I Am A Carnivorous Plant

The capybaras were my resting companions until the afternoon. I felt safe next to the big gentle behemoths; If anything came along, I hoped their hugeness would keep most of the other animals away. Sadly, before dusk came they went off on their way, possibly going off to whatever safer homes they’d set up. Thank you for keeping me company, capybaras. If I get another chance, I’ll nap with you again next time. I waved them off, then took a look at my progress. I focused mega hard during the day and repeatedly told myself to grow in every way I could think of. I know my magic doesn’t work like that, but I was just kind of hoping I’d stumble onto some kind of other cheat, you know?

 

Here are my results!

After a single day of focus:

My stems, roots, and tendrils feel a little longer and sturdier!

And my layers of petals are now growing longer than the layers of leaves!

 

Yup, I’m definitely growing! Is it as fast as I wished for? NO. But at least I’m making visible progress day by day, and if I’m being honest I’m actually growing much faster than I believe most other plants would, so I should just shut up and count my blessings!

 

Now that it was beginning to get dark, most of the animals that had been out and about during the day were scurrying to get back to their homes. I’ve come to realize (regrettably) that I may also be growing my stomach as I get bigger as well. When I tried to fill up on birds after getting hungry, they barely even did much for me. Before, when my digestive sac felt half empty, around 10 or so birds and their eggs would be enough. But last night, if I didn’t find 2 snakes to eat during my burglaries, then I would have probably needed to kill triple the amount of birds than usual to make my tummy go from empty to full. Isn’t my stomach growing a little too fast? I’ve barely gotten bigger, how is it already this much? Is this nature’s way to force me to move on to bigger prey? But I’m not ready! Even supposedly weak deer pummel me to pieces!

 

I suppose this means I’ll have to devise ways to become more deadly.

I’ll have to make use of my opportunities wisely from now on.

 

Ok right, so I said it was starting to get dark! If all the animals are busy scurrying around, doesn’t that mean now’s my chance? For instance, if I can manage to find where all the bunnies live… Heh heh. I’m bigger than a bunny now. They may be herbivores, and I might be made of exactly their food, but… Well most of their food doesn’t eat them back, now does it! I can lure them into a false sense of security and poison and strangle them to death. It’ll be the perfect crime!

 

Come to me, foolish bunnies!

 

I listened to the vibrations in the earth with my roots, and once one sounded like a bunny, I uprooted and followed after it. Something felt odd about a plant chasing its prey, but well… I was no ordinary plant, so I’ll get over it. It took a small while with my not so fast roots, but once I finally managed to find the warren, an evil grin appeared on my (nonexistent) face. Their warren holes might just be small, but luckily they weren’t so small that I couldn’t worm my way into the entrance of one with some force.

 

Yessss.

These bunnies will never see this coming!

 

First I played a little game of find and seek with all the entrances of the warren, which was actually quite easy with the help of my roots. I chose one to be my break in point, and stuffed all the others with sticks and bark and fronds of sharp thorny bushes. Anything that was nearby and could possibly obstruct the exit was used. There would only be one

exit tonight! If any of the rabbits managed to unwedge my blockades then they would be the lucky ones who got to escape death for the night, and all my congratulations would go to them.

 

Once everything was set, I wedged the top of my body into the warren’s entrance. I felt bad for the leaves that I was surely bruising, but if they were truly hurt then I would just have to apologize and heal them up later. This was far too important to care about a few bruised leaves! I carefully wiggled a majority of my tendrils into the hole, making sure I could move them around inside comfortably without too much effort. My roots had to bend at an odd angle, but I planted them into the ground for safety so that I wouldn’t get snuck up on as I worked (I’ve learned my lessons, honest!). It also would help me feel the movement of the cute little bunnies that I was about to eat moving around, so it was really a win-win move on my part!

 

And finally, in the last step, I opened my mouth and let the poisonous gas spread out.

 

So I’d actually been quite worried about this step! I mean, I wasn’t sure that my stomach juices would stay put, what with me at a downwards angle like this. There’s nothing really stopping them from just flowing up through my open mouth and dumping out all over. Honestly I think that would be the end of me if it happened. I’d tested it out while I was listening for the rabbit I followed, and that actually did start to happen. It was crazy scary. Luckily I managed to right myself and stop the flow, but you know, if…

 

Anyways, I found out something very important in that moment!

I complained that I wanted another way to keep the digestive fluids in, and it actually did it! My seed tingled, and then my body made me an interesting little throat valve! The gas can escape, but the juices can’t! Don’t ask me how it works, cause honestly I don’t know! Must have been magic, because now I’m pretty hungry again. And that’s why I definitely need this whole rabbit murder plan to work now!

 

Since my body stopped up the hole, whatever gas didn’t manage to squeeze its way past me steadily began to mix with the air of the warren. Thank you nature for not making me need to breathe! More and more of the air in the warren was filled with my poison. The sleeping bunnies didn’t react terribly quickly to the gas at first, but once it reached the correct amount to become truly life-threatening, they all began to panic. I could feel all the frantic vibrations coming from inside the hole and I was loving it. Yesss, my plan, it was coming to fruition!

 

I could feel some of the smaller bunnies drop off first. Even the ones that didn’t die so quickly were affected, their senses and movements being slowed and dulled until they succumbed. Some of the more resilient middle-sized bunnies tried to go for some of the exits that I’d previously blocked off, but they couldn’t dislodge the stoppers I’d left in them quickly enough, and in the end they also succumbed to my poison. After three minutes of scrambling, only the truly large rabbits were even able to move anymore, and two of them made their way towards my occupied exit.

 

This was exactly the moment that I’d been expecting!

My tentacles lying in wait, go forth!

 

At first the desperate rabbits didn’t notice they were walking over my tendrils. It wasn’t until their feet were suddenly surrounded and tangled together by them that they realized they’d been trapped! I used one last strong tentacle on each of their necks to keep their heads pulled back so that they couldn’t bite at me. I tried to also make them choke them, but my cute little tendrils sadly couldn’t really exert enough force. It was probably more like having a slightly too tight collar on, than a proper choke. Oh well. In the end they were right at the source of the poison (me) and were only a bit more than an arms length away. They too, quickly died off only a moment later.

 

I listened with my roots for any more vibrations that might be going on, but after listening for a full 5 minutes, not a single vibration could be heard.

 

Good good.

I’m an expert strategist!

Way to go, me!

This is going to be an amazing feast!

 

I slowly wiggled my tentacles past me, back outside the hole, and used them to pull myself free. The fresh air hitting the top of my body felt refreshing. I basked in the feeling for a little while, and then gently patted myself with a few of my tendrils. It seemed my leaves had grown more resilient than I thought; I didn’t have a single bruise on any of them! Perfect, then if I don’t have to worry about healing right now, and all I need to worry about is eating! My ever so helpful tendrils began fishing for my food. I pulled out the two big delicious rabbits first and placed them by my side. Next, I dug out about 8 regular sized rabbits and heaped them next to the first two. The smaller ones that had died earlier on were still in their starting positions deep down inside the warren, so they were particularly hard to reach. There were so many bends, and it was so far away, and well…

 

I won’t lie, I gave up on getting a lot of them.

I pulled out about 4 and then gave up.

Something else might come along and eat ‘em, but that’s too much work for me, personally.

And then one day in the future, I’ll eat whatever ate them!

It’s a perfect circle, right? Right!

 

Anyways, before I can eat any of these bunnies, I’m first gonna have to dismantle them. And quickly too, actually, because the longer I leave them for, the harder they’re gonna get. Ahhh I already put in so much work, and now there’s even more to do. What a busy plant I am. I never realized it was so hard to eat out in the wild. Such an unfortunate, pretty plant I’ve become…

 

Oh well.

No rest for the wicked!

Best get to cracking these things open!

Thank you for this delicious feast I’m about to receive, bunnies!