I Became the Childhood Friend Who Commits Suicide

Chapter 25

When I opened my eyes, the scene was just as I remembered from before I fainted. It seemed I had only briefly lost consciousness and hadn’t been out for long.

But that wasn’t what mattered.

I checked my body, and as expected, I felt no pain.

Even though the seizure had been so intense that I’d blacked out momentarily, it was undoubtedly the worst and most intense pain I’d experienced so far.

“You’re awake, I see.”

The voice of the elderly priest. I grabbed his arm and asked urgently, “What did you do?”

“What do you mean?”

“You healed me, didn’t you? You took away my pain…”

The priest gave a gentle smile. “If my prayer helped ease your suffering, then that’s a blessing indeed.”

“No, it wasn’t just a polite blessing. You really healed me… It was like a miracle. Yes! It was a miracle! I saw the bright light when you prayed!”

Even the strongest painkillers never took away the pain entirely.

Up until now, strawberries were the only thing that provided any relief, but even they came with significant side effects.

But the miracle I experienced just now was different. There were no side effects, nothing draining or debilitating.

It was warm and comforting, like being held in a mother’s embrace.

“All I did was pray for comfort for a suffering child of God.”

“…You’re lying.”

Then what was it? Was it all just my imagination?

That can’t be true. I clearly felt it…

“Um… Hana, I was beside you, but I didn’t see any light when the priest prayed. Maybe you were mistaken because of the blackout?”

“…”

Was that really all it was? The anticipation I felt upon waking evaporated, leaving only emptiness.

The priest held my hand and spoke gently. “Perhaps what you say is true. If you feel blessed by the Lord, don’t let that belief go.”

“But what good is faith? If it wasn’t truly a miracle, then it’s just my own delusion.”

“It’s true that reality can often shake one’s faith. But there are those rare few whose faith reshapes their reality.”

I almost laughed at his words.

Then, suddenly, I realized it was a phenomenon that actually existed.

“…The placebo effect?”

“That could be one example. But what’s important is that faith can be a far more powerful force than we often give it credit for.”

I slowly stood up, still free of any pain. Normally, I’d feel the heavy aftereffects of a seizure, but I felt refreshed, as if I’d just had a restful sleep.

I looked at the priest and the cross behind him with a conflicted expression.

“…I’m not interested in believing in God.”

“It doesn’t have to be just about the Lord. It could be faith in a friend, a companion, or even in yourself. Faith, under any form of conviction, can be a solid pillar to lean on.”

The elderly priest, who had been all smiles, now looked at me with a bit of concern.

“But don’t become fanatical. Let faith be a foundation under your feet rather than a burden on your head. Imperfect as we are, humans cannot bear the weight of such a burden.”

“…I don’t understand fully, but I’ll try.”

Time had passed quite a bit. Checking my phone, I saw missed calls from Sophie. It was about time to head back to the dorm.

“Thank you for your help. I’ll be going now.”

“Haha, feel free to visit anytime. Chatting with students is my only joy these days.”

“Sure, I’ll drop by if I get the chance.”

As I moved to leave with Juhyun, I stopped and stared at a painting on the cathedral wall.

It was an image of Jesus carrying the cross.

“…What if faith falters, and it becomes too hard to bear?”

“Blame the Lord.”

“Father!” Juhyun exclaimed in shock, but the priest didn’t flinch.

“Why is there so much evil in the world? There are countless people suffering because of monsters. Why does God allow such pain?”

“…”

“It’s beyond understanding. No matter how much we seek to understand God’s will, mere humans can never truly know. If you believe that all of the hardships and trials of this world are your fault, no one could endure it.”

The priest, who had bowed his head for a short prayer, looked at me with a serene smile.

“So just tell yourself that the Lord must have a reason for it. A God who is more merciful and compassionate than any other will surely accept your complaints.”

It wasn’t a perfect answer.

Some might scoff or even be offended. After all, it didn’t provide any real solution; it was just a way to rationalize things to ease one’s mind.

But isn’t that, perhaps, the true purpose of religion?

To give people peace of mind, to provide an excuse to place the blame elsewhere.

After all, without that, mere humans couldn’t bear it.

I offered a short prayer while gazing at the image of Jesus, then left the cathedral.

Sunlight shone brightly.

—

Walking through the academy grounds, Si woo spotted a familiar figure in the distance. It was Yoo Hana, his childhood friend.

She hadn’t answered her phone. What could she be up to?

Hana wasn’t one to check her phone often. Before entering the academy, she’d never even owned one.

He was about to approach her when he noticed she wasn’t alone.

Who was that?

It was a guy, and aside from himself, Hana didn’t have any male friends… except that guy.

Si woo frowned.

Could it be someone like that?

He couldn’t be sure from behind, but they didn’t seem to have a strained relationship. Especially since she was smiling at whatever the guy was saying.

Watching the scene, Si woo felt a strange tightness in his chest. Recently, he’d been feeling this way more and more frequently.

What if she smiles too brightly? The guy might misunderstand. Hana probably doesn’t have any interest in guys, but it could become a problem if he thinks she does.

…Who was he to worry about such things?

Momentarily overwhelmed by self-doubt, Si woo shook his head.

This was just a concern for a friend.

Yeah, they were childhood friends—the only one he had.

“…Shin Juhyun?”

As he discreetly trailed them, he realized who the guy was: a quiet boy from his class.

Should he feel relieved or more uneasy knowing they were classmates? Si woo didn’t even understand his own emotions at this point.

Were they close?

No. He had never seen them talking in class before. Both were quiet, and their seats were far apart.

They headed into the convenience store together, and he watched them through the window, noticing they were choosing food items—milk, snacks, bread—nothing unusual.

Why were they grocery shopping together? Were they planning to eat together? Where?

They looked comfortable, like newlyweds on a shopping trip…

No, what a ridiculous thought.

They were students, nothing more than classmates—not a couple.

…Probably.

He couldn’t be certain. He’d never asked if she was dating anyone.

It wouldn’t be odd if they were secretly dating. Academy students often dated within the school.

But Hana… in a relationship?

His chest felt even tighter.

Why was he feeling this way?

He let out a sigh. This couldn’t be real. It was a ridiculous assumption, just an overactive imagination.

But still, he felt the need to confirm it. For no particular reason, of course.

Hana was in a fragile state lately—illness, self-harm, suicide attempts, bullying, disciplinary issues…

Recently, she’d been through an endless series of hardships.

If she got mixed up with some strange guy, it could turn into something truly dangerous.

So he had to protect her.

After all, as her childhood friend, he was the only one she could rely on.

He watched Hana and Juhyun as they left the convenience store, still chatting animatedly.

He wasn’t planning to cause a scene or create trouble. Just a bit of eavesdropping to see what they were talking about.

If it was just casual friend talk, there’d be no issue.

But if it crossed into something more personal…

First, he’d confirm it.

Si woo carefully closed the distance between them.

While he bore no ill will, neither of them had particularly keen senses.

On the other hand, while not quite on Siheon’s level, Si woo was among the top talents in the year.

Getting close without being detected wasn’t too difficult.

He moved as close as possible without risking being seen. Although he couldn’t hide entirely, he could still hear bits of their conversation.

“It’s too big, and it hurts… fainting… shining light… holding hands…”