I Became the Drug-Addicted Childhood Friend

Translator: Elisia

Editor/Proofreader: SemiPickle

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But come to think of it, this is clearly a problem.

How long has it been since I followed Si-Hoo after he told me to come along?

I think it’s been almost a month since I followed him.

And yet, nothing happened.

Only the location changed.

I’m just being a burden to Si-Hoo.

I wanted to become the protagonist, but I failed.

I’m a scumbag.

It’s because I survived halfway.

I should have died in the lab.

No, I should have made sure to die in front of Si-Hoo’s eyes.

That way, he wouldn’t have any hope.

This should have been a world without magic.

Only then would he have faced cold reality and accepted Seo-Ah’s death.

He needs to abandon the useless hope of going back to how things were.

It’s despicable.

“Stop it.”

I want to stop these kinds of thoughts and think about something more productive, even if just a little.

Like where to get the drugs.

Something better.

Something useful that brings happiness…

“I said stop it.”

If you ask what I want to stop, I’d say I want to quit life.

But I have to live.

At least because I feel sorry for Si-Hoo, I’m still alive.

And for me, well…

I need drugs.

As I’ve said countless times before, it’s the truth.

This is one fact that never changes, no matter what.

[Inactive]

Even with a collar around my neck, unable to see time or anything else, I know I need drugs.

Honestly, time was just an excuse.

An excuse to say, “Since I have this much time left, I should use drugs.”

“Shut up.”

Yes, shut up.

I want to have proper thoughts.

For example…

For example…

What did I originally think about in life?

Ninety percent of my thoughts were about drugs.

The rest were about Han Si-Hoo.

A shallow desire to be the protagonist.

Worries about the novel’s future plot.

All my determination and will were directed towards pleasure.

Every asset and bit of energy I had was invested in pleasure.

My mind, body, and relationships—all were consumed for the sake of pleasure.

Pleasure is good, and pain is evil.

Why don’t we sprinkle drugs on every human being on Earth?

Everyone would be happy.

Yeah, isn’t this what they call utilitarianism?

I think I read that in a book.

The one that says the greater the sum of individual happiness, the better.

But that’s wrong.

What matters is that I become even happier.

Let individual happiness outweigh the sum of others’ happiness.

So, give me some drugs.

“Drugs.”

Even being slightly exposed to mana makes me feel a little better.

But now I know for sure.

Mana is water, and drugs are food.

Water is more important, so you can survive for days by just drinking water.

But eventually, food becomes a necessity.

“[Drugs.]”

The dragon also asks for drugs.

This guy, too, has been marinated in drugs, no different from me now.

Any creature, when stripped down to its most instinctive parts, ends up the same.

The most fundamental happiness circuit of living beings.

For them, happiness is using drugs.

In the past, I used drugs under the excuse of treatment.

I desperately ignored what they truly were.

But now I’ve grown.

I confidently ask for drugs for the sake of pleasure.

“…Give me some drugs.”

Suddenly, I recall the image of Seo-Ah trying her best to resist the drugs.

That’s how it used to be.

She’d tie her body with chains just to avoid using drugs.

With superhuman willpower, she would throw away any drugs she had.

It’s like running.

At the start, you can hold your breath just fine.

But when your lungs are on the verge of bursting, no amount of superhuman will can stop you from gasping for air.

Can anyone willingly suffocate themselves?

“Hey. Answer me.”

I speak to Si-Hoo.

I’ve called out to him several times, but he doesn’t respond.

“I’m sorry. Please.”

Si-Hoo doesn’t undo the collar.

The location is a house.

Not really my house, though.

But it looks similar overall.

This is what my house looked like before it was destroyed.

The only difference is that I’m tied up with a collar.

Even if Si-Hoo doesn’t hold me directly, as long as he ties the collar somewhere, it works perfectly.

The collar restricts mana.

I’m just being raised like this, bound by a collar.

You could say I’m being domesticated.

“I saw you had drugs. Hurry and give them to me.”

“…Sorry.”

Si-Hoo finally speaks.

These days, Si-Hoo spends a few hours every day listening to me.

He must be exhausted.

Most of our conversations end with me asking for drugs.

Si-Hoo goes out somewhere.

I can see the increasing scars on him.

I don’t know where he goes.

Maybe he’s trying to get drugs.

“You give me drugs, and I’ll really, really like you for it!”

So, this is my proposal.

“We can go back to how things used to be.”

What a disgusting thing to say.

Stop it.

This isn’t the way.

I was trying to quit drugs somehow.

But I couldn’t help it.

“Look. As long as I have drugs, I can stay a good friend to you…”

Han Si-Hoo appears out of nowhere, as if by magic, holding the drugs.

I need it.

“Give it to me, give it to me, give it to me, give it to me, give it to me.”

Drugs.

Every bit of reason I have is about to fly out of my head.

“……”

“What have you been doing outside until now? Huh? You went to get drugs, didn’t you? I know you have syringes.”

I saw it by accident.

Han Si-Hoo holding the drugs.

“I’ve been thinking about what to do.”

Si-Hoo finally speaks.

“Are you going to give me the drugs?”

“I waited, but it doesn’t seem like a problem that time will fix.”

“That’s why I’m telling you, I need drugs!”

Si-Hoo says nothing.

“Give me the drugs. Drugs. I’ll do whatever you want.”

“…Anything?”

“Yeah, anything. Even if you tell me to lick your feet, I’ll do it.”

“Did you say the same to the doctor?”

“Yeah.”

But the doctor told me not to because it was disgusting.

Si-Hoo lets out a faint laugh.

I have no idea what he finds funny.

“Alright…”

“Give me the drugs.”

Si-Hoo doesn’t respond again.

“If you don’t give me the drugs, I’ll kill myself.”

I’ve repeated this line so many times now.

And I mean it—I’ll really die.

I hate this world.

Honestly, I wish Si-Hoo would just kill me already.

“Yeah, hurry up and kill me. Neither of us wants to see me like this, right, Si-Hoo?”

“……”

But Han Si-Hoo doesn’t kill me.

Nor does he give me the drugs.

“Then at least do something to me. I’m giving you permission.”

I’m being serious.

I’m telling him I don’t care what he does.

I’m really okay with it.

I don’t want to keep living like this either.

“You’ve got some sort of plan, right? I know. It’s some coercive plan, isn’t it? I know. Are you worried you’ll become just like the doctor? I know.”

“…You…”

“Do whatever you want. Honestly, I’m fine if you don’t even plan to save me. You can just toy with me and throw me away afterward.”

“Seo-Ah.”

“If you want to kill me, kill me. If you want to give me drugs, give me drugs. Do whatever you want. If you want to torture me, do it. Even scribbling on my body—it’s fine. All the bad things those other people did, you can do them too.”

It’d be unfair if you couldn’t.

We’re best friends, after all.

“You have the right to do it.”

Si-Hoo grits his teeth and looks at me.

He seems like he’s about to make a painful decision.

Then, he finally opens his mouth to speak.

“…There’s a way…”

There will always be a way.

The protagonist is the protagonist, after all.

No matter how grim things get, they always do something.

“If there is a way… well, there is. But honestly, I don’t want to do this.”

What is it?

Even in this situation, it’s impressive he found a solution.

“Anything is fine.”

Then, Si-Hoo pulls out a syringe containing drugs.

In the end, it’s drugs again.

A universal cure.

The answer always comes back to drugs.

This one is new—a shimmering, rainbow-colored drug I’ve never seen before.

It sparkles as if it has its own light source. Amazing.

“This is a drug that erases memories.”

“Memories?”

I already have amnesia.

I forget things so often that it’s alarming.

“Yeah, I guess you could say it changes memories a bit. It turns bad memories into happy ones.”

“Oh…”

So, something like that exists.

“I got it by chance… It’s called a ‘Reset’ or ‘Initialization’ drug. That’s how powerful it is…”

Si-Hoo hesitates.

From what he’s saying, it doesn’t sound like a drug to be used lightly.

Did they make this by grinding up some monster like a dragon?

Items always come out when you grind up monsters, so probably.

“Yeah, yeah, use it already. Isn’t that why you brought me here?”

Now I understand his intentions.

Even though we moved to a new place, it didn’t feel new at all.

It felt far too familiar.

My room.

The interior is identical to our house in the slum.

Exactly like it was before it turned into a ruin.

An old but cozy house.

“I know you’ve thought about it a lot. Do what you want. I don’t want to live like this anymore, either. Thank you.”

I know.

It’s not like the memory-erasing drug is the only thing he has.

Han Si-Hoo must have some kind of plan.

He’s just delaying it out of concern for me.

“Hurry up. If you’re going to do it, do it quickly. We can’t keep going on like this.”

I urge Si-Hoo.

He still looks hesitant, unable to make up his mind.

“Huh? Come on. Hurry. Yeah, just put it there. Like that.”

Si-Hoo injects the syringe.

Poke.

It pierces through.

The drug is administered.

Something flows through my nerves.

And the reset begins.

“Thank you.”

The injection is over.

Si-Hoo stares blankly at his hands.

He looks down at the empty syringe in his grasp.

“…Ah.”

His face is full of shock.

As if he’s realizing he’s done something irreversible.

“Hehe…”

But it can’t be undone.

I feel sleepy.

“Si-Hoo, I like you…”

My words slur as they come out.

But my feelings are genuine.

***

Han Si-Hoo’s hands were trembling.

He realized what he had done.

Seo-Ah had collapsed, saying she liked him.

Seo-Ah’s memories had been reset.

To be exact, they were sent far into the past.

He didn’t know how far back they had gone, but it was undoubtedly significant.

And as a price for that, the current Seo-Ah was gone.

It was as good as killing her.

Because he didn’t like the way she was.

Seo-Ah.

“Hah, hah…”

It had been nearly a month since they moved to a safer place.

Si-Hoo had been listening to Seo-Ah’s endless murmuring.

Day after day.

In truth, he had already given her the drugs before.

Seo-Ah had just forgotten.

There was no other option left.

“I… What have I…”

The guilt felt unbearable.

Restoring Seo-Ah’s memories to what they were before.

To a time when there was no conflict between Han Si-Hoo and Seo-Ah.

And in exchange, erasing the current Seo-Ah.

Seo-Ah was breathing quietly, sleeping peacefully.

Now he had to do what he needed to.

So that when Seo-Ah woke up, she wouldn’t be confused.

That’s why he’d arranged the interior to look just like Seo-Ah’s old house.

Her house, now in ruins.

Recreated exactly as it had been in her memories.

“…What have I done…”

The more he thought about it, the more monstrous it seemed.

The conversations he’d had with Seo-Ah.

The time they’d spent together.

Even though those times had been filled with pain and drugs…

Was it really okay to throw them away like this?

To pretend they’d never happened?

Seo-Ah was still here.

Lying down, sleeping.

She was alive, so that was enough.

“Haha…”

He tried to convince himself it was fine.

That this was the choice Seo-Ah had wanted, too.

All he had to do was make her happy from now on.

Back to how it was.

To the days when they were childhood friends.

He could do anything to go back to that time.

But Seo-Ah had said she liked him.

And yet…

He erased her memories with drugs.