I am Smart

---

A few months ago.

Back when it was still spring and not long after I had undergone changes in my body.

I bought sanitary pads for the first time at the convenience store.

… To be precise, I received a donation from the shopkeeper due to an unfortunate accident.

Since then, we’ve become acquainted, and she expresses her concern and well wishes every time I visit.

Each time, I just nod with a slightly flushed face, but whenever I recall her warm smile and gentle hands, a soft smile creeps onto my face.

For two strangers to become close so quickly, a sort of common ground is needed.

The more intense and special that common ground is, the more it binds us together.

For us, it was undoubtedly menstruation.

… However, even so.

“….. Ugh…”

Is it really the case that every woman goes through this kind of hardship for a few days every month?

Even though I’m trying to bear the severe abdominal pain, moans slip out involuntarily. Despite being drenched in cold sweat, my body felt feverishly hot.

From my experience, changes in my body and emotions always occur simultaneously.

What I feel as soon as I wake up today is an ominous sensation.

Following that is an indescribable… complex pain in my lower abdomen.

Inside my heart, a severe drought and rainy season have exchanged places multiple times. This menstruation was particularly intense.

At times, it feels like the whole world is in my grasp, and at others, like I’m just a mere speck.

Suddenly finding it hard to open a bottle cap, tears streamed down my face without any reason, only to be reminded of a cactus joke afterward, causing me to chuckle as I rolled around on the bed, hugging my bear doll.

… Ah, really.

“Phew.”

Why is this happening?

The physical reactions were beyond my control. No matter how many times I experience it, I can’t seem to adapt to menstruation.

I don’t even want to think about pregnancy.

In the first place, I can hardly believe this body still belongs to me.

As soon as I went through this, I could understand.

… But understanding and accepting are slightly different realms.

Holding onto such frustrations, I groaned, sipping a warm cup of tea and finally dragging my heavy body outside. This time, I selected a loose-fitting outfit from my closet.

… Why does this person have so many tight clothes? Would I find the answer if I asked Moon Si-hyun?

I came out to take a walk. Although I can’t run… I still need to maintain a routine.

The warm summer sunlight touching my body and lower abdomen made me feel a bit better. I gently rubbed my lower abdomen a few times.

While trying to walk in the sun as much as possible…

“… Ugh…”

The previously calming abdominal pain suddenly intensified.

So I grabbed my belly for a moment and sat down in a chair. But suddenly, a guy approached.

“Excuse me, do you have time-”

“No. I don’t.”

“Okay.”

He disappeared in an instant.

… Did I say that too sharply? I feel a bit sorry as my emotions slipped out in my tone.

But it wasn’t an excuse; it truly was… quite unavoidable. Right now, I felt like there were prickly thorns all over my body.

I just wanted to be understood.

Eventually, feeling overwhelmed, I went back home.

After washing with warm water, the abdominal pain eased somewhat. In the end, it turned out to be a good decision.

Once I dried both my body and hair, I half-sat on the bed with my bear doll piled up with cushions, comfortably relaxing.

– Beep

Suddenly, silence enveloped me. Then a sharp ringing filled my ears.

“……”

Only then did I acutely feel that I was alone.

It was normally just the way it was. I preferred being alone. Everything was within my control. I rarely felt lonely.

… But.

“……”

My lips slightly pressed together.

Why, right now, does being alone feel a bit… no, very unpleasant?

Suddenly, the emotional rollercoaster that had settled became turbulent again. Frustration, insecurity, and emptiness.

My brow furrowed slightly in my gloomy mood, and I eventually picked up my phone.

A notification appeared.

A message from Discord that came in last night.

―――

[Last night at 11:34 PM]

Sister, sister

What are you doing?

Oh, you must be sleeping.

No way you’re awake, right????

(Character emoji holding a bat)

[Last night at 11:41 PM]

Ah, you’re asleep.

Thank goodness. haha

Sleep well!!!

―――

I usually sleep earlier than Lee Da-ram, so I hadn’t read her message.

She herself always sleeps late, so why does she always have something to say when I sleep late?

Still, my mood suddenly improved. I quickly typed a reply.

―――

[Today at 12:52 PM]

Yeah.

I was sleeping then, but now I just went for a quick walk and washed up, still sitting here.

What about you, Da-ram?

―――

After that, I checked Discord a few times.

However, I didn’t receive a reply. Normally, responses come right away.

… Oh.

That’s to be expected. At this time on a weekday, they must have collected phones at school.

“……”

I feel like my mood has worsened for no reason.

I have two friends on Discord: Lee Da-ram and the cactus.

Unlike offline Lee Da-ram, the cactus was still online.

As I hesitated to message the cactus, my finger hovered over his profile when…

– ♪♫♬

The Discord notification chime rang.

―――

Hey, sister

I’m having lunch!!

(Current meal photo)

Today is delicious.

Why the sudden message? haha

―――

It was a message from Lee Da-ram.

Feeling a rush of delight and excitement, I quickly typed back.

―――

Just thought of you and messaged.

But Da-ram, did you not hand in your phone?

Our school doesn’t collect it. haha

―――

…… So some places don’t collect it. I was a bit surprised.

After that, I chatted with Lee Da-ram about various things.

Desserts, games, streaming, and studying.

Da-ram thankfully listened to everything I had to say.

…… The last topic was something I still couldn’t fully believe.

So, several minutes passed.

―――

Haha, yes, that’s right.

Sister, but it feels like today,

Your tone has a bit of cuteness????

It feels different from usual. haha

―――

“……”

At her last words, my fingers froze. Then they moved again.

―――

No way.

―――

Me? Cute? That can’t be.

No… there’s no way my behavior would have revealed that. Especially not in a text.

―――

Haha, right? There’s no way a sister like me would be like that.

Haha haha haha.

No, it’s not.

Haha haha haha haha haha.

Ahhhhh, but sister—

I think lunch is ending soon, so I have to go. ㅠㅠ… I think I’ll have to leave now.

I’m sorry.

See you in a bit!!!

―――

“…… Ah.”

An involuntary sigh escaped me.

I wanted just a little, very little more to talk.

But I could never bring myself to ask her to stay a bit longer.

―――

Okay, got it.

―――

After sending the message, I tossed my phone aside.

I can’t project my clinginess onto others. I’ve lived like that until now.

To think I’ll find comfort by explaining my feelings to someone. That has never been a way I understood well in the first place.

…… And so, a few more hours passed.

―――

Cactus, what are you doing?

Oh,

Hello.

I’m preparing for a broadcast right now.

What about you, Si-hyun???

I’m here.

?

What?

―――

In the end, I messaged the cactus on Discord, but it wasn’t very enjoyable.

It was certainly the same question as mine, but why did the conversation feel… a bit off?

It felt too close. I’ve never felt this way before.

But feeling completely distant also seemed a bit off. What on earth is this feeling? I don’t even understand myself well.

After having a somewhat strange distance conversation with the cactus, I decided this also felt strange, so I just hugged my doll instead.

Today felt a bit too… lonely. Opening the window didn’t change anything, nor did closing it, walking or lying down.

For a moment, I glanced at my VR headset before shaking my head.

It’s probably best not to stream. I wouldn’t enjoy it, nor would the viewers.

… However, as time passed, my mood grew darker.

And that darkness gradually morphed into something upsetting.

“……”

In the end.

I thought about how I wanted to see the viewers.

I quietly put on the headset.

tlgus123 has started streaming.

―――

Hey,

Nice to meet you, bear.

Nice to meet you, Da-ram.

Oh,

Nice to meet you, bear.

―――

An unmarried female bear made its entrance. haha.

―――

In the previous broadcast, the collaborations with the cactus, the incidents involving Wakitete, and the large-scale viewer participation in the lounge.

Such a series of big events had certainly provided immense entertainment for the viewers, as the chat activity was more vigorous than usual.

―――

ㅇㅇ has donated 1000 won.

“???: Everyone, am I really that great?”

―――

Haha,

Whoa,

Hey.

I’m going to exterminate you, bear.

A suspiciously doll-loving 21-year-old woman (not guilty).

―――

However, the moment of excitement was short-lived. They burst forth with the words they had held back.

In the previous stream, particularly in the lounge with Wakitete and the viewer participation lounge, she had displayed feminine and cute aspects that she hadn’t shown before.

Clips had already spread widely across communities and YouTube. Almost no viewers were unaware of it, including those who joined yesterday.

[……]

Yet, several minutes into the stream, Moon Si-hyun’s voice was still silent.

Even among mid-sized broadcasters, she was usually on the quieter side, but it felt odd that she hadn’t even said a short greeting at the start.

As the viewers’ curiosity began to grow, the streaming screen displayed the Fiore launch screen.

―――

Oh, were you dying to bring up Fiore without saying a word?

Cold treatment is acknowledged.

―――

As expected, the viewers quickly accepted that she was crazy about Fiore.

However, her gameplay today felt a little different.

Usually, she would quickly press ‘Game Start – Ranked Match – Find Game’ in that order.

But today, instead, she went into ‘My Info – Lounge.’

Then, she shared an invite code.

―――

?

Oh,

Wow,

Wow.

Are we having another bear party?

Looks like she’s getting hooked on this.

Wow, I bought a VR set after watching the last broadcast.

Didn’t you forget our bodies, Si-hyun?

―――

739/2000

―――

In no time, bears flooded into the lounge.

So, with expectations of embraces from that time, everyone surged toward Moon Si-hyun.

But she approached them and randomly picked up one bear.

‘MoonEat’

―――

“Ah!”

Damn, why of all things? haha.

Wow, I want to eat warm octopus buns, hello.

Oh my gosh, rare nickname.

Damn, Moon’s ㅋㅋㅋ.

―――

Holding a bear doll with such a nickname, Moon Si-hyun’s finger moved once again in the air.

‘From Lounge – Game Start – Create Custom Game’

Moon Si-hyun’s chubby model hands moved several times.

‘Creating Custom Game – Battle Forest (1:1)’

―――

??

?

?

What?

―――

Before the viewers had a chance to feel the strangeness of her actions, she pressed the button that said ‘Move to Lounge.’

―――

?

???

Huh?

What’s going on?

What are you doing?

―――

Before the viewers could fully feel the strangeness of her unusual actions.

[739 viewers are moving to Battle Forest (1:1).]

A notice appeared in the center of the viewing audience’s attention.

―――

Observers (737)

―――

Participants (2)

Moon Si-hyun – MoonEat

MoonEat: ?

MoonEat: What is this?

―――

?

??

What’s with the kidnapping?

Reality fighter? Oh my gosh.

―――

Without a word, Moon Si-hyun changed the settings from 0% to ‘100%’ and then pressed the restart button.

―――

You have defeated the enemy.

You have defeated the enemy.

―――

MoonEat (Knight/Current Realm): Let’s stop, I’m sorry.

MoonEat (Knight/Current Realm): I’ll change my nickname.

―――

You have defeated the enemy.

―――

MoonEat (Knight/Current Realm): Stop it.

MoonEat (Knight/Current Realm): I said stop it.

MoonEat (Knight/Current Realm): Oh, please, sister.

MoonEat (Knight/Current Realm): I said stop it.

MoonEat (Knight/Current Realm): Save me.

MoonEat (Knight/Current Realm): Stop!

MoonEat (Knight/Current Realm): Stop it!

MoonEat (Knight/Current Realm): Ah, jeez!

―――

You have defeated the enemy.

―――

Stop it, Si-hyun.

Hahaha.

This is horrifying, Si-hyun…

This is viewer participation, but…

It’s so cruel.

―――

Why is this girl suddenly acting like this?

Isn’t this cyberbullying or something?

Even at 100%, this Knight is getting completely wrecked.

Hey, turn on the mic, you jerk!

Why isn’t her mic on?

―――

Following a large-scale viewer kidnapping act, a brutal one-on-one beating began.

Thus, Moon Si-hyun continued to hit until her opponent lost the will to fight.

She sent the now-defenseless ‘MoonEat’ to the observers.

Then, she dragged another from the observer pool randomly into the game.

―――

Moon Si-hyun – PleaseGiveMeAAh

PleaseGiveMeAAh: ??

PleaseGiveMeAAh: What the hell?

―――

Hahaha.

Whoa, this crazy girl.

A reality fighter? Oh my gosh.

Please tell me why you’re doing this.

―――

ㅇㅇ has donated 1000 won.

Is this viewer participation (gimme fam) streaming (no interactions)? What’s up?

It seemed like the viewers’ bewildered shouts were falling on deaf ears……

Moon Si-hyun, still silent, started the game again with ‘PleaseGiveMeAAh.’