I Am A Table [LitRPG Isekai Progression Fantasy]

He got the angle locked in. Blorbo's grain flexed at an improbable degree of 5 that defied not just craftsmanship, but geometry itself. Marin's balance was pulled back into perfect center as if some unseen hand had placed him exactly where he belonged.

The table carved down the wave's face. Not rode it. Carved it. Their path cut the sludge into spirals and ribbons, flinging sheets of mud and reeds skyward. Fungal foam erupted behind them like champagne corks.

Blorbo howled. This is impossible. This is forbidden. This is amazing. I am amazing.

Marin, however, became a figure of myth. His movements transcended torque and shove; every adjustment became a dancer's step and every press a poet's syllable. He leaned, twisted, lifted, and in perfect partnership with Blorbo's daring gamble, they etched a path down the titanic wave.

For one eternal instant, the swamp forgot to burble. The ride was too beautiful for gurgles.

Blorbo realized, with dawning horror and awe: I just made us legends.

It was the most beautiful ride the swamp had ever seen. And Blorbo prayed they'd never have to top it.

[Congratulations! Unlocked Secret Achievement: "Grace in the Muck"]

Reward: +1 Eternal Regret, +1 Eternal Glory.

What are these rewards? These mean nothing to me.

Archibald turned his aristocratic gaze to the heavens. "Behold! The firmament itself bends to my leafy will! Not mere wave, nor swamp, nor fungal froth shall dictate my destiny—for I am Archibald, Duke of Verdure, Knight of the Triple Leaf, and I shall ride this towering hymn of sludge until the heavens inscribe my veins in emerald upon eternity!"

The swamp churned beneath him, the conch bellowing as if heralding an apocalyptic crescendo. The wave that rose next was not just a wall of sludge — it stretched the sky itself. A green-brown cathedral of water, foam, and fungi, reaching higher than the tower rafters.

Oh no. The cabbage has entered its POMP MODE.

He was about to do it—to ride the unrideable, to etch his name in the annals of swampboarding forever.

Blorbo remembered. The angle. The reeds.

If I can lean now… just four degrees… I can fling that little vegetable off-balance.

But it couldn't be random. Archibald was climbing, higher and higher, closer and closer to where Marin was still surfing. He was seconds away from glory. Blorbo's grain quivered. Timing was everything.

[AGI Check—Time the Fling]

Reward: +2 AGI

Not yet.

Not yet.

Now.

He flexed, only four degrees. A mortal tilt. But the swamp did not care for mortal logic. The reeds they'd churned earlier, still spiraling through the muck, caught the angle like arrows nocked to a bowstring.

FWOOOOOOOSH.

A cluster of swamp reeds, waterlogged but deadly aerodynamic, hurled at Archibald with improbable velocity.

[140% AGI Boost by Godly Swampsubstance]

THWACK.

The reeds struck the perfectly spherical cabbage at the exact moment he reached the wave's holy summit. His monocle shattered. The vegetable popped from its perch like a cork from a wine bottle, spinning wildly into the fetid air.

His final words bubbled through the muck as the sludge closed over him: "Tell them… tell them I surfed… with dignity…"

The swamp belched. Silence followed. Sir Archibald did not surface again.

[Rival Consumed. You win by default.]

[Quest Completed: Swampway Surfin']

Reward: New Common-level Skill: Amphibian Drive (Common-tier)

Gain +15% to all stats while fully submerged.
Movement Speed underwater: +30%
Breath-holding duration: +500%

+50 HP

We… We did it. We beat the unbeatable. Sure, I probably murdered a cabbage, but cabbages deserve it.

Marin's triumphant grin stretched ear to ear. He bent his knees, angled Blorbo one last time, and with a perfect push launched himself clean from the frothy wave. He arced through swamp mist and methane spray, landing with a slap of boots on the marshy shore.

"FOR THE KNIGHTHOOD!" he roared, arms wide. Griesa rushed to him instantly. They collided in a fierce embrace, laughing, mud streaking across both their cheeks.

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

Blorbo, however, drifted sideways in the trailing froth, alone, his corners sagging. He let out a long, wooden creak. Where's my hug? Where's my applause? I am the hero here.

Lena finally walked over to retrieve Blorbo.

Yes! YES! Finally! A victory lap! Give it to me! TO ME! Drape yourself over my glorious craftsmanship and tell me I am a legend!

She reached out…

…patted his surface once.

"Ew, you stink," she pinched her nose and gagged.

YOU BUTTOCK-HARLOT INSOLENT FOOL! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I'VE BEEN THROUGH JUST TO GET YOU PAST THIS PITIFUL LEVEL? TREAT ME WITH THE RESPECT I OUGHT TO RECEIVE.

She then pulled out a rope, tied it to one of Blorbo's legs, and… dragged him along. His face smeared across the damp, muddy ground in humiliation.

[Debuff Gained: Mud on Face]

[-10% all stats until mud is removed]

[Buff Lost: Godly Swampsubstance (Replaced by Mud on Face)]

I won this for us. I do not deserve this.

Okay, but at least I got myself 50 extra HP, right?

He came in and checked his HP total.

HP: 66/98

What? It's still the same. I should be at 148 HP by now. I should be STURDY, like how furniture would.

[You have been healed by 50 HP. HP is not total HP.]

CURSE YOU, SYSTEM! CURSE YOU AND YOUR TECHNICAL WORDING!

Amidst the victory celebration came Anders's voice. "Okay, geniuses. Now you've won the surfing contest and disappeared the keykeeper in the process. How are we going to find our way out now?"

Suddenly, everyone became very quiet.