I am Smart

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The surroundings whizzed by at a rapid pace. A cool breeze brushed against my neck, which was left exposed by my tied-up hair.

When a person runs, they can forget their worries and negative thoughts.

Most of the brain’s processing power is dedicated to the complex act of running, as humans are generally more sensitive to physical pain than to mental anguish.

However, these days, it seems I have lost that purpose. It’s just refreshing, and that’s all.

Instead, I found myself thinking about the dolls from the Doll Workshop I would soon visit. Several bear dolls, each about the size of a fingertip.

“Hmph…”

-♩♪

– Distance traveled: 8km

“… Huh.”

Upon hearing the notification sound, I gradually slowed down to a walk.

This 5km run, which was already light on me, seemed even easier lately, prompting me to experiment by adding another 3km today.

Still, I hardly felt tired. It seemed my stamina had improved. Should I increase it even more? I’m not sure. Stamina and physical endurance are slightly different beasts.

I’d rather try another type of exercise. Given my competitive nature, a sport where there’s a clear win or loss would be preferable.

Soccer is good, but is it because of Fiore? Lately, I’ve developed a slight interest in martial arts: boxing, judo, Brazilian jiu-jitsu, wrestling, etc. I should ask the viewers for their opinions later.

As I thought about this and walked more, I found myself in front of the Doll Workshop.

Through the glass wall, I spotted Lee Seo-ah at the corner of the workbench.

As I got a little closer, Lee Seo-ah noticed me too. Perhaps out of unexpected joy, he quickly made his way toward the entrance, his face lighting up.

In response to his bright expression, a faint smile appeared on my face as I took a moment to tidy up my hair that had gotten messy from running.

“Excuse me.”

A man’s voice came from the side.

A strange voice. Yet, it carried an intention that had become quite familiar now.

However, this time, my body froze.

… Please, just not now.

I wouldn’t mind any other time, but I really hoped it wouldn’t be now.

“…”

No, he couldn’t be calling me. It must be a misinterpretation. The fact that I couldn’t hear the voice any longer was proof.

I gathered my hair and took out the hair tie to tie it up again.

“Excuse me.”

“…”

Is the person wearing earbuds or something? My doubts lingered again.

One of the reasons I don’t wear earbuds is because I might inadvertently offend someone trying to call me like that.

After that, the man’s voice didn’t come again. Yep. It seems it wasn’t meant for me.

Now, as Lee Seo-ah got closer, we stood just before the entrance door. Just as I felt relieved, ready to step through the door he would soon open—

– Thud.

“Excuse me?”

“…”

A heavy something draped over my left shoulder. Definitely a hand. Soon, the same deep voice as before reached my ears.

Turning my head in the direction of that hand, I saw a man about a head taller than me looking at me with gentle eyes.

“Oh, I didn’t know I was calling you.”

The man removed his hand from my shoulder and spoke.

“…”

“The style you have is totally my preference. I usually wouldn’t do something like this, but do you have some time later?”

The deep, heavy voice of the big man resonated in my ears.

He was a man with a physique overflowing with masculinity, entirely different from my current body.

Lee Seo-ah, gazing dumbfounded through the entrance, watched this scene.

“… Ah.”

A small gasp slipped out.

Thinking back, I realized I had only one concern lately.

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey. Don’t say that. It’s the weekend anyway, right? You look like you’re headed home after working out, and I do some exercise too. You see?”

“… That’s troubling.”

“Just once—”

Of course, the man was a bit persistent. Perhaps it was due to the confusion I was feeling, making my vague intentions slip out.

Normally, I would have firmly rejected him, but now, with Lee Seo-ah present, my body wasn’t cooperating.

… But now it was really starting to get on my nerves. I finally frowned slightly and opened my mouth properly.

“Can you please go back—”

– Bang!

“Sis.”

But then, out of the blue, I heard Lee Seo-ah’s voice.

“Where have you been? Come inside.”

Lee Seo-ah, while speaking with a firm voice, wore a slightly tense expression.

“… Yes. Sorry.”

I found myself dazed for a moment, but finally collected myself as I followed Lee Seo-ah into the open door. The man seemed to say something but ended up leaving.

Both of us entered, and as usual, we sat on the sofa, maintaining a slight distance from each other.

Due to what had just happened, my body had tensed up, and I let out a soft sigh.

“Thank you.”

“Yeah.”

Silence.

It was a bit, no, very awkward. I kept tucking my hair behind my ear repeatedly.

Of course, the situation earlier was familiar. Whether during workouts or at the restaurant, I had faced blunt advances from men more than once.

People inherently cling to the identity that makes them who they are: nationality, region, occupation… gender. We’re created that way according to our instincts. So when those aspects are lost, confusion often ensues.

And I, possessing such instincts, was slightly concerned, even if I wouldn’t admit it. Lately, I had been avoiding the mirror.

If others experienced a ‘change’ like mine and suddenly began appearing as an object of attraction to men, they would surely have been greatly bewildered by the shift in their own identities.

However, I, with my highly developed reasoning, was fine.

That’s because I already had an established logic.

1. The reason men are attracted to me is solely because of my appearance.

2. My appearance is not an essential part of my true self.

3. My true self has not changed at all.

4. Thus, I am still me.

The conclusion is that while my body has changed, my mind remains the same.

With such logic, there was no need to fear. My true inner identity remains intact.

… But, lately, I’ve been facing more and more dizzying situations.

The starting point was when Lee Da-ram asked me, “How do I look feminine?”

Lee Da-ram asked this based on the assumption of my appearance.

The audience doesn’t know what I look like.

Yet, to be seen as feminine in the end? The viewers acknowledged that after some discussion, but honestly, it wasn’t a pleasant answer at all.

And last night, I had asked the audience a question that didn’t quite fit me.

Because of that, my already established thoughts began to waver a bit yesterday and today, making me feel slightly off, and I didn’t want to show this side to Lee Seo-ah.

While I was deep in such thoughts—

“Sis.”

“… Yes.”

To be honest, the term ‘sis’ felt a bit strange. I wouldn’t necessarily stop it, but I didn’t use it when referring to myself.

Lee Seo-ah hesitated a bit and said, “By any chance, do such occurrences happen often?”

Could he have some concerns? Lee Seo-ah’s voice sounded slightly downcast.

“… Yes.”

Hesitating a little after that, Lee Seo-ah followed up, “So, have you ever given out your number?”

“Um, no. I’m not too interested in that sort of stuff.”

“Ah…”

Fortunately, a hint of brightness seemed to return to Lee Seo-ah’s voice. Could he share a similarity with Lee Da-ram? Just a foolish worry.

Seeing Lee Seo-ah’s improved expression, I now wanted to ask him something.

My mind was still shaky for some reason.

I had already asked the viewers and Lee Da-ram.

Turning my body, I stared intently at Lee Seo-ah.

“Seo-ah.”

“… Y-Yes?”

“Do you think I look feminine?”

“Wha!?”

Lee Seo-ah suddenly looked startled.

I continued, “… I mean, do you think I seem feminine?”

Moon Si-hyun is attractive.

But being attractive means that many men get tangled up in complex ways.

Lee Seo-ah already knew that. It would be easy to predict that such things would happen often.

However, witnessing that situation in reality is another matter.

At Lee Seo-ah’s age, that man would be an intimidating adult, even about one and a half heads taller. It took great courage to help her in such an awkward moment.

After Lee Seo-ah mustered her courage and asked a question, the response that came back reassured her in that instant.

“… Do I seem feminine?”

Hearing such words, she replied.

“Um…”

For a moment, filtering happened in Lee Seo-ah’s mind.

If it had been someone else, they might have misinterpreted it as an appeal to romance, but she had often behaved in a way that could lead to misunderstandings.

Lee Seo-ah silenced herself to gather her thoughts. She didn’t want to be embarrassed again.

Then, she answered as truthfully as possible and probably to what she thought he wanted to hear.

“Yes. You’re very feminine.”

However, contrary to expectations, Moon Si-hyun’s expression suddenly grew cold.

Immediately, he started to convince Lee Seo-ah that he was far from the concept of ‘femininity’ for several minutes.

Lee Seo-ah was confused.

“Wasn’t that the kind of answer he was looking for?”

She didn’t understand why Moon Si-hyun was acting that way, but she went along with the atmosphere.

“Ah, um… thinking about it, I don’t think you’re that feminine.”

“Hmph. Is that so?”

It seemed that was indeed the right answer, as Moon Si-hyun’s expression relaxed.

Soon, Moon Si-hyun reached out to ruffle Lee Seo-ah’s hair, then stood up.

He proceeded to calculate a very small bear doll.

“What will you name this one?”

Through Lee Da-ram, I found out recently that Moon Si-hyun’s ears were turning red as she vehemently denied it, finally leading to recognition of that fact.

It seemed Moon Si-hyun had already decided on a name, as she immediately spoke up.

“Little One.”

Lee Seo-ah finally agreed with my argument after several discussions.

“…”

However, honestly, I wasn’t comfortable. I hadn’t heard that kind of answer from the beginning.

For a moment, I changed my steps.

To a place where I could truly be recognized for my masculinity.

At the sports field, male students were passing a soccer ball back and forth.

However, one of them was gazing toward the main gate.

“… Hey. I doubt she’ll come today either.”

He spoke in a desolate voice.

It seemed there had been many conversations in the past, as even without a subject, everyone understood.

“Get a grip, idiot. She won’t come, right? And at this point, she must definitely have a boyfriend.”

“Damn…”

It was a hard truth he didn’t want to believe. But it was highly probable.

Still feeling reluctant, he continued to gaze blankly at the main gate of the field.

“Whoa!? Hey! Hey!”

Suddenly, he began to get excited, pointing toward the distance.

Other students turned to see what was happening.

And there, at the gate, was that girl.

“Whoa? Whoa?”

“Hey! Let’s go, go, go!”

The excited male students dashed toward her, chattering away.

Her voice, mannerisms, and gestures were still exactly as he remembered them, gentle and kind.

But suddenly, they heard her question.

“Really? You’re super feminine, right? Eh, not just on the outside, but your insides seem that way too.”

The male students collectively chimed in with flattery, perhaps to earn some points.

But was she actually shy about it? The girl kept denying their endsearing words. So, one of the boys smiled and said,

“Hey, I’m serious. No, really. You’re way more feminine than my girlfriend.”

But to their surprise, her expression turned quite dark.

… And so, the somewhat chaotic atmosphere began as the game commenced with her included.