NOVEL NEXT Chapter 78: Borrowed Power, Hidden Self
Svetavastra had found a deep cave within the forest to meditate. He seated himself in a cross-legged position in a raised stone nook inside the sinuous passage. The temperature was cool and stable, and it was devoid of any noise. For a normal person, such an atmosphere would be claustrophobic and induce anxiety. For Svetavastra this proved to be the perfect place to slip into deep meditation without any external triggers. The preta in the bracer was not happy with the confined space and lack of stimulation. It twisted and turned and thrashed in frustration. And reluctantly sank into meditation despite its best efforts to keep itself occupied.
Svetavastra could feel the preta’s silent frustration and to an extent it mirrored the swelling of agitation and impatience within him. He had not realised that recovering his memories would prove to be such a challenge. Compared to the deadlock he was facing at the moment, diving in of ancestral memories of the Kapala Chief felt like a breeze. He was able to sift through the entire ancestral line of the Kapala Chief and yet he was not able to see one memory of his in vivid detail. No matter how deeply he tried to penetrate the recesses of his own mind, the memories slipped away like sand through his fingers.
Svetavastra mentally sighed. The deep cave was supposed to make it easier for him to concentrate. Yet he was unable to still the ripples of his disturbed mind. The Preceptor of Heavenly Conduit had mentioned that he would be able to recover his memories as he formed his own spiritual core. His spiritual core was still nascent and needed at the very least a few years’ worth of uninterrupted cultivation. He had been only buttressing the spiritual powers he gained through Irawati’s spiritual base for the time being while slowly cultivating his own spiritual core on the side.
That was the reason he could regain some random memories as they slipped through the cracks and could have been how he could recollect some information about Raktabija. However, his own probing currently seemed futile. He could feel his memories but no matter how hard he probed he could not for the life of him, see anything with his mind’s eye.
Is Irawati’s spiritual base at odds with my spiritual core? Svetavastra wondered. That could explain why he was facing the current stalemate. Having two different spiritual cores within the same body was not common and imposed a significant cost on the shell. Svetavastra needed the spiritual powers of Irawati’s base to ward off darkness and to capture rogue pretas. However, the same spiritual base due to it being foreign to the shell of Svetavastra, seemed to be actively suppressing his memories.
Svetavastra’s own spiritual core was not developed enough to let go of Irawati’s spiritual powers. So, for the time being, Svetavastra was caught in a difficult deadlock. The only other way for him to regain parts of his memories was to either come in contact with significant objects or people that impacted his memories in the past. The cosmic weapons that the preceptor had promised could be a possible way to his memories.
At this time, a faint shimmer broke the stillness of the cave, and a radiant golden translucent butterfly fluttered its way into the cave. Its wings pulsed with golden light, filling the space with a soft, cosmic glow and hovered at eye level to Svetavastra. Sensing the cosmic aura, Svetavastra decided to loosen his blindfold and see with his eyes. Till then he had preferred the spiritual eye that could sense the world around him but it usually didn’t capture the details of the surroundings. He squinted his eyes as he adjusted to the dim light, not using his eyes for so long. Suddenly, everything around him inspired in him a sense of wonder.
"Greetings, Svetavastra,” a voice came forth from the golden butterfly.
The voice resonated within him, familiar as his own thoughts. Svetavastra inclined his head slightly in acknowledgment.
“Greetings, Svetavastra,” he replied, recognizing the cosmic self in the glowing figure before him.
A ripple of energy passed between them as the butterfly fluttered closer, its light intensifying.
“We found the first of your weapons,” said Cosmic Svetavastra. “Manu directed me to a monastery and we had to convince the head monk to let us have the sword. It seemed to have a complex history and is a Cardinal Relic protecting the East.”
“I see,” said Svetavastra. A weapon of mine could help me regain some memories, he thought. I wonder if I can wield it properly with just my nascent spiritual core.
“We were heading to the next place when I sensed darkness and I had to send the astral projection of the weapon to safeguard those monks from Raktabija and his demon army,” said the golden butterfly.
Svetavastra’s widened in surprise.
“How do you know of Raktabija?” Svetavastra asked the butterfly. Cosmic Svetavastra did not possess any of the original’s memories. She only had the emotions of the shell.
“Manu told me,” the butterfly said simply. The way she said it hinted at her deeper connection with Manu, which amused Svetavastra.
“Of course,” said Svetavastra. Why didn’t I think of Manu? He could very well be a source of information for filling the gaps in my memory. Svetavastra had earlier refused to know anything of his past from Manu in the fear that they may taint his perception but now that the times have become desperate, he was willing to learn more from Manu.
“Where are you two now?” asked Svetavastra.
“We’re coming to find you,” said the butterfly. “Manu wants to entrust you with the divine sword before finding the other weapons.”
“That’s a sensible idea,’ said Svetavastra. Hopefully, I learn something of use from the weapon. “How long before you two can reach me?”
“About two ghati’s length of time,” said the butterfly. “There’s wind turbulence in the sky, otherwise we would be quicker.”
“Are you hidden from detection?” asked Svetavastra. Raktabija might be searching for the weapon as well.
“Of course, see you soon!” replied the butterfly confidently and dissipated into nothing.
The light faded, leaving the cave in darkness once more. Svetavastra exhaled, his mind spinning. Manu. Of course. With ties to Swargaloka, Manu could be the key link to unlocking a great deal of information from the past.
Why didn’t I think of Manu earlier? Thought Svetavastra again. He recalled his initial reluctance to know anything from Manu. For a moment, doubt clawed at him. Was it merely to remain unbiased or did I not want to associate with Swarga-loka? Svetavastra wondered. He couldn’t quite recollect the reason why he had hesitated back then.
At this time, he was stroking the blindfold unknowingly lost in thought and started to walk out of the cave. When he reached outside it was still daylight, he didn’t know how long he had spent inside the cave, it may very well be a few whole days. He raised his hand with the blindfold caught in it and held it against his face to reduce the sudden explosion of light. As he acclimatised his eyes, he noticed the silk blindfold in his hands. And then he noticed his hands, hands hitherto he never paid much attention to, he looked at them expressionless for a moment.
These are the hands of a man! Svetavastra thought. Manu had only ever seen Svetavastra as a woman. He felt conflicted about meeting him as a man. What would he think of me? Do I transform back into my female form or remain as is?
He began pacing outside the cave, tension rising. Such was his distress that the preta, which had been meditating during the entire time the cosmic butterfly was present, stirred within its bracer from Svetavastra’s movements.
“No-god God,” it murmured, its voice groggy as if it was disturbed from a deep sleep, “is everything alright?”
ghati - length of time equivalent to 24min