Husband of the Goblin Tribe

I am no longer Ark.

I have been transformed into the Mobile Suit Papa-san.

Made of the mysterious Macguffin material known as Goblinium, I am the vessel through which the greatest of my daughters, the most brilliant shaman ever, and gob-type pilot extraordinaire of the Bloodmaw Tribe, Glace-sama, navigates the wide expanse of space known only as Goblin-home without having to do any walking herself!

Or, to those who can see us objectively; one human breeding slave with his adorably diminutive daughter sitting on his shoulder who was grabbing onto a fistful of hair in order to keep herself steady while also manipulating a single manifested Light Rune to light the way forward towards the joint cave-holes of Ivory and Truffle.

Yes, it came complete with daddy-powered sound effects with each step taken..

Doosh! Dooosh! Doooooosh!

Once we arrived at our destination, having luckily not needed to engage in combat, Ivory was quick to notice the newest member of the tribe.

“That Vera smart one?”

“It is. This is Glace. Glace, this is your auntie Ivory.”

Glace sat there and said nothing.

“Husband want Ivory make bone charm?”

“I’ll ask Vera about that later, but I think it’s safe to say yes. For now, I came to see if I couldn’t look at a few bones you have?”

“Husband free look. Know where keep bones.”

Ivory had been sitting down before we entered, drinking from a small clay pot.

“Have enough blue water?” I asked her.

“Yes. Husband give Berry big pots and shelf, mean Ivory not run out long time.”

“That’s good. What about the Black-claw? Did Vera give it to you after Diana agreed?”

“Yes. Get all bones and skin from Black-claw Husband say give. Also eat most meat. Truffle say meat tasty as mushroom. Not hear say that about meat before. Button also eat meat. Want keep head bone.”

“Button kept the skull? Hm, well, I’m glad you made good use of it.”

“Also see bone weapon Husband make for Lily strong ones. Why Husband come see Ivory?”

“Yeah. Diana wanted a new weapon, same as her sisters, and because I couldn’t make Prima’s belly fat as part of a trade, she gave up on having me try any more and asked me for a new weapon, too. But don’t worry, I have no intention of getting into bone making. In Diana’s case it’s that goblin way kind of thing. Like how the mother gives their strong one a weapon to hunt with. It’s just coming from me, instead.”

“Husband also make Button weapon when time learn hunt?”

“If that’s what you’d like. I’ll make Button and your strong ones weapons when the time comes.”

I had set Glace down onto the floor while I gave Ivory a hug, and rubbed her belly which was growing well. I had made the mistake before thinking that Ivory was indifferent to me, and knowing now that she wasn’t, I wanted to be sure to give her some appropriate affection before investigating her bone collection for a sewing needle, and other quality bones that might give me some inspiration for my task.

Now, as the two cave-holes of Ivory and Truffle are connected on the inside, my voice must have been overheard in the other cave. A certain small goblin sans loincloth and with a propensity to slobber on mushrooms had wandered into Ivory’s side of the cave and stopped before Glace.

After staring for a moment, my cute little Button pulled the slobbery mushroom she was currently enjoying out of her mouth and offered it to Glace. Glace looked at it for a moment before taking it and putting it in her mouth to slobber on. Button left the room for a moment and came back with another fresh mushroom for herself and she sat down cross-legged on the floor in front of Glace.

“Me Button. Big sister.”

Glace stared at her.

“Like mushroom?” Button pointed to her own mouth and then to her youngest sister’s.

Glace nodded with the mushroom in her mouth.

After a moment of consideration, perhaps, Glace had opted to sit down on Button’s lap.

“You small goblin.” Button said outright, before putting her arms around Glace.

“Button only be lazy, sleepy, eat tasty food and take shit. But also want know things. Many many things. Glace want know things?”

Glace nodded.

“Button stay this cave-hole. Want more mushroom, come here.”

Glace nodded yet again, continuing to not speak a single word.

“Ah! Stupid Husband Ark! Why here!? Come trick Button!?” Button cried out suddenly, letting the mushroom drop from her mouth when she only now realized I was in the cave and pointed hard at me. My youngest also pointed at me and nodded.

Gee, thanks. It’s nice to know what you really think of me, Glace.

“Be careful Glace! Even if Husband Ark like mushrooms, he stupid! Tricky! Husband get you spanked!”

It seems that Button still hasn’t forgiven me for the past incident, and is now trying to besmirch my good name to my youngest daughter. Glace had manifested runes, and I braced for it as a good father should… once I saw what they were, of course. A small squirt of water went right for my face, just as it had for the Old One and myself the day she was born, so my youngest could show off her impressive magical power to her big sister.

“How make finger pee on husband?”

Glace put her hand together against Button’s’ and manifested the same combination of Runes, though they encircled both hands this time and the small spurt of water shot out again at me, with just a bit more intensity. Ivory was also watching on with interest.

“Do like that?” Button asked.

Glace just nodded, then peed for real.

“Ah! go pee! Not do that in cave-hole or get spanked! You little goblin, Button big sister, take shit-pit, show where go pee!”

Button moved Glace out of her lap and then took her hand, leading her through Truffle’s room and out into the main cave passage. Ivory had gotten up as well to follow them. I guess some paranoia still remains from the abandoned loincloth incident.

“I’ll clean it up.” I let Ivory know before he disappeared.

A little land magic was all it took to bury the evidence.

A glance around the room courtesy of a lit torch that was burning in Ivory’s cave-hole for some reason, showed that she still has my wand. It was something she called the black bone and was kept on a shelf in her cave-hole in plain view. I wondered if my magic wand might be a good fit with Glace. I was also curious as to what Glace was doing with Button. Was she able to communicate in some wordless way to the other goblins? It makes me think of the times when Vera would hold her belly and say know.

I guess I’m really going to have to hold that magic class after all, to gauge whether or not my daughters have any kind of aptitude for it. If I only had a competent blacksmith and Vernir ore to work with, I could add empowering runes to weapons or armor for my little hunters. Actually, that would be terrifying. Goblins trained from a young age on using significantly enchanted weapons? I’m not trying to start a war with anyone! This includes the Black-claws. I’m just trying to enjoy my peaceful life as a daddy with plenty of cute daughters, even if they all have a theoretical subclass as butchers.

Digging around, I found a few bones I liked and put them aside for Ivory to give the okay on letting me take. I wanted to stick around and show her a bit more love, maybe Truffle as well, but there would be time for that in a day or two when Vera was feeling better. I also wanted to make it back to the breeding room before Diana and the girls came back with the meat I asked for.

Hmm, what kind of stabby weapon can I make for the daughter who fights like a ninja?

Ah. Ah yes, of course it would be that!

Hmm. I’m going to need a lot of small bones in order to do it. I guess I’ll have to commission her to bring me the ingredients before I can make it. I guess I’ve graduated to a quest NPC.

A short while later, Ivory returned with Button, who was carrying Glace piggyback. I had chosen a nice bone to use as a sewing needle, and two long bones along with one short bone to take with me to work on Prima’s new spear with.

“Husband Ark! Not take sister. Stay here with Button.”

“Oh, have you made friends with each other already? Alright, Glace can stay here for a little while if you want to play. Just don’t cause too much trouble for Ivory and don’t wander outside of your cave-hole. I’ll come back for her in a little while.”

Glace manifested a Light Rune which flew towards me and circled above my head.

“Oh, something to light my way back? I appreciate it.”

I knelt down and gave my two daughters a big hug.

“Glace, Button is a good girl, so don’t be mean to her, okay?”

Both Button and Glace stuck their tongues out at me.

I sighed internally. Goblins of a green sure love to be mean.

I stood up and finished my transaction with Ivory, letting her know I would come to visit and spend some quality time with her. She said she was fine, and that there was a Husband substitute for when I was busy.

Following her eyesight, it landed on a certain big, long, hard, black, piece of crafted petrified spirit tree wood, resting on a shelf in full view of anyone who visited Ivory’s cave-hole.

Yep. I have competition, it seems. I’m being cuckolded by my own magic wand!

Leaving Ivory, Button, and Glace behind, I returned to the breeding room with a few bones and set them in what was once again my room, now that Stella had left and picked her own cave hole. Which, incidentally, happened to be Vera’s old one.

Surprisingly, she hadn’t come to me yet asking for any renovations. I haven’t seen her around all that much in the last few days, either. I wonder how she’s doing?

Diana had returned just in time, with a large leg of bloody meat that made me nauseous to look at. I decided to embrace being Daddy NPC by sending her on a mission to get what she needed so I could make her a new weapon like she wanted.

“Diana, how would you like to go on a Quest for Daddy?”

“What quest?”

“Uh, it’s like a special hunt. I know what kind of weapon I’m going to make you, but I need you to hunt a few animals for me so I can. They need to be bigger than a rabbit, but not as big as a Black-claw or Bear. Think you can do it?”

“Diana Artemis strong! Do quest for husband! Get weapon!”

“Just don’t let Lilac smash them with her hammer, or let Orchid slice them with her bone-saw. I need the skin and bones not ripped or broken so I can make good things from them. I even got a nice bone from Ivory today just so I can sew some of the skin to hold your new weapons so you can move with them while keeping your hands free and not have to drop them.”

Diana looked at Orchid and Lilac who seemed a little depressed knowing they weren’t going to be able to help all that much. But also weighing the gains of having ease of movement.

“We go hunt. See Husband later!”

“Alright you three. Have fun storming the forest~”

With a head pat given to each of my brave hunters for both good luck and motivation, they set forth on their quest to become even more terrifying to the poor animal population living around goblin-home.

And as for the bones I gathered for the sake of making Prima a new spear…

I wasn’t getting the inspiration that I hoped for just yet.