finally apologized, I hurriedly shook my head.

“No, Instructor. If you say that, it makes me more flustered. It’s not something you need to apologize for at all, is it?”

I didn’t know why Kali was so concerned about me, but apologizing didn’t make sense.

For her to apologize when it wasn’t something she should apologize for at all.
I couldn’t accept it.

“I went too far. I don’t know what I was thinking, manifesting my Talent to compete with a student… Thinking about it now, I deeply regret it. No matter how strong and tough-minded the student is in facing reality… there should be a limit. I feel I went too far.”

As Kali kept saying she went too far, I kept shaking my head.

That wasn’t it.

Even if she had faced me with just her sword, the result of this duel wouldn’t have been much different.

Just. By using her Talent now. I came to feel reality even more acutely.

So rather, looking at Kali now, I felt more sorry towards her.

Slap!

Suddenly, with the hand not holding the spear, I slapped my cheek hard enough to make a loud sound.

“Student Han Chunsung!?”

At this unexpected self-harm, Kali was greatly surprised, but I could rather smile at the pain that cleared my mind.

“I’m fine. I don’t know what expression I was making, but I’m fine. I didn’t think I wouldn’t lose this duel, and I knew how amazing Instructor Kali is. And I thought if I was going to lose anyway, it’s better to lose big.”

The foolish heart inside.

Now it seemed like I could speak properly.

…Face reality and don’t avoid it.

Such things will happen frequently in the future.

Even if it’s not an instructor with unbelievable power like Kali, there are students among my peers who have special Talents.

If my heart breaks like this every time, it would just be unsightly and ridiculous.

“Instructor Kali. Please, let’s duel once more.”

So.

…I need to be shattered even more thoroughly now.

Realizing my slightly broken heart, I needed to be broken dozens more times today.

“Student Han Chunsung……”

At Kali’s dazed calling of my name, I activated my mana once again.
As Kali, who had been looking at me for a moment, smiled faintly and slowly distanced herself, I steeled my heart strongly.

“I’ll face it.”

My defeat.
And this reality.

Now I was just at the first step of barely starting.
Yes. It’s just the beginning.
If I could just stand up and face it again, that would be enough.

‘So.’

It doesn’t matter how much I break now.
All of this is just part of the growth process.

“I quite like Student Han Chunsung’s eyes right now.”

At Kali’s words, I couldn’t help but smile.