How To Ruin A Love Comedy

In the multi-room internet café, Miyuki, Tetsuya, and I were immersed in a game.

It was a survival game where we built a house and crafted various items to stay alive.

On the grassy field, a male character dressed only in underwear was moving in all directions. While mindlessly pressing on the keyboard to control my character, I clicked the mouse as Miyuki’s character, clothed in sackcloth, approached.

Thump-!

Miyuki, who had received a blow out of nowhere, took her eyes off the monitor and looked back at me.

“Why are you hitting me?”

“Just because.”

Thump-!

Miyuki retaliated immediately.

My character fell backward and tumbled down the slope. Was this a case of ‘give a blow and get a word in return’?* My health was rapidly depleting.

Watching my character roll down, a bright smile formed on Miyuki’s lips.

Even in the game, you can be so violent.

“What to do... are you okay? Does it hurt a lot?”

The question was devoid of any real concern. I chuckled and looked at Miyuki.

“You’re asking if it hurts while I seem close to death? Can’t you see the blood pouring out?”

“Why did you hit me then... It’s self-defense. Tetsuya-kun, what do we do now?”

Tetsuya, who had been focused on building a house, replied.

“We need to chop wood with an ax to make a bonfire. You die if your body temperature drops.”

“An ax? This one?”

“Yeah. That’s the one.”

Armed with the bow and arrows that were part of our starting equipment, I aimed for Miyuki’s character, who was diligently chopping with the ax.

Then, with a sidelong glance at Miyuki concentrating on the game, I let an arrow fly.

Whizz-!

With a lively sound, the arrow pierced Miyuki’s character’s chest. Confused by the sudden decrease in health, Miyuki protested.

“What? Who shot me with an arrow?”

“There’s nobody else around?”

“Look. There’s an arrow stuck in me.”

“Really? Hide behind something and check the direction it came from.”

“But where did it come from…?”

While Miyuki and Tetsuya were talking, I shot two more arrows, one in each of Miyuki’s character’s buttocks. It was then that Miyuki realized I was playing tricks and got angry.

“What are you doing...!”

“I’m just trying out the bow.”

“You could’ve shot at the ground or a tree, why there... I’m out of health...!”

Miyuki’s words came with the corners of her mouth faintly rising. Even she found it funny; her character staggering around with arrows sticking out.

“Stop playing and come here. Let’s gather wood together. We need to make a bonfire...”

Miyuki, trying to advise while looking at my screen, gasped in shock. Because my crosshairs were aiming between her character’s legs. Thinking this couldn’t go any further, she swiftly turned my mouse aside.

“Stop it, you dummy...! Don’t act like a pervert...”

‘Then, would it be okay if I planted something other than arrows?’

I swallowed such thoughts and obediently spent my time doing as Miyuki and Tetsuya directed.

It was late evening when we finally left the internet café.

After dropping Tetsuya off, I parked in front of Miyuki’s house and turned to her.

“Go inside.”

“Yeah. It seems like it’s the first time we’ve hung out, just the three of us, since the vacation started, right? It was fun today, wasn’t it?”

“So-so.”

“Not good?”

“It wasn’t bad, but next time, let’s hang out, just the two of us.”

I emphasized the words “just the two of us,” and Miyuki flinched, then clamped her mouth shut.

Tetsuya is Miyuki’s childhood friend. And a very old one at that.

Although I understand they enjoy playing together because of the long time they’ve shared, Miyuki should start to cut down on the time spent with him.

It has decreased quite a bit already, but it needs to decrease further. That’s the only way to save her from Tetsuya who constantly hurts people because of his indecisiveness. I have to make her think that only time spent with me is enjoyable, to the point where Tetsuya doesn’t even come to mind.

I continued with a gentle smile toward Miyuki.

“Got it?”

Perhaps she liked my gentle expression?

Miyuki jolted and nodded her head vigorously.

“...Yeah, I got it...”

“Good girl. Now, go inside.”

I patted Miyuki on the back and praised her, watching her walk modestly toward the front door before turning the car around.

***

“One, two, one, two... Ugh!”

Chinami, chanting a cutesy slogan, let out a sound of discontent.

I, who had been practicing my footwork with a bamboo sword held high, came to a halt.

“Why?”

“Matsuda hubae-nim, what did I say you need to score a valid hit in kendo?”

“janshim, with the help of unity of spirit and sword.”

“Well done. I’ll give you a stamp of praise for that. But right now, while your sword and body are in harmony, your spirit is lacking. There’s no will or momentum; it’s all too limp. Limp, limp...”

Chinami’s limbs wobbled like those of a mollusk, supple and floppy.

Is it weird that I find this amusing? Should I get myself checked?

Chinami exaggerated the movements I had made, then crossed her arms with mock seriousness.

“Now, do you see what you were doing wrong?”

“I do... but I wasn’t that limp.”

“If I’ve offended you, I apologize.”

“No. It’s cute.”

“Thank you. Now, let’s try again. This time I’ll assist you.”

I intended to fluster her, but she took it with pure sincerity.

With a bemused chuckle, I stood beside the smiling Chinami and practiced the steps again.

For almost an hour.

“That’s enough for today’s lesson. You did well, Matsuda hubae-nim.”

Despite the weather not yet warming up and the strain of wielding the bamboo sword, only a few beads of sweat adorned Chinami’s forehead – she still looked remarkably lively.

I wanted to dampen that energy a bit and make her feel more mellow... There’s a trick for times like this.

I moved my arms this way and that, loosening up the muscles that threatened to grow weary, and spoke.

“What shall we do now?”

“Let’s do a full check of the bamboo swords today.”

“Shall we go to the storage room?”

“Yes, let’s go.”

Wiping the sweat off amicably, we headed to the storage room and began checking the bamboo swords.

We set aside those with slight splits in the bamboo and moved new ones into place...

If there were any dirty swords, they would be sanded down and cleaned with a brush...

By the time we meticulously finished maintaining the swords, it was time to wrap up the club activities.

“Um... hubae-nim.”

Chinami called me while checking the equipment list.

I peeked out from behind her.

“Yes?”

“What does this say?”

“Which one? The one on top?”

“Yes.”

“It says ’bamboo sword.’”

“.... I see... I understand.”

Her tone conveyed anything but understanding.

My handwriting is a bit poor.

I sneakily tested Chinami, who seemed off guard.

“Your shoulders seemed a bit stiff earlier?”

“They’re a bit sore, but it’ll be better by the time I get home.”

“Since you suffered with me today, let me loosen them up for you.”

“Suffered? I’m just pleased to see your skills improving day by day... Yikes...?”

Chinami cut herself off mid-sentence, tensing her shoulders suddenly.

It was because I had enveloped her shoulders completely with my hands, pressing my thumbs against the nape of her neck.

I knew what Chinami was about to say: ‘I told you to ask first! Why are you doing this again?’

But I struck first, ensuring that during the massage, she wouldn’t be able to bring it up.

“You’re going through a lot of trouble because of me, Sensei.”

As I said this, I applied a bit more pressure with my thumbs and massaged outward in gentle circles.

“Mmph...!”

She made a strange noise again, just like before, and started to twist her head around. Her neck was stiff with tension, but...

Press-

Once I started to alleviate the tension with appropriate acupressure, she soon relaxed her shoulders, letting all the tension go.

Isn’t it time for that now?

“Ahhh...”

Good job, me. Here’s a stamp of approval.

Chinami looked up at me with relaxed eyes. I smiled gently at her, and she let out a long, relieved sigh, barely managing to open her mouth.

“Ma, Matsuda hubae-nim... wait a moment...”

“Yes, yes. Just relax.”

I spoke to her soothingly, as if handling a child, while I continued to work on her neck with my thumbs and began to press down on her shoulders with the palms of my hands.

“Nngh...!”

Chinami’s arms stretched down tightly against her ribs.

The clenched fists faced outward, and the pose was almost comical, like a little kid throwing a tantrum.

As my palms massaged, pushing the sides of her uniform apart, the fair skin of her neck and shoulders came into view—slightly whiter than Miyuki’s.

Her skin looked so delicate that it seemed even a kiss would leave a mark.

“Is it not too hard for you, to teach me?”

“No, it’s not hard, it’s not...!”

She answered with difficulty, her head shaking, apparently not even thinking of pulling away.

She’s way too tense.

Wouldn’t want yourself to be all wet from sweat, right?

“I’m glad. Thank you, as always.”

“Yes...! I am also gratef... Eek...! Ma, Matsuda hubae-nim...! Stop...! Stop this...!”

It seemed Chinami could no longer bear it and, gritting her teeth, she expressed her wish to refuse further.

It’s a pity, but pushing any further would be counterproductive.

It seems the storage room beyond the door is starting to get noisy... It’s best to stop here.

After finishing the secret and slightly risqué massage, I tidied up Chinami’s training attire.

“Make sure to rest well when you get home, Sensei.”

Chinami looked up at me, her face flushed pink like a peach, as I spoke nonchalantly. A breath she had been holding back burst forth.

“Pwah... Haa...!”

She placed a hand over her chest and took a deep breath, puffing up her cheeks and glaring at me.

“Hubae-nim... What did I tell you...? I’m certain I said to ask first...?”

“I thought you gave your consent when you didn’t say anything before I started the massage.”

“You’re supposed to ask first and then wait for an answer...! Even if it’s for my sake, that’s just basic courtesy...! How many times must I tell you...?”

Isn’t it standard to act first and report after?

“I will do so from the next time.”

“Remember this...! It’s your last warning...! If you do this again... I might really have to scold you harshly...!”

“I’ll keep that in mind. But how was it? I’ve been practicing hard for you.”

“You practiced it...? It felt good, but... this is the last time...!”

“Understood.”

“Hmm...! You worked hard today...!”

Even as she was scolding, she didn’t skip the formalities.

Her reaction is too perfect. It just makes me want to tease her more.

Next time, I’ll go just until the brink.

Look forward to it.

***

Screech-

I parked the car and stepped out, noticing Miyuki greeting me, clad in an oversized T-shirt and pants.

I waved one hand towards her and asked.

“How are your mom and dad?”

“They’re waiting. What’s that you have in your hand?”

“A gift.”

“We don’t need stuff like that…”

Who says it’s not needed?

All sorts of things are bound to happen at your house later, and something is certainly going to happen in your room today... If I’m going to come and go like it’s my own house from now on, I need some sort of bribe.

“Let’s go inside.”

“Yeah. And Matsuda-kun, make sure you eat lots of vegetables before you go today.”

“Got it.”

As usual, we chatted while I walked to the front door, and there I saw Wateru, Midori, and Kanna standing in front of it, prompting me to bow my head.

“Hello, I’ll be in your care again today.”

It feels like this has happened before... It’s like déjà vu.

But today is going to be quite different from that first invitation.

When a young man and woman who’ve been intimate are together, it’s bound to lead to all sorts of events, isn’t it?

Day or night… No matter the place.

︵‿︵‿୨ * ୧‿︵‿︵

{ TN: ‘Give a blow and get a word in return’: A playful twist on the Korean proverb “되로 주고 말로 받다,” which typically means responding to physical action with words, suggesting one responds more leniently than the action taken against them. But here, it’s reversed to a comic effect, indicating the character’s health decreased as a result of the playful retaliation.

You can support the translation and read 5 chapter ahead on Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/Devill }